Sigh...so now my husband is trying to talk me out of it

[goodlife 3]

I wish he'd make up his mind!

He's scared. I get that. He's worried I won't wake up from surgery.

He's worried something is going to go wrong.

He's worried about a million different things.

I get all that..but he's driving me CRAZY!

It's like being on a roller coaster!

I tried to reassure him that my PCP would not have given me clearance for surgery if she didn't think I was healthy enough to undergo surgery and survive it.

*practicing deep breathing techniques*

[TTGirl 0]

I had a similar response from my partner. I just stayed calm (at least when I was discussing it with him) and reassured him as best I could that I was going to be ok. I also outlined the disadvantages of getting heavier as I got older esp given my family's medical history of obesity, diabetes etc. Eventually he came around ... he said since obviously it was important to me he would be supportive although he was still concerned. Hope your hubby comes around. It's natural to worry for somebody you love. Hope all goes well with you.

[Swiftflow 6]

As a man, I wanted raw data and facts not just internet forums and chat--it was raw data from my seminar with my surgeon and medical studies that sold me on this procedure over any other. check out this link to a great post by Tiffykins below with medical data and try to get him to look at the science side of it. If you have any other co-morbidities or health issues from obesity then he is more likely to lose you early than in this procedure. My mom is an RN and freaked out when I first told her I wanted WLS--when she got the data she was at ease and is even helping me fund it now--Knowledge is power!

http://verticalsleevetalk.com/pre-operation-vertical-sleeve-surgery-vsg-questions-answers/4886-best-sources-information-research.html#post42692

Edited April 16, 2010 by Swiftflow

[thinoneday 445]

I wish he'd make up his mind!

He's scared. I get that. He's worried I won't wake up from surgery.

He's worried something is going to go wrong.

He's worried about a million different things.

I get all that..but he's driving me CRAZY!

It's like being on a roller coaster!

I tried to reassure him that my PCP would not have given me clearance for surgery if she didn't think I was healthy enough to undergo surgery and survive it.

*practicing deep breathing techniques*

trust me it's normal. . . my hubbie didn't give in to my wanting this for 2 years. . then he finally agreed to come to a seminar. . . after that he was the one who suggested the sleeve. . . i think it was that he wanted the ability to make the decision. . . so when he said he wouldn't support the band but would the sleeve, i just thanked him and let it be. . . but of course i made the decision along with the doctor to move very quickly on it before hubbie changed his mind. . . i can understand your hubbies worry, most do worry cause they can't imagine life without you. . . but they should understand too that we need to be happy and healthy. . . being obese is a definate death sentence i think. . . he should think of that too. . . good luck and i know it'll be ok whatever you both decide. . . we are here for you!:tongue_smilie:

[HatheryOnHerWay 603]

I *wish* my husband was only worried about me not waking up.

I really would like to get WLS, but my husband is convinced it's the "cheater's way out." It really hurts my feelings....I don't think anyone knows how it feels to be fat unless they've been there themselves. They don't realize that not it damages you physically and mentally. I haven't had a photo taken of myself in about 5 years because it disgusts me to see it. My knees hurt. My legs hurt. I sweat like crazy. I get out of breath all the time. I'm pre-diabetic. If he knew how all that feels....if only.

Anyone have an suggestions on dealing with a situation like this? He's normally very supportive...but not about this. He believes I haven't "tried hard enough" to warrant it, whatever that means. :001_tongue:

[Tiffykins 673]

I *wish* my husband was only worried about me not waking up.

I really would like to get WLS, but my husband is convinced it's the "cheater's way out." It really hurts my feelings....I don't think anyone knows how it feels to be fat unless they've been there themselves. They don't realize that not it damages you physically and mentally. I haven't had a photo taken of myself in about 5 years because it disgusts me to see it. My knees hurt. My legs hurt. I sweat like crazy. I get out of breath all the time. I'm pre-diabetic. If he knew how all that feels....if only.

Anyone have an suggestions on dealing with a situation like this? He's normally very supportive...but not about this. He believes I haven't "tried hard enough" to warrant it, whatever that means. :001_tongue:

My husband kind of feels the same way about WLS, but was extremely supportive in my pursuit of surgery. He was and is still extremely supportive, but he thinks everyone should just be able to push themselves away from the table, and work out harder. I've debated with him for a couple of years over the mental and psychological tie to food that most obese people struggle with daily. He is naturally thin, 6' tall and weighs 173lbs with a 30" waistline.

He doesn't understand, he won't understand. So, we quit discussing it.

If my husband would have not been supportive, I would have gone ahead with surgery. It's my body, it's my future health, and I wasn't going to let anyone stop me from living longer. I was tired of battling fat, and dieting myself close to 300lbs. I had lost and gained over 400lbs over the last 10 years, and I was tired of it. It wasn't about losing, I could lose, it was keeping it off that I had trouble with.

All I can say is that you have to take care of you. Also, you can tell your husband that this is not the easy way out. I still have to make the right choices for food. I still have to avoid milkshakes, ice cream and other junk. I have to make sure I get in my Protein and calories daily. I have to work out. All the sleeve did was force my portion size that I can eat per meal, and help me take control of my ravenous hunger. It's still my choice on what I put in my mouth.

I wish you the very best, and I hope your husband comes around. I can't imagine how I would have felt if my husband would not have been supportive. Do it for you, and your future. I've found a lot of times that when people say it's the easy way out, they simply don't understand the struggles. It's ignorance, and only educating them can help them understand our struggles. Some still refuse to accept that working out and eating less doesn't always work.

It's no different than doing Weight watchers for a lifetime. It's a tool, nothing more, nothing less.

Edited April 20, 2010 by Tiffykins

[goodlife 3]

I *wish* my husband was only worried about me not waking up.

I really would like to get WLS, but my husband is convinced it's the "cheater's way out." It really hurts my feelings....I don't think anyone knows how it feels to be fat unless they've been there themselves. They don't realize that not it damages you physically and mentally. I haven't had a photo taken of myself in about 5 years because it disgusts me to see it. My knees hurt. My legs hurt. I sweat like crazy. I get out of breath all the time. I'm pre-diabetic. If he knew how all that feels....if only.

Anyone have an suggestions on dealing with a situation like this? He's normally very supportive...but not about this. He believes I haven't "tried hard enough" to warrant it, whatever that means. :crying:

I totally understand. My husband hasn't actually really come out and said it but I know he sometimes feels that way. Not always though...I think he goes back and forth. Right now he's on a supportive streak again...he's especially happy because I started taking Chantix in an effort to quit smoking. To him that signifies that I'm serious about wanting to get healthy.

I call him Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde....because he's so wishy washy all the time.

But even though he's probably my biggest critic and may not be 100% behind my decision, I know that he'll be right there by my side as I go through it, and he will do anything I need him to do afterwards.

I sat him down the other day and laid it on the line to him though. I told him I AM going through with it and that I did not need any negative comments from him. If he couldn't be positive and supportive then he needed to just keep his mouth shut. I don't have a problem with him expressing his concerns or whatever but that he needed to figure out how to do it in a way that didn't piss me off. LOL

I've been trying to bring it up more and more and when we went shopping at Sam's the other day, we were looking at nutritional labels and stuff and talking about what I could have post-op and what not. So I think he's coming on board.

But either way, I'm going to succeed either with him by my side or in spite of him..matters not to me which way it ends up. :biggrin2:

Maybe you could convince him to go to a seminar with you? They said in the seminar how for most of us diet and exercise alone wasn't going to be enough to get to a healthy body weight and to keep it off. They cited studies and such. Maybe hearing something like that would help him?

I also agree with everything Tiffykins said.

I'd just keep working on him little by little and wear him down.

Good luck to you and I hope he comes around.

[MINI-Me 196]

I *wish* my husband was only worried about me not waking up.

I really would like to get WLS, but my husband is convinced it's the "cheater's way out." It really hurts my feelings....I don't think anyone knows how it feels to be fat unless they've been there themselves. They don't realize that not it damages you physically and mentally. I haven't had a photo taken of myself in about 5 years because it disgusts me to see it. My knees hurt. My legs hurt. I sweat like crazy. I get out of breath all the time. I'm pre-diabetic. If he knew how all that feels....if only.

Anyone have an suggestions on dealing with a situation like this? He's normally very supportive...but not about this. He believes I haven't "tried hard enough" to warrant it, whatever that means. :biggrin2:

I second the idea of taking him to a seminar with you. They really lay it on the line that this is a disease & you are not taking "the easy way out". This is treatment - and it's not fullproof. You have to work and be committed to get results.

[HatheryOnHerWay 603]

Thank you all for the suggestions. I *really* appreciate it! What the hubby doesn't know, though, is that I'm not holding back because of him. Only thing holding me back is the $$$! If I had the money right now, I'd do it whether he agreed or not. It's trying to convince him that the money is worthwhile that will be the greatest challenge, I think.

[Sassie 0]

I know my hubby is hot and cold. But he is a GUY. I know that for me I want to talk about my decision. He doesn't want to talk. I have my sister in law for that. He has mentioned that he is scared. Seems he has been doing some research on his on while he is at work. He is looking for the NEGATIVE things about the sleeve. Good news he is having a hard time. Most say it is a good TOOL and the best choice of all the WLS out there.

I am just sitting back and making it MY choice and letting him come to me when he is ready to talk. We will see what happens when I actually have a DATE. I have my CONSULT at 7:30 am tomarrow, YIPEE:biggrin0:.

Just stay stong in YOUR decision and I think in time the guys will come around, because really what makes you happy makes him happy.

[goodlife 3]

I keep telling him that... A Happy Wife Makes for a Happy Life!

[hockey66 0]

I have been fortunate as soon as I told my husband that I was considering surgery he was happy. He has seen me gain and lose weight but mostly gain for over 11 years. My mother pasted away at 51 years old and my dad was place in a nursing home at 55. He told me that he wants me around for a long time and what ever I wanted to do, he would be okay with. He told me that he sees when I am heavier that I am not as happy and outgoing as usual. I hope that you can make him understand that he needs to support you but if he chooses not to that you need to worry about YOU and your future.

[pumpkin07 32]

One good point with this surgery is that it does not require a lot of will power to lose weight. My husband knows I have very little success with dieting, but that was what was different about the sleeve than a diet - it is a tool to lose weight that controls me, instead of me having to control it.

This surgery requires a short pre surgery diet that we all manage to survive perfectly or imperfectly, it requires the money or insurance to pay for it, it requires the guts to go through it, it requires the money or insurance to pay for complications if you happen to have some, it requires some cooperation with your own healthy recovery, and most importantly, it requires a really really great surgeon with a very proven track record of success. AND some support from family and friends is nice as well (not required, but wonderful if you have it).

I am one of those that has very little patience, time, or history of success with diets. A long standing track record of failure with dieting. Yet with this sleeve/tool I eat as I did before, although less and differently. But /I don't have to have willpower to be moderately successful. The tool does its thing, you eat less b/c eating more doesn't work, and you win.

So for me that is what makes it worth the investment and the risk.

Something to think about.