July 2006 Band Crew

[Leona06 0]

Hey eveyone!

Well, everything was going great for me until Sunday Night when I developed a fever of 103.5! Needless to say, I went to the emergency room, and they performed a TON of tests- from a Meningitis spinal tap (OUCH), to a CATSCAN, to an EKG, to a Chest Xray, and all they could say was that I was dehyrdated and had slight bronchitis. So I took Monday off of school to get better, but then Tuesday I went in for a mandatory meeting. After the meeting, my headache came back and so did my fever, so my school took me to the emergency room again where they discovered that I had pneumonia. So I left NYC to come back to Maryland so my mom and dad can take care of me- I'm missing the last week week of school, but I'll be back in a week for exams week. This has been the worst few days ever- because of the fevers, I now have a MOUTHFUL of canker sores, so its painful to eat or drink, but I need to stay hydrated... so it complicated things. But I'm gonna stop complaining, because I am getting better.

I would like to say that the week before this happened I had just donated blood and so my immune system was probably out of wack. Needless to say, I will not donate any more blood!

[ready2bthin 2]

I'm here at the library waiting to go to the bandster dinner here at 6:30, so I thought I'd check and see if anyone posted. Sharri Jo, thanks for the encouragement and I did talk to Barbara (Dr. Rod's gal) and I am staying on liquids for 3 days and easing into mushies, then solids. Starting over. She thinks I just had some irritation. If by next Wed. I'm not better, she can get me down to go on the fill trip and get a slight unfill (she thought it would be very slight, as I can drink) Leona, sounds like you've had a rough time. Glad you are on the mend and just sip as much as possible to get the Fluid in, so you are all better for finals.

I will probably have broth tonight at Jason's. I want the Tomato basil, but that may irritate things more, so I'll go for something "plain". Okay, see ya'll (or your posts at least) later!!!

[ericsmom 2]

Hello all - thank you so much for your well wishes for my knee surgery It's on my mind all the time now, just like when I was wating for the band surgery.

Thank you also for your prayers for my dad and my family. He's had a good week - sleeping has been difficult, but his days have been alright.

Everyone is doing well. Leona get better. It's National Scrapbooking Day, so I'm off to a girlfriend's house for the day and evening

[July5forMe 0]

:update:

:cry hey everyone!:cry

i know i haven't posted in months but alots been going on. Alot meaning life in general.

Well, we're all coming up on a year and as far as i'm concerned i'm still going thru the ups and downs.

You would think I'd be happy and losing the weight and finally got the hang of this whole lap band thing. But no! I haven't and i'll admit i'm getting frustrated but hey what can we do.

I haven't seen my doctor in about 2 months so of course i'm able to eat alot more than i should. :hungry: :guess

I guess I thought i was tougher than i actually am. The doctor tells you time and time again that this isn't easy, its hard because you are in alot more control than the bypass patients. I had not worries then because i thought i was tough back then. Let's just say i've learned alot about myself over the past year and there's alot i realize now that i didn't back then.

I'm still lost about 30lbs. That's not nearly as much as most of you but i'll admit it has made a difference in my overall energy and out look on myself. so that i wouldn't give back. But still 30 lbs!!!! that's it!!!! all this and all i've got to show for it is 30lbs!!! you can't help but think all your friends are looking at you like "dang, i thought she had weight loss surgery". You know their thinking that because they don't see you in awhile and they expect this big change and then they see none. That's hard on me. It really is but you get used to it.

I don't post on this thing for months and then i jump on dumping all my problems and thoughts on yall. You're probably thinking "julyforme who?". :Banane43: I don't blame you. Alot of you have developed meaningful relationships on here and practically know each other and here i come jumping in every other month with this day long post.

I don't know what made me post after not posting for so long but its kind of like my outlet. Its sort of all i have. The only thing in my life that i would be able to say can relate with what i'm going through. SAD BUT TRUE. I'll vent all my issues and disappoints and then sign off to never follow through with anything. I never sign back on to see what anyone has to say so why do i even bother. Maybe you know more than me. I"m sure you all do.

Honestly, i know why the band "isn't working" it's because i'm not. I haven't been able to avoid drinking and eating. Its like my drug. I'll literally twitch at the table if i can't drink and eat. I don't know what it is but its a fight i haven't been able to win. My band has gotten tight enough to where i can't devour food like i used to. I have had to slow down because i will get some discomfort. but no Pbing yet. I can't still eat all i want. I can't still go to fast food places and eat whatever. All i've noticed is that i have to eat it slower and chew it well but in the end it all goes down. i wish i could stop my self. and sometimes i think i probably can but deep inside me i know i don't want to. I can't lose food right now. Its that one thing you have that comforts you no matter what. How can i just throw that away. No matter how good it will be for me in the long run, what about now? what do i do now? That's all i can think about. WELL, i've finally upset myself enough for one day. :violin: This is the most i've talked about my band and all my issues with it in months. I thank all of you who actually care enough to read this whole mess of words. I appreciate any of you who care to respond to it. I don't sign on to lapbandtalk at all really and i barey log on to my email address associated with it. I'm not making any promises of a reply or a meaningful friendship but if anyone would like to get through to me my main email address is JLANE@MAIL.COM. please only write if you really have something you want to say. I'm already rethinking posting my main email address but something inside of me is screaming for help. :hurt

i'll try to sign on more but no promises. bye for now.

[kstrehlow 0]

Hi Jessica! Wow, if I wouldn't have looked at your name on your post, I would have sworn that I wrote it. Your story is almost identical to mine. We even have the same surgery date! The only difference is that I've only lost about 20 pound since my surgery date, so you're a little ahead of me there. Also, I went through the crisis you're going through back in November, so I'm a little ahead of you there. You also post here more often than I do. I haven't posted anything here since last July. In fact, I stopped visiting the site because it became too painful for me to read so many success stories knowing that I was one big failure.

I'm not sure if I have any good advice to offer you, but maybe knowing that you're not the first person to feel this way will help a little bit.

It's almost comical to me now to think how hopeful and excited I was last July. I wouldn't have admitted it then, but I was sure the band was the answer to all of my problems. I was finally going to lose weight and look like a real person, not an icky blob anymore. When I was skinny, that special guy would finally be able to see the real me and fall madly in love with me. We'd get married and have 4 babies just like I'd planned when I was in high school. And I'd live happily every after. I was sure that's what was just around the corner for me. I remember thinking when I finally put my summer clothes away last summer that I'd never be able to fit into them again. (I'm wearing them right now.) I just feel ridiculous when I think about all that now. I should have known that the band was not going to be the answer when the surgeon explained the surgery to me, and my first thought was, "Yes! I can still eat ice cream!"

I'm not exactly sure when I realized that none of my life plans were ever going to happen. All I know is that when I did realize it, it hit me like a ton of bricks. There was a black cloud over my head that would not go away, and I was absolutely miserable. I was never one to exercise a lot, but with the black cloud perched permanently over my head, I stopped exercising completely. I ate a lot of things that I shouldn't have eaten. Then I would get upset about being so bad, and it wasn't long before I was eating ice cream to make myself feel better.

And then there were my follow up appointments with the surgeon. I'll just come right out and say it... My doctor is an ass. He seemed okay before the surgery, but but after surgery, he was just a jerk. It was like the guy was getting paid by the pound. If I wasn't losing weight, he was making money. Either that, or he was afraid my failure would make it appear that he was a failure. All I know is that I dreaded going to my appointments. I told him that I was just as hungry and could eat just as much after the surgery as I could before the surgery. He told me that he refused to fill the band until I started exercising. It was kind of a battle of the wills, I guess. The only redeeming thing about my doctor is the nurse practitioner who I see at every appointment. She's does most of the work, and then he comes in and yells at me for a while. That's how most appointments went. Well, then came my November appointment. I expected it to go just like every other appointment (get on the scale, get dissappointed, get yelled at, promise to do better, and then pretend I didn't have the band for another 6 weeks). For some reason though, I became very upset when I found out I'd gained 2 pounds this time. By the time I got in to the exam room and started talking to the NP, I was in tears. I spilled my guts about everything. I told her that I thought I'd made a horrible mistake in having the surgery and I was giving up. I told her that there was really no point in trying anymore, because even if I eventually did lose the weight, it would be too late for any of my dreams to come true. Thankfully, she recognized right away that I was depressed, and she made an appointment for me to see a psychiatrist within the week.

I didn't want to see a psychiatrist, but I went anyway. He put me on antidepressants. I'm not saying that they turned my life around, but they helped a lot. Eventually the black cloud went away (for the most part). One day, I was in a good enough mood that I actually got on the treadmill again. One day turned into two days, and two days eventually turned into most days. I'm not saying that now everything is perfect. I've still only lost about 20 sad, pathetic little pounds. I still love ice cream. I'm still ashamed I'm doing so poorly. I know what you mean about people thinking, "She had weight loss surgery??" That's why I don't tell anyone about the band anymore and I don't let anyone who I have told talk about it. But I do feel like I have a little bit of hope again. Not hope that a hot guy will be knocking at my door any time soon, but just hope that I won't be an utter failure at this.

Sorry, I didn't intend for this to be such a long post. I just wanted you know know that you're not alone in your feelings. I also urge you to talk to your doctor about everything. I'm certainly not trying to push medication on you, but I know it made a big difference for me. Hang in there. It will get better! :Banane43:

[beachgirl 2]

Okay, first of all you two need your butts spanked. Of course we want to read your posts and we DO care. If you can't come here and vent where can you go. It doesn't matter to me if you don't come on here often although we would love to see you often. I don't think any of us are doing great right now. If it makes you feel any better I haven't lost one pound in 3 months. Not one pound. I was too tight so I got a slight unfill and I do think things will get better so it's not just you and you guys are not failures. This is a lifelong thing and it may take 2 years and it may take 3 so don't give up. I know I for one really miss you both.

Try to log on more often and maybe something someone says or does can help. It sounds like you need a fill more than anything. Just mho though.

Don't ever think you can't come on here even if it's only to vent. We listen very well.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[KariK 0]

I can't speak for anyone else but I've also had feelings of failure too with the band sometimes. When I see others reach their goals within a year.. I think geez whats wrong with me? Why havn't I done that? But then again Im so stubborn and strong willed I think I've had to finally submit to the band and let it work. For a while I had the soft food problem where I would eat what was 'easy' like mashed potatoes, Soup, creamed cereals, etc. And then just recently I've went back to the rules of eating Protein first etc. In the past two months I've lost about 11 lbs. I've started on the treadmil everyday pretty much now. It really does work. Its funny cuz even when I don't lose weight I feel better about myself because I imagine my butt is looking better in my pants lol. My husband says it does (he lies though lol :Banane43: )

Kstrehlow- You will find find someone to love you. Loving yourself is the first step. Have you ever noticed that sometimes you see someone and think they are hot right off the bat, and then you get to know them and they get uglier and uglier. And then other times you meet ppl and think that poor soul they got hit with an ugly stick. But then after you get to know them they get better and better looking to you? Personality, self-confidence, humor and other various attributes matter just as much or more than someones weight. I see large women with nice husbands all the time. That special someone will come along. Good job on facing your depression and taking the medication to help you. You are doing great.

[ready2bthin 2]

Hey everyone,

I've been on liquids mainly for about a week!! Not because I want to, but trying to calm things down with this new fill. Today at dinner I will try the soft food, but if it doesn't go well, I will go for the unfill. I'm a bear to live with and I don't want to survive on liquids...lol. I'm also concerned as I haven't gotten in enough Protein Shakes and I didn't have any Unjury unflavored Protein. I need to order that and keep it around. Don't worry everyone, I will not let this go any longer. If I can ease back into eating over the next few days and it goes fine, then I will not get an unfill, but if I can't, I will be making an appointment locally. I spoke with a gal in Dallas who works for a doc and he will give me a slight unfill for a mere 250 bucks!!! UGH!! But, we on here that were self pay know this is part of the "deal" if our insurance company will not pay.

Kari, you're doing great!! Although it's hard not to "compare" we just have to QUIT THAT....ALL OF US!! Each one on here is unique with a unique metabolism, body build, fat content, muscle content, etc. We are not the same, so we are not going to lose the same. I have to keep telling myself...This is a JOURNEY...and it's for LIFE....not just "get to the goal as quick as possible"...Isn't there a saying, "Slow and steady wins the race"?

Okay, I'll get off my "soapbox" now. But, I am speaking to myself, too. I think it's great that there are people coming back on again and sharing from the heart and how they are coping and getting help. This encourages me to take the next step of talking with someone. I am going to look into that next week. I have been so grumpy that I think I'm in "food withdrawal". So, food still has a psychological hold on me it seems. I mean, it's not like I haven't eaten in weeks, just a week...lol!! Okay, enough for now. Have a great Sunday everyone!!!

[KariK 0]

Hey Mary sorry I missed your PM, I had just hopped onto the treadmil when you wrote. I hope you are able to eat soon!! Id be an ogre if I couldn't eat lol. You are right it is hard not to compare ourselves to others. I think it can be a good and constructive thing if you do it as motivation. But if you do it and let yourself feel defeated well then thats another story. Most of us have been in a funk since the holidays I think. But now with summer around the corner is time to get back on the 'band' wagon and lose some more. The best thing about the band thus far is that once I lose it, its gone.. so I haven't back tracked and gained weight back (the exception of my monthly cycle). So its there when we are ready to do what we have to do to continue our loss of wieght and gain of so much more.

[deckedout 0]

Hi all,

I have been reading through all the recent posts, and I really think we are all about the same place, reguardless of how much weight has been lost!

I am quite frustrated myself and have been rationalizing my overeating, I tell myself it is just a "little bite" but that turns into a whole serving.

I don't think I need another fill because in the mornings my Water still goes down VERY slowly. But I can eat way more than I want to or should at night, especially when I get into that snacking mode. YUCK.

I have gained a little back, either that or my scale was messed up, it went through a strange phase where it told me I wasnt' loosing at all, then I weighted nothing, so I got a new battery, then over the next few days I lost 10 lbs, now I've put back on 5 of those ten.

Anyway, I don't think I have really lost any weight in about weeks now. It is really hard not to snack, plus I haven't really been taking Vitamins. Do you all take them?

stephanie, so sorry about your day. Cancer is tough. My hubby had it a few years back, but doctors can do marvelous things these days!

Jessica and Kstrehlow-

Please, talk with us. None of us is perfect and we all struggle. That is why we come on here and talk with others. For the support. Maybe someone will have an idea that will help you out, maybe you will have an idea that helps one of us.

Well, tomorrow is a new day. I plan to swim every morning next week, except Friday when I am flying to Spokane for my son's military ball. And I have decided to join a new class on Monday and Wednesday nights. It is Personal Training Boot Camp Fitness. We get a fitness profile at the beginning of the class and again at the end. I figure if I have to pay extra for the class, 61 dollars, than I will be sure to go since I'm a tight wad! We shall see how that goes. Some ladies I talk to in the mornings go and love it. I figure I'll still swim in the morning, cause I have pretty much made that part of my schedule, and maybe by adding an evening workout I will break this plateau.

have a nice night and week you all!

[KariK 0]

Hi Deckedout, yes I take a Multivitamin most days, just a flinstone. I was taking Biotin and Calcium but my hair never did fall out so I stopped that lol. I find that I have more energy if I take the Multi-Vitamin probably due to the Iron. Whenever I work out especially hard I take two of them that day because I heard that you can sweat iron out and I tend to drink alot of Water too wich is the filtered kind with no iron in it so Im sure I lose alot that way too.

[beachgirl 2]

Hi everyone, sorry I've not posted to much this week. Its been a hard week. My daugher is 5 months pregnant and my son has been engaged for 2 years and is to be married 07-07-07, anyway she found out she was pregnant too 2 months ago and we've kept it quite since they're not married but still tickled pink. It was going to be due Christmas week. So I already have one 2 yr. old granddaughter that is our life right now and my daughter is pregnant this time with a boy and then the third one due so it was going to be 2 newborns due 3 months apart. I've been at the hosptial since WEdnesday witht them as my son is only 20 and a huge mama's boy and she is closer to me than her mom but they lost the baby yesterday. I tried so hard to be supportive, they were soooo upset. My son punched a hole in a wall with his fist and cried like a baby and mind you he is 6'8" tall. I finally hugged and kissed her and told her how sorry I was and then I started crying. I know she wasn't very far along but she's already had one miscarriage at 15 when her boyfriend kicked her in the stomach so they're really afraid she's going to have a hard time. She just weighs 96 pounds and that doesn't help things. Just pray for us all. I had already bought they're coming home outfit for a boy and girl and me a third carseat.

Weight is finally slowlllllyyyyyyyyy coming off. I went 3 full months with not one pound but since my unfill I've lost a couple and uped my walking and exercise so maybe just maybe I'll brake than damn wonderland by my bandiversary. It's only 2 1/2 months away so I doubt that I'll loose 18 pounds but I'll sure try.

Hope everyone is happy and whether your losing or not I'll bet your all losing inches. I measured again and I knew I'd went from 24's to 16's but only 60 pounds lost but I've lost now over 75 inches so maybe that's where some of it is going but I would sure like to weigh even 199.

My son had bought them a new 07 Honda Shadow Sabre 1100 streetbike so we went today and bought a Honda Goldwing Aspendcade 1100 and I mean it is dressed up to the kilts. It has stereo, heat and air vents, intercom system, cb radio, king and queen seats with back rests, head rests, and arm rests, and all of those saddle bags and gps systems and one of those trailers that matches the paintjob you pull behind you for your luggage and stuff it sooo cute. We leave for our 25th wedding anniversary on May 31, and we were going on a cruise but now we're postponing cruise and leaving on this and just go on a road trip. Go down to the coast and stay at hotels and take a tent along and if we want to camp we can. Sounds like so much fun. Be gone about 2 weeks. Wish me luck. I hope I don't gain weight during that time.

Love you all,

Have a great week,

[ericsmom 2]

Hello all - not much time to write right now...just read through everyone's latest posts. I am sorry to hear that so many of us are struggling right now, but I think it's a huge accomplishment to even be able to acknowledge what we are doing and to ask for support and help. I, too, haven't been doing as well as I could be. Yes, I've had great success losing just over 100 lbs in 9 mos., but it has slowed to a snails pace because I've been eating things I shouldn't and not riding my recumbant bike like I should. When I go for my bilateral (meaning both) total knee replacement surgery on June 15th, I think the physical therapy will be a great contributor to my starting to lose again. I need too snap out of this sabotaging behavior and get back to the basics.

Beachgirl, I'm so sorry for the loss of your grandbaby. I hope your son is doing okay and that your soon-to-be daughter-inlaw is okay as well.

Jessica - we're all here for you! We're all here for each other

I'm off to bed - I'll check in tomorrow.

[beachgirl 2]

Thanks Steph,

He's doing better but he constantly talks about why did they take our baby and I try to explain things to him. He's not quite yet 21 so a little on the immature side but he sure was looking forward to that little baby. Time will heal things up.

I'll be praying for you with your knees, I think about you daily. Thinks will be so good for you after your healed.

Thanks again for your thoughts,

Sherri Jo

[KariK 0]

Hmf well the journals never seem to be working on this site anymore. I just got done exercising. Im actually up to running for quite a few minutes now and doing a 10% incline. My birthday coming up is giving me so much motivation. I really want to hit the 170's by then, preferably at least 177 but even if its 179 that will feel good. When I hit 170 Im going to do some serious cleaning out of my closet and get some clothes in size 14! Currently im in a 16 and thats better than where I started which was about a 20/22. I was reading some posts of others successes on this site and how great it felt to get to single digit sizes ie: size 9 and under, and I can't wait to feel that. I haven't been that small in 12 years at least maybe more. The thought of feeling completely comfortable in my own skin and feeling like the outside of me matches the inside of me.. is just a dream at this point. Anyways I've gotta get to work. This is more of a journal type entry lol but the journals aren't working and I just felt the need to type lol. Sorry.