What did you tell your children?

[LyndaRN 0]

I have a 9 year old daughter. I am unsure of what to tell her about the surgery. I don't want her to really know that I am having surgery to help me lose weight. I am confused and unsure of what to tell her. She overheard me talking about surgery and she started crying tonight when in bed. She is a worrier and it made me feel really bad, like maybe I shouldn't do it. I will do anything for my children. But she is my heart and she means everything to me.

Any advice? Anyone be here?

[MINI-Me 196]

I told my 8 year old that I was having tummy surgery. I told him that it was too big and they were going to fix it to make it like everybody elses. He was a bit concerned & didn't want me to leave (I had surgery out of state), but he did really well. I talked to him while I was gone and he wanted to know if my tummy was doing better yet.

The funny part is that he someone thought that once my tummy was smaller that I would come home skinny. I was a big disappointed to him when I returned and looked the same. :smile:

[pnw218 14]

Lynda, my daughter is 15 so it was a little different. I also have two children in their early 20's but will tell them after the fact : )

Others who have children the same age may have better info . . . I think being very honest with her would be fine. You don't have to go into alot of details, just enough for her level of understanding. Maybe the doctor is fixing my stomach so mom can be healthier? I think we do have to be careful not to make our kids obsessed about their weight but encouraging them to be healthy is different.

I remember trying to explain to my older two about being pregnant with the 3rd . . . that was interesting!! : ) My mom had told me about babies coming out a "magic door". Darn was that a fib! LOL

[Tiffykins 673]

I'm beyond open with my son. I was a single mom before meeting and marrying my husband so it was just me and Lil C for over 8 years.

He knew about my band surgery, he knew about my mom having lapband surgery in 2007, and he knew about my revision. He knew I hated being fat, he knew I hated shopping, and he saw me struggle for years with my weight. Heck, I drug his happy hiney to Weight Watcher meetings, and he had "different" dinners than I did off and on because of all the diets.

My son is a worrier as well, and I just told him I was doing this so I could live longer, and not hurt when I walked. He saw me take "breaks" when we ventured to the mall. I couldn't play outside with him when I was fat, and playing baseball with him is something he wanted me to do. However, I could never play for very long.

My son is 11, and he's embraced my wls journey. He knows that is not appropriate to discuss what happens in our household. He doesn't talk about my surgery or anything else that goes in within our family. I told him before my band surgery that if I talk about it's because I want to share my experience, but it's my experience and not his to share.

It might not work for everyone, but I don't think keeping things from my child is appropriate. I want him to know that I'm open with my life, and in return I have found that he is super open with me. It's just our relationship. The best thing about the entire process is that he is so supportive and really helps when it came to my super tough recovery. Even now, he's a trooper when it comes to sharing Entrees at restaraunts. I even showed him VSG videos from youtube.com because he's a pretty inquisitive little kid, and showed him several pictures of the actual surgery. Information, and educating him on what I was going through really helped him understand it.

[excited2lose 0]

Great question! My oldest is 5, so maybe a little different, but I lost a lot of sleep over how to approach this.

I went to my daughter's teacher who I just adore and I told her everything. (and I didn't tell many people at all about the surgery, so this was big to me) She was wonderful. She said that you never really have to use the word "surgery" with your kids. Surgery is scary for them and puts them through a lot of stress. (and I know this is true with my daughter because when I had my c section with my son in 2008, she was terrified) So I sat down with her and told her that mommy's eating habits were changing for a very good reason. I was going to be seeing a doctor that was going to help me get healthy. I told her that I had been making poor eating choices for many years and I needed help. I told her that I would be staying overnight in the hospital to receive this help. She asked a few questions, but I never once told her that I would be cut open and have my stomach cut out. :smile: She accepted it. She never asked another question. Now I realize she is five where your kids are older. But maybe NOT telling them that it is surgery is an option? I know that would have really bothered my daughter.

When she gets older, I will tell her. For now, the limited amount of information that I give her is enough. It probably helped that she had a ton of family come in to help take care of her and her brother while I was gone. I don't even think she noticed. :smile:

[LyndaRN 0]

I guess I worry more because she is a girl and I worry about her and an eating disorder. She is a little big for her age so I didn't want to emphasize a weight loss surgery.

I will be honest with her, she is a smart cookie and more of an adult than a child. She was my only child for 8 1/2 years. Thanks for all the advice and info. I will figure out the right thing to say to her and reassure her that I will be fine.

[thinoneday 445]

I have a 9 year old daughter. I am unsure of what to tell her about the surgery. I don't want her to really know that I am having surgery to help me lose weight. I am confused and unsure of what to tell her. She overheard me talking about surgery and she started crying tonight when in bed. She is a worrier and it made me feel really bad, like maybe I shouldn't do it. I will do anything for my children. But she is my heart and she means everything to me.

Any advice? Anyone be here?

Children are so sensative aren't they? Bless her heart. . at 9 i can understand her concern, its that death thing they get. . but reassure her that you will be ok, it's for your own health so that you can be healthy for when she gets married. . . so you can see her walk the stage at her graduation from high school and college. . . so you can hold and play with the grandchildren you will one day have. . . so that you can grow to be an old lady and not have to worry about your children as they grow into healthy successful adults themselves. . . if you tell her that, she may understand how much you care about her to take care of yourself. . . good luck, hope that this helps. . .

[jenni80 0]

I completely understand what you are going through. My daughter is just about 12, she has been overweight since she was very young. Its odd because my son is completely opposite. Its a struggle to get him to eat. She keeps asking me about diets lately she sees on t.v and I keep telling her she dosent need to diet, she is fine she just needs to cut back on portion, but then I feel like a complete hypocrite because thats my biggest issue. I havent told her about the surgery and I almost dont want to because i dont want her to get it in her head since im doing this she can do it too! Shes a active kid, has been in sports and dance since she was four. She just eats alot like her mom. My sister has four kids and only one is overweight. I dont understand. They all get the same amount of food as my kids. Anyways just wanted to share that.:blushing: