I'm being treated differently

[gowalking 10,790]

OK, I realized yesterday that I'm being treated differently since the weight loss. As many of you know, I have hip and knee issues and use a cane. I've been using the cane for two years and for the most part, folks are very good about letting me sit, or other needs I have because of my disability.

But...I noticed something very interesting and somewhat disturbing when I flew last week and again last night. I've never had anyone assist with getting my bag over the gap between the plane and the jetway before and it happened both times I flew recently. I also noticed a difference in how I'm perceived and all I can imagine is that there is alot less concern and sympathy for the obese woman on a cane versus the more normal sized woman I am now...though still on the cane. I get alot more 'can I help you?' comments than I did before. This makes me sad....I'm the same person I was with the same problems, but I'm perceived differently now. I understand it's the new reality but I guess it will take some getting used to...

[CHEZNOEL 4,061]

Yes, unfortunately I have seen this too. It is sad, but I try to keep it in mind when I see someone who may need a bit of help, regardless or girth!

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

Yup I've seen the same. I used a cane all the time when I was at my heaviest. Thankfully, as I've lost weight I've been able to build the strength in my legs so that I no longer need the cane. But, I have Multiple Sclerosis and this past May I had a bad relapse and needed the cane again for a couple weeks.

The difference in how I was treated with it was nothing less than astounding. People were eager to offer help, hold doors, and give me empathetic kind smiles. When I was over 400 pounds and used the cane, I swear people would just let doors drop shut in my face and no one cared. No one offered to help and people would look at me with disdain.

...but in all fairness, I'm treated very differently in all aspects of my life since losing weight, not just when I had to use the cane.

It's awful but people very much judge on appearance and make assumptions based on it.

[Cocoabean 430]

I beleve there is some bias against obese people. I think there is a feeling of "you did this to yourself, you deal with the issues you created." An obese person with a cane.... gee, their weight MUST have caused the issue. A normal weight person on a cane... it could have been a sports injury, not your fault, here let me help you!

[skb123 308]

Yes I am treated much differently since my weight loss. My daughter use to say people treated us like we weren't even there! Now days I get men opening doors for me, wanting to help me and just talk to me. I'm the same person I was the package is just smaller. It's really sad that most people judge you strictly by what you look like and not who you are.

[dylanmiles23 2,198]

Dr. Phil's son, Jay, went under cover in a body suit a few years ago and went to get a job. He was turned down. Then when the body suit came off he got the jobs and people did talk to him. The show was about how obese people are looked at and treated. It is very sad.

Have a great Labor Day.

[mrsto 2,925]

Dr. Phil's son, Jay, went under cover in a body suit a few years ago and went to get a job. He was turned down. Then when the body suit came off he got the jobs and people did talk to him. The show was about how obese people are looked at and treated. It is very sad.

Have a great Labor Day.

There was a lifetime movie along the same lines. It was called "To Be Fat Like Me". Our society has a long way to go, when it comes to passing judgement on people who are different, and/or do not share the same struggles.

About

Pretty, popular, athletic 17-year-old Aly is on the fast track to college when an accident blows out her knee and any chance for an athletic scholarship. A documentary contest, and her mother's constant struggle with weight, gives her the idea to go undercover at high school wearing a "fat suit" and hidden camera to prove that personality can outshine physical difference. Aly has always been slim and confident, so she is totally unprepared for the reality of how the world treats a "fat" girl, and she begins to understand how intolerant she has been of her own mother's experience.

[NaNa 878]

OK, I realized yesterday that I'm being treated differently since the weight loss. As many of you know, I have hip and knee issues and use a cane. I've been using the cane for two years and for the most part, folks are very good about letting me sit, or other needs I have because of my disability.

But...I noticed something very interesting and somewhat disturbing when I flew last week and again last night. I've never had anyone assist with getting my bag over the gap between the plane and the jetway before and it happened both times I flew recently. I also noticed a difference in how I'm perceived and all I can imagine is that there is alot less concern and sympathy for the obese woman on a cane versus the more normal sized woman I am now...though still on the cane. I get alot more 'can I help you?' comments than I did before. This makes me sad....I'm the same person I was with the same problems, but I'm perceived differently now. I understand it's the new reality but I guess it will take some getting used to...

This is very sad, but true in our society. The more you weigh, the more discrimination someone may experience.

People don't see YOU, or the really nice personally, or skills you have they only see an obese person that they believe obese people don't have control over their life.

Some even believe obese people are lazy, have poor hygiene, smelly, uneducated, not smart, etc.

I have to be honest though, I've had doors open for me from men when I was obese, but at the same time, I truly believe I was not given certain jobs when I was heavier.

But when I first lost my weight with my band, I got extreme attention, sometimes unwanted attention, and I noticed I got jobs REALLY easy and quick, and a lot more money, since I work contract and technology jobs,

However, when I was heavier I was "grilled more" and asked more questions about my skills, it's really a sad sad situation.

[GoingforGoal 1,734]

Ok Im playing devil's advocate for a minute..

Yes, there are situations where a person may have a cane due to some medical ailment not related to weight, however, there are a fair share of those who have canes because of their weight too. It's impossible to discern between the two, and thus people are making rapid judgments because our brains are designed to do just that.

So let's take that snapshot judgement and analyze it... why do we change our behavior when obesity vs disease (assuming you see it differently) is the culprit.

Disease is easier to discuss. We have empathy for anyone who is 'inflicted' with a disease, disorder, condition outside their control and must live with the disability it renders. Thus we want to diminish their pain and inconvenience.

But the key phrase, might be outside "their" control

Now let's look at obesity. I would presume the majority of our society sees obesity as self driven, not as a disease. Thus the inconveniences that go with being overweight (joint issues, inability to fit in standard seats, lack of clothing options etc) seems avoidable. It's the same mentality with cancer. Horrible when it's breast cancer, not so horrible when a smoker gets lung cancer because they ignored the warnings. The result seemed predictable and thus is sympathy and pity warranted? Most would say no.

I think people are naturally uncomfortable with the concept of self abuse. It's taboo and poorly discussed in our society. People don't know how to cope with family members who are drug users, alcoholics etc. Same goes for dealing with obese people if you've never had to deal with it. People become judgemental because they are ignorant, but also because of the emotions it arises in themselves. Examples include: disgust that someone would abuse themselves despite the apparent health issues, frustration that the person would rather live poorly than seek help, even anger when their disability becomes a burden onto others as well as themselves. The list goes on...

SOME of the thinking is off base. Without full comprehension of what obesity is, that it is indeed a disease, and how difficult it can be to manage, people are not ready to offer their sympathy and concern. THey receive negative feedback in public by obese persons and that's hard to refute. Examples include overweight woman using handicap carts instead of walking, obese man eating a dinner for 5 while sitting in a wheelchair and has a nasal canula blowing oxygen, than there's the those who live out the lazy/dirty stereotypes who cant keep up with hygiene or sit in front of tvs all day instead of joining their families etc. This is a very hard thing to contend with when trying to educate the public that being obese warrants sympathy. People resent being enablers and sometimes their actions are a form of tough love to counteract the mentality that obesity should be supported.

Personal example: I was a 250 lb nurse. I worked with another nurse who was closer to 400 lb. It was an absolute embarrassment and infuriating experience working with her. She elected to sit all day on a rolling chair. She would roll from one side of the room to the next, patient to patient. She would yell across the room and ask you to do her tasks since you were in the area (like if I was in the supply room, that was her cue to ask me to get her supplies) to avoid the extra steps (or leg sweeps in this case). I was embarrassed that patients/families would see this. Nursing should not be seen as limited or lazy. What happens in an emergency..imagine doing chest compressions sitting in a chair for instance. We carried a huge burden compensating for this nurse. And even though she didn't want to be discriminated against, she sure didn't mind inconveniencing the rest of us. Does this warrant help and sympathy? Not for me

Even I struggle with not being judgemental and I use to be obese. Am I at fault? It's a visceral feeling to not be ok with someone else's choice to allow themselves to go that badly before getting help. It's the equivalent of self preservation. Because you react to it poorly it tells you its not accceptable for you and thus it discourages that behavior. Some of this is surmised at a very subconscious level. Some are just fortunate to not be inflicted with obesity and thus don't understand how some things can't be avoided, only managed. There lies the distinction.

So without knowing people personally you will always be subject to making snapshot judgements. And yes, even the obese are judgemental!

By no means am I trying to not be sympathetic to your specific experience/situation. I'm just trying to shine light on a very old argument.

[Lady VS 1,147]

Yes, unfortunately that is a true thing to have happen. Though I personally never experienced it when I was morbidly obese, I did see others who were willing to help me over someone who was really bigger than myself. And while I was grateful for the help, I was like what about that person? She needs some help too. Gosh!!!! Discrimination at it's best. It is very sad though.

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

Ok Im playing devil's advocate for a minute..

Yes, there are situations where a person may have a cane due to some medical ailment not related to weight, however, there are a fair share of those who have canes because of their weight too. It's impossible to discern between the two, and thus people are making rapid judgments because our brains are designed to do just that.

So let's take that snapshot judgement and analyze it... why do we change our behavior when obesity vs disease (assuming you see it differently) is the culprit.

Disease is easier to discuss. We have empathy for anyone who is 'inflicted' with a disease, disorder, condition outside their control and must live with the disability it renders. Thus we want to diminish their pain and inconvenience.

But the key phrase, might be outside "their" control

Now let's look at obesity. I would presume the majority of our society sees obesity as self driven, not as a disease. Thus the inconveniences that go with being overweight (joint issues, inability to fit in standard seats, lack of clothing options etc) seems avoidable. It's the same mentality with cancer. Horrible when it's breast cancer, not so horrible when a smoker gets lung cancer because they ignored the warnings. The result seemed predictable and thus is sympathy and pity warranted? Most would say no.

I think people are naturally uncomfortable with the concept of self abuse. It's taboo and poorly discussed in our society. People don't know how to cope with family members who are drug users, alcoholics etc. Same goes for dealing with obese people if you've never had to deal with it. People become judgemental because they are ignorant, but also because of the emotions it arises in themselves. Examples include: disgust that someone would abuse themselves despite the apparent health issues, frustration that the person would rather live poorly than seek help, even anger when their disability becomes a burden onto others as well as themselves. The list goes on...

SOME of the thinking is off base. Without full comprehension of what obesity is, that it is indeed a disease, and how difficult it can be to manage, people are not ready to offer their sympathy and concern. THey receive negative feedback in public by obese persons and that's hard to refute. Examples include overweight woman using handicap carts instead of walking, obese man eating a dinner for 5 while sitting in a wheelchair and has a nasal canula blowing oxygen, than there's the those who live out the lazy/dirty stereotypes who cant keep up with hygiene or sit in front of tvs all day instead of joining their families etc. This is a very hard thing to contend with when trying to educate the public that being obese warrants sympathy. People resent being enablers and sometimes their actions are a form of tough love to counteract the mentality that obesity should be supported.

Personal example: I was a 250 lb nurse. I worked with another nurse who was closer to 400 lb. It was an absolute embarrassment and infuriating experience working with her. She elected to sit all day on a rolling chair. She would roll from one side of the room to the next, patient to patient. She would yell across the room and ask you to do her tasks since you were in the area (like if I was in the supply room, that was her cue to ask me to get her supplies) to avoid the extra steps (or leg sweeps in this case). I was embarrassed that patients/families would see this. Nursing should not be seen as limited or lazy. What happens in an emergency..imagine doing chest compressions sitting in a chair for instance. We carried a huge burden compensating for this nurse. And even though she didn't want to be discriminated against, she sure didn't mind inconveniencing the rest of us. Does this warrant help and sympathy? Not for me

Even I struggle with not being judgemental and I use to be obese. Am I at fault? It's a visceral feeling to not be ok with someone else's choice to allow themselves to go that badly before getting help. It's the equivalent of self preservation. Because you react to it poorly it tells you its not accceptable for you and thus it discourages that behavior. Some of this is surmised at a very subconscious level. Some are just fortunate to not be inflicted with obesity and thus don't understand how some things can't be avoided, only managed. There lies the distinction.

So without knowing people personally you will always be subject to making snapshot judgements. And yes, even the obese are judgemental!

By no means am I trying to not be sympathetic to your specific experience/situation. I'm just trying to shine light on a very old argument.

You raise a very valid point, especially with the 400 pound nurse.

In my opinion, she should've lost her job for inability to perform it. If you have a physical issue that makes doing a certain job impossible, especially when not doing that job puts others' lives at stake, then you have no business doing that job.

I look at it like this: I'm a woman with MS. My limb strength isn't good, I get dizzy often, and have been known to fall on smooth flat surfaces for no reason. If I'd have been a firefighter before getting MS then developed these symptoms, I'd have no business continuing my job as a firefighter because it would be impossible for me to carry out that job as required. The same is true if I'd been a nurse when I was young, gained 200 pounds, and could no longer give the patients the standard of care they deserve because of my weight. In both situations, it's ridiculous to think an employer would allow me to compromise the well being of others to keep a job I can no longer perform.

[mrsto 2,925]

Personal example: I was a 250 lb nurse. I worked with another nurse who was closer to 400 lb. It was an absolute embarrassment and infuriating experience working with her. She elected to sit all day on a rolling chair. She would roll from one side of the room to the next, patient to patient. She would yell across the room and ask you to do her tasks since you were in the area (like if I was in the supply room, that was her cue to ask me to get her supplies) to avoid the extra steps (or leg sweeps in this case). I was embarrassed that patients/families would see this. Nursing should not be seen as limited or lazy. What happens in an emergency..imagine doing chest compressions sitting in a chair for instance. We carried a huge burden compensating for this nurse. And even though she didn't want to be discriminated against, she sure didn't mind inconveniencing the rest of us. Does this warrant help and sympathy?

Not help and sympathy. But certainly, an understanding of why she would be passed over for the job, or let go from the job. If someone, for whatever the reason, cannot perform the job requirements, I don't have an issue with them being passed over, or terminated. Not to sound like a hard ass, but business is business.

[Amberley 97]

I know that discrimination is out there but looking at it from a different angle- I act differently now then I did 50 pounds ago. 50 pounds ago I took offence more easily because I was waiting/expecting people to say the negative things I was already feeling. I guess I had a bit of a chip on my shoulder. As the weight is falling off I am less self conscious and more easily talk to people. I can only assume that people pick up on the more positive energy and respond in kind. Just a thought. It may not be that people are always being discriminating as much as they are trying to avoid causing offence and insulting someone by offering assistance when the persons attitude is already unhappy or negative. I still have a long weigh to go with the weight and people are responding more positively. I hope it is because the chip on my shoulder is melting away with the weight and the positive energy I am feeling outside is being picked up by those around me.

[mrsto 2,925]

I know that discrimination is out there but looking at it from a different angle- I act differently now then I did 50 pounds ago. 50 pounds ago I took offence more easily because I was waiting/expecting people to say the negative things I was already feeling. I guess I had a bit of a chip on my shoulder. As the weight is falling off I am less self conscious and more easily talk to people. I can only assume that people pick up on the more positive energy and respond in kind. Just a thought. It may not be that people are always being discriminating as much as they are trying to avoid causing offence and insulting someone by offering assistance when the persons attitude is already unhappy or negative. I still have a long weigh to go with the weight and people are responding more positively. I hope it is because the chip on my shoulder is melting away with the weight and the positive energy I am feeling outside is being picked up by those around me.

I think this is definitely one factor. When we feel good about ourselves, we attract more positive attention.

[MiniMi 1,468]

I know that discrimination is out there but looking at it from a different angle- I act differently now then I did 50 pounds ago. 50 pounds ago I took offence more easily because I was waiting/expecting people to say the negative things I was already feeling. I guess I had a bit of a chip on my shoulder. As the weight is falling off I am less self conscious and more easily talk to people. I can only assume that people pick up on the more positive energy and respond in kind. Just a thought. It may not be that people are always being discriminating as much as they are trying to avoid causing offence and insulting someone by offering assistance when the persons attitude is already unhappy or negative. I still have a long weigh to go with the weight and people are responding more positively. I hope it is because the chip on my shoulder is melting away with the weight and the positive energy I am feeling outside is being picked up by those around me.

I agree with you. There was a sense of self loathing that I felt and my weight told everyone else to loath me too. My weight kept people at a distance which is exactly where I wanted them. I didn't smile freely, make friends easily, or strike up conversations with strangers. My energy was dormant. Now I look up and out in the world and I get back the energy that I put out. I'm 20 lbs from goal and I can say that people treat me differently because I am different, to them.