Being fat and finding love

[kimmcneely 1]

Well, believe it or not, I met Mr. Romeo on the internet. Let me tell my love story. I was divorced, had a 8 year old son and was 250 lbs. I had dated guys at bars, dated guys from church, dated guys from everywhere and anywhere but was very unsuccessful. I had been traveling with my company for almost 2 years and when I came home I was ready to settle down. I went on to a local website that had a dating service and found a post from a guy that said he was a christian, had a 4 yr old daughter and wasn't interested in games. I took a shot, emailed him back and we were married in Alaska 6 months later to the date. He is 6 foot 3 and 195 lbs and because of his job he has to be very fit. I emailed him a photo before we met because I didn't want him to feel deceived in anyway and he didn't seem to care about that at all. He says the first day we met, which was at Chuck E cheese with our kids, that he pulled up and said his jaw dropped. Pretty impressive huh? I thought it would all change but he is still the most wonderful guy that God has ever brought my way. And that is truely how I found him.

He was seeking me through God and I was seeking him. We both honestly believe that God had us destined to one another because his job is what brought him here to Texas where he knew no one to find me. God has a purpose for every single thing. Just pray dilligently and God will deliver. God's time is not our time. Don't forget that.

[HunnyBun 2]

I tried eharmony twice. The first time I met someone I liked and it turned into a relationship that didn't work, the second time I wasn't even lucky enough to meet anyone nice.

I do like eharmony though, but the price is kinda high for my budget.

I guess I'll just have to wait for prince charming to come and sweep me off my feet

Thanks for all the responses ladies!

[barbara465 2]

Try Match.com. I had great results there and for the older ones try seniorfriendfinder. I believe the technology can help us find those that we wouldn't necessarily have found using "traditional" methods.

I believe my DH was sent to me. I waited a long time to find him, but knew almost instantly that he was special. It was our time in life. If we had met earlier we probably would not have been right for each other. When you are open and receptive and comfortable with yourself, good things happen. Live your life to the fullest, and if you are fortunate enough to find someone to share it with, all the better.

[bswint 0]

well this may be my first post, but I must say that some men like myself like big women. I am not small by any stretch of the imagination 350+, and believe me the same can be said from my side of the isle! I was never really into the whole skiiny woman thing. Sure some are decent to look at, BUT usually when you get to know them they are either mean or cruel! (not all, but definately a lot) So you are not alone and believe me when I say big men have the same problem

Brian

getting banded in July:D

[DeLarla 22]

Magsi, the truth about love is that it doesn't come in any size. Honestly, before we found each other (my hubby) life was rough and lonely. I hated being fat because to me, fat equals alone. But now that I own a business that caters to women (I do home-parties for groups of women over 18) I've learned that love does not discriminate, and there are just as many skinny women lonely and hungry for love and marriage as there are full-sized gals.

I'm totally for the new Internet dating because at least you get a profile and photo of the guy as a preliminary screen. Perhaps your standards are higher than you think? Under the income section, are you only selecting men in a certain financial bracket, color, age, etc? Sometimes men lie in their profiles because they don't want gold diggers chasing them so they don't admit their financial success right up front.

I say to join as many dating services as possible and stop thinking the focus is on your weight. Put a picture of your face and give a description of what makes you beautiful on the inside, then let nature take its course.

[Poodles 0]

Hey... I see Jack!

Put an ad in the paper: "Attention Chubby Chasers! Perfect size 26 looking for love and happiness. Commitment wanted/required." That should let them know what you want up front!

I met my hubby at Burger King. Ordered a Whopper and got a Hubby!

My son just wrote a note to his girlfriend it reads: The star is high, the star is low, the sky is blue, you don't no who, I hope you love this... I love you. From your secret avmirer... (He is 7)

Hope you find a secret avmirer someday!

[legallyKristin 0]

Show the world how much you love being you and the right someone will love you for being you too.

Kinda corny huh? But I can't complain. I've known my fiance since we were born. OUR MOMS were best friends starting when they were in kindergarten. We're 24, have been sweethearts for about 12 years, and engaged for 1.5 years. Here's a pic!

He's loved me at 198 and 298 lbs, just because I am happy with who I am and that makes him happy.

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2006-1/1136773/YoungSweethearts.JPG

Kristin

[Wheetsin 714]

I met my husband backpacking through Europe. That must be the answer - pack up, and go get your ticket!

When I met hubby I wore a size 18. Still pretty big for some, but at 5'10 - 5'11 it's pretty good for me. When we were "dating" (as much as we could, considering we were 6,000 miles apart) he was, in his own words, "Proud to get someone like you." He was convinced he didn't deserve me, I was too pretty, too smart, etc. He actually slipped with his non-native English a few times when I would visit and he'd bring friends over, unanncounced, because he wanted to "show me off". Don't get me wrong, I'm certainly no trophy wife & never going to win a beauty contest, but my "traits" are very different/unusual compared to what's indigenous to his home country.

I ask him - if we weren't married, but had been dating this whole time and I asked you to marry me, would you? And he says yes.

I ask him - if you didn't know me, and I looked the way I do now, would you ask me out? And he says he doesn't know.

I ask him - if we were just friends, and you'd known for me as long as you really have, would you ask me out? And he says yes.

So I ask him - "Why would you ask me out if you knew me, even though I'm fat, but not if I was a fat stranger?" And his answer is honest. He's not one of the few men who find the bodies of fat women attractive, and as much as we like to be deep people, we will always always always under any kind of normal conditions be attracted by looks first. That's not to say you can't move past looks, but by definition it's generally the first "screening" criteria. So... now that he knows me, and has found qualities that attract him to me that are stronger than his initial phsyical attraction, my size/appearance wouldn't matter, but if he didn't know that about me, he would need to learn it since the physical attraction, while still there on one level (he loves my red hair, he thinks my eyes are exotic, etc), is not there on another (I JIGGLE!).

I don't think you can find love. It's not like a pair of car keys or a misplaced wallet. Love just happens, and either you're in the right place at the right time or you're not.

...or you just learn a whole lot about the other person and use that knowledge to manipulate them into a relationship with you.

[Nykee 13]

I gave up long ago, no way can I love a man if he loves me. Impossible.

[NewSho 20]

{ Nykee,

It's kind of like the Groucho saying, eh?

Groucho Marx always said he'd never belong to a club that would accept him as a member. }

Anyway, Magsi:

I must say, this is an issue that lots of us grapple with. If everyone (not just plus size people, but all of us) could easily find the person that is right for us, then there wouldn't be a Match*com or an e*Harmony or any of those sites. But, I absolutely feel that being Plus Size adds a whole another weight (excuse the phrase) to the issue.

Without a doubt, in this country, one is inundated with the message that to "Be Happy, Be Successful, or Be Loved - one has to be of normal weight (or even better, just under normal weight)." Plus Sized people are nearly absent from prime time TV , and especially plus sized women. (There was one actress, Sara Rue who was the star of a show that the TV execs pointedly called "Less Than Perfect" - yeah, yeah, we got it. Even she has lost quite a bit of weight assumably to conform to Hollywood standards.) So the message is clear: being overweight is like being invisible. In many higher-end dating/matchmaking services they will clearly explain that it's nearly impossible to match up plus sized clients, particularly female ones.

So if you think that current fashion, current music videos, current magazines and articles are any indication of what we think is important in this country - then we can definitely say that being overweight makes dating more difficult. It does.

I know that when I walk into a party or a club, that walking in at my previous weight is nothing like what it will probably be like to walk in now, or what it could be like to walk in at my goal weight. It doesn't mean I'll hold my head higher or lower, but I have always noticed a difference in the response I get from men, depending upon my weight. Does it mean I am more outgoing at a lower weight and men respond to that? Maybe so.

But sadly there are always those who judge books by their covers. A lot of them are men. If they miss out on us, then THEY have missed out - but it isn't easy either way.

Happy Band (And Life ) Journeys To All....