What do I say??!?

[girly.girl 14]

Hello. I am really new to this site and by the way it is fantastic. I am in the "one million & one questions" phase of research before having gastric sleeve surgery. I wanted to ask:

When around strangers or friends of friends at a function how do you expain (if asked) about your eating habits. My husband and I were invited to a BBQ this past weekend and I have been asking myself how would situations be different after the sleeve. So if I went with my husband to a function how do you serve yourself and then explain why you are eating 5 bites?? I don't want to come off to others as if I don't like their food or it seem rude. I know this should be the least of my concerns but I wouldn't want that to reflect on my husband or family. Has anyone come across situations like this?

Thank you!:biggrin0:

[DownInSocal 12]

Well I have been honest about surgery. I have received positive and negative responses. I am so happy with myself and my results that the negative responses just role off me. By far I have found that after surgery people are much more accepting and are curious as to how you eat and live. Before surgery was a different story though. People were judgemental and downright rude sometimes.

Maybe because after you have had the surgery people don't see the point in berating you or because when you are thin you are a part of the "club". I dunno.

I have many times just simply said "I had a surgery and my stomach only holds 4 oz. The ribs (or insert other barbcue item) were great. Thanks so much." or I just say "I am watching what I eat. Thank you for the wonderful spread you have put on! You must give me the potato salad recipe." Redirection always works well.

If you are speaking to an overweight person you will get a black or white response I found. Either they are mad right away and walk away or they want to knnow more when they find out you had surgery.

You will find your own way to handle it I promise. Just remember you did this for you. Anyone who doesn't like it can shove it! They can also continue to shovel those incredible mounds of food in their mouths! If you decide to have surgery you will be sleek and healthy, not stuffed and unhealthy.

[i1Linda 15]

GirlyGirl -

I really haven't found this to be a problem. I didn't tell people at all before or initially after. I didn't want to hear their opinion. I was doing this for me. Now the people closest to me know and it isn't an issue and they are completely supportive. When I attend social (food) events, I grab a plate, try a few things, mingle, talk, mingle, nibble... honestly most people don't notice what you eat (or don't). When someone who doesn't know makes a comment, especially at a sit down dinner, I explain I am dieting and trying to cut back (which is true) and compliment the wonderful spread - some must think I have amazing will power.

[Tiffykins 673]

Well I have been honest about surgery. I have received positive and negative responses. I am so happy with myself and my results that the negative responses just role off me. By far I have found that after surgery people are much more accepting and are curious as to how you eat and live. Before surgery was a different story though. People were judgemental and downright rude sometimes.

Maybe because after you have had the surgery people don't see the point in berating you or because when you are thin you are a part of the "club". I dunno.

I have many times just simply said "I had a surgery and my stomach only holds 4 oz. The ribs (or insert other barbcue item) were great. Thanks so much." or I just say "I am watching what I eat. Thank you for the wonderful spread you have put on! You must give me the potato salad recipe." Redirection always works well.

If you are speaking to an overweight person you will get a black or white response I found. Either they are mad right away and walk away or they want to knnow more when they find out you had surgery.

You will find your own way to handle it I promise. Just remember you did this for you. Anyone who doesn't like it can shove it! They can also continue to shovel those incredible mounds of food in their mouths! If you decide to have surgery you will be sleek and healthy, not stuffed and unhealthy.

This has been my experience as well. I've received more positive than negative. The only time I was irritated by a similar situation was at Chili's and the server kept insisting on asking if " the food okay, you aren't eating much yada yada". I had only lost a small portion of weight so I was still obese. I'm sure it shocked her that I only ate about 2oz of the chili I had ordered. I just finally told her that everything was fine, and there wasn't a problem with the chili.

I bowl on a military spouse's club bowling league, and they have watched me drop an additional 50ishlbs in the last 4.5 months, and they all know I've had surgery. They know of my complications, and 3 of them have asked how the process works with our insurance so they can look into the surgery for themselves. I have found most overweight/obese people either want information or they want to say that I took the easy way out. Well, if it's so easy to lose the excess weight on our own, why are they still fat? And, yes that's usually my response. I'm blunt, and honest, I won't sugarcoat it for them if they want to try to negate the seriousness of this or any other WLS.

I also attend a monthly luncheon, and I eat whatever is on the menu. I also use Portion Control, but I've learned to break my food up and move it to the outer edge of the plate to make it appear that I've actually eaten more than I have. If you make the plate look a little messy, it's pretty deceitful. If someone asks, I tell the truth. But, I've also found many people don't ask or question my food intake. They're all too busy worrying about themselves to really notice how much I'm eating.

[Tracy46545 6]

You could simply say "I had a high Protein lunch/snack etc and I'm just not very hungry but I didn't want to miss the wonderful company so I came anyway!"

[deedee 5]

I think you've gotten some good responses so far. For me it was the most difficult the first 3 months out. I think it might have been a combination of not being comfortable myself in those situations (finishing before others and not knowing what to do, looking a little baffled, not ordering a drink when asked, kind of standing out like a sore thumb) as well as still being obese (like Tiff said), it confused people that I wasn't eating as much.

Now that I am much more comfortable with my sleeve and very used to eating out with people, no one usually comments and I don't even notice or think about it. I feel normal and others treat me that way.

Some examples...

My family decided to go to a local hotel for Thanksgiving brunch. It was a buffet and I decided to order off the limited menu. By the time my food arrived at the table, other people were finishing their first plates and getting either seconds or Desserts. I enjoyed myself talking while people ate and then had a few bites of my food when it arrived and had the rest boxed up.

Last week at a function I started with a glass of punch. I sipped and mingled around the room. About fifteen/twenty minutes later (once everyone had served themselves) I grabbed a plate and put 3 meatballs on it. I went back to socializing and nibbled on the meatballs. I could only eat one (I did just drink punch), but nobody noticed and I just took my plate to the trash can and scraped the remaining food off. The only time anybody commented was before I had gotten my plate, but I just pointed to my drink and said I'd be getting food shortly.

I'm finding that people's reactions depend a lot on my own reactions.

[youknowit 11]

Hello. I am really new to this site and by the way it is fantastic. I am in the "one million & one questions" phase of research before having gastric sleeve surgery. I wanted to ask:

When around strangers or friends of friends at a function how do you expain (if asked) about your eating habits. My husband and I were invited to a BBQ this past weekend and I have been asking myself how would situations be different after the sleeve. So if I went with my husband to a function how do you serve yourself and then explain why you are eating 5 bites?? I don't want to come off to others as if I don't like their food or it seem rude. I know this should be the least of my concerns but I wouldn't want that to reflect on my husband or family. Has anyone come across situations like this?

Thank you!:biggrin0:

Personally, I never told anyone about my band, and I didn't feel the need to explain myself. I plan to take a similar approach to my sleeve. My mind may change, about telling people, later on... but my personal feeling is... people should MIND their OWN business. :thumbup::001_smile: If it comes down to it, you can always say you are watching what you eat, and compliment profusely, the food you did "try"... hope this helps.

[girly.girl 14]

Thank you Ladies!! I love all the responses and see it in a new light. Since I have decided that I am going to keep my decision private (may change after surgery and scream it from the mountain tops ) I will take each situation as it comes. I do agree with you about still being heavy and people looking at you like "come on we know this girl likes to eat" :thumbup: Hopefully that time period will fly by so fast I can look back at myself and see how silly I was for fussing over it. Thanks again you guys rock.

[BobBayCityMI 111]

I have no problems with people at social functions. I have found that they are most accepting of my changes. They almost all know what I had to do for me, and they are quite supportive. But they are shocked at the small volumes I eat now. Been a long time since someone has not looked to me to finish something off. And when I save just a bit of room for a bite or two of dessert, well, that's a shocker!

Now, more often, I get the oddest stares from wait staffs at eateries, mostly when I ask for the children's menu. They look at me and am sure they think, "Big guy...kid's menu? What's wrong with this picture?" But my hospital gave me a very nice wallet-sized card and I can simply show them that. It explains I had bariatric surgery and that is why I want to eat smaller portions. And sometimes even the smaller portions are too big, so when I ask for a container, well, shocks them even more. But, tough. I found that Bob Evan's (a local chain) actually charges MORE for adults eating from the kid's menu. Now I just talk to the manager, and no problems. It's important to be an advocate for myself!

[sarita 1]

Girly-girl, I'm so happy you asked this question. I had surgery three weeks ago today, and people have already started noticing that I've lost weight and are asking what "I'm doing" to lose. WLS is not that popular here, so I don't think anyone suspects sugery. I had decided not to tell too many people before the surgery, but thought I would tell after. But I find myself reluctant to share the info right now - still want to keep it to myself. On the other hand, I am very uncomfortable not being honest with people when they ask. I have been saying that I'm on a very strict diet, that I started exercising more - yes, all true, but not the whole truth.

I really can't figure out why I don't just tell everyone who asks - anyone have any insight on this for me?

Other than that, everything is going great. All recovered from surgery, eating all different kinds of food to see how they go and so far so good, hungry sometimes but get full fast (which I LOVE!!!). Got a treadmill and an ipod and have started exercising. Weight loss going pretty well. Went to a support group which I found interesting and helpful. Went to a wedding last night and danced like crazy - no one would have guessed I had surgery ony 3 weeks ago.

Think I'm gonna love this sleeve!

[youknowit 11]

Girly-girl, I'm so happy you asked this question. I had surgery three weeks ago today, and people have already started noticing that I've lost weight and are asking what "I'm doing" to lose. WLS is not that popular here, so I don't think anyone suspects sugery. I had decided not to tell too many people before the surgery, but thought I would tell after. But I find myself reluctant to share the info right now - still want to keep it to myself. On the other hand, I am very uncomfortable not being honest with people when they ask. I have been saying that I'm on a very strict diet, that I started exercising more - yes, all true, but not the whole truth.

I really can't figure out why I don't just tell everyone who asks - anyone have any insight on this for me?

Hi Sarita/All :smile1:

Ok, so here's my take on this... people are judgmental. Not a big revelation, I guess. :thumbup: We know this, because we are all guilty of this sometimes. We don't want to be judged by others, so we don't say anything. We know that even if people say they aren't judging us, often they are. This, we know, because we are all guilty of this, again, from time to time.

Here's why I chose (when I had the band) and will likely continue to choose not to tell people about my sleeve... I've heard, right in front of me, both friends and family, talk "S":cursing: about weightloss surgery, everything from "only a crazy person would do that," to stuff like, "that's the lazy way out," to "just stop eating," etc... I feel pretty certain the rest of us on here have heard this, or might have even said this ourselves at some point.

We're conditioned by society to believe BS like this, with mixed messages behind images, words, etc. On the other hand, we're also conditioned by society to believe we're not "ok" being fat, which is also another issue, but I don't want to digress... Anyways, I live in Las Vegas, and have had a number of discussions with people/friends here regarding this issue. I find it interesting that the world (read: USA) has most definitely decided that plastic surgery is ok (this is VERY true here in Vegas), but those same people would criticize someone for having weightloss surgery. Which one might save your life? Not the fake boobies (even so, they're fine with me, if they make someone happy). :biggrin0:

Anyways, I know how you feel about being disingenuous about your weight loss. It's a tough call. If you tell people, they WILL have an opinion, even if they don't share with you... If you're fine with that, go ahead and tell people. You may find some people will genuinely be interested and want to know more. You may also find people who are very judgmental. It's really up to you. It's not lying or wrong to keep something personal (like your body or your health) to yourself... in my opinion. And, if you change your mind later, that's ok too. I would just say you have to do what you're comfortable with, while remembering... once it's out there, it's out there. Best! -- :001_smile:

[JudyJudyJudy 7]

Ok here's my two cents.... Personally I don't care what anybody thinks. It's was my decision, my money, and my body. But then again, I've not cared about other's opinions for years when it comes to MY life. I have never been a slave to fashion or trends, or what's hot & what's not. I've always lived the way I wanted to, dressed the way I wanted to, and made myself happy. It's not man's opinion that gives us God's favor. It's how we live our lives that pleases him. Why people care about critical, judgemental, materialistic, superficial, hypocritial, shallow, people's opinions is beyond me. Do what is best for YOU and YOUR life. And follow the golden rule. That's how I roll !!!!

[Inside2Out 0]

As soon as I'm a sleever I plan on keeping my decision private, except for family and close friends. (Unless, like girly.girl, I decide afterwards to scream it from the mountain tops). I'm planning on telling people I've "made a life change to lose the weight" or that I'm "watching what I'm eating & exercising". I just hoping (fingers crossed) that I will have good enough results to give me reason to tell people these things.

[youknowit 11]

Ok here's my two cents.... Personally I don't care what anybody thinks. It's was my decision, my money, and my body. But then again, I've not cared about other's opinions for years when it comes to MY life. I have never been a slave to fashion or trends, or what's hot & what's not. I've always lived the way I wanted to, dressed the way I wanted to, and made myself happy. It's not man's opinion that gives us God's favor. It's how we live our lives that pleases him. Why people care about critical, judgemental, materialistic, superficial, hypocritial, shallow, people's opinions is beyond me. Do what is best for YOU and YOUR life. And follow the golden rule. That's how I roll !!!!

Judy... I like your style, very empowered.

I agree with you, which is why I don't think it's anyone's business. It is my body, it is my money, it is my life... and I really don't give one S@!# what other people think... which is why I don't want to hear it from them, which is why I keep it to myself... None of their business is none of their business, if you know what I mean. I commend those who want to share their experience with others, regardless of judgment... But I don't think it makes anyone a better or worse person for choosing to keep this to themselves, or for telling it from the rooftops. :thumbup: