To tell or not to tell

[Sassie 0]

SO I am wondering if you guys are telling people or not telling people about your choice for WLS.

I am sitting on the fence about telling or not. As of now only my hubby and sister in law know. I am pretty sure the rest of hubby's family will find out in the long run but MY family lives in another state and as long as I have no complication in surgery I think I could keep it from them. Other than I have 5 kids and you know how they are. SO I may have to tell them but I really think I will do it after the fact that way I don't have to hear their reasons for why I should not do this.

So share with me, what are you doing and why???:biggrin2:

[Tiffykins 673]

I shared with my immediate family and in-laws that I was going to have the band surgery. My mom had hers the year before me so they were fine with it. We had only been here about 6 months when I had surgery, and I had only made 1 "friend". She wasn't as supportive because she dropped some pretty snarky comments.

Anyways, when the complications with the band became too much, and I got serious about a revision, I told only my husband, and that one friend. I didn't tell my mom because she is that typical band patient that tried to blame me for my complications and unwillingness to stick to the band rules. We found out my husband was deploying during my research stage, and I decided to proceed with the revision. I told my mom and all of the comments started. We flew my in-laws to FL from WV to stay with me during my revision since my husband was deployed.

I had a helluva surgery, and recovery. I lost that one friend during my recovery which wasn't a loss in the end. When I started making friends here through our spouse's club, and other volunteer opportunities, I was open and honest about my revision. It was kind of difficult to hide the fact that I was dropping 15lbs a month. I saw these women often, we were eating out socially weekly, and I needed support. Through my sharing, my friend is having sleeve surgery next week with the same surgeon that assisted on my revision, and has taken over my care since my surgeon has been deployed for the last 6.5 months. I have not received any flack from the women that I associate with now. They are beyond supportive, at first our conversations revolved around my weight loss and surgery, but now they realize that I'm fairly "normal".

I tell people that genuinely want to know. I don't hide it, but I don't scream it from the rooftops. I don't tell waiters/servers in restaurants when I only eat a small portion.

I think it's a personal decision, and sometimes we are guilty of giving people just enough information about our lives to be dangerous. I feel like I gave my mom the ammo she needed to blast me. I've learned over the years to not volunteer information. If you feel like people won't be supportive, don't tell them.

[MINI-Me 196]

Before I had surgrey, I told very few people. I wanted it to be private and asked those I told not to say anything. While they had questions, they were very supportive.

To be honest, I think part of my reservation of telling people was that I was afraid I might fail. What if I was the one that the surgery didn't work for? What if I only lost a few pounds or gained it back shortly afterwards? I mean, everyone who knows me, knows that I am always dieting...

But, I am a bit different now. I definitely don't tell everyone, but I do tell people who seem generally interested in what's happening to me. I mean, you can't very well hide a 40 pound loss, can you? I don't want to come across as secretive or dismissive of their questions.

So far, I've only had one negative response. It's been great having the support.

And for one negative, I'm not really blaming her. We haven't seen each other in about 2 years - I was so excited and just gave her the whole story really quickly. What I didn't know, is she has a friend who is battling stomach cancer. So, I guess I really freaked her out. After all was said and done, she is still concerned, but excited to hear about my progress.

[Sassie 0]

Thank you both SO much for your responses. It helps me feel more settled about waiting to tell people. I can so relate to the " I have tried everything and if this fails ..." . I think there are so many of us who have failed repeatedly and even though there are tons of sucessed here I think I am going to be that ONE.

I have a Mom who is very unsupportive in a supportive way. You know the type who sounds like she wants you to succeed but is really glad when you don't and can tell you so.

I think I am going to be sticking around here where I get REAL support.

THANKS A TON!!

[MINI-Me 196]

Thank you both SO much for your responses. It helps me feel more settled about waiting to tell people. I can so relate to the " I have tried everything and if this fails ..." . I think there are so many of us who have failed repeatedly and even though there are tons of sucessed here I think I am going to be that ONE.

I have a Mom who is very unsupportive in a supportive way. You know the type who sounds like she wants you to succeed but is really glad when you don't and can tell you so.

I think I am going to be sticking around here where I get REAL support.

THANKS A TON!!

Glad we can help. I love this site too.

I have a wonderful husband who truly supports me in every way he can. Unfortunately, he just doesn't "get it" - he's naturally thin & doesn't understand what it is like to be obese. I think he's coming around. I know he sure is um .... "appreciating" the new me. :biggrin2:

[TTGirl 0]

I am two weeks post-op and I have told three persons and really dont intend to tell anyone else since I don't see that adding any value to my journey. Of course, if telling will make it easier in some way then by all means...

[mason'sgrammy 0]

I had lap band about 4 years ago and lost about 55 1bs. and then was just stuck. In December my band slipped and I had to have all my Fluid taken out and was told that I needed it removed and revised to something else. I felt like a failure with the lap band at this point and that I did it to myself. I really didn't know what to do because I knew if I had it taken out and nothing else done that I would gain weight back really quick. I made the decision to go ahead and revise to the sleeve. I was really hesitant to tell anyone I was afraid that they would just tell me to have lap band removed and go on a diet. I finally just decided to tell all my friends the decision I made and all was so supportive. I just had the surgery two weeks ago and so I am going through that head hunger but hopefully I made the right choice.