Jokes Thread

[Telly 4]

LOL, I'd love to start a JOKES thread b/c I just love to read jokes. Anyone have any good ones?

Please...if you post here, try not to offend a group as a whole or any one person or race. I have alot of jokes, but mine are controversial so I will share a couple.

Here's one of my "cleaner" jokes that I told in another thread..

Question: What do you see when the Pillsbury Doh Boy bends over?

Answer: Donuts

[NJChick 3]

What is green and smells?

Hulk's fart.

Why were males created before females?

Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?

Popeye beat the crap outta him

Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?

He was looking for Pooh!

What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!

[Kat817 19]

A woman walked into her kitchen to find her husband armed with a fly swatter, he informs her he is "hunting flies"! She laughs and asks "have you bagged any yet?" "Sure 'nuff he replies, 3 males, and 2 females." Now she is intrigued...."I didn't know you could tell the sex of a fly..." He replies "Yep 3 on a beer can and 2 on the phone!!!"

made me laugh!

Kat

[Telly 4]

Rofl Njchick.. Good Jokes, Esp. The "honey Im Home" Lol

LOL Kat!

[Telly 4]

<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD background=/Images/PageComponents/IFrame.L.gif></TD><TD vAlign=top><TABLE cellSpacing=1 cellPadding=1 border=0><TBODY><TR><TD><TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD><TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR vAlign=top><TD width="100%">"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

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[Telly 4]

WHAT A WIFE SAYS...AND MEANS

The wife says: You want

The wife means: You want

The wife says: We need

The wife means: I want

The wife says: It's your decision

The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious

The wife says: Do what you want

The wife means: You'll pay for this later

The wife says: We need to talk

The wife means: I need to complain

The wife says: Sure... go ahead

The wife means: I don't want you to

The wife says: I'm not upset

The wife means: Of course I'm upset you moron

The wife says: You're ... so manly

The wife means: You need a shave and sweat a lot

The wife says: Be romantic, turn out the lights

The wife means: I have flabby thighs.

The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenient

The wife means: I want a new house.

The wife says: I want new curtains.

The wife means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper!

The wife says: I need wedding shoes.

The wife means: The other forty pairs are the wrong shade of white.

The wife says: Hang the picture there

The wife means: No, I mean hang it there!

The wife says: I heard a noise

The wife means: I noticed you were almost asleep.

The wife says: Do you love me?

The wife means: I'm going to ask for something expensive.

The wife says: How much do you love me?

The wife means: I did something today you're not going to like.

The wife says: I'll be ready in a minute.

The wife means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap.

The wife says: Am I fat?

The wife means: Tell me I'm beautiful.

The wife says: You have to learn to communicate.

The wife means: Just agree with me.

The wife says: Are you listening to me?

The wife means: [Too late, your doomed.]

The wife says: Yes

The wife means: No

The wife says: No

The wife means: No

The wife says: Maybe

The wife means: No

The wife says: I'm sorry

The wife means: You'll be sorry

The wife says: Do you like this recipe?

The wife means: You better get used to it

The wife says: All we're going to buy is a soap dish

The wife means: I'm coming back with enough to fill this place.

The wife says: Was that the baby?

The wife means: Get out of bed and walk him

The wife says: I'm not yelling!

The wife means: Yes I am! I think this is important!

In answer to the question "What's wrong?"

The wife says: The same old thing.

The wife means: Nothing.

The wife says: Nothing.

The wife means: Everything.

The wife says: Nothing, really.

The wife means: It's just that you're an idiot.

The wife says: I don't want to talk about it.

The wife means: I'm still building up steam.

[Telly 4]

For Sallyjo

[Wheetsin 714]

"What's that wrinkly thing on grandma?"

"Grandpa."

[Morsaille 4]

My kid-friendly joke (I only have one without the word banana or cow in it):

What is green and stands in the corner? A naughty frog

[Poodles 0]

Two Peanuts were walking down the street...

One was a salted.

Little LuLu was walking across a cow pasture when she saw a fly on a cow-patty. She just laughed and laughed, 'cause she knew that fly couldn't do all that!

Little LuLu went to her grandmothers house and noticed that her grammy put some money in her bra. "Why do you do that?", she asked. "It keeps the money safe", said grammy. Later that weekend Little LuLu had a date, and the young man reached up and felt all around in her bra. Little LuLu just laughed and laughed 'cause she knew she didn't have any money up there.

Sick Joke:

"Mommy Mommy, why do I keep going around in circles?"

"Shut up kid, before I nail you other foot to the floor."

Dirty Joke:

Raggedy Ann was thrown in the toybox and landed on Pinocchios face. Realizing this she said: "Lie to me! Lie to me!"

[Telly 4]

ROFL, OMG! Toooo funny!

[PinkMary 3]

The Greek and the Jew continue down the street, and the Jew spies a quarter lying on the curb. He looks around to see if anyone is watching him, and then slowly bends over to get the quarter.

POOF!!! The Greek disappears.

hahahahahhahaha Paul OMG! this is what im goin to say to my friends today!! Americans thinking that we Greeks doin it wrong way :eek:

its a rumor hahahahha :D

[shackdog 1]

What do you get when you cross Santa Claus with Bo Derek? A thank you card from Santa

[Telly 4]

Rofl, Big Paul! The Last Joke Has Me In Tears!

[PinkMary 3]

no no its not! is very funny!! really! :eek:

do you know other jokes with Greeks? i would love to share them with my friends.