Introducing myself

[Kristopia 0]

Hi all - I don't have my sleeve yet, but I'm heading that way, as soon as I can solidify financing with crappy credit (compliments of my ex). I'm glad to see a forum dedicated specifically to VSG, as I'm not really a fan of the "my surgery is better'n yours" mentality that can happen in a few other forums. The only place I've never seen flaming is at Bariatrictv.com (I highly recommend the podcasts as they are funny and informative)

Anyway, just wanted to say hi and that I'm glad to find this place, even if the person who sent me the PM on OH is a "deleted profile".

Now I'm editing because I realized I have forgotten to give my story

I'm a PRE-pre-op living in NC. I began thinking about WLS several years ago, but have been trying to get surgery since January of this year. I spent years before that telling myself "it's a cop-out" or "the easy way out" or "what's wrong with you, no willpower?" In short, I was ashamed of even thinking about that option. In my family, you just had to "tough it out."

But that was then, this is now. I have battled my weight nearly all my life. I was not overweight as a child or teen. I didn't have a weight problem, but I already had an EATING problem. I was just active enough then that it didn't pile onto my thighs. I also used dexatrim, other diet pills, and street speed (yep, that desperate) to lose weight and keep it off as a teenager. Then, at age 19, I had a baby and got married, and that eating problem became apparent.

My husband was emotionally distant, so I ate. I had post-partum depression, so I ate. I ate when sad, angry, happy, etc. It's no wonder considering my entire extended family were Foodies. My father owned great restaurants, and was an amazing cook, as were my stepmother and my mother, so no matter where I was, all activities revolved around food. Even funerals had tables just groaning with comfort foods like barbecue ribs, prime rib, cheesy potatoes with salty bacon, you name it. I associated food from small childhood with joy. So when I wanted to feel joy, I ate. I'm still a foodie, and love to cook, though I try to make healthier choices in what I cook these days.

I've been on every diet I know about, including Atkins, Carbohydrate Addicts, Protein Power, Weight Watchers, Volumetrics, and the list goes on. I read every diet book I could get my hands on - Stop the Insanity, Atkins, French Women Don't Get Fat, even Dr. Phil's stuff, and I don't even like that guy

And I discovered something - every single one of them worked. All of them had good things to say, and I lost weight on all of them. Problem was, I would lose anywhere from 10 to 60 lbs, and then gain it all back plus more. I lost a bunch about 11 years into my marriage after stepping on the scale and crying for days that I was 320 lbs. Then, I found out why my husband was emotionally distant - turned out, he was gay and faking it all those years. I was bowled over, and I started smoking again, AND eating everything in sight. We stuck it out for 10 more years (don't ask LOL), and I just vascillated. I didn't get back over 300 lbs again, but since then I have remained in the 250 to 280 range. I'm 283 right now.

I got separated in 2006, divorced in 2007, and started losing weight again. Guess what? Nope, I didn't keep it off. It's not what I don't KNOW. I work in mental health, I accept the issues, I've worked on the issues, I know what to eat and I'm good at eating what I'm SUPPOSED to - but I eat too much of everything. I LOVE FOOD. All kinds, from healthy to non-healthy. And, just like the skin, if you stretch the stomach out far enough, it's not going to "spring back" into shape once you stop filling it so full. So when on a diet, I feel like i"m starving all the time. I rarely feel full, unless I've stuffed myself to the point I want to take off my pants and put on a robe.

I just turned 43 years old, and I want the second half of my life to be NOT constantly losing, then gaining, then losing, then gaining. I want to be healthy, and be able to run and bike again, like I did way back when. I want to be able to play a game of tennis and not wonder if those chuckling people outside the fence are laughing at the fat chick playing tennis.

Someone did say something to me once. He yelled out of the back of a pickup (and there was a CROWD of people there waiting for the annual town parade), "What are you looking at, you fat b**ch?" Me being me (already a chick with an attitude), I yelled back a line from a movie I'd remembered: "I thought it was my mother's old douchebag, but that's in Indiana!" People laughed. I put my sunglasses down over my eyes and smiled, but I was hiding the tears.

I'm done feeling like I somehow don't DESERVE this, or that this is how I"m MEANT to be. I have become a confident, self-sufficient woman. I have great friends. But in this one area, I need a tool to help me. I need something that is going to make me sick if I shovel food in fast instead of savoring every bite, so I welcome dumping or feeling sick if I eat one bite too much. But I need it soon, because the second half of my life has just GOT to go better for me than the first. And I don't want to spend it struggling with food.

So, hi.

Edited June 15, 2009 by Kristopia
forgot my story

[Malaika 50]

Hi all - I don't have my sleeve yet, but I'm heading that way, as soon as I can solidify financing with crappy credit (compliments of my ex). I'm glad to see a forum dedicated specifically to VSG, as I'm not really a fan of the "my surgery is better'n yours" mentality that can happen in a few other forums. The only place I've never seen flaming is at Bariatrictv.com (I highly recommend the podcasts as they are funny and informative)

Anyway, just wanted to say hi and that I'm glad to find this place, even if the person who sent me the PM on OH is a "deleted profile".

Welcome - you will love it here -- we are all wonderful, if I do say so myself -- LOL ... lots of great people and tons of information ... if you have a question, as away ... chances are you'll get lots of answers but if not, you'll get at least one I can assure you.

Good luck with the whole credit thing - been there, done that ... know what's so great about exes? That they are EXES!!!

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

Hi all - I don't have my sleeve yet, but I'm heading that way, as soon as I can solidify financing with crappy credit (compliments of my ex). I'm glad to see a forum dedicated specifically to VSG, as I'm not really a fan of the "my surgery is better'n yours" mentality that can happen in a few other forums. The only place I've never seen flaming is at Bariatrictv.com (I highly recommend the podcasts as they are funny and informative)

Anyway, just wanted to say hi and that I'm glad to find this place, even if the person who sent me the PM on OH is a "deleted profile".

Now I'm editing because I realized I have forgotten to give my story :thumbup1:

I'm a PRE-pre-op living in NC. I began thinking about WLS several years ago, but have been trying to get surgery since January of this year. I spent years before that telling myself "it's a cop-out" or "the easy way out" or "what's wrong with you, no willpower?" In short, I was ashamed of even thinking about that option. In my family, you just had to "tough it out."

But that was then, this is now. I have battled my weight nearly all my life. I was not overweight as a child or teen. I didn't have a weight problem, but I already had an EATING problem. I was just active enough then that it didn't pile onto my thighs. I also used dexatrim, other diet pills, and street speed (yep, that desperate) to lose weight and keep it off as a teenager. Then, at age 19, I had a baby and got married, and that eating problem became apparent.

My husband was emotionally distant, so I ate. I had post-partum depression, so I ate. I ate when sad, angry, happy, etc. It's no wonder considering my entire extended family were Foodies. My father owned great restaurants, and was an amazing cook, as were my stepmother and my mother, so no matter where I was, all activities revolved around food. Even funerals had tables just groaning with comfort foods like barbecue ribs, prime rib, cheesy potatoes with salty bacon, you name it. I associated food from small childhood with joy. So when I wanted to feel joy, I ate. I'm still a foodie, and love to cook, though I try to make healthier choices in what I cook these days.

I've been on every diet I know about, including Atkins, Carbohydrate Addicts, Protein Power, Weight Watchers, Volumetrics, and the list goes on. I read every diet book I could get my hands on - Stop the Insanity, Atkins, French Women Don't Get Fat, even Dr. Phil's stuff, and I don't even like that guy

And I discovered something - every single one of them worked. All of them had good things to say, and I lost weight on all of them. Problem was, I would lose anywhere from 10 to 60 lbs, and then gain it all back plus more. I lost a bunch about 11 years into my marriage after stepping on the scale and crying for days that I was 320 lbs. Then, I found out why my husband was emotionally distant - turned out, he was gay and faking it all those years. I was bowled over, and I started smoking again, AND eating everything in sight. We stuck it out for 10 more years (don't ask LOL), and I just vascillated. I didn't get back over 300 lbs again, but since then I have remained in the 250 to 280 range. I'm 283 right now.

I got separated in 2006, divorced in 2007, and started losing weight again. Guess what? Nope, I didn't keep it off. It's not what I don't KNOW. I work in mental health, I accept the issues, I've worked on the issues, I know what to eat and I'm good at eating what I'm SUPPOSED to - but I eat too much of everything. I LOVE FOOD. All kinds, from healthy to non-healthy. And, just like the skin, if you stretch the stomach out far enough, it's not going to "spring back" into shape once you stop filling it so full. So when on a diet, I feel like i"m starving all the time. I rarely feel full, unless I've stuffed myself to the point I want to take off my pants and put on a robe.

I just turned 43 years old, and I want the second half of my life to be NOT constantly losing, then gaining, then losing, then gaining. I want to be healthy, and be able to run and bike again, like I did way back when. I want to be able to play a game of tennis and not wonder if those chuckling people outside the fence are laughing at the fat chick playing tennis.

Someone did say something to me once. He yelled out of the back of a pickup (and there was a CROWD of people there waiting for the annual town parade), "What are you looking at, you fat b**ch?" Me being me (already a chick with an attitude), I yelled back a line from a movie I'd remembered: "I thought it was my mother's old douchebag, but that's in Indiana!" People laughed. I put my sunglasses down over my eyes and smiled, but I was hiding the tears.

I'm done feeling like I somehow don't DESERVE this, or that this is how I"m MEANT to be. I have become a confident, self-sufficient woman. I have great friends. But in this one area, I need a tool to help me. I need something that is going to make me sick if I shovel food in fast instead of savoring every bite, so I welcome dumping or feeling sick if I eat one bite too much. But I need it soon, because the second half of my life has just GOT to go better for me than the first. And I don't want to spend it struggling with food.

So, hi. :sad0:

WOW...

You are a fantastic writer! I love the way you convey your thoughts and feelings. Soooo much of it we will all relate to. You know, this is why I wanted this section of the forum. We all feel like we might be taking the easy way out, that nobody else understands, we don't deserve help with eating, we know what we are doing but we just can't stop. When people read enough posts written by others that 'get it' and relate/understand, then we can start moving forward. Then we realize we are not alone in this and others may even have it worse! Then things can be put in their proper perspective and that is exactly what you have done. You have put into words what so many of us feel but we don't know how to express it.

People do not realize what leads up to obesity. We know we are growing bigger. I think for many there is a bit of denial that it has gotten as out of hand as it has. Then one day we wake up and realize we are *really* fat! So... the next step, what to do about this? We try every diet, every weight loss gimmick, we spend a fortune trying to lose weight and tomorrow when we get on the scale we might even be bigger than before we set out to lose weight.

It's just this horrible cycle and you have outlined it beautifully.

As for your sleeve.... what can we do to help you get your sleeve? I have a friend that is a credit pro! She does not charge, she's not a professional. She just knows a lot about the topic, the laws involved, how to get things done. She can help you with that. We all have our little corner of the world that we like work from. She's a credit expert. Another person I know is an insurance expert, she's great at appeals if your ins covers but is picking apart petty details. I like to help people research their surgeon, another person I know is good at helping people get medicaid if they should qualify.

So what can we do to help you get your sleeve?

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

Folks....

At the top of this thread you will find a bar that has all kinds of icons. One is to "rate" this thread. Since the OP has done such a beautiful job of outlining what so many of us go through would you guys mind rating this thread? It will show stars or something and hopefully catch the attention of noobs coming here.

Thanks!

[Kristopia 0]

Thanks for the welcome, Vegasangel :thumbup1:

Thanks Wasa - I'm writing a book - calling it "I Married a WHAT?!?" **heh** I can't resist that title.

Anyway, insurance is a definite out - the new policy the company got through United Healthcare in March does not cover WLS at all. Can't appeal because can't submit the first time.

As for credit, I can use all the help I can get - I have applied for every single loan out there - no dice due to my poor credit (under 600 - pathetic). I'm refusing to pay the cards that my ex ran up in my name while we were still married - so of course they go on credit rating because they're in collections. Luckily in NC, they can't come after me in court for unsecured debt unless I have a lot of money in savings.

As for surgeons - I have been thinking seriously about Dr. Joya in Puerto Vallarta. However, I've heard good things about Asceves and Alvarez as well. I'm at this point thinking they are all great surgeons, and everyone who goes to any of them seems to have nothing but good things to say about the doctors and the staff, so it's down to economics. Who is cheaper? And - is there anything to do in Mexicali or Tijuana for the person who comes with me while I'm recouping? I'm going to be researching the local sites myself as well, but thought I'd get some opionions.

Edited June 15, 2009 by Kristopia

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

Thanks for the welcome, Vegasangel :thumbup1:

Thanks Wasa - I'm writing a book - calling it "I Married a WHAT?!?" **heh** I can't resist that title.

Anyway, insurance is a definite out - the new policy the company got through United Healthcare in March does not cover WLS at all. Can't appeal because can't submit the first time.

As for credit, I can use all the help I can get - I have applied for every single loan out there - no dice due to my poor credit (under 600 - pathetic). I'm refusing to pay the cards that my ex ran up in my name while we were still married - so of course they go on credit rating because they're in collections. Luckily in NC, they can't come after me in court for unsecured debt unless I have a lot of money in savings.

As for surgeons - I have been thinking seriously about Dr. Joya in Puerto Vallarta. However, I've heard good things about Asceves and Alvarez as well. I'm at this point thinking they are all great surgeons, and everyone who goes to any of them seems to have nothing but good things to say about the doctors and the staff, so it's down to economics. Who is cheaper? And - is there anything to do in Mexicali or Tijuana for the person who comes with me while I'm recouping? I'm going to be researching the local sites myself as well, but thought I'd get some opionions.

If you PM me I will put you in touch with the credit person, Mindy. She's great!

[Bornagainbabe 4]

Ditto on everything already said re. your post. I 'get' absolutely everything you say regarding issues, mentality, etc. etc. Like you I could run my own diet club, I could hand out advice and encourage others no problem as I too have tried nearly every diet going, but, I can't do it myself!!! I cannot practice what I preach and nothing is going to stop me stuffing my face continuously. I would stuff it until I felt sick just for the sake of it. When I had my band people told me that once I had lost my weight I would never let myself get like that again. What rubbish! I expect that I am like most people here and need that permanence of restriction.

Good luck! :confused1:

[Kristopia 0]

Thanks and yeah, I also could run a club, write a book or two about diet and nutrition, etc., as I've pretty much done it. Thing is, I've been successful at it in the past, losing up to 100 lbs at a time - but then it would come right back on the minute I stopped starving myself. Now, my metabolism is so wrecked I can be on a very strict diet and exercise regimen for a long time (my doc and I tried it - 1,000 calories a day, heavy exercise for two months - I lost 1/2 lb - talk about discouraging).

So, I get it - I definitely need the restriction, because it is the hunger that drives me nuts. I want to be on the diet where I'm eating high Protein, low fat, veggies, low carbs, and I'm getting back to that now. Exercise as well - I love it - used to be an athlete, but I'm so big now that it hurts. I have foot, ankle, knee and hip soreness issues and even walking has become almost crippling for the three days after a hike.

I want this tool to get that restriction. So I feel fullness without eating two lbs of food. Four bites? Lovely, bring it on :confused1:

[Malaika 50]

Thanks and yeah, I also could run a club, write a book or two about diet and nutrition, etc., as I've pretty much done it. Thing is, I've been successful at it in the past, losing up to 100 lbs at a time - but then it would come right back on the minute I stopped starving myself. Now, my metabolism is so wrecked I can be on a very strict diet and exercise regimen for a long time (my doc and I tried it - 1,000 calories a day, heavy exercise for two months - I lost 1/2 lb - talk about discouraging).

I'm with you ... my metabolism is so secrewed ... it's like it is saying "well you can go ahead and do this diet, but, me, I've been through this with you before so screw it - I'm not playing" and I lose so slowly and the minute I go to 1001 calories, I gain it back. IT SUCKS.

So, I get it - I definitely need the restriction, because it is the hunger that drives me nuts. I want to be on the diet where I'm eating high Protein, low fat, veggies, low carbs, and I'm getting back to that now. Exercise as well - I love it - used to be an athlete, but I'm so big now that it hurts. I have foot, ankle, knee and hip soreness issues and even walking has become almost crippling for the three days after a hike.

I don't even have the hunger cravings and 90% of the time I eat very healthy - because I feel better on veggies, fruits and no carbs. Occassionally I go for something sweet and 'bad' however, that zaps my energy. I'm looking forward to getting back into the exercise mode -- I wouldn't say I love it; I will say that I feel so much better once I do exercise and after a period of time, i actually look forward to it.

I want this tool to get that restriction. So I feel fullness without eating two lbs of food. Four bites? Lovely, bring it on :thumbup1:

And one more thing on exes .... when I finally told my ex I wanted a divorice and told him all the reasons (which we had discussed a zillion times) his one and only response: WELL AT LEAST I NEVER TOLD YOU YOU WERE FAT! (As though I couldn't look in a mirror and see that for myself?) Talk about NOT GETTING IT!

[Kristopia 0]

Vegasangel - yep, you get it - as I'm sure nearly all of us do

You know, my issue with my ex wasn't that he was gay (well, yeah it was, but it was that he'd LIED about it and married me anyway), it was with the lying, cheating, and stealing from me. And, as yours didn't get it and said that about "at least I never told you I was fat" - mine allowed me to believe that me and my weight were the reason he was increasingly more emotionally distant, and we were having less sex (though it had never been enough).

I asked him one day before I found out about his orientation - "Is it because I've gained weight, and I'm less attractive to you? Is that why you don't touch me unless I harass you for it?"

He replied, "Yeah, that's it." What a coward. He destroyed what was left of my self-esteem, all to cover his own ass because he was too much of a coward to tell me the truth.

Course, as we all know, I might have worked to try to lose it after that - but not really hard - and affter I found out he was gay - well, what the hell was I even TRYING to lose weight for?

[Jaffa 5]

Boy, that is right on. I have always been able to diet and lose weight, but I have always put it back on, plus some.

Good luck on the credit thing. I had bad credit at one time, because I got in a fight with the IRS....well, I won, but in the meantime, they made my life hell.

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

I hope you get your sleeve soon, and I hope you go to Dr. Aceves. I am not sure if he is the cheapest, but with such an important surgery, I don't think it's a good idea to go to someone who does not have the stats that he has.

I had a blast in Mexicali. I took a taxi to a huge mall. There is supposed to be one within walking distance, but the girl I went with wanted to go to the other one.

I can really relate to what you said about someone calling you fat when you were in a crowd. I started my first diet when I was 13 because some guy called me a fat ass.

WasA is right. You are an excellent writer!

[Jaffa 5]

Amazing what people can say. When I was 12, a guy asked me when I was going to get a bra. 30 years later and it still bothers me.

[Malaika 50]

I can really relate to what you said about someone calling you fat when you were in a crowd. I started my first diet when I was 13 because some guy called me a fat ass.

Amazing what people can say. When I was 12, a guy asked me when I was going to get a bra. 30 years later and it still bothers me.

Yeah, the two things that stick in my mind is the kid down the street calling me TANK (and he was no small thing himself let me tell you) and my dad saying he didn't want to move from California to Indiana because he didn't want his daughters marrying someone from the midwest and getting fat... to this day that rings in my head EVERY time I see my dad. I don't think he even remembers it or knows how it affected me and he never mentions my weight at all.

It's amazing how the self-conscious can affect your self-esteem.

[Kristopia 0]

Steve - yes, credit issues can be a pain, that's certain :lol0: I believe I might be actually getting a loan, from a very unlikely source. I have a very good friend who is a higher level computer programmer type. He pulled quite a bit of his money out of his investments just before the market started sinking like the Titanic. He's been griping for months that he's only earning about 2.5% on his money right now. He and I were talking a few weeks ago, and he questioned me a bit heavily on the credit issues and the health issues I was having. We hike together nearly every weekend, and he has, of course, noted the increasing foot and joint problems.

Anyway, he has offered to loan me the money (with interest, and legally with a legal document, which I insisted on). He asked me what interest I'd expect to pay. I told him that if I got a laon from a "bad credit" creditor, the insurance would be through the roof, as high as the law allowed it. He said, "how about 6%? That's low for you, and it helps me make at least a bit more than 2.5% on that portion of my savings." It's win-win, as I have never defaulted on a loan from any source, except the ones I'm fighting that my ex ran up.

So, I believe I have a lender, from an unlikely source - I didn't even bring it up to him. He offered - told me he needed his hiking buddy back so he could kick my ass fairly next time we climb a mountain here in NC. I'm making every effort to make sure it does not affect our friendship - payback will be direct deposited from my account to his on the first of each month (I pay all my bills that way anyway), so he will never have to feel like he's asking for his payment.

We're still discussing it - but it sounds like it will be a go

Oregondaisy - I have been looking at Dr. Aceves, as well as Dr. Alvarez and Dr. Joya (in Puerto Vallarta). All three have excellent track records and I've spoken to people who have used all three - and they all gush about all of them I've checked how many sleeve surgeries (as well as other bariatric surgeries) they have all done.

I'm actually leaning toward Dr. Joya, as he is a Gastroenterologist, as well as a surgical expert, though I must say it is also for the location. The ocean has always been a place where I have gone to heal, both emotionally and physically. Expenses there even out with expenses for the other two doctors and locations, from all the adding I've been doing. And, my hiker friend and loan guy is going with me to make sure I'm okay - when he asked if someone was going, I said no, I was going alone. He volunteered to come with me on his own dime, for company and help - and because he wants to go to Puerto Vallarta LOL.

I'm not completely solid on which of the three docs yet, but Dr. Joya will most likely be my choice. It's a shame so many people think that going to Mexico is so scary - these are top notch surgeons in high tech hospitals. I'm glad we're finding them before they get too popular and more expensive though