I need Therapy ASAP!

[Phatcurves 3]

Well its been 10 days and I can say thankfully that I have not had any negative problems from the surgery except from the nurse who took my staples out neglecting to tell me to leave the steri strips on. They were hanging off two days after I got my staples out so I took them and that was not such a smart move.

Doing errands with my mom I leaned down to get something from the ground and popped an incision which caused a waterfall of blood streaming down my shirt and jeans. Unfortunately i had no idea till we got where we were going and i felt something wet on my shirt and reallized i was in trouble. After panicking we went to get it stiched closed because you could see really deep down into it. Luckily my doctor was doing surgery that day and actually met us in the er and just put steri strips on the wound and told me NOT TO TOUCH. A few days later they all seem good.

SO my mom is about to leave now in fifteen min and I have to say that I am struggling against some old patterens of eating. First let me say that I am NOT really that hungry and I have lost 18 freakin pounds in the last ten days....>HELLLLLLL YA, But I am noticing some weird things.

I have a horrible relationship with my live in BF and now that my mom is leaving I already feel nervous about my trigger eating. He likes to eat out every day and rarely in the house and I know that is going to be a major issue for us. Also Last night we had a small tiff and I had nothing I could run to in order to make to pain of our relationship go away.

I think I need to get some thearapy asap in order to help with coping skills and see what I can do when I just cant eat. Also I am having to realize that I only need to order SMALLL things in stead of large which is such a habit.

Sorry for the long post I just have been realizing that I am going to need some help and now that my support system is leaving town and I am going to be alone with him again I am getting nervous that cigs or chocolate could be used to heal and obviously that is SO REDICULOUS.

xoxoxo I have to say good bye to my mom

Talk to you all later

[Stacy160 201]

Sorry you're struggling hon, but I'll go with the obvious answer.... um, DUMP the rotten boyfriend!?! What's the point in hanging on to that, when all it does is drag you down?

[sickofrollercoaster 7]

I can speak from ABSOLUTE recent experience. I am separated from my husband right now and he kept the kids while I was gone for surgery, the minute I walked in the house after surgery it was all about him again. I told him to just leave. I have decided that I need therapy for ME right now and that I will deal with our relationship once I get my stress triggers under control.

I can tell you that just the physical absence of him reduced my stress TREMENDOUSLY and that is what you probably need to do as well. THis

[sickofrollercoaster 7]

OOPs! Got excited and hit enter...

This is for YOU right now and it IS ALL ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW!!!

Yes, get some therapy, you cannot even begin to imagine how empowered you are going to feel when A) you have control of your eating and your weight and :001_smile: control of your own feelings and emotions. IT IS A DOUBLE THREAT!!! I am not saying kick him to the curb right now if you feel there is something that can be done to salvage the relationship but NOW IS NOT THE TIME. Only you know if it is worth it but right now, FOCUS ON YOU.

If you need to talk, please contact me. I had a really rough night a few days ago, I have 3 kids I am raising on my own and between their acting up and my husband's constant messaging and harrassing me I thought I was going to crack! Before surgery, I would have been eating AND drinking to numb it all. I was SO PROUD OF MYSELF, I did not turn to either, I worked through it! You can too, I promise you!!!

I also cut my cell phone off, I have a blackberry for work and I use that if I need to call someone or if someone needs to get ahold of me. It is so easy these days for text messaging and that was stressing me out, hearing from him all day long.

REMOVE whatever obstacles are in your way, you finally have the tool to be successful and DO NOT GIVE ANYONE CONTROL OVER YOUR SUCCESS.

I have read your previous posts, I know that you might possibly be feeling the insecurities that keep you in a bad relationship. Remember, you are getting rid of the bad relationship with food, toss out all other bad relationships with that one. The food relationship will be so different and much improved. The human relationship can be salvaged later if it is worth it.

AND IF HE TRULY LOVES YOU AND IS THINKING OF YOU AND NOT HIMSELF, HE WILL UNDERSTAND.

Sorry, this is a very near and dear subject to me, I am living it so if you need help, please just ask, if you just need to vent, go right ahead, trust me, I have been there I am sure!

Keep you chin up and take it day by day. Also, something that is also empowering is to track your food, I use www.fatsecret.com. You can set what your calorie intake will be and so far I have found everything I am eating/drinking in their library so all of the nutritional info is already in there, very easy to do each day. It is amazing how much more you think about what you are putting in your body when you write it down. You can also track your weightloss and journal as well!

OH AND CONGRATS ON THE WEIGHTLOSS SO FAR! I had my Mom with me too for surgery, wish I could have kept her for a while with me too!

Hugs, It WILL all work out!!!

[LAN2k 18]

Hey there, I'm 8 months out and still struggling with the loss of food as a coping mechanism for troubles. Therapy can be a helpful tool as well as a support group. I found a local OA support group that is full of insightful people and it helps me. I'm realizing that having this surgery did not undue a lifetime of using food for comfort. I am not sure what the communication is like between you and your BF but if it is at all possible perhaps you can gain his understanding by being honest with him about what you are going through and his empathy and patience would be helpful to you while you are adjusting physically and psychologically, etc. I hope you try that before abruptly kicking him out. Feel free to PM me and vent anytime. Best wishes.

[Robbiehage 1]

Wow, your weight loss in phenominal so congratulations on that! I can't even imagine how horrified you and your mom must have been when your incision popped open, it would be bad enough to see a gaping hole in yourself but worse if it were in your daughter so kudos to both of you for not passing out! Totally understand you on the "what do I do now that I can't eat myself into oblivion" thing. I am 8 1/2 weeks out and now that I have gotten used to my sleeve I am experiencing more of the same feelings that you are, therapy definitely should help with that. Maybe soon when you are feeling stronger you will feel like dealing with your boyfriend, I doubt you will want to deal with a bad relationship in such an exciting time of your life. Things are looking up for you and you may not want to take him on this ride!

[Phatcurves 3]

Thanks everyone, I know in my heart that this is not going to work out I just subconsciously hope that my weightloss will make everything ok, but I know that it will just end up making things worse. We went to olive garden today and after some Soup, I was pretty much full and of course I ordered a meal to go with the Soup instead of just realizing that would be enough. So there I am, he's eating away and smiling while looking at me frowning as I am putting my whole meal into a box. He just said so are you going to "Barf it". That was what he would say to me everytime I got that look on my face courtesy of the band. THen he said if I wanted to wait in the car while he finished he would be fine, to which I replied PLEASE dont say shit like that even when you are kidding because it just makes me sad and things harder. So then he said so this is how its going to be forever now huh, you take two bites an then you are done? I said ya, pretty much and that I probably ate enough for both of us for a quarter of a life time, so I am ok with it.

BLAH I guess I just need to go for a walk and replace my old bad addictions with healty ones.

xoxoxo thank you all, I appreciate your advice.

[educationrulz 18]

Thanks everyone, I know in my heart that this is not going to work out I just subconsciously hope that my weightloss will make everything ok, but I know that it will just end up making things worse. We went to olive garden today and after some Soup, I was pretty much full and of course I ordered a meal to go with the soup instead of just realizing that would be enough. So there I am, he's eating away and smiling while looking at me frowning as I am putting my whole meal into a box. He just said so are you going to "Barf it". That was what he would say to me everytime I got that look on my face courtesy of the band. THen he said if I wanted to wait in the car while he finished he would be fine, to which I replied PLEASE dont say shit like that even when you are kidding because it just makes me sad and things harder. So then he said so this is how its going to be forever now huh, you take two bites an then you are done? I said ya, pretty much and that I probably ate enough for both of us for a quarter of a life time, so I am ok with it.

BLAH I guess I just need to go for a walk and replace my old bad addictions with healty ones.

xoxoxo thank you all, I appreciate your advice.

Wow girl! :confused1: If that's a small sample of what your daily existence is like, then I'm so sorry. It's good that you are able to recognize that this is not a healthy relationship. I suspect that you will soon find the strength to do what is best for you. Best wishes and take care of yourself.

[jerryvic 3]

Phatcurves, dump him and loose even more weight. It appears it is all about him, so let him have himself.

[Tiffykins 673]

I really can't imagine going through this surgery and life post op with an insensitive, and asinine partner. I'm sorry that you're in this situation, and hope you are able to get out now before it causes you to spiral into other issues. Coping skills are great, but it's kind of hard to cope with a douchebag of a boyfriend. Sorry, I'm just being honest. Any decent therapist will tell you to get out of the relationship that is making you miserable, and then in turn you reach into the fridge to comfort you. It's not fair to your heart or your body.

Weight loss will not fix your relationship. It won't make everything okay because even though I weigh 123lbs, I still have issues. I hate my body some days, I hate that I have a little muffin top of excess skin on my belly if I wear jeans that fit me in the waist. I hate the wrinkles around my eyes that being fat filled out. I hate that my boobs are just skin bags at this point. Grant it, my relationship was strong before surgery, so it's brought us closer, but when all my self-doubt creeps in, you can believe that it causes issues. When I'm needy and whiney that I need him to tell me all the time that I look good, or the days when my hormones are out of whack, those are the days that even being skinny doesn't fix or make better. I'm just giving you some examples that let you know being skinny doesn't fix or repair other issues. It can actually intensify existing issues. My husband is 100% supportive, and he was more concerned about the small portions that I was eating instead of being an insensitive prick.

You will have to start believing that you are worthy of love, and respect regardless of your pant size. You are worthy to have a respectful partner, a man that loves you, a man that treats you how you deserve and expect. Expect more and never settle for anything less than everything.

[cwalker 12]

you need to put YOU first Take time to heal and maybe things will be better and if not you'll know you went the extra mile. Carla

[escapesunshine 0]

I just want to say stay strong and we are here for you when you need us.

[CraftyChristie 62]

I don't have anything new to say but I agree with everything already said here. This is about you now, and I know from your other posts you weren't happy before either.. there is just no reason to stay with someone like that. Being alone IS better than being with a prick, I promise.

[SParkle 4]

I can really only echo what the others have said.

If your bloke loved you then he would support your choices and help you along with it, perhaps eating at home for the first month until you are totally sorted with your foods and once you have your head around the Portion Control thing.

Can I ask long term, can you see yourself with this guy? Would you marry him? How will he cope with your weightloss and looking more and more desireable... as you are a hotty! )

Sometimes life makes us sit down and evaluate our lives and the people around us, I've had several things happen in mine where now, I have little time for those people who are all about themselves.

If he doesn't enhance your life, and make you smile each day, give you support and love and share in your pain then I would really seriously question what you get out of the relationship.

The sleeve is a tough time as we're all giving up a love affair with food..... you don't need the extra stress that he appears to be giving you.

Be strong...and use us all for the support you need, instead of turning to bad habits.....

good luck

Kathy

[Jane_J 117]

Whatever you do, don't have kids with this jerk.