Frustrated....what happened to my support???

[kalex21211 0]

I read and researched for over 6 weeks before I discussed my desires to have the Sleeve with my husband. He is the king of negative! I knew I would have to "educate" him somewhat, because the only knowledge he has is with my sister's RNY experience. (She has done great, btw, except that she is 18 mos. post op and she JUST started taking her Vitamins and supplements! So, until recently she didnt look very "healthy")

One week ago today, I talked to him. I was proud of him, as he didnt shoot me down. He told me he would support my decision. He asked me if I thought it was a "necessity". I asked him to go to a seminar with me, and he told me I needed to figure out how I was gonna pay for it before we started doing all that.

I am working on the money....

This morning, I made pancakes from scratch and he was talking about how he didnt see how the kids could eat 3 pancakes because he couldnt even eat all of the two he had. (He has NEVER had a weight problem, btw) Then I said after I have my surgery I will only be able to eat this much, and I cut off a chunk about the size of a half dollar.

Then he burst my bubble!!! He said "I sure hope that is the answer for you! Because I dont really think that is gonna be it!" I didnt even say anything...argh!

It makes me not even want to talk to him about any of it!! Even if I have always failed at my diets....I do believe this surgery is a necessity for me....I do not think it is the easy way out.....and I know it will be the answer I am looking for!!!

It sure would be nice to have him "support" me fully....just dont think he knows how to do that!

Sorry for the rant!

Karen

[FabBy50 0]

You are not complaining at all!! it is so hard not to have the support of our significant other!! I'm sorry that he does not get that this is VERY important to you, but I hate to say he will once you start losing!! He will reap the benefits form a much healthier YOU!!! So don't let it get you down, or STOP you from getting the surgery! It is so very important to get healthy again!

Good luck, and keep us posted...we care!

[breezy 8]

If I were in your situation, I might look among my friends and relatives for someone that I CAN get support from. Sometimes our husbands cannot give us what we need, and it is ok. But I would need someone to tell everything to and that would be my personal cheerleader.

[Morgandobes 0]

Yep, we will be your cheer leaders here.

Keep in touch with your sister any other family, and try to blow off his

negativity. We have ALL failed at diets, else we wouldent be on this board.

Keep up the faith and hopefully soon you will find a place on the losers bench!

Lisa

[goodlife 3]

My husband was kinda similar beforehand...It was driving me crazy.

I even started a thread here titled....I think I want to sell my husband to pay for my surgery.

I found out that a lot of it was his fear...and a little of it just wariness...he thought I made the decision too quickly without really giving it enough thought.

That wasn't true....I had been thinking about it way before I started talking about it. I did TONS of research and reading.

He has since come around and has been very supportive and helpful.

Give him time...and if he doesn't come around...screw him. We're here for ya! :sad0:

[KZol 0]

My husband was not into it at first either, basically because he is terrified that I'll die. He's calm and supportive now after TONS of info, but will probably freak out again once I have a date. This too shall pass. We are all here for you.

[Maddie 9]

I'm so sorry that you aren't getting the support you need from your husband. As frustrating as it can be, just remember that we are here for you and that support can come from many places.

I hope he comes around. Best of luck on your journey.

[BandMomsRock 0]

I'm sorry that your hubby isn't being supportive. But you definately have support here. My husband has never had a weight problem either. He's been very supportive in words, but in action, he's not there yet. I'm trying to get used to changing certain habits, and he's always offering me the things that I'm trying to eliminate. I don't think he is doing it to be mean, he just doesn't have a clue. He's never needed to think about what he eats or drinks. I think it's hard for someone who has never had a weight issue to truely understand.

I'll still pray for you that your husband becomes more supportive, but in the meantime, I agree with the others here that say, find someone you can lean on for support and plan to make friends here. The people here will KNOW what you're going through.

Best of luck.

[WildIris 4]

My husband was ambivalent about it until he went to an info session with me. Kept telling me, 'Well, maybe in five years after we get the house paid off.' I started using some relatively harmless emotional blackmail: "You were willing to get a home equity loan for 'way more than what this surgery would cost us, when it looked like we needed to replace the roof, and then it turned out we just had to replace the chimney cap...this is an investment in a healthier me...and oh yeah, if I have this surgery before I've had diabetes for five years, there's a higher remission rate..." Then we went to the seminar on Saturday, and he's sold. All the way. I love my husband!

[zephra 5]

My was supportive, it was even his idea. He was telling me how we would pay off the van and then I could use that money to pay monthly payments for the surgery. Now, it has turned into, how are you (meaning me) going to pay for it? I am not sure how he went from one way to another but that is not changing my mine. You know how I am going to pay for it? I got a loan for it through Creditcare and BOTH of us will be making the payments. I figure 16 years of staying home to raise the kids while he works on his career and education is worth $300 a month from him.

I know when it comes time to have the surgery, he will be by my side. He just worries about me and money. I am sure that is the case for your hubby too. Don't let any negativity from him deter you though. I am new to this forum too but the support is awesome. Use us.

[kalex21211 0]

My husband was kinda similar beforehand...It was driving me crazy.

I even started a thread here titled....I think I want to sell my husband to pay for my surgery.

I found out that a lot of it was his fear...and a little of it just wariness...he thought I made the decision too quickly without really giving it enough thought.

That wasn't true....I had been thinking about it way before I started talking about it. I did TONS of research and reading.

He has since come around and has been very supportive and helpful.

Give him time...and if he doesn't come around...screw him. We're here for ya! :001_smile:

That is hilarious! I love that idea! LOL And I think you are exactly right about the him feeling like I havent thought it through or making decisions too quickly. I guess it feels like that to him because he has 8 days of this, compared to my months and months, and secretly years of thinking about it....

My sister said to me today, "dont worry, pretty soon you will rock his world with the lights out!" LOL I told her I was gonna rock his world with the lights ON!! (sorry if that is TMI):001_smile:

[kalex21211 0]

Yall all rock!! Thanks so much for being the cheering squad for me!

I am moving forward no matter what! I have an appt for my EKG, Chest XRay, and full blood work ups to be done on Wednesday. My consult with the surgeon is on Monday the 17th. Called my other sister, who is unemployed at the present, and made tentative arrangements for her to come and stay with me for a few days so that my husband wont have to miss work....etc.

I am ready....

Thanks again! You all are who I turn to.....:001_smile:

Karen

[CraftyChristie 62]

Hi sweetie! I sure hope he will come around. It takes different amounts of time for people. Some are on board right away, and some might not be until later when they can see it's going to work and you are doing well. In the meantime you have all of us :tongue_smilie:

[escapesunshine 0]

Just stay strong. It will all be worth it later.

[lmmore 0]

Sounds like you two could use counseling. It would have been good if you confronted him with "why doesn't he think this is gonna be it".......these issues need to be discussed. And why is he forcing you to figure out the money? You're married, right?