Disappointed in my friends reactions

[Kelli1016 52]

The day I had surgery, I decided to tell two of my "best" friends of my decision. I couldn't be more disappointed in their reactions. One said, "I think you're crazy. You were doing so well on your own." The other didn't verbally express any kind of disapproval but you could hear it in her tone. Unfortunately, I somewhat expected it but it doesn't change the disappointment.

Now, I know that not everyone will understand, approve of or support my decision. I don't expect people to and frankly, I don't need their approval. But my two best friends whom I have helped and supported through some very tough times, can't support me? I don't expect approval -- just support. One hasn't even reached out to ask how I'm feeling while the other said, "I'm just not for it".

Funny thing is this is why I held off telling them in the first place. Yet, here I sit, slightly annoyed and disappointed in them. I know that I shouldn't let it get to me but these are two women who have been friends for more than 20 years. I feel like I never should have told them but I am not the kind of person to keep "secrets". I am an open book and share most things about my life.

I know I'll get over it. I guess I just needed to vent a little about it.

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

((hugs))

People react a lot of different ways to WLS. Some are totally gung ho and excited, some are skeptical, some are hell bent on jeopardizing our efforts, and some are even jealous. The interesting thing is, the people who truly love us do eventually come around to support us in our decision- even if they don't agree with our decision.

Give them time to absorb it and see the wonderful changes happening in you. They'll come around.

Just curious, are either of them big women? I have found other fat people are the ones who react the worst to the fact I've had WLS. They see me as a traitor and are very often hostile out of jealousy. If either of your friends are big, this might be the case with them too.

[Kelli1016 52]

One is not obese but does battle with her weight while the other is about my size. So, it could be jealousy. I'm sure you're right and they will come around. It just sucks that I can be so supportive of them and they can't do the same for me.

[khelm32 52]

I understand how you feel. I have a friend now that has always struggled with her weight but has made comments that she would never get the Lapband as if that is any more ridiculous than all things she's tried to lose weight. I'm still waiting on insurance, but I haven't told her I'm getting done yet. I have recently heard her comment about someone else who had it done and said she really would be too scared to do something like that... I still haven't told her. The thing is that many people are against things they don't understand or they're afraid of. If the really want to be your friend though they can't judge you for your decision just because its not something they would so. That's not really fair to you.

[SolracSpree 133]

I had an open book policy as far as my WLS goes and funny enough my "slimmer" friends and co-workers were all like AWESOME! CONGRADS! Whereas my "plus" friends were like - "why would you do that?" "that it too dangerous" - strange, are your friends plus sized themselves?

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

I had an open book policy as far as my WLS goes and funny enough my "slimmer" friends and co-workers were all like AWESOME! CONGRADS! Whereas my "plus" friends were like - "why would you do that?" "that it too dangerous" - strange, are your friends plus sized themselves?

I had the exact same reactions! Thin people were all excited for me but other big people were very negative and tried to talk me out of it.

[justfoundthisboard 25]

I was surprised by the number of people in my office who shared their own WLS story with me when they "heard" I had gotten a lapband (nothing is a secret at work). Everyone has been very supportive and encouraging.

[dylanmiles23 2,198]

Kelli, when Jim posted you had the surgery I was very happy for you. As for your friends, they may be jealous that you care enough about yourself to get healthy.

Maybe take the heavy one with you to a support meeting.

[bigcheese 50]

The day I had surgery' date=' I decided to tell two of my "best" friends of my decision. I couldn't be more disappointed in their reactions. One said, "I think you're crazy. You were doing so well on your own." The other didn't verbally express any kind of disapproval but you could hear it in her tone. Unfortunately, I somewhat expected it but it doesn't change the disappointment.

Now, I know that not everyone will understand, approve of or support my decision. I don't expect people to and frankly, I don't need their approval. But my two best friends whom I have helped and supported through some very tough times, can't support me? I don't expect approval -- just support. One hasn't even reached out to ask how I'm feeling while the other said, "I'm just not for it".

Funny thing is this is why I held off telling them in the first place. Yet, here I sit, slightly annoyed and disappointed in them. I know that I shouldn't let it get to me but these are two women who have been friends for more than 20 years. I feel like I never should have told them but I am not the kind of person to keep "secrets". I am an open book and share most things about my life.

I know I'll get over it. I guess I just needed to vent a little about it.[/quote']

They might have been shocked at the fact you told them that day. Like kind of upset you kept a secret. I think they will come around. If not, you will have to figure what your new relationship with them will be.

[Kelli1016 52]

Thanks everyone. I may actually chat with them about it when I'm a little less bothered by it. They are my best freinds, I should be able to talk to them about anything - including this.

[Sharpie 3,306]

Keli yes by all means talk to them.. I told my best friend immediately.. she totally supported me but she does not have a weight problem.. She had seen my struggle for many years and was concerned for my health .. so, not everyone will be supportive, you have to decide that no matter what anyone thinks this is what is best for you... Take care and if your friends are really your best friends they will come around.. You might even be a good example for them and can help them with their weight issues....

[SandyM 1,956]

Mysery loves company and they may be miserable and jealous. I told my best friend who is slender and she was absolutely supportive. In fact, she still has my fatter picture come on the screen when I call her just so she can show me and everyone around us how far I've come. Your friends, if they are true friends will come around. Liklely they'll have alot of questions for you when they see that it is successful.

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

The day I had surgery, I decided to tell two of my "best" friends of my decision. I couldn't be more disappointed in their reactions. One said, "I think you're crazy. You were doing so well on your own." The other didn't verbally express any kind of disapproval but you could hear it in her tone. Unfortunately, I somewhat expected it but it doesn't change the disappointment.

Now, I know that not everyone will understand, approve of or support my decision. I don't expect people to and frankly, I don't need their approval. But my two best friends whom I have helped and supported through some very tough times, can't support me? I don't expect approval -- just support. One hasn't even reached out to ask how I'm feeling while the other said, "I'm just not for it".

Funny thing is this is why I held off telling them in the first place. Yet, here I sit, slightly annoyed and disappointed in them. I know that I shouldn't let it get to me but these are two women who have been friends for more than 20 years. I feel like I never should have told them but I am not the kind of person to keep "secrets". I am an open book and share most things about my life.

I know I'll get over it. I guess I just needed to vent a little about it.

well i cant say why they reacted that way

some do it because they dont truy understand it or what it is (and finding after reading these posts on the forum here lately, neither do some new banders just banded).....i think maybe alittle jealousy (esp if they are overweight themselves)...its hard for reality to hit one in the face when someone decides to make themselves well and have wls..they are reminded they are unfit also....they fear themselves...a few ladies i know, who were my size/bigger no longer want to be my friend....no, not because i am mean or flaunt my (success), but because i am no longer living my life as a super morbid obese woman...and you know what, it wasnt me who changed.....i am still the same person..just now 140 pounds lighter...like my friend sharp said, YOU be the example of what better health looks like

you will get there

you got a fantastic hubby

and you got me

[tradingplaceswithme 27]

I only told very few people including 3 close friends. They were all supportive before surgery. But one of the friends, after the day I had surgery has never once asked how I did, never checked on me after surgery, never commented on anything post surgery. Its been 2 and 1/2 years and 100+ lbs lost and she has not once commented or even said she noticed weight loss or that I look good. We saw each other regularly before surgery. (several times a week, phone calls and texting) I've seen her maybe 6 times in 2 and 1/2 years since. It's like she forgot I existed. We were good friends? She is overweight (not to the extreme i was though but short and stout.) My thin friends were fine. Coincidence? People have the strangest reactions. It's not YOU. Congrats of your surgery!