Spouse is NOT on board.....

[NaNa 878]

Hello All:

I was wondering if anyone else out there had a spouse/partner that was not on board with your WLS decision? I have been battling with my husband for the last year over this. At first I was supposed to be sleeved - but after 8 months of vile arguing, I conceeded to try the band instead. I finally told my husband either he keeps his comments to himself and deal with my decision or I walk. I cannot possibly be the only person out there that had to deal with such aggrevation......am I? Im not sure he's worried I'll leave him once I lose weight or what. Its so frustrating.

I am scheduled to be banded in 10/17 - finally.

Honestly, from what I've seen over the years, MOST people who get wls that are married, are doing it to get thin to leave their spouse, not saying you are doing that, but many do.

If you have a very strong relationship and love your husband and he is assured that you are doing this for your health and not 'vanity" and to search for someone "seemingly" better, be careful, because that approach only back fires.

Perhaps your husband is genuinely concerned for your health and well being the reasons he may did not want you to get the Sleeve, and more comfortable with the band, that CONCERN IS REASONABLE, because you can't reverse or turn back your stomach once it's gone and maybe he is more comfortable with you getting the band since it can be removed if something goes wrong.

Also remember, you are doing this for YOU also, and if you feel you need a 'tool' to help you get healthy then it's NO ONE's decision but YOURS and YOURS alone, it's your body, because you will have to deal with being responsible for your fills, exercise, nutrition, aftercare, etc,-- this journey is definitely not EASY, so hopefully once you show him, it's not the easy way out, and you truly love him and will stick with him through thick and thin, I am sure he will probably be your biggest supporter! And he will be very proud to be your husband, so go for it and good luck.

[LeeB1946 261]

This wole downward spiral started when we joined the gym. He was all on board for this, we even decided together that the sleeve was the best choice for me, etc. So the day we joined the gym, stupid me opened my mouth when they asked, "Why are we joining" I said I was having bariatric surgery and it was doctor's orders to start getting into a habbit of working out......WELL - the juice-head behind the counter felt he had to weigh in and pulled us aside. He went on this whole tangent about how I didn't need surgery, that all I needed was a trainer, a diet, and a good workout plan. The VERY NEXT MORNING - my husband wakes up and out of nowhere, tells me he has a bad feeling about the surgery and its been all downhill from there. I could kill this kid at the gym!

I was successful on Weight Watchers losing about 15 lbs for my wedding, but that didn't last. I tried NutriSystem for 3 days before I was just disgusted with their food. I tried a calorie counting plan with my husband and only lost about 6 lbs. He KNOWS that I have a horrendous time losing weight and keeping it off, yet he insists that diet and exercise is all I need - thanks to the bonehead at they gym (I'd prefer to compare him to a feminine hygine product, but I'll keep it lady-like) LOL

These people are trained to do this so they make more money by you coming to the gym. I had the same experience at a supplement store pre surgery. I have not shopped there since although I like their products. Do what you need to do for yourself, but the gym along with wls could be the answer. Best of luck.

[PuraVida37 715]

My first question to my doctor was "I hear that many couples split up after WLS. Is that right?" And he answered me honestly that it either brings them together or pushes them apart. I am willing to have either happen because I don't want to die this way. Enough is enough.

My husband was not on board either at first. He said he wanted me to show "commitment" to diet and exercise before getting the surgery. I tried to explain to him how the band would help me have commitment--I can lose 20-30 lbs at WW like you, but then my hunger turns on about a month or two later and then that's when I gain it all back plus 10 lbs. The band would let me keep going instead of bouncing me right back past the starting line.

And, have him talk to your doctor because obviously s/he will have much more to say than the gym guy who has no medical degree. Yeah, for some working out is the only thing you have to do. But for many of us, it's just not enough.

What has ended up happening with my husband is that we basically did the pre-pre-op diet together (low carb) and he's lost quite a bit of weight, as has our daughter. Me too! He now gets that I am excited about losing weight and being active. He loves that I'm on my new bike all the time, going to the gym, and eating right. And he's not looking too bad himself. LOL

Good luck to you. Remember, it's YOUR body. Yes, you need support, but it's YOUR body, YOUR life.

[Zingythingy 210]

I've mulled over your post since the early hours trying to put into words my annoyance on your behalf. Firstly if diet and exercise always worked in my opinion wls would never have been invented.. It never worked for me long term. Maybe I wasnt dedicated enough but I was always going to fail. I loved and relied on food too much.

Secondly as far as the twonk from the gym giving you his ....? Educated opinion was it even bloody asked for..sorry for being cross but it was none of his business. It was his job to encourage you on your set plan and help you with that not tell you the incredibly hard decision you made was wrong. He didn't know you....gggrrrr

As for your husband not being on board thats sad.. My long time partner of five yrs left because I had surgery and found my voice... Your husband did say better or worse, sickness or in health. Obesity is a disease id remind him of that. He knows you've tried. Surely he wants you happy and healthy.... Good luck honey. I think I'd write and complain about the gym twonk. His methods in my opinion were underhand and out of order. Trying to sell personal trainer time..not acknowledging whats right for you..

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