Really stupid things people have shared with you

[Wheetsin 714]

Have you ever had someone, known or stranger, tell you something so outlandish you think they're joking but they're actually very serious? This happened to me lastnight (and several other times). And a few others I've been told...

Lastnight I was walking into a store, not paying attention, and tripped on a crack in the sidewalk. Nothing major, just a little hop. There was a guy walking behind me, in his 40s, dressed in a killer suit, looking like a pretty sharp guy. He asked me if I was ok, and told me he has a tendency to trip on nothing, too. Then he says, "It's too bad they can't do more about the ants." Completely confused I told him, "I'll trip over a lot of things, but an ant probably isn't one of them." He says, "No, no, I meant the cracks. That's how they get there, you know, the ants walk in the line for so many years that they wear out strips of the sidewalk concrete, that's what makes the cracks." I looked at him and waited for some sign that I was supposed to laugh, but it never came, so I played dumb and said, "Oh, I always thought it was from tree roots, or settling, or the contraction/expansion with the seasons." "Oh," he says, "All of that will contribute, but most of the problems come from the ants wearing down the concrete. On the roads too. That's why Missouri roads are so bad, we have too many ants." And he was dead serious.

A few years ago I was at the grocery store trying to pick out a watermelon using the knock-on-it technique. A lady comes up to me and asks, "What're you doing?" I told her that I was trying to find a good watermelon - and she laughed at me. Then she tells me, "You see all these scars all over the watermelon? (pointing to the brown rind areas, the fruit version of stretch marks) "Yeah..." "Well you have to go for the watermelon that has a lot of brown strips like that if you want a good one." (Being a smartass again) - "Why, because that's where all the sugar is, like in a brown banana?" "Oh, no hon, because the bees only go for the really good ones." "I'm sorry - what?" "The bees. The use their stingers to suck out all the watermelon juice, that's what makes these brown spots on the watermelon. So if you find one with a lot of brown, you know a lot of bees drank from it and it's a good one." So again, being an antagonist, I asked her, "But if all the bees already drank from it -- why would I want to be a sucked up, dry watermelon?" She laughed at me again. "Oh, that's what the pollen is for. They collect the pollen in their stinger, and as they suck the juice out they also put the pollen in the watermelon, and that makes it get juicier."

When I worked as a manager, one of my supervisors came to me, pretty panicked, asking if she could leave early. I told her sure, and that I hoped everything was OK, and to let me know if she needed anything. I assumed there was a family emergency or something serious because of the way she was acting/approaching me. She tells me, "Oh, no, it's really not a big deal, I just forgot to take down my hummingbird feeders." We *were* short staffed that day, so I asked her if that was something she needed to take care of now, or something that could wait another hour until she was off. She told me she really had to get home to do it now, she needed to have done it this morning but forgot. Then she tells me, "You see, it's pretty cold out today" (this was one of the first chilly days of late summer/early fall), "and I have to take down my hummingbird feeders so they won't stay at my house. If I keep feeding them they're going to want to stay, and they'll miss the geese." And she says this just like I should know what she's talking about. "What do you mean?" "They'll miss the geese." "I have no idea what you're talking about..." "So they can get a ride. That's why hummingbirds have such long beaks. They use them to clip onto the feathers under the geeses' wings and then ride on the geese south for the winter. There's no way they could fly that far by themselves, they're way too small."

I didn't witness this but my parents did. Per their story, they were standing on a pier over a lake watching the carp swarm the surface for pieces of bread. Several of the carp had scars from rochs, boat props, whatever. A guy came over to them and told them they shouldn't be feeding these carp. My parents asked why, and the guy told them, "They're mutants and we don't want more of 'em. See all those extra gills they're growing?" (as he points to the scars on their backs, heads...)

[barbara465 2]

I really enjoyed this post. It made me smile. Have you ever thought of stand up? You tell a good story.

[NurseTeresa 0]

Wheetsin.......thanks for all the great readings and laughs today...... they really purked my sick butt up. Thanks again and if you have the rest of the van disel pic that would really make me feel better....lol

[Archermom 0]

Wheetsin,

does that mean we need signs now hat say:

"ANT CROSSING" on the cracks in the street, sidewalk, etc..??? lol

That's just what I needed this morning- thanks for the laugh!:clap2:

[Wheetsin 714]

If I had the rest of that Vin Diesel pic, I wouldn't be here at work posting, I'd be at home uh... being very good to myself...

[NurseTeresa 0]

See how you are gonna keep all the good things for yourself and not share........couldnt we all be good to ourselves with the rest of that pic?

[Telly 4]

Lol, this thread had me double reading the actual quotes from these crazy people. I had to read it twice because I couldn't believe what I was reading. It almost reminds me of that movie "BIG FISH" where everything was his life story but fictional and outlandish.

Good reading. Thanks.

[Northernsun 4]

and to think- all the years i have wasted thumping watermelons.......

Thanks for the chuckles!

[Kat817 19]

Wheetsin, I needed the laugh....THANK YOU!!

What I get, and it happens all too frequently is this: Many, make that MANY people do not know New Mexico is part of the US of A! I called an order in several years ago to Sears, gave her my address, and she tells me they do not deliver outside the content (not a typo) United States. I explain to her we ARE in the US, so she reluctantly asks again for the address. Well the small town I live in is full of ancient Indian Ruins, and I lived on one of many roads with the name Ruins in them. she asks me "Ruins?" I said yes and spelled it, and she asks me..."ruins like in molded food? " I told her, RUINS, as in where the true native Americans of this country used to live! She says "what?" Finally I placed my order....and as hard as it will be for you to believe this...I never got it!

Then just last month when I went to Mexico to get my band, we were talking with a couple of nurses, one of whom spoke English, she ask where we were from, we told her New Mexico, she tells the other nurse in Spanish what we said, then tells us she translated it for her that we are not from the United States, that we live "on the hill". We explained to her that NM was in the US, she was so surprised!! Ironic that the US people don't want to claim us, and Mexico did!! I don't mean this one negatively about the nurse, heck I know nothing about Mexico really as a country and how it is divided up! Just cracked me up, like we lived in the NEW Mexico up on snob hill or something!!!

Have a good day everyone. And again thanks for the laughs, I needed them today!

Kat

[Wheetsin 714]

That's really funny! New Mexico... ah hah hah, where we smell our wine corks and only eat gooey cheese!

I work with a guy who wants to go to England, because he's been told the New England colonies are pretty in the fall. You know... their old colonies are just mediocre, but the new ones are a must-see.

Oh, and shortly after 9/11... this one guy I worked with... you know the type... says one day, "I can't figure out why in the hell all the news is making such a big deal about Islam. It's not even on the damn map, so it can't be THAT much of a threat."

[sallyjo 0]

Thanks for the laughs Wheetsin. Kat if you think you have a problem with New Mexico you ought to have lived in Alaska. I have never seen so many people that thought we were not part of the U.S.

[FunnyDuddies 6]

I think there are lots of people that do the same thing with New England as they do with New Mexico.

[Yoda 0]

on that same note....

I'm a Canadian and on some of my travels to the US I have gotten some strange queries. Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying all Americans are this "daft" but these ones certainly were!!!

When some Americans find out I'm Canadian, they assume the strangest things about Canada. I've been asked the fol (the scary thing being that they were indeed, serious!):

- "do you live in an Igloo?"

- " do you eat whale blubber?"

- " do you have grass"?

- "oh, you live in Canada? You must know my cousin, twice removed..." (yeah, cause there is ONLY 300 people who live in Canada and so the chances are good....)

-"Your King rules Canada doesn't he"

I've had Americans think the capitol of Canada is Quebec. Quebec is a PROVINCE, not a city (altho there is Quebec City).

The funniest was..."oh Canada. Ya, I heard you have a mall up there now". "A mall?", says I. "Ummmmm, yeah, we actually have a lot of malls in Canada...now that we have roads and such". "That's good...malls are good for the economy", he says. "errrr ya, we're not gonna be part of the 3rd world anymore".

AAAARRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

[Yoda 0]

Here's another one that my husband just told me that made me laugh!!!!

He used to live in Niagara Falls (Ontario, Canada) (at the border crossing for US/Canada) and he said folks used to come into Canada from the US in July with skiis atop their car and towing snowmobiles and ask where the snow was!!! He'd say about 1,000 km north.

Others would come to our side of the border and then ask for directions to Canada. Ummmm you're standing in it!!! My husband and his friends used to give them directions which consisted going back to the US and using a different border crosssing to get into Canada (okay, now THAT is mean!).

[Wheetsin 714]

"do you eat whale blubber?" That's silly. Everyone knows Canadians just eat poutine.