female only Divorce and VSG

[Juani 1]

My Dr. here in Panam? told me theres a big rate of divorce among WLS women.

What do you think ??

After 23 years , Im thinking of "adios" my hubby.

[Tiffykins 673]

There are a lot of discussions that surround this topic. There's a couple of different "theories" as to why divorce is high among WLS patients.

1)

I personally think the majority of people, men and women alike, that have been obese/morbidly obese for many years stay in relationships because they fear "being alone" or that no one else will love them so we stay with men/women that don't treat them the best.

Once the WLS journey begins, some gain self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence while changing physically, emotionally and mentally they realize that they deserve more. At that point, some people start demanding to be treated with respect, and not tolerating or allowing bad behavior from their spouse.

2) The spouse of a WLS patient may not be able to handle the physical changes. Also, many spouses may feel threatened, and completely insecure due to the WLS patient's new found physical and mental strength. I've heard of a lot infidelity involved with WLS patients, men and women patients. That all stems from years of insecurity, and now neither of them know how to deal with all the changes they are both experiencing.

I honestly can say that my personality has changed very minimally. I was extremely confident, and believed in myself more than anyone else ever believed in me. I knew that I deserved nothing sort of the very best from my partner. When I was younger, I went through a couple of rough relationships and left those even stronger and more determined to demand respect, love, and to be cherished regardless of my pant size. My husband struggled a little early on once I dropped a significant amount of weight. He noticed more and more men noticing me, and we talked it out. We're actually stronger today than we were before my WLS. We don't believe in divorce within our marriage unless one of the 3 A's (abuse, addiction, or adultery) occur and the guilty partner is not willing to seek therapy/rehab.

From your post, it seems as if you are considering divorce with your husband. I'm an advocate of counseling if both parties are willing to work through the issues, but I realize it's not an option or not available to everyone.

[carolyn24seven 11]

With divorce comes a whole lot of problems.

Be sure you are ready for all the issues that will come up.

Try to get some counseling from your church if possible.

The man you are "throwing away" will be a treasure to someone else.

Everyone is replaceable.

But, what you replace with is always going to have issues to deal with.

When a spouse dies the grief counslers advise not to make any drastic changes for one year. Do not sell your house, do not re-marry, etc.

I think that is good advice for WLS patients also.

Do not be idle for that year, get counseling, grow your relationships.

I wish you the best life possible.