What to tell people?

[SParkle 4]

I'm starting to wonder what to tell people....and wondered how you all dealt with it.

I don't think I want lots of people to know, so at the moment only hubby and my best friend know.

But we have a few close friends who own restaurants which we frequent, one on a weekly basis. Any idea on how to cope with this one?

Am I just honest with them, or do I in effect lie to people - in which case it then goes on and on the more weight I loose.... and may end up in comments about eating disorders.....

Being at the lower end of the BMI scale I don't want people to think I have copped out of dieting... infact I have battled (like most of us) for years with failed diets, and now I am going through with this it isn't a decision I have taken lightly. But I know failure to do this would mean that I will end up gaining more and more in the end.

I would add that my husband is an entertainer, so we are semi 'in the spot light' as far as gigs are concerned, so we see a lot of the same people on a regular basis....but not sure I want them all to know......

ARGHH!!!

Any advice gratefully taken!!

Kathy

[MlkPas 5]

How about "I am on a very strict diet and can't eat much these days?" Totally true, as far as it goes!

I have to eat out with colleagues quite a bit and I find it goes more smoothly if I order something I can make a good dent in, rather than something I'm just going to pick at and send most of it back to the kitchen. For example, I can eat almost all of a cup of Soup at most restaurants. Or I'll order an appetizer instead of an entree, and eat what I can and then push the rest around on my plate. That really works -- put a bite on your fork, wave it around a little, put it back on the plate, repeat. Most people don't really pay much attention to what you actually eat.

As for the people who actually own the restaurants, can you take them into your confidence and maybe ask them to prepare you special meals that you CAN eat? Maybe a grilled half chicken breast with a little veggies on the side, or something similar? I'd bet a million dollars they'd be pleased to be taken into your confidence and thrilled to help!

[SParkle 4]

Thanks - I think sometimes I just think too much about things!! I love the waving about in the air bit tho!!

[Bklyn Lady 0]

oh, be a little delicate flower, "my tummy is acting up, I don't why....just a little Soup for me".....one thing I've said on these boards is that it's not up to us to educate the public about WLS.....I personally think it's best to live under the radar with this as long as you can.....I think we all would have liked it if the first time we gained 12 or 20 pounds we took it off on a diet but that didn't happen for reasons too complex to go into here.....why do we have to tell the world about something so personal that we are doing for ourselves......way down the road you want to tell the cooks, friends go ahead, but right now protect yourself. You[re not lying....you're just not blabbering. Good luck.

[redroses47 1]

This topic hits home with me since I am in the "lets do lunch" environment. While I haven't had to come up with excuses yet, my sudden weight loss in a short period of time is being noticed. I am not someone who feels that I have to explain myself so do what works for your comfort level. I am okay with ordering Soup, etc. I had a friend tell me (she was banded about a year ago) that she had a few instances where her meal was returned to the kitchen barely touched and the chef came out totally concerned about the quality of the food *lol*. She was kind and said that she wasn't super hungry and would love to have the meal packed up to take home. Good luck on your surgery!

[pnw218 14]

I initially only told my husband, sister and daughter, who still lives at home. At first, I didn't think I would tell very many people about the surgery. Then it changed to - I would tell some people but not until I had lost at least 20 pounds or so to make sure it was working.

Later, I totally changed my mind. I tell almost everyone I come in contact with - friends/family/business contacts who notice the weight loss or even the gal at Starbucks! I was just there to buy gift cards and she was trying to hard sell me on a coffee drink! LOL sorry, I don't drink coffee. ok - how about this? or that? Finally, I said sorry, I had weight loss surgery and really can't have any of it! Then you have their total attention and they want to know all about it! haha!

I also decided that my embarrassment over telling people that I had the surgery did not outweigh the benefit it could be for people who had never heard of the surgery. I didn't know anything about it until one month before my surgery! I had truly only heard of the bypass and found out about the lapband while desperately searching the internet for "something" to help me.

My other main issue was in regards to people I knew who had also struggled with losing weight. I felt that I would be lying to them if I only said that I was losing weight by eating smaller portions and exercising - even tho that was true. I didn't want them to feel that I was any better than them, because they weren't able to do it that way alone.

I have received a variety of responses. Friends saying that they weren't ready to take the easy way out yet, and would keep dieting and exercising. Those who say that they could never afford it like I could. (yes I paid cash but that doesn't mean the money was just sitting there waiting to be spent). I always just smile, wish them luck, tell them to feel free to share my info with anyone they talk to who might be interested. Then I email them a general surgery description, post op diets, etc.

Most people tho are very supportive and say they never thought of me as fat or needing to take such a drastic measure to lose weight. Kinda true but I also explain to them about the sleep apnea, back probs and other medical issues.

Definitely another one of those personal choices. There are probably some people I don't care for much and I might not tell them right away! LOL

The restaurant thing is funny! A couple of times, I have actually asked them to bring my meal in a to go box! I usually just say that I had a late lunch or whatever : )

[SParkle 4]

This topic hits home with me since I am in the "lets do lunch" environment. While I haven't had to come up with excuses yet, my sudden weight loss in a short period of time is being noticed. I am not someone who feels that I have to explain myself so do what works for your comfort level. I am okay with ordering Soup, etc. I had a friend tell me (she was banded about a year ago) that she had a few instances where her meal was returned to the kitchen barely touched and the chef came out totally concerned about the quality of the food *lol*. She was kind and said that she wasn't super hungry and would love to have the meal packed up to take home. Good luck on your surgery!

I suppose I am already pre-planning in one way as I have managed to loose just under 19lbs since November on Weight Watchers, so I've had a lot of comments about that.

At the moment I have stalled a bit - I think as I am sorting thru my head with my decision to have the sleeve, plus we've had visitors, and have also been away, so I am setting up the fact that I'm going to get more shifted soon... as hubby is on his diet now as well he is spurring me on...so I hope they just think that I've sorted myself out.

[SParkle 4]

Pnw218 - some good tips there- thanks....I have a feeling I may tell more people in the end, but feel cautious to start with as you did.

Thanks for sharing.

Kathy

[Betterbytheday 0]

Kathy, as a former bandster, I lost lots of weight and made the decision not even to tell my sisters (same as the newpaper), as my suburb area is medium sized but due to my large extended family word would get around and then it would become my "story" or identity (think early gastric bypass folks) and I didn't want that at all. I just told people that I just had to eat smaller portions and used Portion Control to lose it, I feel certain that I would pass a lie detector test with that one as that is the essence of it really. My best friends know and many strangers along the way but not the general populace as this is something in my body and I consider a private matter as well, I would feel odd asking people about their gall bladders or kidneys, I kind of lump it in the same group. I apologize for my secrecy even on this website as so many of you are so open about everything, and I appreciate it, but I just can't go there for now. Portion control was what Dolly Parton said was how she lost all of her weight years ago, if it's good enough for Dolly, it's good enough for me.

[NtvTxn 1,262]

I'm glad you asked, I was wondering the same thing. I've told close friends, but then there are those who I see but aren't close enough to tell....good answers! Hey, we're almost there!! :ohmy:

Pnw218 - some good tips there- thanks....I have a feeling I may tell more people in the end, but feel cautious to start with as you did.

Thanks for sharing.

Kathy

[GreenBayGirl 0]

I only told two people, hubby and bff. When anyone asked anything I simply state that I am eating alot less and exercising, which is true. I never feel compelled to say more unless I WANT to.

[Swiftflow 6]

Everyone has to choose their own comfort level with this, but I am a believer in letting people know especially if they are someone who could benefit. My main reason for this was because a friend of mine (male friend) had WLS and I had never seriously considered WLS as an option until he told me how he had lost the weight. Its weird I have had a couple of female friends I knew who had it and being proud and stubborn it took seeing another guy having WLS to make me really consider it.

[Jane_J 117]

I tell every one with the zeal of a recent convert!! Probably can bore to death for England on the subject.

[SParkle 4]

Having spent the last weekend back with family, I decided not to tell them - I 'placed' my forthcoming weightloss with tales of the dietician I am seeing (true) and the smaller portions (true), more exercise (true) and the added incentive that my husband will stop smoking when I get to 147lbs!! (also wonderfully true).

So... I haven't lied, just not told them everything.

Thanks for the input... for me I think this will work the best, for the moment anyway. And Jane - I think I will be telling a lot more people after the event who I feel are entitled to know about the op if it may enhance and change their lives.... lets make the world a healthier place!

Kathy