Wanna be healthy, but afraid to be thin?

[PhotoNut 7]

This is a subject that I deal with all the time. I have so many issues about being thin. But I thought I'd toss this out and see if any of you feel the same way. This board has been so helpful to me by giving me a place to speak out about my hang-ups and fears. I'd really like to work through this one as well. So... let's talk..

Are you afraid to be thin? Are you afraid of succeeding? Why?

[iteLnTx 0]

I feel safe taking it all day by day. I enjoy seeing the changes on a daily basis. I feel safe knowing I am on my way and I will get there when I get there. Right now, I cannot explain more than what I feel. Maybe that will change but we will see. Good questions, Susan. Thanks

[Jerseytammy 0]

Susan,

Great question!

Having been heavy all my life, I think my worse fear is never being thin. Am I Tammy because of my size or is the real Tammy lurking some where under all this weight?

I am not sure who I am. Everything I do in my life centers around my weight. From going to the movies 45 minutes before show time to ensure I get an end seat somewhere up front (no one likes for the fat woman to carry over them), to not flying in a plane cause I am scared to death that they would ask me to buy 2 seats or that I would have to ask for one of those extenders to not going to my kids school functions because I dont want to embarrass them. I am fat, that is who I am!! I don't feel like I can eat when I go to a cocktail party with my husband (his job requires we go), not only am I the biggest woman in the room 9 times out of 10 but I feel like everyone is watching every bite I put in my mouth while thinking she shouldnt be eating that.

Scared to be thin, NO, scared to death that I will never be thin, YES!!!

For once in my life I want to be "normal". Shop in normal size clothing stores, sit in resturant booths without feeling like I am being cut into, and simple things like being able to ride a bike with my kids again.

Will I like the thin Tammy, honestly I dont know. Will my personality change and the way I veiw people, I hope not, but again I honestly dont know. But one thing is for certain I need to find out who I am, and the only way I can do that is to get rid of all this fat that has been me for so long!

[cashley 0]

Well P'nut I'm glad you asked this question... Mainly due to our past conversation on following the rules vs not following the rules.

My fear actually comes from failing (not making it to thin). I guess I had so many issues with following all the rules because in the past I've always been very very strict on the rules of any plan I go on. I exercise a lot and still fail.

When I made this decision to go with the band it was for the simple "portion control" that it would give me. I didn't want to go on another "rules based to do list" of a diet... I wanted to eat less exercise more and lose weight.

Anyway my fear is of failing... that if I don't eat exactly as everyone here recommends and if I have a frosty or something sweet then I'm going to fail.

Also I guess i'm lucky because I've been thin before (and not that long ago) and I'm just praying my clothes are still in style when I get there again.

[HeatherGurl 0]

I definitely do not want to be thin. I want to be normal. I am like JerseyTammy and scared to death I will never be there.

I like my curves and do not want to be the model type...

I have nightmares now occasionally that I go to the store and try on a size 28 jeans, and they don't zip up. I am scared almost everyday... that the scale will just go back up to 300 and something.

[FunnyDuddies 6]

i am afraid of being thin, but that is because i am afraid i will not be like i was when i was thin. i was hot. i had a great bod. and now i wonder all the time if my body is so screwed up under all this fat that i will look awful. i hated my body when i was thin because i had little nitpicky complaints. i thought my boobs were just a hair too big. i hated that my waist was so tiny, but my hips were very curvatious. i had chipmunk cheeks no matter how skinny i was.

now i would kill for those problems. and i wonder if my boobs will be beyond all repair. i wonder if my waist will ever be back to its original size. and if i will ever get the shape back to my butt.

yes, i am afraid of being thin, because i am sure it will not be what it was like before.

[Sunta 5]

It's a great question. I don't think I'm afraid of being thin to the extent that it would stop me from getting there, but I am afraid of "losing" part of myself, my personality, who I am. I was "thin" in college for a time after going on Nutrisystem and losing about 50 pounds. I only ever made it down to 159, but to me, that was thin, and when I look at videos and pictures of myself from that time, I think I look amazing. I remember having a great time during that time, lots of friends, being very outgoing, going out dancing, and enjoying life. It was nothing to be afraid of. So I try to remember that time in my life whenever I feel the fear of being thin. Somehow I don't think I'll ever make it below about 165 anyway, so I don't think I'm ever going to be really thin in my life. I would be happy at 165 I think and would not be afraid of being that weight. I definitely don't want to lose my extra curves anyway and don't want to have too much hanging skin. I do wonder though if I did get down to like 130 pounds, would I still be "me"? Somehow I feel like I just wouldn't be the same person. Almost as if being fat "sets me apart" or gives me some kind of edge over thinner people. It makes me different and unique. That sounds crazy, doesn't it? But that's how I feel. So I guess the short answer is yes, I do fear being thin, but I don't think that fear will stop me from doing everything in my power to get there anyway.

[barbara465 2]

For me its a matter of proving I could do everything - despite being fat! I went to college while raising my child after my divorce. I even got an advanced degree. I became successful in my work, in spite of being fat. I traveled, have friends, lead an active life. I was comfortable in my own skin. I was fat so what. The last thing was love. After so many years I found the man to spend the rest of my life together. We have married not quite two years. He accepted me for who I was, not what I looked like. He is a normal weight person. Now what? All my things to do being fat have been met. I found a man to look past the fat and find the real me. Nothing stopping me now from getting healthy. I'm not looking at it as getting thin, but more as getting healthy. I want to spend some years with this man. I use the fat as my shield, to protect me from my feelings. I am no longer afraid and will start the journey soon. There's no reason not to and every reason to.

[Marimaru 7]

Hooray for thought provoking threads!

I'm not sure I would say that I am afraid to be thin.... exactly.

I am afraid that I'll get to a good weight, but I wont see myself as looking thin/normal. My younger sister was only ever 20, maybe 30 lbs over weight, and she's lost it ALL and look fabulous and always complains that she needs to lose more weight. *sigh*

I am afraid of the attention. I've never ever had to worry about advances from strangers. I have no idea how to handle it. Fortunately, I'm usually with my fiancee, lol.

In some way I think deep in my core I am afraid of success. I was stuck from August to April, and just now started losing again. I was about at the weight that I was when I graduated high school, which for some reason I remember very well. I think that I was sabotaging myself just enough to not lose. Now I'm almost to where I was size-wise at the beginning of my Jr. year, and that's about the smallest I can actually SEE myself (size 14).

When I look down at my body (no mirror, just looking down), my thighs and my stomach look the same to me as they always did. I think that's one of the things that worries me the most.

*shrug*

[Zannie 6]

First off, I am new to this board as of today. I am at the “seriously considering LapBand but have no insurance coverage for it” stage. But I’ve done a lot of thinking on why I don’t just tap out our savings & have this done. Aside from being too practical for that, fear of being thin does play a role, though I have never told anyone. I was always the chubby girl, with mostly skinny friends. So it is not as if I’ve always thought that “if I were thin, life would be so great” because my skinny friends had their issues, too. But I know I’m afraid to be at a healthy weight...and I think I even know why!

For me, my fat has always acted as a buffer when things didn’t go well; a handy excuse to avoid harsher realities. I can blame (and have) any and all rejection (professional, personal, romantic) on my being fat. If I were to suddenly be thin...and still face rejection (which is part of life, after all), well, it would be ME and not the F-A-T for the 1st time in my memory. I know it’s sad but I’m much happier with the illusion that someone is not liking me because I’m fat, rather than not liking me for me! Who will I be when I’m not the funny, fat girl anymore? And will I like me, let alone the rest of the world?

Plus, I started dating my husband when I was 16 & a size 12/14 in high school. Now, 16 years and 2 children later, I am a size 30/32. And lets just say our sex life ain’t what it used to be. If that is because we’ve been together since the dawn of time, so be it. It’s good when we get to it, but we just don’t. Shucks and all, but it happens. Now, if I were to get Banded and slowly become a thinner person, while our love life also improved...well, then I know I'd forever question if he really found me attractive at all as I am now (315 lbs). Which he says he does & should, if he does truly love me. (I mean, he certainly doesn’t have the body he once did, nor the hair, if truth be told. But I love him completely, and want him now just as much as I did then.) Of course, our love life might improve simply because I’d be feeling more comfortable with my body again etc & that would reflect in many areas of my life, yada yada. But I know I would always wonder if one day I just became too fat to be attractive to my own husband – that despite all we’ve been through his love is conditional, after all. And that scares me senseless.:paranoid

What a way to introduce myself to the group, eh? And I thought I’d just lurk while waiting for a giant bag of money to land on the front lawn so I can afford this procedure. Well, thanks for listening to me ramble on.:nervous

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Suzanne

[Jachut 487]

Hmmm, well I have my fantasy of 68kg or so and looking like a model. But truth is I would just be skinnier, I'm not suddenly going to develop differnet proportions and look entirely different. And I feel comfortable that nearly anything is "good enough" because I"m going to be healthier, shop in normal size stores and I have a great family and a great life and they love me as I am. So I'd be happy to get to 80kg too.

I think perhaps I feel that way because I"m afraid to shoot for the 68 in case I fail. And I'm afraid of the life changes it'd take to get there. I'm not afraid to be that, but I dont truly allow myself to believe its possible.

[Elisabethsew 50]

As others have stated, I'm more afraid of failure than I am of being thin or a healthy weight. Unlike other obese people, I have always been fat... as a child, a teen, and an adult. Despite being obese, I forged ahead and became successful in my career. I am now finishing my PhD but the ONE thing I have ALWAYS failed at is weight loss.

I was banded 5 weeks ago with the hope that a surgical intervention would provide with the tool necessary to FINALLY be successful. I am confident in the person that I am. I just want that person to be healthy and that means losing until I reach my goal weight.

[DrewsLou 3]

duplicate post

[DrewsLou 3]

I just posted a huge response but it disappeared.

I can relate to a lot of what you said Zannie. It has been pretty easy to hide behind the weight and blames lifes woes on being fat. I am afraid to stand on my own 2 feet again and be accountable for who I am.

Good food for thought P'Nut! Now you got me thinkin'!

[DOC 0]

Susan,

Great thread! I had to really think about this and like so many others here, I am more afraid of not succeeding after many attemps at weight loss. I was thin through my early 20s and then came babies... then came the loss of my other close friend... smoking.

There is the question now. When people ask me how much I want to lose I tell them I will let them know when I get there. I don't know where this journey is going to take me.....

I am so afraid of failure that I don't want to put a number on it and them feel like a failure when I don't get there. Where I end up is ... time will tell.