A glimpse into my journey.......

[Mcrutchky 30]

It is 1:30 in the morning and I decided to reflect a bit on why WLS? Why now? My first memory of being over weight was around 10. Mind you, I was not very obese but my brother thought I was so I spent the summer running around my grandmother's house. After a year I grew into my body and kept active. I remember squeezing into jeans by laying on the bed. It was the 80's and even though I was not large, I always had "junk in my trunk" that made me self- conscious.

Fast forward to the 90's. When I found out I was pregnant, I was thrilled.....and scared. I no longer had my mom around to ask advice. I thought I was being healthy. After all, I was eating for 2 right? Wrong! My insecurities about being a good mom and wife fed into that lie and I ended up gaining almost 80 pounds.

I never thought really bad about myself being a larger person.....sort of. I used to joke about being the healthiest large person I knew. I still did a lot at 230 pounds. Skating, running(sporadically), etc. and I kept up with my family for a while. I went on diets. I went on exercise programs and gym memberships. I did not keep any of it off. I sabatoged my own weight loss while blaming it on my husband's little Debbie habit. I remember one time he said that he couldn't see why I didn't lose weight because I ate much less than he did and less than most of my friends. I did not understand I was constantly in a cycle of tanking my metabolism.

Fast forward to 2011. When I move back to America after 7 years in Germany, my life spins out of control for a while. No job, teenager issues, money "adjustments", depression, and you guessed it .......weight gain. I went from 230-258 faster than the service at McD's. I finally got my head on straight. I remembered that whatever path my college age child took, it was not my path. I had no control over that. I was still a good mom. My other children needed me to remember that. I remembered also that my identity was not in my job. I am important even without a job. (I got a job shortly after that) I am remembering that one again.......no job again. Even with an eight month supervised diet with phentermine, I "lost" 25 pounds only to find it again within 3 months. (frustration....)

Here I am today. My knee is keeping me awake because my weight has wreaked havoc on my cartilage over the years. (currently in PT). I have had to take 3tums in addition to the Prevacid for my GERD since lying down.

Why do I want the lap band? I am tired of abusing my body. I want to hurt less. I want to be looked at seriously when I apply for a job. I want to be a good example for my 10 year old daughter who is already overweight and self-conscious. I want to cook healthier for my family. I want to live to see my daughter have children. My mom died at 43 of a heart attack. I want to go on a cruise and dance all night and lay on the deck all day. Yes, I know I want a lot. I want my life!!!

[GoingforGoal 1,734]

Your story holds commonalities with all us bandsters. Whether we struggled with weight since childhood, or had life beat us into emotional eating, or we simply didn't pay attention as they pounds poured on..we've all been there. The desire to change and lead a healthier life is also something else we all have in common. We are here to support you. Success is achieved through one pound at a time. Revel in each pound lost and you will reach goal!