Hubby Doesn't want Wife to work

[I'llsucceed 1]

OK... So most of my friends except two don't work outside of the house BUT do work inside w/raising children & cleaning. I think the the "inside" job is twice as hard personally.

So where to find this "kinda Guy"????

All the gents I date (which seem to be lower end income) (wonder if this has something to do with it)want thier future wives to all have J.O.Bs & clean & help raise kids. Or they want to be the stay at home hubbys. I personally do not want this.

But I read time & time again - that there are guys out there that say "No honey I want you to stay home & take care of the house & kids."

Personally I want to find the BEST of Both worlds. Option to work if I choose & stay home & raise a child & keep house. Of course I would like to keep my cleaning gal;0)

What is your story & where did you find him???:phanvan

[TrishS 3]

My hubby had me stay home... and we have no kids. but I do all the cleaning and running around. I had went back to school and now I am out of school again... still with no job. They lowered my husband pay at work so we are living off barely nothing. I want to get a job now, but I have been really sick and still awaiting my band replacement surgery. Plus I have been out of work for almost 6 years so I would probably just be able to get a call center job and the most. I wish I could work from home but I dont know what I would do.

[Alexandra 55]

What? If my husband were to express anything more than his own desire regarding my working or not working, I'd express shock and disbelief right back at him.

This is MY decision, not HIS. Together we discuss our plans and how they work for the family. Any spouse who had strong feelings one way or the other wouldn't be a spouse of mine for long. (And in fact, he wasn't. )

[leatha_g 4]

Wished I could find one like that as well. Unfortunately, society has changed those attitudes and the cost of living isn't very encouraging either. I would personally like to go back to the 'helper' function that our creator meant for women, instead of 'breadwinner', but I don't see that happening anytime soon.

[vinesqueen 2]

My ex-husband *demanded* that I be a stay-at-home mom, and did everything he could to make me quit school. "No wife of mine is going to work..." BS. This was after he joined the Cult of Amway.

But he was a *very* controlling man, and very abusive. I personally needed to attend college, not only for my personal enrichment, but for my son. Because I was attending a local community college, he was able to attend a really great pre-school. (I'm a firm believer in good daycare for all children.)

My DH only wants what is best for me, wants only for me to follow my dreams. Right now I'm not working, and I'm taking a break from school for obvious reasons. I am, however, in negotiations for a job that would be a dream job, degree or no.

Oh, and I met my DH at work. We worked very closely for about 18 months before we started dating. He was my boss, but we didn't start dating until we both moved to different projects. Now I'm his boss. (joke)

Oh, Leatha, I'm not a very good "helper." I'm way too independent, and I would be *miserable* in that role. Besides, I thought woman was made from Adam's rib to be his equal, to stand at his side, not his feet to be below, not his head to be above. :clap2: I think that now we have the opportunity for everyone to become self-actualized, and not locked into ridged gender roles.

But I have an interesting role model, my aunt and uncle. When she went to medical school she had to have letters from our state's US senator, as well as State reps. My father-in-law only had to apply to attend the same medical school. My uncle has been a stay-at-home dad for most of their entire relationship, after he got his two doctorates that is. This relationship was and is perfect for them.

[maryb 1]

My first husband wanted me to stay barefoot and pregnant. When I was pregnant with my first child, he drove me crazy demanding I quit work and stay home. I was so sick the first Trimester that I gave in and quit my job. After my second child, I went back to work. He didn't mind me working then for some reason, but he wanted more children and I didn't. We divorced and I became a single parent supporting two children with no child support.

I met my second husband at work... I had to because all I did was work and care for my girls. I was Computer Systems Coordinator for a large manufacturing facility. A 24 hr 7 day week job. My husband's job played out and we moved for his new job. I commuted for 6 long hard months. I then quit to have time to look for another job in our new town. I wanted to take off a couple of months before going back to work. Before the 2 months were up, My husband got a job back in his home town. He took the job and we moved again. Now this was a one flashing light town. I told my husband that I guess I was offically retired at age 35. I did have a small part time job for a little while we were renting a house. Those 1950 Kitchen appliances and 1970 shag carpets were making me crazy. When we finally found a house, I quit the part time job to make the house my home. I got involved in Community Service and was too busy to have a paying job.

Four years later we moved again. We now live by a college. My husband asked me if I wanted to go back to school. I said "What for? I already have my dream job "Being a The Woodlands Housewife." You know manicures, pedicures, ladies lunches, housekeepers, bunco parties, and great shopping. I sometimes call them Stepford Wives.

I am very active with church now. I have a personal ministry of helping ladies mostly elderly with accounting, computer problems, software installation, training, and upgrading. I enjoy using my "work skills" to help others for free. And I especially love the fact that my time is my own! I never schedule more then 2 "work" days a week. My husband likes having me home when he gets home at 3:30 pm, and that we can take schedule trips around only his schedule.

[Wheetsin 714]

If hubby had his druthers I wouldn't work. He doesn't mind at all that I do, but being a SAHW would be his first choice if it was only his choice to make. As much as he's not an old-fashioned guy, he is in that regard. By not working I'm allowing him to be the bread-winner, he doesn't have to worry about domestic duties because I'd take care of them during the day, etc.

When we first got married I didn't work, about 7 years ago. It was great at first because we had a small apartment that was easy to keep clean, and I could painit/photograph/draw/whatever I wanted during the day. But it also sucked! We have no children yet, so it was just me... and there was only so much work to do... and I wanted a real career. Not some whatever job, but a career.

Hubby makes enough to cover all of our expenses and then some, so technically I don't need to work, but there's no way I'd quit. I love what I do, and I'm good at it & enjoy seeing the successes and learning from the challenges. Plus now I make more than hubby does, so that gives us more tan 50% of our gross pay as discretionary income, which equals absolute financial freedom. It was a lot easier for him to say, "Have you thought about quitting?" when he made more...

We never have to save, the money is always there. We have no financial worries at all, we don't use credit cards, if we want to take a vacation, we go. We've also been pouring into our retirement funds, and we've put back a year's worth of income in a liquid savings fund -- what I call my "just in case" fund. To me just that freedom & not ever having "money" be something we worry about is worth it, let alone what I get from the actual work itself.

It's never been about holding me back, though. Even when I didn't work I still went to college (pursuing a second bachelor's - I never even use the first one!) He fully accepts that I'm not quitting any time soon, and supports that decision - but also makes sure that I know that if I ever feel like quitting is the right decision, he'll back me.

The trade-off is that we do plan to have a child some day, and it will be hard not to raise that child myself. But on the flipside, my company allows full-time telecommuting, so you never know.

[FunnyDuddies 6]

when rob and I were just friends we used to talk about our wants and desires from a marriage. We talked about the roles that we wished to play, and what responsibilities we felt strong in taking. It actually helped us in becoming boyfriend and girlfriend because we realized how closely matched our goals were. Basically he does not mind if I work, but would love to have someone at home taking care of business. His job keeps him out of the house at the office for long hours each day. Both of us did not believe in daycare until the year before a child starts school. So I remained a stay at home wife, then a stay at home mother for many years. I did a little work from home as a graphics designer, and a web developer, as well as took care of the finances, kept the house, and all of that jazz. It was perfect!! Then my mother got a divorce and her and I spent a lot of time together (we weren't allowed to with my father in the picture) We started a business that allowed us to have a nanny in the home and at the office. It was still not right, and when the business went bankrupt i couldn't have been happier LOL I got to be at home everyday with my babies again. It was glorious!! I only went back to work when we moved to florida and Rob was still looking for a job. I filled in with bartending and quit as soon as he had a new job. He makes plenty to support a family of 4. I now do graphics design work from the home. I can stay here at the house, keep things straight, be here for the kids, keep up the finances, and make another income to match dh's. it puts away money for us, buys us the special things we desire (lapband for instance) and will build up the year's living expenses in savings we had before moving down to florida.

[MeganA 35]

I don't think there is a special place where guys with more traditional values hang out :-). I believe that if you make your idea of what you want your future to look like very clear you will get rid of the riff-raff much more quickly.

As soon as I decided what I wanted- that I wanted to get married but probably not have children...it was a lot easier to date because *I* was doing the choosing...not being chosen. I am now dating a wonderful man that wants many of the same things I do- and ALL of the important ones. Guess where I met him- match.com. Your profile allows you to make it very clear what it is that you are looking for. The hard part is figuring out exactly what that is.

Megan

[Marimaru 7]

My fiance and I both work currently, but we kind of have an understanding. We both want to have jobs where we work from home, but he doesn't really know what he wants to do to accomplish that. We agreed that he would work until he figured that out, or until I was making enough money that we didn't need him to work. I do graphic design now, but I'd like to be able to get enough freelance work to do it from home and make more than enough money. He wants to build video games, but that really isn't a stay at home job.

We haven't really talked about me being a stay at home mom, but since I want to work from home, it would kind of be both I guess. But I told him if I make more money than him, he has to do more housework, lol.

[3loves 0]

I have been a SAHM for over 6 yrs now. We will be married 7 yrs this July. When we started talking about marriage, I made it very clear that eventually, I wanted to be a SAHM regardless of what sacrifices needed to be made. I buy & sell clothing on E-Bay. I love garage sales. My kids wear mostly Gymboree clothes and have nice things at cheap prices. My kids want for nothing and even Papaw says we spoil them. I use coupons when grocery shopping. I never go without looking at the weekly flier and coordinating my coupons. We have a 60" HDTV and new cherry dining room set ONLY because they were given to us my by FIL.

We don't look like we struggle, but truth is, we are so poor we can't pay attention. :phanvan Most of all, we share a love that is unmatched!! My DH and I fall deeper in love everyday and we treasure the time with our kids. My DH is working on his double masters and we hope to increase our income, the Lord willing. Until then, we are happy poor people doing the best we can. We are so blessed in more ways than money can buy.

Now, with all the that we have been trough 2 job changes b/c of reductions and are now making it on an income less than our last job even though everything else has gone up. We have talked about me taking a job to fill in some, but when you add up day care and clothing it takes for a new job, it would be months b4 we would see an increase in our income.

We just pray about things and trust the Lord to provide. He has never let us down yet and I know He won't in the future.

[PhotoNut 7]

So where to find this "kinda Guy"????

Remember, she wants this. Its not something she is trying to deal with or avoid. She likes it. Some women do prefer to stay home with their kids. I did and in today's society it is hard to find men who support that, NOT require it. Big difference.

All the gents I date (which seem to be lower end income) (wonder if this has something to do with it)want thier future wives to all have J.O.Bs & clean & help raise kids. Or they want to be the stay at home hubbys. I personally do not want this.

It could very well have everything to do with it. Although, look further into it and ask yourself WHY are they lower end income. If the answer is laziness or lack of motivation, then I'm willing to bet that IS the answer. If you are drawn to men with those personality traits, try being aware of that inbuilt attraction and force yourself to see attractive qualities in men who are stronger in character.

[shellyj. 0]

i will be married in a month. i work from home, freelance graphic design. i work about 6-7 months a year 60 hours a week and the rest of the year is play! well when i am not working if we are selling a house then i become 'ms fix it' and help out doing whatever needs to be done.

calvin works as an accountant and he has rental properties as well. since i work from home when we have 'kid' i will be a working stay at home mom.

i found calvin online of all places.

i am currently looking into a new business altogether! i am thinking about going into photography, specifically weddings/children. well for $$ weddings and children, for pleasure nature.

i would say dont date anyone who isnt FINANCIALLY INDEPENDANT. not saying they must make X amount of dollars to be date-worthy but they must AT LEAST be able to do for themselves!

[Jachut 487]

I agree with Alexandra. It aint his decision. I'll do what I bloody well want thanks very much!

Although Mr Anal Accountant bitches and moans and has done for the last 10 years I've been home with the kids - conveniently ignores the fact that due to the fact that the tax system and childcare system in this country is utterly stuffed, I cannot afford to work. I would earn no money becuase he earns too much, we get no childcare rebate and paying $80 in childcare per day (IF I could get a place, they're very rare) would negate any income I earned.

The fact that I choose to stay at home AND do no housework is my business, lol.

[3loves 0]

i would say dont date anyone who isnt FINANCIALLY INDEPENDANT. not saying they must make X amount of dollars to be date-worthy but they must AT LEAST be able to do for themselves!

Excellent advice!! My DH had been established as an engineer at the same company for 15 yrs. He was also financially taking care of his mom prior to us getting married. Like you said, it's the not the dollar amount. Stability is a HUGE factor!!