what impact on spouse?

[rmalikone 108]

What would the impact be on my wife because of my surgery? Our dining, mental adjustments, anything you can think of?

[ADJL 685]

Interesting question...the first time I brought up WLS to my husband he said, "no way! You'd never enjoy food again!" I'm happy to say he was wrong.

So...he's currently deployed, but I can tell you what I've been trying to prepare him for when we talk...

1. Big meals no longer exist...I don't cook a carb, meat vegetable rounded out with dessert anymore. I cook to fit my dietary needs (protein+vegetable) and keep simpler carb sides for my kids (rolls, potatoes, rice on hand to supplement)

2. We no longer eat carb based meals like Pasta.

3. My portion size is tiny. I. Used to eat a steak by myself. Now my kids and I share one and there are leftovers.

4. Taking time to exercise. I have to exercise or I will fail at this. So, I expect him to understand that and provide me time to do that.

5. Support vs sabotage. My hubby used to sabotage my diets all the time without really meaning to. But he would say things like, "you've been working so hard that ice cream won't hurt." But it did and it does.

Hopefully your wife is really supportive...it makes all the difference!

[GoingforGoal 1,734]

I'm fortunate that my husband and I were banded at the same time and are undergoing this journey together. However, if he were not banded here are the top things I would be concerned about: 1) someone going on a diet in the household is always a stressor as it often leads to the whole house dieting or cutting back on things like Snacks in the house, dining out or having lots of high carb/fat meals. In order for the 'dieter' to be successful, the spouse needs to be supportive and not resist some obvious changes that will occur. 2) spouse needs to be educated on the band both + and -. They need to understand how small your portions will be and not freak out when you eat 1/4 of a chicken and are full. Or that you may take longer to eat your tiny portion than the house uses to eat their second plate. It means no rushing when it comes to dining! Also, understanding that some foods will become no/no foods because they are too difficult to pass which may mean less of that food in meal preparation. Lastly, knowing what complications (like slips, erosion etc) and what causes it will put the seriousness of the band rules into context so your spouse does not only not sabotage you but keeps you accountable. 3) The ick factor. There is no way around it but as you go through your journey to finding green, you are going to get stuck at some point. This is such a gross experience. Resulting in regurgitation, sliming etc. You may end up leaving for the bathroom after a meal because you got stuck, and sometimes you just make it the nearest sink. Yes, gross. But please prepare your wife so she doesn't join you with her own regurg episode. Unfortunately this can happen at unopportune times, think in the car or whilst talking to someone at a party etc. Always have a backup plan (from having a spare cup in the car, to sitting near bathrooms or just knowing where the nearest bathroom is for that matter). 4) Postop is always fun. You will be nothing more than a baby. You'll be nauseaus, in pain ,hungry, irritable all of it. The worse lasts for about a week but hunger etc can stay until you are on full solids (week 4ish). Prepare her for a less than fun side of you 5) Than there's other issues like jealousy. Some couples have real issues with this and it just comes down to how secure your marriage and your wife is. As you get slimmer you may radiate more confidence, you may get more lady attention etc. Be certain to balance this. As great as it feels, it may not make her feel so great. Make it all about her, buy her some naughty man lingerie lol to reward her for your 10 lbs lost etc. Just remind her you are doing this for her and that you hope she likes what she sees. Umm...that should wrap it up for now

[marnimae 7]

Ok I am talking for me & my hubby. He has been extremely supportive so I consider myself lucky. I went for a little over a year to behaviour mod. Meetings, nutrition, group therapy, so it was a lot of help on his part even before surgery withstanding the kids, making dinner or me just not being there. Then holidays, Halloween parties, Christmas, thanksgiving even Valentine's he was amazing and helped as much as possible 're:candy or temptations, alternatives and eating way healthier than before. If your partner has binges or is a junk food junkie they need to do it when your not around. My hubs loves his three musketeers, Doritos, and ice cream but knows it will trigger me so he does not eat these around me, or put them in the house. 're: surgery he took 7 days, initially five but added two because it was a tougher go than we thought. He was caring and kind even when I was blubbering and crabby about gas pain or incisions or sick of shakes or helping me track my Fluid intakintakes walking & moving around. Also, We eat as a family at the table and that was a really hard part for me, bc I couldn't really till stage four bc I had to have such different things, Soup was when we ate together at dinner which was nice. If you have a partner that undermines you or has issues with food it may be extremely difficult and you will know right away when you sched surgery and they won't take time off, or help watch the kids for appointments or meetings. My hubby just went bathing suit shopping with me, his idea, so I think he is happy with my progress and it makes me feel better and I feel like I haven't in a long time. Insecurity may sneak up and the trade-me in comments might happen but if you assure them that you love them usually goes away quickly if you are secure in the marriage. I so know this is not for the weak at heart, you will know even before the surgery if your partner is going to be with you or against you . But that's me.

[Terry Poperszky 2,784]

The band affects each of us differently as well as the relationships we are in. Aside from my wife being a titch over protective after the surgery, I couldn't ask for it being any better on our relationship.