how do others treat you??

[tamirn 90]

Hello and congrads to everyone who have met their goal weight and congrads to those of you who are getting there! I wanna know how do people treat you now that you've lost the weight?? For those who are single?? How is your dating life?? For those who are married?? Do you notice any changes in how your spouse treats you??

[Shelleymb 75]

I am about half way to my goal and my confidence level has gone up. I am engaged to the love of my life who just got lapband himself a week ago. But men treat me differently and it's fun to flirt with my new body. I love it.

[DELETE THIS ACCOUNT! 12,703]

People treat me VERY differently since losing over 220 pounds. When I was over 400 pounds, store clerks ignored me. Restaurant staff looked at me with disdain. Random strangers would giggle at me. I've even been openly mocked in public.

Now, store clerks seem to trip over themselves to try to help me. Restaurants treat me like a welcome guest. Men, who I'm sure would've made fun of me before, now hit on me. Instead of being mocked by strangers, now I get friendly smiles and small talk.

...and it makes me angry. I'm the exact same person with the exact same personality, just a slightly different package. I'm not somehow more worthy of kindness just because I lost weight. It's really sad that there is such a huge difference.

As far as dating, I was single when I got my band 18 months ago. Ironically, today is my boyfriend's and my 1 year anniversary. I was still about 300 pounds when met him. I'm now around 199 pounds. We've lived together since December. He's seen pictures of me when I weighed 421 pounds and was honest- he probably wouldn't have been attracted to me when I was that big. It doesn't bother me knowing that because he was just being truthful (and I asked the question to begin with).

He knows I have a Lap Band and is very supportive. I actually told him right away when we started dating. He's taken the time to learn about the band and what it means for me so he actually understands it better than a lot of people I know. I can run up to him excited about milestones and he'll be excited for me. If I'm struggling, he tries very hard to be encouraging and supportive. I'm very lucky to have him in my life.

[mrsto 2,925]

I've been fat & thin so many times, I'll comment on my past experience (I'm not at goal yet with the band).

The last time I dropped close to 100 pounds, it took a long time for my head to catch up to the way I looked. I dated like CRAZY, and loved the attention. By the same token, I was very confused by it. Then I put the shoe on the other foot, and I totally got it. It would be a beautiful world if we were all attracted to each other by our personalities and spirit alone. Some people are, but the majority are attracted physically, first. Even when I was at my heaviest, I wasn't attracted to obese men. A little heavy, yes. WAY heavy, no. So why would I think that they would be attracted to me?

I was wearing a size 8 when I met my husband 8 years ago. And even then, I had already gained about 28 pounds, which he didn't know. What he ALSO didn't know, was that after 6 years of maintaining a perfect size 6 (sometimes a 4), I had pretty much thrown in the towel & was on the upswing. My weight climbed slowly. He said something to me once before we were married, and after my reaction, never brought it up again. He loves every single pound of me, but his biggest concern is my health, and that we have a long life together. But we're older than many on here, who are out in the dating world. Our priorities are different. With ALL that said, if I was heavy when I met him, he would not have gone for me. And I get it.....

[jenc87 60]

congrads on Ur sucess very proud keep up the amazing work god bless

[mrsto 2,925]

PS to my above post.....

When it comes to people treating other people unkind, simply because they are heavy (as mentioned in Missy's post), THAT I don't get, period! To treat someone like they are invisible or worthless, because they are heavy, is despicable. I understand not wanting to date someone if you're not attracted to weight, but outside of that......it sickens me.

Okay - I'm done :-)

[Joy1961 134]

I met my goal very recently. My husband had seen me up and down many times. Married 32 yrs this Sept. never complained. But I have to say he is acting 18 now. Im exhausted if you know what I mean. Lol!!

[Sharpie 3,306]

my husband married me @ 93 lbs... but we are both older now , been married 37 years my weight has been up and down all that time.. however I got to almost 200 lbs.. before I decided I'd had enough.. at 5' on a good day 200 lbs is big.. His concern was always my health .. he is very happy and relieved that I am feeling better and my health has improved greatly.. as far as being treated differently not so much difference.. people have commented on how good I look . I think this experience has given me more empathy and compassion for morbidly obese and obesde people.. it's not something anyone wants to be and everytime I see someone in Walmart or somewhere who cannot walk and are riding in a scooter or something I feel so lucky that I have finally gotten my weight under control. I pray every day that I will continue to have it under control but it's work...

[♕ajtexas♕ 3,771]

Oh yeah, people treat me different, What I noticed first is at work, coworkers (especially male) saying hello to me....never did that before.

As for family, my husband is my biggest fan. We have been married just over four years, so he married me when I was big. He always said that appearance was just that and didn't show the true person. HOWEVER, now he always tells me how nice I look, sex has improved greatly, and he likes to point out when I do something that I couldn't possible have done before.

I am a lot happier and therefore our marriage is a lot happier, too.

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

what matters now is how i treat myself....

i now care and now am eating better for nourishing my body and exercising my body to help make myself well..i carry myself different..my ole man says me being more confident is sexy as hell......and how i treat myself helps my outside to the world.....so they have to treat me better

and f**k em if they dont like it..

[B-52 7,113]

People who knew me when I was fat, treat me like a superstar....for changing my life around, quite remarkably....

People I meet now for the first time, now that I am skinny and fit, well lets say my new sense of confidence positive attitude and love of life is contagious....so all my new relationships are positive. You reap what you sow.....what goes around comes around....etc, etc

[dramatect 48]

So, I was banded in August of 12, I'm down 96 lbs, and probably would like to lose another 50. I was over 300 lbs on my band day, and my fiancé was not sure of my choice. He's a bigger guy himself, but proposed to me when I was over 250 lbs, so I knew he'd love me no matter what. Lately, family and friends are full of compliments, and keep saying things like "keep it up", or "don't give up". It took me a long time to realize they were being supportive, the fat girl in me thought they were taunting me, as if to say "don't be too proud, you still have a long way to go". Moral of the story, despite what you see in the mirror, you need to let go of the "fat girl" inside, and learn to love the new way people make you feel!

[MandaMom23 684]

People treat me different now, for sure! I get a lot of attention now, whether it's someone complimenting me on my weightloss, or I see a guy do a double take, or my family making some kind smartass remark. Lately, every time I go into work I become the talk of the room..."You look great! Doesn't she look great? How are you doing it?"....blah blah blah. I'm not going to lie, I'm struggling with all of it...the good and the bad! I think I'm just so used to being the fat girl that hid in the corner, hoping I wouldn't be noticed, that I wasn't prepared for this part of losing weight. I had no idea it would be like this. I think I'd handle it all better if I could see the physical changes in myself...I mean, I see it some days, but others I still see my fat, unhappy self.

Luckily my husband is my biggest fan, and has been nothing but supportive from the beginning! I don't think I could do this without him by my side.

[jenc87 60]

the thing is weight shouldn't matter to you're loved one if they adore you for who you are inside nothing else should matter at all weight can always change but people that are ugly on the inside Thats something that not even plastic surgery can change people that have called me names based apon my weight this is exactly what Ive said yeah my weight I can change but that inside of yours is unrepairable and rotten I dare to say fat because its a word that I no longer take as harsh because I Dont let that one word take control of me fat skinny or whatever Im happy for my self no one else lives my life but me I hope the world can change in that aspect either its in high school or a work environment pls respect all areas of human bein god bless

[lellow 1,713]

I lost weight and I realised that my husband and I weren't on the same page anymore. He treated me the same as he did when I was bigger, and I suddenly realised what I had settled for all those years. I loved him, but I wasn't happy with our relationship and hadn't been for many years, and he didn't think anything was wrong. In the end, I left because I understood my own value like I hadn't previously.

I think I'm with my current partner because his previous fiance was a big girl. I know he's not someone who only fell for me because I look a certain way now. Because, man, did I meet a LOT of men who only cared about what I look like, but who I'm sure wouldn't have given me the time of day when I was heavier.

I have come full circle from that though. I used to be angry with people (not just men) who only now saw me because I'd lost the weight. So I completely get where Missy is coming from. But I also realise now that it's their shortcoming and not mine. I take great pride in the way I look now, and I don't see me as pandering to any societal pressure, nor do I see how I look on the outside as being the total sum of me, but I do understand the way the game works now, so I play it and use that to my advantage.