What is wrong with me?

[JMO 0]

I am having a bad day. I can't stop crying! but I don't know why? I am a full time mom with three perfect children and a husband who loves me dearly. I have a home, and I am going to school to be a nurse. I have been a full time student for 1 1/2 years, so I took the summer off to clear my head and just hang with my children. I was so ready for this break, but now I am feeling nervous, and sad. I felt this way last semester but it was a lot worse I ended up seeing a doctor and starting lexapro, I felt better and felt like that was what I needed, now (still on meds) I am getting the old feelings back. I know this sounds stupid but we have only been out of school for a month and I am ready to go back. Why do I feel this way when I am not in school? I can't seemed to be happy just being a mom, which is something that I have always wanted. I just needed to put this into words so maybe it will make sense.

Thanks for listening...

Jmoe:cry

[DonnaB 3]

Hey jen,

Have a good cry - it won't hurt you. Call your doc and ask about the Lexapro. My sister went through something similar where she started Lexapro and got some relief, then, inexplicably, the drug stopped working as well. Her doctor switched her to a combination of two other anti-depressants - sorry I don't know which two - and she's been doing fine on that cocktail for almost a year now.

Good luck and keep in touch so we'll know how you're doing, OK?

[leatha_g 4]

Bless your heart! Don't feel like you are alone. Being at home with children is not always easy. Even full time moms need a break now and again.

[barbara465 2]

For some, being a full time mommy is not enough. Or being a full time mommy is exhausting and the results of our nuturing are sometimes years away. Not everyone is made to be a stay at home Mom. Don't beat yourself up if you are one of those. Do what is best for you, and as a result, you end up doing what's best for the family.

I stayed home with my son when he was little, until he started kindergarten. I thought that would give him a good start in life. I found out years later that he doesn't remember that time, only my working years. Go figure!

[vinesqueen 2]

Oh JMoe (((((hugs))))) Is it any wonder you are depressed? You are probably feeling isolated and socially deprived, as well as missing that intesnce intelectual stimulation.

I know that one of the things that socity tells us is that we should be happy "just" being a mommy. But for some of us, it isn't enough.

I know that I could only handle being a stay at home mom for short periods of time. I love my son, but when he was little he had absolutely no interest in comparitive religion, quantum physics, the implications of the geo-political money market. All he wanted was a cookie. His first sign? Cookie. (no, he's not deaf, I just thought it would be fun to teach him sign language when he was a baby)

When you stop going to school, even just for the summer, you have a major life event. It's similar to quiting a job, because being a full time student is/was your job.

So HoneyBaby, is it any wonder you are depressed? (((((JMoe)))))

[sheryl 3]

I have the same feelings about school. It is hard to take a break when you have a goal set (to become a nurse) and you know that you have to take X amount of classes to reach that goal.

I have two beautiful children and I was off from work for 8 months (that was all the time I could take off from work). My girls were all I wanted, but I was so happy to get back to work. Being a SAHM is great for so many women, but not for all. Don't feel bad about it. It is just what it is... For many women, they are better moms when they are being fulfilled with interests outside the home.

Don't beat yourself up over your feelings. What you are feeling is totally normal for so many women. It may not fit into your idea of being the best mom, but for many women being the best mom means finding what they need to do to feel fulfilled. For many women, it is being a SAHM (which is really the hardest job in the world, IMO).. For others, it is getting their education and/or finding work outside the home...

[JMO 0]

Thanks gals for all the support! I think I am going to call me dr. and talk about whats going on.

Jmoe

[Elisabethsew 50]

Jen, PLEASE call your MD ASAP. As a future RN you know the importance of treating clinical depression before it worsens. Make that call NOW.

[Marimaru 7]

Sometimes the meds are all a person needs, and sometimes not. It may be that your body got used to them, and you just need a little more. It may be that the what you were on was enough when your day was busy with all of your school stuff and you didn't have so much 'downtime'. (even cleaning can be downtime for the brain when the thoughts start rushing in). I felt just like you with the crying all the time n' stuff, and I was put on Welbutrin. My doctor said that if I ever feel like it's just not working like it did before, to let her know and she'll up my dosage.

*hugs*

[Jachut 487]

Your life and mine sound very similar. I'm lucky not to suffer from depression or any other problems like that, and I think whether or not you do is just in your personal body chemistry, and not anything to do with anything you've done wrong.

I have 3 kids and I'm a uni student too. I've been out of the workforce for 10 years, fell unexpectedly pregnant with my third almost 4 years ago and decided to go back to uni to retrain as I never wanted to go and do boring dead end clerical work in an office again. The way the tax system and childcare system work in Australia, I cant afford to work because my husband earns too much money, and it would actually cost me more in childcare than I could earn, plus I personally wanted to be home for my children's first five years. So I study part time and pay for casual childcare.

But I'll let you in on a secret, I loathe being a stay at home mother. I find it thankless, boring, and repetitive. I'm sick to the back teeth of cleaning up a house that just gets messed up again, I have no interest in being domestic and motherly, I want to get out there and lead a life. That doesnt mean I dont love and enjoy my kids but stick around the house worrying about sleep routines and cleaning the floors? Pah.

So I too want to be a mum and believe in the value of staying home with your kids but cant pull it together in that contented, sweet picture of home and hearth that other people seem to manage. So what? Its a different world out there today and we need different mothers as a result. You're teaching your kids so many more things about what they can achieve by being a student yourself. If that's the way you want to "do" motherhood, then that's absolutely fantastic, there's no rules. Happy mothers equal happy children, however you achieve that. Working mothers, studying mothers, stay at home mothers, they all do it differently but equally as well. Give yourself some credit and just make your life what you want it, you dont have to fit a mould and its not shameful to try something you thought you always wanted and not enjoy it that much afterall.

I cant comment on medication but I do know that what led me into banding was finally feeling that I'd lost complete control of every aspect of my life and I was indeed in danger of becoming depressed, if dropping the kids off at school and then sitting in the car bawling was any indication. YOu have to look after you too, you're the most important person in the whole equation.

[gentlespirit 1]

JMoe~

Call your doc as soon as you can...maybe he can up the dosage of Lexapro or maybe you need a different antidepressant. Sometimes it take time to find the proper one for you...I was on Prozac several years ago and it quit working after being great for 3 years. Now I'm on Lexapro, and it's working for me, but it didn't work for my sister. They have a lot of different meds they can choose from, so don't give up hope!

Some of us have a hard time with changes in our routine/circumstances. And Vines is right...kids aren't necessarily the most stimulating company, no matter how much we love them! There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to have more in your life than "mommyhood"!

Hope you're feeling better soon!

Emily

[juliegeraci 7]

I am on Lexapro as well and this started happening to me as well. Go see your doctor and tell him your symptoms. He put me on a combination of Lexapro and Wellbutrin and it did the trick immediately. I don't feel like sleeping anymore, I don't feel down and just all around better. Please take care of this before it continues.

[vinesqueen 2]

Just thinking about you. Hope you can get in with your doc very, very soon.

[DonnaB 3]

I talked to my sister, she's on Lexapro and Wellbutrin together and is feeling 100% better.

Let us know how you're doing.

[NurseMichelle 0]

I deal with the same thing. Let me say I think it is depression with a touch of anxieties. Do you exercise regularly and intensely enough. I believe it helps with both of those. If you are doing that already, than I would definetely say a med change is in order. Good luck.