Worried I'm not in the right place mentally for surgery

[beautyqueen 1]

Hi all,

My date is next week (gah!) -- October 22nd. I started this process back in April intending to get the band. I've had a lot of ups and downs, switched surgeons, insurance issues, and now it seems all systems are go.

My surgeon doesn't have me on a specific pre-op diet (just not to gain any weight) and I think that maybe I'm not focusing as much as I should be because I don't have to do anything different over the next 10 days. I am trying to get in exercise every day. I've said "goodbye" to some foods like Pasta and bread. I've been having a Protein Shake for Breakfast and lunch (I really don't mind them so it's no big deal). I'm taking my prilosec, my Vitamins, and drink my fluids. I did shopping for my post-op recovery and I have samples of powders? utm_source=BariatricPal&utm_medium=Affiliate&utm_campaign=CommentLink" target="_ad" data-id="1" >unjury, chike, plus I bought some Isopure and EAS carbadvantage shakes so I feel like I have enough options for the 2 weeks after. I've even started thinking through things during the mushie phase as I'll have to eat out for some occasions and I'm working through what I'll be able to order so I won't have a breakdown in the restaurant when the time comes.

All of these things sound like I'm getting ready for surgery but I'm afraid that once the day comes I'm going to unravel. A few of you have said that surgery day is nothing you can truly prepare for and I understand that. I alternate between denial that it's happening in 10 days to waves of anxiety and absolute fear that something awful will happen.

I want this surgery. I want this new life. Is there anything I can be doing over the next 10 days to reassure myself that I am ready to make this change? Is it normal to live in this state of suspended reality where it doesn't seem like it's really happening?

Any and all advice would be welcome. I want to be a success at this. I'm trying to focus on that more than what *could* happen because if I start thinking about the risks I will truly lose my mind.

[cajun 46]

Hi all,

My date is next week (gah!) -- October 22nd. I started this process back in April intending to get the band. I've had a lot of ups and downs, switched surgeons, insurance issues, and now it seems all systems are go.

My surgeon doesn't have me on a specific pre-op diet (just not to gain any weight) and I think that maybe I'm not focusing as much as I should be because I don't have to do anything different over the next 10 days. I am trying to get in exercise every day. I've said "goodbye" to some foods like Pasta and bread. I've been having a Protein shake for breakfast and lunch (I really don't mind them so it's no big deal). I'm taking my prilosec, my Vitamins, and drink my fluids. I did shopping for my post-op recovery and I have samples of unjury, chike, plus I bought some Isopure and EAS carbadvantage shakes so I feel like I have enough options for the 2 weeks after. I've even started thinking through things during the mushie phase as I'll have to eat out for some occasions and I'm working through what I'll be able to order so I won't have a breakdown in the restaurant when the time comes.

All of these things sound like I'm getting ready for surgery but I'm afraid that once the day comes I'm going to unravel. A few of you have said that surgery day is nothing you can truly prepare for and I understand that. I alternate between denial that it's happening in 10 days to waves of anxiety and absolute fear that something awful will happen.

I want this surgery. I want this new life. Is there anything I can be doing over the next 10 days to reassure myself that I am ready to make this change? Is it normal to live in this state of suspended reality where it doesn't seem like it's really happening?

Any and all advice would be welcome. I want to be a success at this. I'm trying to focus on that more than what *could* happen because if I start thinking about the risks I will truly lose my mind.

It sounds to me like you have prepared well, and are just having the same last minute doubts that most of us had. Just keep taking breaths and put one foot in front of the other. Before you know it, you will be a "sleeve sista".:confused:

[Chancie 65]

hi Beaglemama..

You're right when you say we're all different..No one can prepare you for what will actually take place, just give you experiences of their own.

I kinda put it outta my mind, did not focus on "what if"

Yes, there are risks with all surgeries, but I KNEW I would die if I did NOT have this done. I couldn't even walk to the mailbox with out being winded and hurting. I knew I wouldn't be able to work, afraid more of losing my job and my life than the surgery.

It's natural to have fears, but I truely believe this surgery saved my life, and it was worth it all.....

I wish you the best and if you have any questons, plese feel free to message me.

[Bornagainbabe 4]

I agree with what the others say and whilst it's good that you have done all your research and are aware of pros and cons, I think you should try relaxing now and just concentrate on the advantages and how great you are going to look and feel. I nearly backed out just hours before my op and it was nerves, all the what ifs and they are just that - what ifs. Dying from obesity and diabetes are sure things really. You have think to yourself, 'what is the alternative?' and then take the opportunity you have.

Chill out now and try not to get yourself into a state over it xxx

[thinoneday 445]

Hi all,

My date is next week (gah!) -- October 22nd. I started this process back in April intending to get the band. I've had a lot of ups and downs, switched surgeons, insurance issues, and now it seems all systems are go.

My surgeon doesn't have me on a specific pre-op diet (just not to gain any weight) and I think that maybe I'm not focusing as much as I should be because I don't have to do anything different over the next 10 days. I am trying to get in exercise every day. I've said "goodbye" to some foods like Pasta and bread. I've been having a Protein shake for breakfast and lunch (I really don't mind them so it's no big deal). I'm taking my prilosec, my Vitamins, and drink my fluids. I did shopping for my post-op recovery and I have samples of unjury, chike, plus I bought some Isopure and EAS carbadvantage shakes so I feel like I have enough options for the 2 weeks after. I've even started thinking through things during the mushie phase as I'll have to eat out for some occasions and I'm working through what I'll be able to order so I won't have a breakdown in the restaurant when the time comes.

All of these things sound like I'm getting ready for surgery but I'm afraid that once the day comes I'm going to unravel. A few of you have said that surgery day is nothing you can truly prepare for and I understand that. I alternate between denial that it's happening in 10 days to waves of anxiety and absolute fear that something awful will happen.

I want this surgery. I want this new life. Is there anything I can be doing over the next 10 days to reassure myself that I am ready to make this change? Is it normal to live in this state of suspended reality where it doesn't seem like it's really happening?

Any and all advice would be welcome. I want to be a success at this. I'm trying to focus on that more than what *could* happen because if I start thinking about the risks I will truly lose my mind.

Sounds like the "wedding day jitters". . . you'll be ok, you are prepared, it's normal to feel all weirded out before surgery. . .in January when I have my surgery, it'll be my 18th major surgery! :confused: I get those "something is going to go wrong" feelings all the time, it's normal. . . as you can see, nothing has gone wrong all 17 times. . . I'm still here and plan to be for a very very long time. . . talking lots to us might help you too. . . the people on these forums are great! look at the photos of these fine folks, they are true inspirations . . . you'll be ok and feel so good when this is over, look how prepared you are! Keep up the great work!

[beautyqueen 1]

Thank you all so very much. I feel very reassured that what I'm feeling is normal and to be expected. I've seen a lot of posts from people who wonder if they'll be the only person that the surgery wasn't successful for and they don't lose any weight. I guess I fear that too since I can't imagine at this point not being hungry or being satisfied with little food. I suppose if I *could* imagine those things then I wouldn't need the surgery!

Thanks again for the great insights. I'm sure I'll be back again with more worries before the big day. Nothing will make me happier to come back and post that I'm sleeved, home, and doing well.

Thinoneday -- good luck on your upcoming surgery. You have a great attitude!!

[thinoneday 445]

Thank you all so very much. I feel very reassured that what I'm feeling is normal and to be expected. I've seen a lot of posts from people who wonder if they'll be the only person that the surgery wasn't successful for and they don't lose any weight. I guess I fear that too since I can't imagine at this point not being hungry or being satisfied with little food. I suppose if I *could* imagine those things then I wouldn't need the surgery!

Thanks again for the great insights. I'm sure I'll be back again with more worries before the big day. Nothing will make me happier to come back and post that I'm sleeved, home, and doing well.

Thinoneday -- good luck on your upcoming surgery. You have a great attitude!!

Thank you sweetie! We'll be here for you any time you need us. . . you'll do great!

[DownInSocal 12]

Are you sure we are not sisters already? You sound exactly like I was right before surgery.

My emotions and thoughts were all over the map. Somedays I was in denial like the day would never come. Other days it was right around the corner. I tried not to dwell on what could go wrong during surgery but would go wrong if I did not have surgery!

I had it easier than many on the board because my psychiatrist gave me Ativan for the last days before surgery. The day before I was taking full doses every 4 hours. I have to admit I have PTSD and have tendancy to be shall we say "excitable". I am leaps and bounds where I was years ago. I have some work to go though. I also got two doses of Ativan in the hospital because of panic attacks. One brought on by difficulty breathing because of the position I was in and one who knows why.

My point to all that was ask for help if you feel your anxiety is interfearing with your life. Some doctors will give it, some won't. There is no reason to live in a constant state of anxiety. You used the term "Waves" this is actually quite telling because those waves can be the start of panic attacks. "Waves" is a trigger word in the physcology world that anxiety is escalating.

Everything is going to be fine. You know when it became fine? My husband and I did my pre op pictures the morning of surgery. I took a look at them on the camera and said "If those won't get me into surgery nothing will, lets go. I am ready now." We then marched out the door.

I don't think you can prepare yourself for this surgery fully because it is unlike anything you have been through. If I can do this in my half fragile state most of the time, I know you can do it! You are so well organized already! You are leaps ahead of where I was. I can't wait to see your updates.

Oh and yes I did feel like I was in suspended state of reality, but it might have been chemical who knows. Come here as much as you need to. Get reassurance, whine, cry. Anything you need we are here!

Edited October 12, 2009 by DownInSocal

[beautyqueen 1]

Thank you, DownInSoCal. I have a prescription for klonopin and I do take it at night when the panic starts to really creep in. It's definitely waves, like it washes over me and I feel a little sick. I'm no stranger to anxiety though (yay, me! haha) so I am doing my best to tell myself that the wave will pass and medicate if needed.

I think a key thing I avoided mentioning is that my MIL died from complications from RNY. After almost 7 years, her malpractice trial is going on RIGHT NOW which is making the emotions very raw for my husband and making me feel selfish for having the surgery at this time (although I could have never known that her trial date would come at the same time my surgery date did especially since it's been so long). My husband is a wonderful, supportive, incredible man and has not passed on his fears to me at all but I know they're there. So it's a surreal time which is why I think I alternate between denial that my surgery is coming and periods of hope where I am looking forward to my new life.

I love your story about taking the pre-op pictures. That's a great idea to get my head in the game and concentrate on what my new life is going to be like.

Again, thank you all so much. I wouldn't have known about the sleeve if it hadn't been for some sleevesters on lapbandtalk.com and I surely would have never gotten this far in the process without so many wonderful and inspiring people to reach out to.