Husband says "I don't think you should get the band"

[BigMomma 0]

PeloRojo -

I just read your post and thought I had written it. My husband has most of the same arguments as yours. He doesn't think I need the WLS but he has agreed to support me. I've been trying to get him to go to a seminar or at least read some of the posts on here but he hasn't done it yet. Keep reading LBT. Everyone here is very supportive and encouraging. I've been sharing what I read with him so I think he knows that I'm doing my research and I'm going into this well informed.

[diva 0]

A few hours ago I attended the New Patient Orientation at the hospital-they have a multi approach program from Opti-fast to traditional dieting with a nutrionist to lap band to gastric bypass.

The one thing they stressed was that 99% of all people who lost a good amount of weight by dieting will gain it all back and some will add more pounds than they originally dieted off in the first place.

You can stick to a diet for a certain amount of time- its when we relax that we "fail". The bs that you did it before so you can do it again is proving your point. Yep you did it before. And? you are back where you started. So why go through another cycle???? Also-he's worried about you obessing about your food when you eat out? Try the Atkins and you'll see obsession. Got carbs? Any diet will have you obessing about food. With the band you'll will have a tool for life. Now I am not banded yet so I only speak from the planning stage.

In addition to the above info shooting down his reasons maybe those aren't really his reasons for sabotaging your changing for the better.

It sounds as if he is a little worried that you'll upstage him or become desirable to other guys or your new self won't love him anymore. I'm not a psychologist by any means but he sounds scared. I wish you a lot of luck-its a hard decision for anyone let alone without your husbands support. I hope you do what is best for you.

[omamoon 0]

PeloRojo,

Your husband made a very telling statement about preferring you "a little heavy" to being "thin" with sugery. If he's done his research, and you say he has, maybe he's feeling threatened by the idea that the band will work, and he will have a "thin" wife. Could he be thinking, "Will she be more attractive, confident, outgoing and begin to enjoy interacting with other men?" Not that his would be a bad thing, but it could enter his minds as a negative. Does he have any weight to lose? Could he be afraid of losing his eating buddy? A lot of men do not like change, especially when it is out of their control. It is very scary for them. Just something to think about.

[Constance 0]

You all raise great points. Today, I actually emailed my husband a few of your posts. We went for a long walk tonight (shocker, we normally sit on the couch most of the evening) and he said he wants to support whatever I decide. One post, which broke down every one of his concerns, really swayed him. Thanks all! THIS is support!

[Stitchy 0]

I am so glad to hear this, PeloRojo. It will be much easier to make your decision if you know you will be supported no matter what. My DH was the same way. He didn't want me to go through something so major, and he certainly played Devil's advocate, but also said "support you, no matter what."

After I had the band, he told me he saw how difficult life was and now felt guilty for not insisting that I do something about my weight earlier (dieting - we didn't know about lapband at that time). I had to remind him that it wouldn't have done any good; that it probably would have caused arguments. Surgery or dieting - it had to be MY decision, not his.