Starting over after almost dying twice and gaining back 150 pounds

[divaofsongs 42]

Thank you so much to everyone for your kind words of support and encouragement.

I just want to say thank you for having the courage to post this. Karen is correct and I think that what she means by saying that people will condemn you is that there are many people who will chastise you for not following the rules and will say that you did all of this to yourself. Well duh, that is exactly what you are saying. You are admitting that you did some things wrong and you are gracious enough to help others by posting this and advising others not to make the same mistakes. I applaud you! A lot of people don't like it when they see posts where people are talking about problems or issues that they have had with the band, especially when it was due to not following the rules. I think that people think it discourages others and gives "banding" a bad name. Well I will tell you that what it does for me is it keeps me on track and encourages me to take care of myself and follow the rules. We are all human and most of us who had to have the surgery in the first place obviously have eating issues. I know I do and it is difficult to stick to all the rules all the time even though you know it could hurt you if you don't. Stories like yours help me realize that I have to look into the future and see what I am doing to myself in the long run when I don't do what I am supposed to do. Thank you so much for posting and I pray that you will be able to get back on track now and get yourself healthy. You can do this. Look at it this way- you learned from your mistakes so now you know what you need to do. Best of luck. If you need a lapband friend to talk to, just let me know. I lost 90 pounds and then started breaking the rules- drinking carbonated sodas, overeating, etc and gained back 40 pounds. I really started feeling the effects of my behaviours and started reading how it affected people long term to do these things and it got me back on track quickly. I am now doing what I should, re-lost the weight and my head is in such a better place.

Thank you Healthy and Happy. I absolutely take full responsibility for my actions. That was the whole point of my taking the time to write the post. I did it to myself and most people who are doing it to themselves right now are in the middle of the roller coaster and have no idea they are even on the roller coaster or if they know, they have no idea how to get off. Let's face it, if I could follow rules, I would not have needed the band to help me eat less, I would have just chosen a healthy eating plan and stuck to it. That is not the reality though. Once a person who has been incredibly overweight their entire lives start to finally lose a bunch of weight, they become obsessed with NEVER being able to eat like a pig again, or never gaining back the weight again. Even though they know what they are doing is dangerous, the benefits outweigh the risks in their minds.

It is just like before I had the band, I would make deadly/dangerous decisions to lose weight by binge/purging or yoyo dieting, or diet pills, etc. When I finally found something that worked, I became hell bent on never going back. For me, as long as I was throwing up 10 times a day, I was losing weight and I became obsessed with making sure I had the band so tight that I couldn't really eat anything. I mean it is like a drug addict, if one is good, then 10 must be much better. It is a sick, skewed way of thinking.

As unfortunate as it is for people to have issues and problems with the band, whether it is self-induced or of no fault of their own, it is a reality and needs to be addressed. The truth is that people who get the band are overweight and most people who are overweight have an unhealthy relationship with food. Just because they get a surgery that makes it harder to eat large amounts of food doesn't mean that they will instantly be cured of their issues with food. Many just become obsessed with "something new" and misuse/abuse the band. If they had the willpower and self-discipline to do it on their own, they would not need the band. If nobody talks about it, people sit at home in shame and secret, destroying themselves and not wanting to step forward and talk about it because they are afraid of what others will say. Anyone who thinks that the band is going to be a magic wand is sadly mistaken and in for a rude awakening years later, like I was. The great thing about the band is as long as you don't have a slip or erode, you can usually take a break for a year or two, get yourself together and start over, like I am doing now.

Thank you for posting your story. I agree with "healthy and happy" above; there are some people who will condemn you, but quite honestly, the way you articulated your experience, I don't know how they can. You clearly take full responsibility for your actions, and your humility makes me just want to hug you

We are not perfect people; NONE of us. I've been on this site for about 6-7 months, and it's clear by some of the posts, that some people aren't/weren't mentally ready for this huge life change. It sounds to me like you "found religion" (so to speak), and are ready to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move down a path that leads to BETTER health.

I appreciate your post. For me, it was such a reinforcement on how important it is to follow the rules.

I am hoping that I can help others to make better decisions and also get support as I try it again. I know now that it can be deadly to play games and I am going into it with a different mind set. I waited over a year to make sure I was ready to do it right, I have MS and RA and the weight is making my symptoms worse. I am in a wheelchair now and I want to try to lose the weight in a healthy way so I can get better but without the restriction from the band, I am never going to do it on my own. I tried for 2 years and ended up gaining over 150 pounds instead of losing an ounce.

One of the biggest and most important lessons I learned is that just because I am losing weight does not mean I am doing it right. Most of my weight was lost by starvation and malnutrition.

Thank you for your post. I think it is very educational and a good warning to those who get too comfortable with their bands and fail to respect the real dangers of abusing the band. You hilited every thing you should NOT do on the band

1. not transitioning post op or post fill per guidelines

2. eating sliders vs solids in attempts to lose weight

3. leaving with excessive fills despite risk of being overconstricted resulting in severe inflammation etc

4. over consuming leading to dilation/stretching

5. eating wrong foods (ie mcdonalds)

6. not addressing internal issues (like binging addiction) with a counselor to simultaneously address your eating habits and relationship with food to guarantee long term success

I am pleased that you have recovered fully and are at a place to restart your journey. However, I would like to give you a piece of advice to help ensure you are successful this time. I think to keep you accountable, you should share this very post with the doctor who will be responsible for your band care. Be open with him/her about your past and any issues you struggle with so they can assist you- even if its just an educational lecture or being less aggressive with fills etc. Your doctor, in essence, is your partner in this journey. They can only help us if we are honest with them and they will guide us appropriately. This honesty will keep you accountable, but more importantly, prevent you from repeating past mistakes.

Go slow, don't test the limits and work on instating new healthy habits. I wish you the best of luck.

I totally agree and I have already informed the doctor that is going to be doing my fills of the whole story. I want to be held accountable and in order to do it right I have to be honest. If not, I am only hurting and fooling myself. It is definitely something I have to watch, I found myself just today thinking, "Man, I hope they put a lot of Fluid in so I can start with a lot of restriction right off the bat." I had to stop the thinking immediately. That is the total opposite of taking it slow. I have always been one for instant gratification. It is a constant work in progress.

What an experience! Thanks for sharing. I really hope you can see a therapist in addition to your renewed efforts. So much of this process is emotional. Maybe having someone talk your binging and emotional eating through with you will help with your journey this time around.

I have spent the last year seeing an eating disorder specialist and it has really helped me.

I also thank you soo much for telling your story!! Reading many of the positive posts on this site, I have held back my own roller coaster experiences. I truly started to believe I was the only bander eating Ben & Jerry's! As disgusting as it is, I have actually spent over a year eating only alone next to my "puke bucket" throwing up every other bite. I was banded almost four years ago, lost 50 pounds in the first six months, gained it all back, and finally woke up to my horrible choices very recently. I am now down 60 from my original 290 and still have many "rules" I've yet to follow. Now knowing the dangerous possibilities, I believe I've been scared away from continuing my self-destructive ways! Thank you again!!

I completely get it! When things started going south for me, I wanted to come here for support but I was too worried about what other would say and ashamed of the position I had put myself in. I am here if you need me.

[kll724 3,055]

Your head sounds as if it is in the right place. Good that you have seen a specialist.

[mandolin 5]

Thank you for being brave enough to share, i know this story will help me and many others:) May God bless you in your current endeavors:)

[dylanmiles23 2,198]

I have been a member here since 2007 and at one time I was a contributing member. I have been gone from the sight for several years now but I am back. I am writing to tell my story in hopes that I can find some much needed support and also maybe give a word or two of advice to those who think they can outsmart the band' date=' eat around it and most importantly, to those who are abusing the band or using it as a crutch instead of a tool. This story is long but I believe it will help so many and possibly even save someone’s life. I hope I am posting in the right area, if not, maybe a mod can move it.

I got my band on December 10th of 2007 and I was very excited and hopeful that it was going to be the answer to my prayers. I weighed about 380 pounds the day of my surgery and wanted desperately to find a way to get control of my life-long emotional eating problem. Although I lived in Phoenix, AZ, I had my surgery done near Denver, CO because I found a U.S. based doctor that provided the band at a discounted rate and I did not want to go to Mexico. I was a cash pay patient and I had to borrow the money from my dad to get the surgery so I needed to find the best bargain for my money. My husband and I drove to Colorado to get the surgery done and 2 days after my surgery, I got in a car and traveled back from Colorado to Arizona with my new saving grace installed and a sense of hope that I would finally be able to lose the weight that had been making me miserable most of my life. Just like most people, I was given rules/instructions about only full liquids the first 2 weeks, the basic band diet of how much to eat afterwards, no soda, no drinking with meals, when to get fills, etc.

With the band in place but no Fluid in it yet, I was yet to experience this thing they called restriction and I was eager to get my first fill so I could start to reap the benefits of my newly installed ring of hope. During the first 2 weeks, I was hungry! I mean I was VERY hungry and full liquids was just not cutting it for me. I tried my best to stick to it but after about 5 days, I decided that I would just try to eat ONE french fry and “see what happened.” I ate one and oh my goodness, it tasted soooooo good. I waited a few minutes and nothing happened. Nothing! Ok, so maybe I will try one or two more since obviously it is not doing any harm and I didn’t have any fill in yet. What could go wrong, right? That night I ate about 10 fries. The next day, realizing that nothing bad happened from my french fry episode, I started adding little bits of solid food here and there and by the end of day 8, I was eating small portions of solid food a few times a day.

On the morning of day 9, I woke up and I was just not feeling right. I was cold and no matter what I did, I could not get warm. Having 200+ pounds of fat to insulate me, being cold was something I was not accustomed to. I was always hot so this feeling of chills was definitely something new for me. I also started noticing that my stomach was making this loud gurgling sound. It sounded like the stomach fluids were working overtime and my stomach ached. On a hunch I took my temperature and was shocked to find out that I had a fever of 102.9. I asked my husband to take me to the ER since it seemed that there was something possibly band surgery related going on.

Long story short, I ended up having a micro-perforation in my stomach and almost died. They admitted me to ICU and the local Lap-Band doctor said that the doctor that performed the surgery had pulled the stitching too tight and left a very microscopic tear in the stomach tissue. I admitted to him that I had been eating solid foods too soon and he said that may have aggravated the issue but was not the cause. I was put on nothing by mouth for 14 days. I could not even have an ice chip. The doctor said that I had a 50/50 chance of my stomach healing on its own and if not, they would have to do surgery to attempt to repair the small tear but that it was a very dangerous surgery and could be fatal. Thank God that after 2 weeks of nothing by mouth and an IV bag full of proton pump inhibitors, the tear healed on its own and I was released. Because of the tear, I had to wait 6 weeks from my release from the hospital to get my first fill.

The time came for my first fill and I was so excited. I have a 14cc band and they started me off with 5 cc’s of Fluid. I had the fill done under flouro so I could see that the fill slowed down the flow of liquid. I wanted more but the fill doctor said I had to take it slow and adjust it slowly to the right amount, until I found my sweet spot. With 5 cc’s of fill, I still did not notice any restriction at all so I made a follow up appt for more fill 4 weeks later. This time when I went in, they added 4 more cc’s and I was at 9 cc’s in my 14 cc band. For the first time, I was starting to notice restriction and I was able to eat way less. Although I did have restriction, I wanted more because I felt that I could still eat more than ¾ cup at a time so I made a 3[sup']rd[/sup] appt and had more fill put it. This time they only added a little less than 1 cc. I swallowed the barium under flouro and I could see that the flow was much slower this time. They handed me my bottle of Water and asked me to slowly drink it and let them know if I had any issues. After a few sips, I could feel the Water sitting in my esophagus, waiting to slowly trickle down but I did not tell them. I finally had really good restriction and although I should have had about ½ cc removed, I left with the additional 1 cc of fill. This is when things really started to change and the weight started to drop off. I could barely eat 2 tablespoons of food and I was pb’ing several times a day.

Even though I finally could not eat very much at all and had super tight restriction, the emotional urge to binge was still there. I can’t believe I am admitting this but there were several times that I would go to a fast food restaurant, order a couple of cheeseburgers and fries, chew them up in huge bites and spit them into a bag, just so I could feel that sense of relief I used to get from binging. Thinking back on it, it was really gross and more importantly it was really sad and should have been a warning sign that I have emotional eating issues but like most people, I turned a blind eye to what was going on in my own body/mind/life.

At this point, it had been about a year since my surgery and the weight was coming off at a steady pace. I was down about 125 pounds since my surgery date. On a daily basis, I was pb’ing 10+ times a day, every time I attempted to eat even the tiniest bite of solid food. FYI: This means my band was too tight! If you are unable to eat solid food without pb’ing, after properly chewing and taking very small bites, there is a problem. Even though I knew this, I ignored it because I was finally, for the first time in my life, losing weight! Since I was unable to eat solid foods, I lived on creamy Soups, mashed potatoes, pudding, ice cream, etc. As time went by, I noticed I was able to eat more and more of the slider foods so I made another appt to get more fill put in because the weight loss started really slowing down. In hindsight, the problem was not that I needed more fill, the problem was that I was eating high calorie slider foods because the band was too tight to eat solid foods and this was slowing down my weight loss. I also started taking little sips of fluid with my food because I noticed that I was able to eat more when I did this. I was emotionally eating, just like before, but I just changed the way I did it. In hindsight, I should have had about ½ cc of my fill removed and then I would have been able to eat about ¾ cup of solid food without pb’ing and if I would have followed the band rules and ate properly and healthy, I would have had absolute success. However, this was not the case with me. I wanted to do it my way and my way it was.

I went for another fill but this time I used a different fill provider that did not use flouro. I had another cc of fluid put in and that made me have a total of almost 11 cc’s in my 14 cc band. Then a few months later I had another cc put in and to make a long story short, at the end, I had almost 12.5 cc’s in my 14 cc band. Over time, even with all of that fluid in my band, I was able to start eating more solid foods. By the end of this fiasco, I could eat an entire McDonald’s hamburger and a small fry. I knew something was wrong. It had to be. I thought I had eroded, or was losing fluid or something. Something had to be going on because I could eat way too much for the amount of fluid I had in and what used to make me pb was not even phasing me anymore. I went for another appt to see what was going on and had the doctor that uses flouro to look at everything while I was under flouro. All the fluid was still in the band, there was no leak. He said I had really good restriction but was concerned because he noticed my esophagus looked enlarged and said that I needed to go on liquids only for 2 weeks and then come back to see if the esophagus looked normal again. Sadly, he did not remove my fluid at the time and that was a HUGE mistake on his part. He should have taken out the fluid but he didn’t and I left the appt a hot mess. I tried to stay on liquids for 2 weeks but it only lasted a couple of days and I was back to just like before. I did not return for the 2 week follow up and continued to do the same thing I was doing because my biggest fear was to have all the fluid removed and be able to eat like I did before the band and gain all the weight back that I lost.

For more than a year I continued with the same amount of fluid in my band and eating slider foods and drinking with my meals and just continued on in this craziness. In January of 2011, I was standing in my kitchen and I started to feel really sick like I was going to pass out. I had my husband take me to the hospital and they ran some test and told me that I was anemic and my blood level was low, indicating that I had some sort of internal bleeding going on but they did not know where it was coming from. I was admitted to the hospital and they ran more tests and didn’t find anything and sent me home. This horrible feeling of passing out continued for months and each time I went to the ER, they told me my blood levels were low but just above where I needed a blood transfusion. I had no insurance so I was only able to get care at the ER. In June of 2011, I ended up back in the ER and they admitted me this time. They did an endoscopy and colonoscopy looking for the source of the slow bleed. They found it on the endoscopy. It was coming from my esophagus! I had stretched it out so much from the fill being so tight that I had caused a small tear in the tissue. Once again, here I was in the hospital with another tear! Only this time I did it to myself. The doctor said my esophagus had turned into a stomach and the area where my esophagus ended and my stomach began had become one. They removed every drop of fill from my band at that time and after 2 more weeks of nothing by mouth, that tear healed as well and I was released and feeling much better. A year later I had another Endoscopy and everything was back to normal again. I never had any of the fluid put back in my band and over the last 2 years, I gained back every single pound I lost, plus some. I now weigh 400 pounds.

This is my biggest warning: If you are finding that you can eat more and more and you are pushing yourself and the restriction is lessening, there may be a problem. For me, my esophagus had turned into a stomach and was holding entire meals! If you cannot keep solid food down the majority of the time, then you are likely too tight. I used the band as a crutch instead of a tool as it was intended.

I am starting over again and have an appt for a fill tomorrow. I am going to do it right this time and I will actually follow the rules this time. My life depends on it. I have to lose the weight or I am going to die. Period. I would be happy to elaborate on anything for anybody, just message me. I will be hoping for support from fellow bander’s and if I can help anyone at all or answer any questions, please let me know.

Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry you got so sick. I wish you a lot of luck with getting back on track. Please keep in touch. We are all here to help you if you need it

Arlene

[ladybanded 50]

Thank you so much for posting your story. I was banded Jan 2012 lost about 50lbs and I gained about 33lbs back due to emotional eating and not paying attention to what I am putting into my body. I'm starting over as well, I didn't spend all of this money and go through all of the physical pain to fail. Good luck on your journey.

[Gaylene 5]

Hi, thank you so much for sharing this. Stay positive. You can do it.

I have times where I wonder if my band is too tight. I can't eat until about midday and then only want porridge or poached eggs. By night I can eat more things but always struggle with meat and veg. I have veg juice and try to eat small amounts of other dishes. I find I have to watch the easy foods and use my head to control my emotional eating. I am also finding I am more troubled with slight heartburn. Quickeze work ok for this so it is not bad. I must admit I am worried that I am setting myself up for erosion though. I have not been to my specialist for a couple of years. I put on several kilos but have got some off again.

Gaylene

[lellow 1,713]

That was a truly brave story, and I won't lie, I had moments too in my time where I was convinced that the tighter my band was, the better I would do. There are lots of really ingrained ideas that we get as overweight people that actually sabotage us, e.g. we should lose the weight at any cost, not eating at all is better than eating healthily, fast weight loss is what we look for, and anything less than that is failure.

I do think that it's why support places like LBT is so important. Because if you want to, you can find people who have had success by following the lifestyle that you're supposed to live with your band, the lifestyle that won't cause you damage in the long run.

It took me a while to get it, but when I realised that a super-tight band was counter-productive (and in fact could be dangerous), when I realised that if I wanted to lose, eating well while exercising was the best way to do it, and when I realised that all the band did was help with your physical hunger, that's when living the band life became easier. It was people on this very forum who taught me all those things, and for that I'm grateful, and probably why I've hung around this place on and off for the last 5 years like a bad smell.

I really applaud you for telling your story with so much honesty. The band can be dangerous with misuse, as your story clearly attests to, and I'm sorry that you suffered as a result. I wish you all the very best for your start-over, I for one believe you can do it this time without any further damage to yourself.

[MandyJ 21]

Thank you so much for your story!!! You are very brave to tell all and inspiring to here you are looking for support to not give up!!! That takes a lot of strength & gives me more strength and determination to do the all right things!

Thank you!

[kll724 3,055]

Hi, thank you so much for sharing this. Stay positive. You can do it.

I have times where I wonder if my band is too tight. I can't eat until about midday and then only want porridge or poached eggs. By night I can eat more things but always struggle with meat and veg. I have veg juice and try to eat small amounts of other dishes. I find I have to watch the easy foods and use my head to control my emotional eating. I am also finding I am more troubled with slight heartburn. Quickeze work ok for this so it is not bad. I must admit I am worried that I am setting myself up for erosion though. I have not been to my specialist for a couple of years. I put on several kilos but have got some off again.

Gaylene

Gaylene, you do sound too tight, may want to ask for a slight back off of your fill! Goodluck karen

[jfc193 718]

I too was banded in 2007 and was doing very well lost over a hundred pounds but the old ways kicked in.

I was over filled as well and was having lots of problems but did not want to not keep losing weight.

Finally went to my band doctor had a complete unfill and had an endoscopy and my esophagus was dilated and it too went back to normal. During the two months that I was I filled gained about 20 pounds because I was able to eat.

Went back to the Dr and had 3/4 cc put in in my 4cc band and gained another 10 pounds.

Few months later went back and had 1/4 put in the band because I was still fearful of an over fill.

In January After having not been on a scale for about six months I was back to 250 pounds. So I recommitted my self and started my journey a fresh in the next two months I lost ten pounds and in March had to have gall bladder surgery which runs in my family and lost an additional 15 pounds.

Had a 1/2 cc fill July, and will probably stay with that amount for quite awhile since it seems to suit me.

Accountability is so important and that is why I like this Board.

Good luck on your journey.

[divaofsongs 42]

I went yesterday morning to have my first fill and they put in 6 cc's in my 14 cc band. I am amazed at the amount of restriction I have from 6 cc's when I can remember having very little restriction at 7 cc's in the past. I think what I forgot to take into account was the fact that I have gained over 150 pounds and there is a lot of fat tissue around my stomach that was not there before. I think this may be the right fill for a while, until I start to lose the fat tissue and it loosens up a bit. I have the perfect amount of restriction. This morning I ate 1/2 c of Cereal and I felt full, could not have eaten more and so glad I have restriction again.

[mysonsmama 13]

Thank you Missmonaaz! I had the lapband done many years ago, and due to not having health insurance, I haven't had a fill in years. I have gained 40 lbs of the amount I had lost. I had and have a long way to go. I go in for my first fill next week, in about 3 years and am excited about it. I wish you the very best, and who knows... this time around we might meet out goals!

[lisacaron 5,075]

It's good to see people here who have been banded for a long time and to get all the insights and feedback from all of you.

We are all helping each other learn and grow every day and I am grateful for that. This is one of the best groups I have ever been a part of, and it inspires me to post what I learn and what I experience to help not only myself but others.

I have not run across very many people who are out there trying to condemn each other and I hope to never have to meet them or read their self-righteous posts.

Everyone has struggles and that is how we learn and grow and we can pass that knowledge on by sharing it with others, and that becomes hard to do when we start to feel judged by our peers.

So thank you all for posting and sharing your journey, good bad and ugly. Gains and losses I’m taking it all in and under advisement as I navigate my own journey

I have been reading a pretty good book on emotional eating titled "Breaking Free from Emotional Eating" by Geneen Roth. I found the link either from a book or an article I was reading from a link someone here posted. Anyway the Kindle book version is not expensive and the book is a good read for anyone who has emotional issues with food and eating.

Best wishes to you all!

[cheryl2586 3,053]

You will do this right this time. I commend you for putting it out there. Now everyone will know what doctors have been saying forever. Do not over eat or you will dilate your esophagus. I think people don't realize that when your pouch is full it has no where to go but back up into your esophagus. I have felt it and stopped right then. I am so glad you are back on board and thank you for sharing this event in your life so that others will know not to do this.

[Cocoabean 430]

I went yesterday morning to have my first fill and they put in 6 cc's in my 14 cc band. I am amazed at the amount of restriction I have from 6 cc's when I can remember having very little restriction at 7 cc's in the past. I think what I forgot to take into account was the fact that I have gained over 150 pounds and there is a lot of fat tissue around my stomach that was not there before. I think this may be the right fill for a while, until I start to lose the fat tissue and it loosens up a bit. I have the perfect amount of restriction. This morning I ate 1/2 c of cereal and I felt full, could not have eaten more and so glad I have restriction again.

It really doesn't matter how much is in your band. All that matters is what you are experiencing with control of your eating. I am glad you are back in control!! Yay for you!!