Relationships

[loosing 0]

Okay, this is kind of personal but I thought I would throw it out there. How has having this surgery and the changes in your body and yourself affected your relationships. I am only 1 1/2 weeks out from surgery but have already dropped quite a bit of weight. My boyfriend of 10 months has completely pulled away from me. He has always said he didn't care for skinny women but when I talked about doing this, he told me he would support whatever I wanted. We have always had a great relationship and had lots of fun together with no drama. Now, he doesn't have the time of day for me when nothing has happened. I guess I would just like to know how big of an affect this has had with some of you.

Laura

[Stacy160 201]

Nothing yet, but if losing a few pounds has caused him to act like this already, I'd drop that dude like a hot potato.

[Bob_350lbs 105]

Sounds like he was just looking for an excuse to leave, count your blessings, it's better this happens sooner than later. Anyway, you are starting a whole brand new life, and who needs that kind of baggage.

Edited February 5, 2010 by Steph_123

[Tiffykins 673]

My husband always dated "thick" girls before me, and he met and married at me at my heaviest around 270 pounds. He was deployed when I dropped the most weight, and was pleasantly surprised when he returned home to a wife that was 75lbs smaller.

He was a bit more possessive, and jealous when we were out, but it soon passed. John has always loved me regardless of my looks or pant size. My weight loss has had nothing positive effects on our marriage. Our sex life is even better than it was before, our general relationship is more fun and spontaneous. John admitted he was worried at first that I'd leave him for some other guy. In my opinion, it sounds like your boyfriend may be feeling threatened by your weight loss. He's probably feeling insecure and doesn't know how to handle it. Ya know when we're fat, we tolerate a lot more crap (at least some overweight people). I have never been one to tolerate bad behavior, and I've become more vocal about it.

You deserve the very best out of life regardless of your weight. If he can't be supportive, then you don't need him in your life. Don't ever settle for less than everything you want and need. I had to have what I call a "come to Jesus" talk with John. I just laid it all out on the table, and told him " I did this for me, I did this so I could live longer, I did this because of all the obesity related health issues that run on both sides of my family, I did this so we can conceive a baby and I can have a healthy pregnancy and delivery, I didn't do this just to be skinny, I did this so we could live a long, happy, and healthy life together for many years to come." John had it stuck in his head that I just wanted to be skinny. If he truly loves you, he'll support you. Maybe you could ask him why the sudden change in his behavior? And, do not let him tell you "well you've changed". I've heard that all too often from wls patients that have spouses/significant others that are so insecure in the relationship and so insecure with themselves. You can reassure him that you are the same woman, that you still love him, but if he isn't willing to accept your transformation, then get out now before he sabotages your efforts.

[loosing 0]

Thanks Tiffykins. I appreciate that. I am in such a state of shock with all of this I haven't even known how to think. I am going to try to talk to him this weekend to see if I can get anywhere. For the past week he has been "busy" all the time so I will see if I can get on the schedule.