telling family (kids) about surgery

[snickersgirl9 1]

I did my research, talked with my hubby and decided that I would do the VSG. I leave on Sunday and last night I discussed with my oldest (12) that I would be going away next week. Needless to say he was quite concerned about the surgery and very worried. I went over everything with him and said it is very safe. I talked alot about the health benefits. He also says that I am perfect and he doesn't want his mom to change. Its breaking my heart because I want this so bad to be skinny again. But it is difficult to discuss with my son the internal struggle I deal with every day that I have never let him or my family see. Does anyone have any suggestions in discussing with their family (especially children), reassuring them about the procedure, and long term health? Its breaking my heart cause I dont want him to be upset and worried.

[MINI-Me 196]

I think you have to let him process it a bit. Be there for him, answer his questions, but give him some time. You've been thinking about this for some time & you know your struggles. For him, you are mom & he thinks you are great the way you are. He hasn't thought about it all like you live it every day. My kids are 8, 16, and 19 - The youngest one was concerned, but he did ok after a week or so of talking about it. The older ones were in-tune enough with me to know my family struggles (they lost their grandfather last year from obesity related issues) to know it was a good thing for me.

I know it's not an easy answer, but he will be ok. Make sure he knows that someone will call him once surgery is over and give him a status. Then, you call as soon as you can so he can hear your voice.

Best of wishes for a successful surgery and smooth recovery.

[Tiffykins 673]

I have an extremely open relationship with my 11 year old son. He knew about my band surgery, and my revision.

When he would worry about things, I would ask him things like " won't it be fun when you and me can run around the backyard without mommy needing a break?" "won't it be fun to go out to eat and mommy not have to scoot the table closer to you and daddy" "One day would you like to give mommy your own bear hug because right now you can't reach your arms around me" "Won't it be fun when mommy can go to the beach without worrying about being tired from running in the sand?" I gave him things to think about that are age appropriate. Something tangible that could he could envision.

I know this is probably extreme for some families, but my son wanted to see a VSG video of the surgery so I let him watch it on youtube. He saw how quick it was, and he felt reassured. Nothing makes him blush, or get sick at his stomach, so this helped him to see that they don't cut people up from top to bottom to do this.

I explained that there were going to be at least 3 doctors with many nurses taking care of me in the O.R. 2 surgeons, and the "gas" doctor to help me sleep through surgery. Caysen's had 2 surgeries himself so this is something we can talk about, and discuss openly.

Worrying is normal. If y'all are spiritual, have him pray with you. My son and I prayed together before my surgery. I let him say the prayer so he could get his emotions out in the open without having to necessarily tell me, he was telling God instead.

[AJW 18]

That's great, Tiff. Excellent advice.

[snickersgirl9 1]

Just an update. He is doing much better about it all and this afternoon was quite supportive of the procedure. I picked my kids up after school today and sat down with both of them to talk about it all together. My oldest had some time to accept it and feels better about it all. My youngest is so easy going. He had a couple questions and all is good. They just want their mom to be happy, healthy and safe.

[mommaof4yoopers 3]

I am so happy this topic was brought up, thanks! I have a 10, 5, 4 and 1 yr. old so this has been very helpful!