Should you recommend surgery to obese oeople struggling?

[Julie norton 2,850]

I don't know the answer ! When I see aquaintances that are gaining large amounts continuously, I am torn whether to casually mention WLS as an option. I am not suggesting any put downs. Just an autobiographical. "This worked for me". Does this sound right to other seasoned bandsters? Sign me Unsure

[Sharpie 3,306]

I am not sure how the person you are wanting to help would appreciate your recommendation. sometimes it just makes them mad or hurts their feelings..

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

when i was 336 pounds, i knew exactly what i looked liked and didnt need nor want no one to tell me to lose weight or that i needed WLS....if they ask me now, i would say what i had done and advise, if not, its none ya business

[gowalking 10,790]

I don't know the answer ! When I see aquaintances that are gaining large amounts continuously, I am torn whether to casually mention WLS as an option. I am not suggesting any put downs. Just an autobiographical. "This worked for me". Does this sound right to other seasoned bandsters? Sign me Unsure

Don't say anything. If someone other than a doctor spoke to me about weight loss options, I'd punch out their lights. If someone comes to you asking about it, that's fine. But otherwise...not a good idea.

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

Oye, that's one touchy and potentially dangerous subject.

The only time I've ever brought up WLS is if someone specifically asks what I've done to lose weight or they've brought up their own weight struggles. For instance, I have a very good friend who's diabetic and needs to lose about 150 pounds. When he told me he needed to lose that much weight but had no idea how, I suggested he look into the Lap Band and then shared my experience with it.

But I don't think I'd ever bring it up, or suggest it, unless the other person does first. I have many obese friends and family members that could benefit from WLS greatly. I see them and it honestly breaks my heart because I know how badly they struggle. But, I also know if I brought up the topic they'd take it extremely offensively, despite my best intentions.

Just my experience.

[Toddy 758]

NOT unless they ask first!!!!!!!

[GoingforGoal 1,734]

Oh I know your pain.

Never before in my life would I go up to a fellow obese person and suggest what they should do about their weight haha. However, after the band and losing heaps of weight I cannot help but sympathize and want to help. But than I step back and I think to myself..what if someone did that to you. Out of the blue just said, hey I see your overweight, you should get the band. Oh boy. That's as bad as someone asking you when you are due when you are not pregnant LOL.

If someone asks, please do help and share your story. If someone brings up the topic and share they are struggling/failing, share. But if they don't ask... I think I would refrain from bringing it up. It is indeed a sensitive topic.

Unfortunately I know that means we have to accept this person may never lose weight, or maybe they'll gain even more before getting started on the right path, or perhaps they'll get conditions as a consequence of their obesity making them suffer even more (ie diabetes). Sigh, but it's the onus of the person to be ready and to make the decision. All your comments may solicit is embarrassment and anger and that is the opposite emotion the person needs and certainly won't encourage surgery.

Patience

[Julie norton 2,850]

Thanks for all the responses. It helps me to see most people do not think broaching this subject is good form. Only in response to questions is what I am reading.

Of course I knew 7 years ago,Before my journey into WLS that I was interested in something that appeared to last. Rather than taking off 30 lbs. gaining 32. Etc. I would have liked to hear some options. But I'm hearing that is only me. Any thoughts?

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

Thanks for all the responses. It helps me to see most people do not think broaching this subject is good form. Only in response to questions is what I am reading.

Of course I knew 7 years ago,Before my journey into WLS that I was interested in something that appeared to last. Rather than taking off 30 lbs. gaining 32. Etc. I would have liked to hear some options. But I'm hearing that is only me. Any thoughts?

Not me. If someone had come to me and said "hey have you considered weight loss surgery?" I'd have been seriously offended. To be totally honest, I probably would've given them quite the verbal b*tch slapping about minding their own d@mn business. (again, just being honest!)

[NaNa 878]

I agree with a lot of people here, I remember someone had mentioned this to a stranger, and turns out that "stranger" who was morbidly obese HAD ALREADY HAD THE BYPASS, years ago and had regained weight so you never know what is going on with someone, and you never know what your future will hold with your lap band.

Also every obese person DO NOT WANT WLS, some people are not candidates for medical reasons, some people can't afford it, don't have insurance, etc.

Also, OBESE PEOPLE KNOW THEY ARE FAT, no one has to tell them that, food can be a horrible addiction like drugs, and when people tell them to lose weight, sometimes the opposite can happen and they turn to food, from being hurt.

Also there are MANY obese people that lose weight successfully without weight loss surgery and keep it off, and yes it can be done.

I've known many that have successfully lost weight the good ole fashion way and have kept it off for many years, they changed their lifestyle joined weight watchers and exercise daily.

So you can't get cocky just because you have a tool that is making it difficult for you to eat and judge others or look down on other obese people because they have not decided to do what you are doing.

I agree with most here, never mention it UNLESS they ask, "hey how are you losing your weight? Then perhaps they will get inspired by your weight loss with your band, and then they can decide if the lap band is a viable option for them.

Edited to Add: Also most people have a "breaking point" when they've had enough and want to do something drastic...perhaps these friends just not have reached that breaking point.

A lot of people get weight loss surgery for the wrong reasons, for vanity, spouse leaves them, etc....perhaps their health is not at a critical point yet.

[dawalsh 919]

OMG weight is a personal, and touchy subject. I was teased and bullied all my life about my weight and what a pretty face I had and if I'd only lose weight. My mother (RIP) would one minute tell me what a fat can I had and the next minute she was praising me so I grew up confused and hurt.

The only way I would even hint at WLS is if the person was asking me how I was losing weight. I would never suggest that they need WLS. In fact, my friend weighs over 450. She put 100 lbs in the last year alone. She is under a tremendous amount of stress. She is on XANAX for severe depression. The last thing I would want to do is suggest WLS. However, the other day she asked me how I was losing weight so I told her I had WLS. She said she would never consider WLS, so I dropped the subject but the seed has now been planted in her brain of how I'm losing weight.

[LeeB1946 261]

Only if asked. I do the same with overeaters anonymous. I let people know I am a member and if they want more information I share my story which now includes my lap bad. Was at an OA weekend convention and had not seem some of these people in a year or two. So had lots of fun talking about my new "food sponsor" Audry who was installed by my surgeon. I told them Audry told me when to eat and how much and gave me warning signs if I over did it. We had a lot of laughs.

[n2win 123]

Not in a million years!!!

We ALL knew we were obese and if they do not ask for your help or your opinion, then just leave it alone.

Besides this is not the easy way out; its still a huge challenge; takes lots of determination and dedication... and we all know if your not prepared, esp mentally prepared, there are countless mistakes and stories of self sabotage and failure.

----like I said... not in a million years

I think your heart is in the right place (bless you for that) but try posting answers to the questions on this forum from bandsters whom are actually asking for help!

[n2win 123]

I just noticed you joined in 2011 and have only made 77 posts.... I would absolutely start here and help those who are asking for: help, tips & guidance ...... and I'm one of those people, so start with me...lol!!

[tipsyb 71]

I have been asked by me weight loss as the year has gone on and I have basically answered by saying that I have a gastric band . When asked why I say it was right for me. I do not recommend just state the fact that it's right for me.