Accompanying me...or not?

[BobBayCityMI 111]

This may sound odd, but I do not want my wife to go with me when I have my surgery done. To me, this is my choice and I want to do this on my own. Yes, I know it will affect her as well, and that she has a vested interest in my doing well. I just am so torn. My pigheadedness is showing, I suppose. I just have disappointed her so many times in the past with my promises to lose weight, and although she supports my choice, she is not for the surgery feeling that I should be able to lose weight in more traditional ways. Just needed to vent...

[Norma 10]

If she is unable to support the surgery, I wouldn't want her around me during it either. I tend to do things alone anyway and have figured on doing my surgery by myself as well. I do have a friend who would come with me if I asked though.

[Elisabethsew 50]

Ultimately, the choice is yours but it's only natural for a loved one to want to be there when you have surgery. I went alone and would have like to have a family member or friend with me.

[*susan* 1,709]

Like others have said, it is your choice. Although, if my spouse were having surgery and didn't want me along, I would be very hurt and worried sick about him. Has she had the opportunity to meet with the doctor and his staff to learn as much about the surgery as possible? If she hasn't, perhaps she should, then she might be more on board with what you are doing once she understands everything better.

[BobBayCityMI 111]

Oh, she will go, and yes has met with the doctor and all. My problem is my not wanting her to go. But, you're right Susan...no need to hurt her with my selfishness. Have done that with my eating too often.

[burnsun 27]

I went alone too.......no issues.....but iot would have been a lot less boring if my husband had come!

My husband supported me enough to let me take the money out (we have a deal....he earns it...I spend it.....works well for us) and use it. His underlying fear is that this would make me as ill as I was last Dec/Jan and he almost lost Emerson and I while everyone was dicking around deciding if I needed surgery or not. That was his underlying issue!

He doesn't get it either..... he has been a skinny guy his whole life.....recently added about 40 lbs to his 6'3 fram bringing him to about a 24 bmi......so he really has no idea of why ....... but he knows if I feel good about myself then it shows in all I do...with the kids, with us, with the house etc..............

So I have his support in a round about way......... he was more worried and did not know how to express it! However after 15 year of marriage and 20 + years of being together....he knows when not to argue with me!

But he has been here through the 330 lbs and the 150......his only comment through it all was I didn't realize you had a "boney butt".

I really feel he didn't realize how much being overweight effected everything we did till it was gone....... actually I know there are days he wished I still weighed as much cause I would relax and didn't push so much to get things done/....... like house cleaning or yard stuff or other things like six flags and then a drive in movie.....my weight made me a lot less "hyper" as he calls it.

Edited July 13, 2009 by burnsun
added some more

[Ruthi 60]

I totally understand, what you need is someone that is totally supporting your decision and that seems to be bothering you the most at this point. If my better half was like that ( my family was) then I wouldnt want them along either. Sounds like she is not an overweight person and just doesnt get it. She also may be saying that because she fears you having the surgery. My suggestion is "give it time" and good luck to you. You will be great.

[Malaika 50]

Have you talked to her about it? Have you told her that even though she may not support the surgery, you need her to support and believe in you and that having her there is important to you if she can support you, but if she can't you'd prefer her not to be there for the surgery as you need all positive energy around you for this? It is a big HUGE decision and you need support from those who love and care about you. I hope she comes around and can understand that this is the last chance you have to take your life back and get healthy.

[Finally! 0]

I went alone and honestly wish I had someone there to be with me. Other people did and I felt a little lonely. (When I was conscious.) It's just better to talk to someone to process what's going on around you, I think.

[*susan* 1,709]

I think it really does help to have someone with you. Like others have said, it helps with boredom. Additionally, I think it is comforting to know that in the rare event that an emergency should occur, there is someone there that can speak and act on your behalf.

[BobBayCityMI 111]

We have discussed it at length. She is just worried that it is non-reversible and that I will croak. I know if I do not lose, I will croak. So she will go. I am lucky in that I would not be alone anyway as I have friends who work at the hospital I am having the surgery at and they will bug the hell out of me anyway!

[Ky.hen 5]

Bob, It's good that you got things worked out. Good luck and keep us posted on how you are doing. We are here for you. Judy

[*susan* 1,709]

I agree, glad you guys have worked things out. Let us know how everything goes.

[MacMadame 81]

You aren't going to croak. Bariatric surgery is very safe these days. Here's an article for your wife about that:

Large-scale Analysis Finds Bariatric Surgery Relatively Safe

It might reassure her.

[Lisanne 5]

I guess that would be a hard choice to make. If she doesnt support your choice for surgery, I can completely understand why u would want to do it alone.

However, she is ur wife and will be worried for you, which is probly a big reason why she isnt so supportive.

For me, I could never have gone thru this alone. My husband went with me and I absolutely wouldnt have survived alone, I needed ALOT of help afterward, but everyone is different. You might do just fine alone, many do just that.

Really think about your decisions. Weigh all the pros and cons and make the best choice for yourself.

Good luck