female only Do I really look "sick"?

[deedee 5]

Late to this party, but wanted to reiterate what everyone else has said. YOU ARE GORGEOUS!!! As I look at pictures of myself I see times in this process where my face looked gaunt because I tend to lose fast there and then a month later my face fills back out, BUT I do not see this at all looking at your pictures. I really think that it's because they are so used to seeing you heavy and it just will take some adjustment time.

[Jolanda 23]

You look fabulous! I got that same reaction from my lover when I first lost a lot of weight in a short time. Well, he didn't say I looked sick, as he's a pretty smart guy: he said he gets a gut reaction of worry that something was terribly wrong because I'm losing weight so fast. We sort of came to the conclusion that during evolution it's probably always been an indication of illness when someone loses a lot of weight and that the concerned response is hard wired into us. You know, if someone is sick and the family members take care of him/her, that has increased the rate of survival in that particular family (with similar behavioural patterns) and so has been a good intuition to have. Those whose family members didn't give a damn, didn't always survive... So while it's not a very polite or nice thing to say that you look gaunt, the emotion behind it is probably such a basic survival thing that you can't really get too mad at them either :thumbup:

Edited December 26, 2009 by Jolanda

[thinoneday 445]

I posted my newest picture on my Facebook, and while talking with my mom today she mentioned that I've lost too much weight. Apparently, my younger brother thinks I look "sick" and my face looks "gaunt". I have a couple of friends who had RNY, and they looked "sick" and their faces were actually gaunt looking because they weren't following the rules. They still drank heavily, and partied all the time. I have and continue to follow the sleeve rules with the exception of Protein supplements. But, I'm getting my Protein from food sources.

I personally do not see it. John doesn't think I look sick, but he does think I've lost enough weight.

Is this because all of my family is accustomed to seeing tip the scale at 250+ or do I really look sick? I know early on some of the after pictures, I did look kind of sickly, but I was sick then.

Now, I'm feeling good, and eating much better than I ever have. I'm trying not to be hypersensitive, but the last thing I want is for people to think I look sickly.

Tiff, I think all moms think their kids look sickly if they don't have enough "meat" on them for their liking. . . goodness my mom would have a total cardiac stroke if she even knew i was having this surgery on tuesday! She thinks fat people are healthy happy people, boy is she ever wrong. . . you look absolutely lovely, you don't look 'gaunt' or sickly. . . goodness. . . you look fantastic. . . mom's are paranoid i think, sometimes so are husbands

[Inside2Out 0]

You look healthy, happy, and fabulous. I'm with creatinglee...you have been one of the main users I have been following for a few months. I love that you have been extremely honest with your progress and hardships. Thank you for being and continuing to be an inspiration. Keep up the great work and maybe one day I'll be right there with you.

[Tiffykins 673]

Thank you all so very much. It's going to be a big shock when I actually return home to TX in March. I know I'll catch flack.

Some of y'all know my mom has a band. She has the normal band issues with vomitting, pb'ing, sliming constantly and just thinks it's "normal".

Anyways, a lot of her comments come from me now weighing about 30lbs less than she does. I've always been bigger than her so she quit asking me when I dropped down below her by about 10 pounds.

I really appreciate all of y'alls support, and kind words.

[thinoneday 445]

OOOOOOOh, sounds more like a bit of jealousy going on there huh? You look fab tiff so you just keep doing what you do. . . .

[Jolanda 23]

This was so funny, I read an article online about the British TV cook Nigella Lawson and she said about her husband:

'If I lose a bit of weight, he says: "You're looking gaunt," and I say: "Please don't say this in front of people, they'll think it funny." '

So it is a universal response to weight loss :thumbup:

[Deb 0]

No Way Tiff. Not only do you look great but you are a great source of info and encouragement on this forum. I just looked at all of your pictures yesterday and I was so impressed. You truely look wonderful and happy. I believe your family just worries as we tend to do about those we love.

[3636millie 3]

Tiffy, no you do not look sick! You look happy and healthy. I don't get on to this site much due to time constraints so didn't get to post when you first asked. Any way, you go girl!!! You are an inspiration to us all.

[KZol 0]

Tiffy, as you know by now, you look fabulous! I worry about getting "sickly" looking myself--some of my husband's relatives have had gastric bypass and while not excessively thin, have than "malnourished" look at times. This is one of the reasons I am going with the sleeve. I expect some parental grumbling....last time I got really thin my Dad saw me and went in and told my Mom "Kaitey looks like she hasn't eaten in months..." Sheesh! I was still fatter than my younger sister, who is a size two or four. My mother will probably be happy, she's been picking at me about my weight since I was 11.

[ouroborous 519]

We sort of came to the conclusion that during evolution it's probably always been an indication of illness when someone loses a lot of weight and that the concerned response is hard wired into us.

Bingo.

I think that a relative telling you they're worried about you when you lose a lot of weight is literally hard-wired in. In normal individuals (whose stomach had not been cut and stabled down to the size of a banana), losing weight as rapidly as we sleevers do would be an indication of SERIOUS illness.

In us, conversely, it's often a sign of a return to health. We can't help feeling alarmed by weight loss in others because it's hard-wired into our brains; our evolution hasn't even caught up with our eating patterns (which is why we're all so obese -- modern life provides an abundance of calorie dense foods and little daily opportunity for movement). It's unlikely that we'll be able to have a more "evolved" reaction to weight loss surgery any time in the next, say, ten thousand years.

Tiffykins, you look great, to reiterate what all the others have said. Your pictures show you looking slim and happy, your eyes are not sunken nor your complexion sallow. Your mood seems very positive (depression is often an overlooked sign of illness), and your lab work indicates general health.

I would just thank folks for their concern and assure them that you're as healthy as you've ever been (if not healthier).

[Georgia 2,908]

Tiffany, I would love to be "inspired" by your wonderful story! How do I look at your pics? Thanks

[Lillie24 2]

Tiff, I had an appointment with my dietician over a week ago regarding my goal weight and she mentioned to me that our close family and friends will need an adjustment period. I asked why and she said that people that love us end up remembering us as overweight and when we lose so much the are not sure how to adjust. We look smaller to them and so much different that to them we do look sickly. It made since to me.

[seaview 2]

Tiffy, families are so weird! You look fabulous...and you know the minute you are pregnant they'll all say.."now Tiff watch you don't gain that weight back"

LOL...you cannot win when it comes to this weight loss journey. People do not like it when others change....it is a threat to the status quo and that is particularly true in families...just trust us...and your husband and friends...you are beautiful...Seaview

[thenewme@32 40]

Tiffany' date='

Being a nurse myself, I would be honest with you and tell you if I thought you looked "sick". Your photos do not look at all sick to me. You look absolutely beautiful. I think they are just so used to seeing you as obese that they are worried.

Change is hard especially for loved ones. I would just let them say what they need to say and thank them for their concern. Then quietly go on about your business of getting to your goal. No need to say that you want to lose more. You can just say "I feel fine where I am right now (which is the truth...you are fine today.) Tomorrow...well, you might want to lose a little more but that's between you and your scale. If you decide to stay right where you are at, that's fine too.

You might also want to share with them results of your normal lab tests and what your doctor says about how great you are doing.

I am so proud of you and you inspire me to keep on going even when I have bad days.

Thank you for all that you bring to us on this forum.

P.S. Here is a link to "ideal body weight" calculators...there are different opinions and different calculators. Take what you like and leave the rest. http://www.halls.md/ideal-weight/body.htm

I like this link. Thanks for sharing:)