Why?

[~c~ 1]

I have no idea why i do this...I constantly sabotage myself.As soon as I even think of eating healthy I eat all sorts of crap, ok a little of all sorts of crap.I wonder what's wrong with me?an apple,grapes,baby carrots they are wonderful and tasty but greasy, too salty chips with creamy dill pickle dip ,now why IS that

tastier????

I am worried about a few things,how i will look after i lose weight?

will the skin hang there?Can i live with that?i have no $$ for cosmetic surgery.I am almost bankrupt after this surgery!

I wonder if i will finally be happy if i lose weight.What will i have to think about?I have been thinking about my weight since i was 16(went from 120 lbs to 230 in one year, thyroid and HUGE depression)

I am afraid to lose weight i think.I know i need counselling and i hate when people complain and then make excuses why they can't help themselves, but i honestly do not have any spare time for therapy.I have 2 small children,full time job and i consider myself a single Mom even though my husband lives with us.(another story all together!!!)

[kellymoos 4]

Maybe you could get your husband or other family member to watch the kids where you can get some time to yourself for therapy. You have to make time for yourself. You have to realize that you have to take care of you. Your kids needs you and if you don't take care of yourself who will take care of them? It seems like the stuff that is bad for you goes down alot easier than the healthy foods. Don't know why, but it is true. Have you discussed any of this with your doctor? How long have you had the surgery? Does your husband know that you want to seek a therapist? Take time for yourself...you need it!!!!

[Audrey 21]

I think it's really important to take time for you... Time out y'no?

I know exactly what you mean about sabotage... i've hit the "self destruct" button too only a few weeks ago... it's so hard. I found that by taking a break, some time out for me... even an our or so a few times a week really helped.

It's so easy to get comfortable in our "fat suit" we can hide in it & nobody notices... nobody cares? but when we start losing weight, it can get so scarey... all of the changes in our bodies, how we look, how we feel it's all so different than before.

It certainly is a long hard road that we're on.... take your time, take a deep breath, maybe a step back.... you will see that this could possibly be one of the best things that's ever happened to you.

I really hope you feel better soon.

Audrey x

[Alexandra 55]

Hi ~c~:

You've written a post I could easily have written in certain moods. These feelings are not unusual, and I wish there were a magic bullet to eliminate them. I suppose therapy might help, but if we know where the self-desctructive behavior is coming from, where does one start with the therapy? Maybe I should try it once before I dismiss it, but it's hard to imagine what a therapist might do besides saying repeatedly, "Don't you want to be thinner? What's wrong with you?" I can say that to myself plenty, thanks. And many of the answers are obvious anyway.

(Before people start yelling, I really don't think therapy is a waste of time. I just haven't figured out any way it could help me...yet.)

All I can say is be good to yourself, take a break from self-criticism. When complication things are going on in your life, it doesn't do you any good to be angry at yourself as well.

Be well, take care, and let us know how you're doing.

[~c~ 1]

This is exactly what I was thinking.What could they possibly say?

Like you, if i tried it maybe i would 'get' it.I mean the ONLY thing i have to do is not eat junk food.Just do.. not.. eat.. it.Should be easy but it is not.Quitting smoking was easy compared to this.

If only they made a patch to make you not want junk food!!

I will try being nice to me...not easy.

You know my Mom loves me,brings me to Montreal for fills without charging me gas (it's 2 hrs away)she is so happy when i lose even 1 pound,but geez she bought me an ice cream maker for my birthday!what the heck!Oh well i will use it once and then put it away:)

Thanks for responding.It makes me feel better to know i am not alone!

Chantal

[MeganA 35]

I have mixed feelings about therapy. I used to love my therapist...I felt like she knew excatly what I needed to get back on track. Usually, she is right on with advice or helping me see things in a different way (I have lots of black and white thinking with myself). Since I had weight loss surgery, I feel like I spend most of my time educating her on the surgery, the 'rules', the emotional challenges. I don't think she gets it- she's thin and I am pretty sure always has been. That doesn't mean that a thin person can't intellectualize the emotional rollercoaster I'm on...but she can't commiserate.

On the other hand- isn't she exactly what I"m trying to become? A thin person who has a normal relationship with food?

So, what I've decided to do is to look to other people for their support when I just want to complain or just be sad or angry...and work with her when I actually want to change what I'm doing. They are not mutually exclusive for me .

I think that just by admitting you have a problem with sabatoge you've won a major battle...

Good luck!

Megan

[nightingale2u 42]

Hi Chantal,

It sounds like your life is pretty darn busy but sometimes the healthiest thing you can do for your family and even your marital relationship is take time for yourself. It's been my experience that people will take as long as you are willing to give but they will also respect you for putting your foot down and taking the time to care for yourself. I was a single Mom for years and I look back and see how food became my friend... food was there for me when I was tired...lonely... scared... worried... anxious... depressed... and now I'm trying to figure out how to get rid of it... not very friendly of me now is it! I also can relate to the fear of being without my protective layer of fat... it has helped me keep people at a distance. Quite frankly... after growing up being made fun of on a daily basis... having a horribly disfunctional family... people Scare me to death sometimes!

Maybe therapy that includes your hubby would be a good idea? I think that marriage counseling is a worthwhile endeavor as it sometimes get things out in the open and does help teach better ways of communicating. The counseling didn't save my first marriage... but it did give me insight to the relationship I was in and helped me really SEE the man that I had chose for my mate... not a good choice I must say!

Depression is a terrible thing... I suffered for years before I finally asked my primary care M.D. for help. I felt I should be able to handle things on my own... and tried that for many years. I finally gave in a little over a year ago and started taking Zoloft. I did see a counselor as well... but that wasn't the helpful part... it was the medication that made a world of difference for me. After a year of taking the medication I have now weaned off the Zoloft as my Doc instructed and I am doing well so far!

Take time for yourself Chantel... if your hubby won't watch the kiddlings then perhaps your mom will... even if it is just to take a long drive alone with your thoughts! Give yourself a break girl! Take care my friend...

Darcy

[msks 0]

I have been in therapy for several years, from hitting rock bottom to my highest of getting married. When I talked to my therapist about the band, he was very supportive. He wants to focus on how I see my self ( self-image) as well as the ups and downs of losing weight. This is not my first therapist (He is a licensed clinical social worker) sometimes you have to "shop around" to find one you are confortable with. One way to make time to see someone is to use your lunch hour or find one that has evening hours and leave the kids with your husband.

Depression is a serious issue and can be treated with medicine. I have tried several drugs and combinations until my dr. and I found one that works.

As for your mom's birthday present - TALK to HER. Sometimes you have to tell the one's closest to you that you love them, but they are causing you problems - don't be afraid to tell them Thanks - BUT NO THANKS.

Good luck .

Marilyn

Nightingale 2u - Congrats for getting off the Zoloft and doing well. You are so lucky!!!!!

[~c~ 1]

I have started tracking on fitday.com and i guess that i am not doing too bad.It has helped me see that the chips DO make all

the difference. Now i think about it first,sometimes enter it BEFORE eating it and sometimes i'll grab a fruit or veg instead...sometimes not, but at least i know what i'm doing and how it will affect my calorie/fat/carb intake.

I have lost 8 pounds in two weeks doing this!!

Chantal

[nightingale2u 42]

Woo Hoo Chantal... you go girl!!!!! Can't wait to join ya! I will probably keep my ediets membership going just so that I can graph my weightloss ... it'll be sooooo nice to watch the bars go downward instead of up! You keep that up and you are gonna have to send me all of your baggy britches!

Darcy

[donali 57]

Chantal -

Apparently I missed this thread while I was out of town in April.

Therapy can be very, very different. The counseling I went to in college was the kind most of us think of when we think of therapy - long, drawn-out emotional explorations of past experiences, with no real idea of what exactly is supposed to be accomplished, no structure, at the mercy of the therapist for some magical insight that will "fix" us, but only after years and years and years... UGH!!! Hogwash!! What a waste of time for me!!

So after that experience, no wonder I was hesitant about seeking out further professional help - not because I didn't think I needed some sort of help, but because I KNEW I did not need simply an "educated confessor".

The compulsive overeating counseling I went through was completely different. It did not try to discover the core of my problem - it made me develop tools to deal with my compulsion TODAY! There was structure, direction, and an END.

I would recommend looking for a program like that - it was a godsend to me, and even though I still felt the need to be banded, the emotional/mental exercises I completed in my counseling help me get through every single day.

It is not uncommon for people to self-sabotage. It is very scary to change, particularly when we are focusing on changing a COPING mechanism - what could be more scary than that? Taking away the one thing we turn to when the going gets rough?

The important thing is that you recognize it. Once you recognize that it happens, you can take concrete steps to thwart your self-sabotage.

Have you read this thread? Perhaps some of the exercises would help.

http://lapbandtalk.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=434

[~c~ 1]

Thanks and yes i have read it,it was very helpful.I know i need this kind of therapy and will look into eventually.I have learned so much from this board and don't know what i would do without you guys!!

At times i've felt like i was weird and 'the only one' but i've come to realize that alot of us face the same circumstances and we all have different approaches to solving them or helping ourselves.It's awesome to get new ideas to try.I learned to choose Water first,healthy food first and then if i still want not so good choices then i go ahead.This has helped me alot.The "should not eat it" foods(chips and junk) are not forbidden anymore which has made them less alluring.Now that i give myself permisssion to eat whatever i want i generally choose healthy food and if i don't then i still love me...imagine that!

I have a looonnnggg way to go but i am closer than i started and smarter that when i started so i have already had success and accomlpished something good for me which is what keep me motivated.

Hopefully one day i can totally stop the sabotage and accept fully that i deserve to love myself completly.

Chantal