Dealing with family during the holidays...meep!!!

DonnaB · May 25, 2006

I'll tell anyone who will listen. I don't care who likes it or how they talk about me. People LOVE to tell me their concerns or about a less drastic diet I could do. I just smile and nod my head and go about my business. I WILL not be forced in to shame or hiding. I want everyone to know what I am doing. So be it if they think I'm taking the easy way out. Who cares??? I know the truth.
I guess my point is that people need to worry about their own business and stop trying to make drama in yours. It's your life. You shouldn't have to hide, lie, or anything like that.

Sister,

For me it's not about being ashamed or about having to defend my decision to have WLS. I just don't want people watching everything I eat. Asking how much I have lost. Suggesting foods, exercise, Vitamin regimens, etc., etc., ad nauseum. Down the line I don't want people asking how I'm doing, any side effects yet?

The band is allowing me to lose weight gradually enough that a lot of people won't realize I'm even losing weight for a good while. It's funny how when you see someone day to day you become blind to what they actually look like.

Why deal with other people's expectations, disappointments, comments, or prying, when you'll be losing weight at a rate which can easily be accepted as old fashioned diet and exercise? You said it yourself, "People LOVE to tell me their concerns, or about a less drastic diet I could do." I'm going through a big enough change and dealing with enough of my own issues that I really don't want to have to deal with someone elses or convince them that while WLS might not be the right choice for them, it was for me. Why waste my time and energy on it?

I don't think it's necessarily a bad idea to tell people, I just question whether it's anybodies business - kind of like you do - but from a different angle. To each their own I guess.

3loves · May 25, 2006

I think this shows sharing that we have the band is as individual as getting the band. We all live different lives and have different circles of people. Unfortunatley, some people are more exposed to the nosey, bossy type than others. Personally, I tell everyone. It's just who I am. Maybe that's not for you b/c you are around people that judge. It's a personal decision for sure. I could care less if you want to judge me b/c I am who I am. I am true to myself and that is what counts. Do what you think is right for you.

sisterfunkhaus · May 25, 2006

You have a point Donna. I hope you don't feel that I don't respect that way of doing it. I'm not putting you down at all. My reasoning behind telling people is that it will give me some sort of accountability. I don't want to give myself an inch to fail. I need that. I know that a lot of people don't though, and that's cool. My friend didn't tell anyone but a couple of us who are also fat. She lost 75 lbs in a year. She said it was nice to do it on her terms without questions from everyone. I totally understand that.

BTW Donna, your posts really keep me going. I know that sounds dorky, but I see you as one of the "wise ones" on here. You have such a great attitude :clap2:

sheryl · May 25, 2006

I didn't read all of the responses, but you know what works for me? I say that I am on a controlled diet to get my girlish figure back and I am under the care of my doctor and a nutritionist. I find that older people have this god-like worship thing with doctors and they never question it. When others ask for more info, I say that it is a high-protein, low calorie diet. All of that is true. I just leave out the part of the band.

stinaNYC · May 25, 2006

It's so interesting to hear how everyone else has dealt with this issue. I've told my parents, all my friends, co-workers...but when it comes to these particular family members, I'd rather poke my own eye out with a rusty fork.

Guess it'll just have to be like pulling off a band aid...do it real fast and it'll only be painful for a second!

Bensmum1109: Thanks so much for the kudos, and for promising a safe haven for all of us! My dad thinks I'm overthinking all of this...then went on to say that if they gave me crap, he'd be there to back me up and support me. Between him, my mom, and all of you, I know I can do this!

sisterfunkhaus: I just noticed in your signature that you're getting banded tomorrow!!! Congratulations...I'm so excited for you! I'm positive everything will go smoothly...good luck and welcome to the club!

stinaNYC · May 29, 2006

Hey everyone!

Well, the weekend has come and gone...and I'm still in the band closet. The issue really didn't come up, and eating was rather easy this weekend (no PBs!), so there wasn't an opportunity or reason to talk about it. One close call with Grandma, who is still trying to figure out why I only ate half a pork chop in mushroom sauce when I usually have two, but other than that...nada. We didn't have steak after all, so I guess I'll have to wait for my big opportunity! ;-)

Thanks again for all your help, everyone! How did everyone's else's weekend go?

Dody · May 29, 2006

I haven't been banded yet, but I can sympathize. I have no desire to tell my family, aside from my mom and dad. My uncle's are so critical and gram is a blabber-mouth, so I'm not sure how I'll get around it. The good news is I probably won't see any of them till Thanksgiving!
I like the idea of telling them you're on a high-nutriet, small portion diet. Or tell them you've just gotten over the stomach flu and are afraid if you eat you might puke all over them. That also covers you if you have to rush to the bathroom to pb. Good luck!

Gosh everyone I know is aware I want this band and that I had a date for surgery and it got cancelled for awhile. I have some other medical issues to deal with, but I am not ashamed at all to let anyone know. I'm here with my family who supports me in every way. I guess people just feel very differently about telling people. I had a friend who had gastric bypass and I was the only one who knew and was sworn to secrecy. She wanted everyone to think she did it on her own for some reason. Why be afraid to admit you need help. We don't keep other surgeries from our family. Someone has to know I have the band when I get it in case anything goes wrong. I guess maybe at 64 my inhibitions about people knowing have gone out the window.

Hope all goes well for you.

Dody

JulieNYC · May 30, 2006

I have only told three close friends and (reluctantly) my parents. I wasn't keen on telling my dad because he's a plastic surgeon and, by my perception, has always been among the most judgmental people in my life about my weight. I told him because despite our issues about my weight, we have a good relationship and though this was a very low risk surgery, it's still surgery. It would have hurt me a lot if he'd had surgery and didn't tell me, so I told him. I haven't told my colleagues (except for two close friends), which is a little weird because we're all very close. I just wanted a little time to myself with this to get to know it without having to educate the world. It's so the right choice for me. I'm sure I'll be more open about it when my success starts showing, but for the moment, it feels very personal to me and I'm glad to keep it quiet.