Ready to Start Living Again

[Brian66 85]

I've been reading these boards for awhile now and decided that it is time to introduce myself.

I am a 43 year old male and a single dad to my three children. The last five years or so have been really difficult. My beautiful wife was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive abdominal cancer in November 2004. After two years of intense treatments (including two stem cell transplants), she lost her battle to the disease and died in February 2007 at the age of 41. My kids were 12, 7 and 6 at the time. I've spent the last three years helping the kids cope with the loss and making sure they have what they need. They are doing pretty well, I think, but I feel like I've just been existing. I've always had a weight problem and have probably gained about 35 pounds over the last three years. As a result, my health problems have become worse -- high blood pressure, high cholesterol, sleep apnea, back pain -- you know the drill. Worst of all, at 44 years old, I feel like a 90 year old man. I am about 5'11" and weight 300 which gives me a BMI of about 41.

I initially consulted my surgeon about RNY, but he introduced the idea of the VSG, which sounds amazing to me. I was never very comfortable with the whole concept of the intestinal bypass and, as a single parent, I am eager to reduce the risk of surgical complications.

Anyway, I'd appreciate any words of advice or encouragement you might have for a newbie like myself. I am basically at peace with my decision to have the surgery, but, of course, I worry about complications and the possibility (however remote) that my kids could be left without a dad after losing their mom. The only thing that keeps me going is the fact that if I don't get rid of this weight, I might not be around for them either.

Anyway, thanks for the valuable information so far and I look forward to making this journey with you.

Brian

[Tiffykins 673]

Hi Brian, and welcome to the forum. First off, my deepest condolences for your loss. I can only imagine what you have been through.

The sleeve is truly a wonderful tool. It's given me my life back, or actually a life I've always wanted to be living. As for advice, just go into with a positive attitude. There may be some speed bumps along the way, but we have to make sure we don't allow them become roadblocks. I kind of use that mentality in all aspects of my life, but it really came in handy during my sleeve journey. Follow your surgeon's orders and advice, stay within the dietary guidelines, and take care of yourself. Remember, that the victories will outweigh the struggles.

You are doing something absolutely fabulous for yourself and your children. You'll be able to be more active, and more involved in their lives.

Keep us posted on your progress and as you get more information about a scheduled date for your surgery. We'll all be here for you through the ups and downs.

[goodlife 3]

Welcome Brian! We are very glad you decided to post and introduce yourself.

Just consider us part of your extended family now!

I'm very sorry for your loss and I think it's wonderful that you have devoted yourself to your children.

I had the same fears as you...my husband did as well. He was worried I wouldn't wake up from surgery or that something would go horribly wrong during the surgery. Of course it's a fear but I knew the risk of dying of a heart attack or stroke from my other health issue related to being overweight were much greater.

Doing this for yourself and getting yourself healthy is the greatest gift you can give to your children.

Congratulations on your decision and please keep posting! We will all be here for you!

Do you have a surgery date yet?

[SParkle 4]

Hi Brian and welcome

My thoughts go out to you for your loss, and although you have your reservations about the operation, I think its possibly the most wonderful thing you can do for yourself and your children - loosing the weight will mean your quality of life with them will be so much better.

I'm not sleeved yet, so can only offer support from the non sleeved side of the bench as yet, but wish you luck in your journey.

Kathy

[MINI-Me 196]

Welcome Brian. I too am very sorry for your loss. What a tremendous thing to go through and stay strong for your children. You sound like a brave and courageous man. Having this surgery will be a gift for your children - a dad that will be around for a much longer time. My dad passed away last year at 64 - much too young. He had diabetes and heart issues directly related to his obesity. It was my wake-up call. I had the surgery 3 months ago & actually feel alive again. There are day to day struggles as you get used to your new way of living/eating, but they are worth it in the end.

The above comments are correct - consider us a part of your family. Come and ask questions, vent, or be nervous. You can't surprise us - we've all been there.

Welcome!

[lmmore 0]

Deepest condolences on your loss. You have come to the right place for information and guidance. I can tell you from experience that this procedure works, and there is little down time. You're young, so you should be doing well quickly. It took me a couple of weeks to feel good, but I am 59, with other issues besides weight. This surgery has a real high success rate, and basicly lets you live like you did before, except with less food. Because they remove the part of the stomach that creates the hunger horrmone, you shouldn't really feel hunger after you have this procedure. Although, a few people do. Good luck to you, and any questions, just holler.

[Mary Gordon 3]

everybody gets nervous and scared, it's perfectly normal, but if we think positive and we go with a Doctor that we really really trust, then you shouldn't have any problems. the good thing is you've made your decision and you'll see that you won't regret your decision at all.....so as you said, get ready to start living again!!!:thumbup1:

[sickofrollercoaster 7]

I completely understand your fears as a single parent and respect your reservations. I will have surgery on Monday, May 10th. I encourage you to get to know the folks here, less than a month ago I found this forum and it has been a true education. I can't wait to "join the ranks". I invite you to come and chat sometimes and ask all the questions you have...

I do not know if you are a religious person but just wanted to say I will pray for you and your children. I am a single parent with 3 kids, all things are possible and my children ARE my #1 motivation!

God Bless and glad you are here!

[stcyt 15]

Hi Brian and welcome,

I hope we can provide a little support for you as you start this journey. Its been an amazing thing to have all these people here right at my finger tips every time I get nervous or freaked out.

It sounds like you have three very important reasons to choose the healthiest most successful approach... and I'm convinced the sleeve is just that.

Your obviously a person of very strong character and I have no doubt you will make this a fabulous success story.

take care

stacey

[deletedsally 8]

Hi Brian...I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your wife. My children were 15 and 11 when my husband was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. He had 13 different surgeries over an 8 year period before he died in 2007. I can't begin to describe the costs to myself and my children... It is incredibly painful to experience what cancer does to a family and be powerless to stop it.

I'm glad that you are making a choice to build a new life for yourself. Change almost always involves taking risks. I felt like the known risks associated with VSG were a lot less than the reality I was already experiencing as a morbidly obese woman. Same old story..sleep apnea, HBP, exhausted all the time, depressed and unable to think clearly from lack of oxygen at night (couldn't sleep with a mask), chronic foot and back pain, etc... I'm 54, and I also felt like I was 90 years old. It was hard for me to even leave the house because of pain and exhaustion.

Hears the good news. It's been less than 5 weeks since my surgery and everything is better. sleep is better. Starting to have more energy after initial post-op weakness. Off all HBP medication. Thinking more clearly. Much less pain. Took my grandchildren shopping, to the library, and then swimming this afternoon. It felt wonderful to be able to DO stuff and not be constantly wishing I could just crawl back into bed!

I'm glad your surgeon was up on the latest research/procedures and talked with you about VSG. One of the things that stopped me from having surgery sooner was that I didn't want the side effects of bypass surgery, and I didn't think the long term results for lap bands were very promising. I think you are going to be amazed at how much better you are going to feel if you decide to move forward with surgery.

[Edie 0]

Brian, I decided to have WL surgery because of my chlid. I have had surgery on one knee, am on high blood pressure medication, and cholesterol medication. The rate I was going I was going to be of no use to my daughter at all. I too had all the same worries - perfectly natural for us single parents as well as parents with partners - and am so happy all turned out well. Now, I want to be able to be active with my daughter -- to do all the active things with her that I used to enjoy when I was young! My only regret is that I was not able to do it 10 years ago. Good luck with whatever you decide. Sounds like you deserve to treat yourself well!

[Kelly G. 2]

Hi Brian, I am sorry for your loss. I got my sleeve 3 1/2 weeks ago and everything is going great. I haven't had any negative issues so far. 9 days post op, I got off of both of my blood pressure medications. It also appears that my diabetes is a thing of the past. I am down 34 pounds so far and I am walking 3 miles a day. I think this procedure is an awesome thing to do for youself and your kids. This forum has a lot of great infomation. Keep us posted.

[Brian66 85]

Thanks for all the support. It feels good to have a place to go with questions and concerns. I think that has been one of the hardest parts about making this decision is not having my wife here to discuss it with. Of course, I have a lot of nervousness and fear, but I think that is natural and I really do believe in my heart that this is the right decision for me.

I don't have a date yet as I am in the process of getting all my pre-surgical testing done.

I will definitely keep you all posted.

Brian

[CoachKK 0]

Brian welcome! I too am so sorry about your loss. The decision you have made to have the surgery is courageous, as I think it is for all of us. I discovered this forum before I'd seen my doctor and I can't tell you how wonderful everyone has been. I have my surgery next week and I understand your nervousness. But as everyone has said the people on here are fantastic and I have so much support now. Good luck and I look forward to hearing about your experience.

[CraftyChristie 62]

Welcome Brian... I am new here too (no surgery date just yet, consult coming up on the 12th) and I am finding it to be a wonderful place... a home away from home There is so much information here and so many supportive people.

I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been through. I think the fear you feel about leaving your children without you is perfectly natural and you obviously love them very much. The risks are much lower with this surgery as you know. I think you are making a fantastic decision by taking care of yourself because you can't take care of them if you haven't taken care of yourself.

Wishing you all the best in this endeavor.... before you know it you'll be on the other side of all this and very happy with your choice!