Where did I go? Who am I now?

[Woodys 0]

I have drawers full of them....I'm going to be very happy when my laundry consists of "skinny" clothes.....should take 1/2 the time because the loads will be smaller.....LOL

Carol

[PhotoNut 7]

*snicker* I remember Kim 8 making a joke about accidentally putting her folded underwear in the linen closet with pillow cases - natural mistake, dont you think?

TommyO - I've been thinking and thinking about the bridge ceremony. It sounds wonderful. Is it ok if I take a can of keorosene and matches with me? *winks*

[TommyO 5]

<TABLE id=HB_Mail_Container height="100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0 UNSELECTABLE="on"><TBODY><TR height="100%" UNSELECTABLE="on" width="100%"><TD id=HB_Focus_Element vAlign=top width="100%" background="" height=250 UNSELECTABLE="off">Pnut, If I was going to burn the old gitch I would probably make sure there was a fire extinguisher near bye as well. Especailly if kerosene was involved. You may want to leave the underwear on the other side of the bridge. </TD></TR><TR UNSELECTABLE="on" hb_tag="1"><TD style="FONT-SIZE: 1pt" height=1 UNSELECTABLE="on">

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[PhotoNut 7]

Orrrr.... *evil glint in eyes*

I could drop the underwear on the head of the troll under the bridge! Ha!

[TommyO 5]

<TABLE id=HB_Mail_Container height="100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0 UNSELECTABLE="on"><TBODY><TR height="100%" UNSELECTABLE="on" width="100%"><TD id=HB_Focus_Element vAlign=top width="100%" background="" height=250 UNSELECTABLE="off">Now thats a plan,

Have you ever heard the story of Billy Goat Gruff? Maybe he is lurking under the bridge. Who knows, but once you've crossed that bridge there is no need to cross it again.

Maybe crossing bridges also allows us to get past the Billy Goat gruffs and/or Trolls that may have held us back.

Any way it's just nice to get rid of that old underwear and start wearing the new thong.

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[PhotoNut 7]

*sings* Let me see that tho-o-ong. That thong-th-th-th-thong!

Ooo.. now I'm tempted to post some thong pics!

Ok, this is sick and wrong. I have this mental image of a billy goat wearing a thong being sung to by a troll.

TommyO - I'll get you for this.

[3loves 0]

Now that is funny!! I can see the troll wearing them too. Can you see the string from here?

TommyO ~ I do love the bridge analogy. :biggrin1:

[Marimaru 7]

I'm kind of inbetween I think. On my way up weight wise, I knew I was over weight, but it wasn't "that bad". In high school I had this friend that I compared myself too. I guess I thought I would do something about it if I ever got as big as her. Which I didn't.... my mom said that we grew in size together.

So in my head, I just didn't see as much as was there I guess. The mirror lies some how, but cameras sure don't.

But now, I'm almost halfway to goal, and in the mirror, I do see the difference, and I see it in most pictures (though I still hate pictures), but when I look down at my stomach and my thighs, they still seem the same. When I try and see the differences in my face, knowing that it's smaller, all I see is my double chin that is still there.

Maybe when I get to onederland, I'll have one of Tommy's ceremonies.

[Dianechef 3]

I have been & still continue to struggle with this very thing. I truly don't know who I am right now. I've lost 63 lbs. & really don't look like the same person anymore. I get comments DAILY about my new size & I still am not comfortable with this new person. I am not sure how to react!! I think I covered up my insecurities by being the "FUNNY FAT GIRL!" Everything was a joke & I was the first to make fun of myself. I can't do that anymore & I feel like I just need to get a whole new personality. :tired

I have been at the same weight for 2 months & to be honest with you...I'm a little scared to get to a lower weight. I am not comfortable at this weight, how in the heck will I adjust to an even smaller person?!?!

Don't get me wrong - I LOVE THIS NEW SIZE!! I feel free. I feel young. I can move. I am thrilled to do so many things I couldn't before. My struggles are within. I'm sure I'll get over it..........soon. :straight I don't think I realized that losing weight would have so many uncomfortabl emotions with it!! I just thought I'd be a smaller, better me & LOVE IT!!

[Telly 4]

I wish I could hug you Diane. I hope you adjust to the new you in a very comfortable way. I guess it will take some time and getting used to. It will be alright.

[Dianechef 3]

Oh Telly - you're so nice! *HUGS* There you go. I felt that hug.

I think what makes it harder is when people say to me - "You look so good. I am jealous!" or "Not fair!" One time someone posted on this board that they have now added me to their "I HATE YOU LIST" because I became one of those skinny people. No offense was taken by that comment at all!! However, I truly feel that because I have lost weight & look "hot" I am veiwed so differently. When really, I am the same person inside.

I want people to feel comfortable around me. Being fat I think people always felt comfortable because they usually looked better then I did. Somehow that has all changed & am now a threat some how.

Am I even making any sense here?!?!

[3loves 0]

Diane ~ Your post got me thinking....hmmm I think people are more secure with fluffy folk b/c we can't hide our faults. Let's face it, you can only hide fat so much. Whereas, someone that drinks or smokes, they can cover up those things easier. O.K., maybe that's not a good example, but do you know what I'm trying to say? Others can hide their addictions. Once you have conquered your weight, they don't feel superior and have to look for other faults in you to help build themselves up......"at least I don't do such & such". Not that their are necessarily mean, part of that is just human nature. Most of us have some sort of competition in us.

You are winning your battle one day at a time and your success shows to the world. Those people that make nice comments are also wondering how they can succeed in certain areas of their lives. I bet you are more of a role model than you even realize. I know you have been for me and I thank you for that!! :biggrin1:

[bermy 0]

Well I was enjoying loosing and i still am. What I wasnt ready for was this sudden sense of loosing all I can remember. I do believe that Im a little disappointed in myself for this VERY STRANGE emotion. Imagine in another year I will have adjusted Im sure and then I shall become and look like all the other people. I will be the only one who will remember that I was fat. I wont be "fighting against" fat or attitudes and such anymore. NOW THAT WILL BE STRANGE ! I like the way I look. There is not even as much loose skin as I envisioned .....but liking the way I look is not the same as knowing how to be normal with it. I think I even feel sad for all the years......melancholy perhaps is a better word....or maybe not. But I sat there not really believing that even though I can loose 20 or 30 more lbs, I know I look good now so in many ways this IS the end of one road and the begining of another. This one was so much more painful then even I knew. Thats what all these feelings are all about. They are about letting it all go, and realizing just how much that fat bothered me. You all never "saw" yourselves as fat huh? well I was trying to be a better artist better everything else just to compensate for the fat and now I dont have to anymore. Can you see how thaqt might leave a person feeling very strange...... and excited, but right now just very quiet and reflective

Soon fat thoughts will have to give way to more important stuff... I once heard Sogyal Rinpoche say that we live many life-times in one life time, you know what? I believe it

[Telly 4]

Diane, you are making perfect sense.

I think I am being treated like I am a threat in my own family. I know I was not imagining this because my husband brought to my attention, what he was observing without my mention of it.

At our last family dinner, everyone was looking at me and studying my every move. This has never ever happened to me before. I feel the eyes and I feel the tension. I literally isolated myself at the bar-b-que, tried to anyway. I was being approached by several family members who happened to be married men (not blood related).

My husband knows he can trust me of course, but he wont' even let me go grocery shopping without him now.

I don't like that part of this weight loss change thing but I'll take it as a compliment.

[Mystjin 0]

I find this thread so interesting! I have never thought of myself as being "fat". I know I am and I don't mind looking in the mirror because it is only superficial, and quick. I am a thin person trapped in a fat suit. I keep it because it is a kind of security from long ago hurts. I want to get away from it, but then I don't want to get away from it. I have been single for 5 years and haven't had much attention from men. I think that will probably change when I loose a bunch. Although I don't put myself in a place where I might meet men - too scary I guess. After being married for 30 years, I don't know if I want to go back there or not.... but then again it would be nice for a man to notice me. You see my dilemma. There are a lot of things to think about. I never thought of it as and ending of one thing and a beginning of another, but I like that. The start of something new. I just hope I can be brave enough to sail through.