Feelings of failure

[vincereautmori 323]

One of the feelings I'm struggling with to make the decision to go ahead, is that this is a cop out, I feel like I've failed to have enough self discipline to do it on my own without surgery. It feels like it's taking the easy way out. Have any of you had to overcome the same thing, and how did you come to grips with it?

[mrsto 2,925]

I will tell you first hand (as will many others), that the band is HARDLY the easy way out. It takes a lot of strength and will power to work with the band. It doesn't do the work for you, it only "assists".

That being said, I felt the same way when going through the decision process. I felt like such a failure, and a total weakling. But I worked through those feelings, and knew as sure as I'm typing this note, that if I didn't go through with the surgery, I would continue to gain. I was resolved. And I haven't looked back one minute since 3/25/13, with regret. I've dropped 25 pounds so far; 25 pounds which NEVER would have come off if I reached out to yet ANOTHER diet program.

A couple of months ago, (I think it was parisshel) had a great post regarding the very same thing. She outlined it in a way that really hit home for me. I'll try & find the link to that post and send it to you. Aside from so many wonderful things in that post, she likened the band to the patch to stop smoking. Would you judge a friend who used a nicotine patch to stop smoking, as being weak for not being able to do it "on their own?" By getting banded, you are taking care of YOU and your health. As said above, there isn't anything easy about it. The weight doesn't magically fall off. You STILL have to do the work.

I'm going to look for that post & see if I can find it. It was really good

[labwalker 1,177]

My surgeon told me that overeating is only one part of it... genetics is also involved, as is one's lifestyle. I've seen skinny people who can eat fries and the biggest burger at Five Guys everyday of the week, and never gain an ounce.

Folks who never had weight issues can be judgmental. "Surgery? Just stop shoveling into your mouth!" is what I've heard and read all too often. WLS is not inexpensive, nor is undergoing major surgery something that is done on a whim or as a quick band-aid fix.

You aren't copping out, you are facing a problem and trying to find a solution. You will need self-discipline and motivation for WLS to work, regardless. I opted not to tell many family members that I was having WLS, since I didn't want to be judged for having the surgery. The important thing is to do it for yourself, and not worry about what anyone else thinks.

[Jim1967 3,569]

Yes, and in fact my wife is having the very battle herself as she is now going through the process. I went through it but at 488lbs I didn't feel I had many options as I was a walking time bomb. For me it was all about health and being around as long as I can.

Let me ask you this, What is the hardest part of losing weight for you? For me it was not about losing weight. It was about keeping it off and maintaining it. I lost 170lbs doing Atkins years ago and I gained it all back plus another 90.

There is nothing wrong with feeling like you do but I will go on to tell you this is NOT the easy way out. There is no such things as easy WLS. You will still need to make good choices and have discipline. No form of WLS will force you to make good choices. Even with this band I could go to McDonalds and suck down a 1500 calorie milk shake.

Band is a tool and that is all it is. You have to do the work and it will help you but you have to control it.

[ADJL 685]

Here was my take on that. 2 years ago I was saying the same thing...and I vowed I'd do it myself. Fast forward to February when my world caved in and that pre-diabetic status changed to Type 2 diagnosed. It was like that switch in my brain occured and i realized that I was KILLING myself because I thought WLS was the easy way out and I was obviously NOT disciplined enough to do it all on my own too.

So I sat down with a good friend and had a good cry and then she said, "Why is it such a big deal if you have help in this area?" And the more we talked about it the more I realized that my weight affected so many other areas of my life that if I didn't ask for help and get this under control they would all eventually go the direction of my health. The more I read the more I realized that my thought process making this some kind of magical "easy way out" was way off. You have to work at this. I can eat whatever I want. I can eat chips, icecream, candy...hotdogs, fries, burgers. Anything. The band can take months and many fills to be really effective in food management and even then I can stretch it back out and stop it from being all that effective. I can sit on my butt and not exercise too. I can do all the same things that took me to 270 pounds in the first place.

So maybe the stars aligned for me and it was that turning point...who knows...but what the band has done for me is make me better prepared to mentally lose weight. I think about everything that goes in my mouth now. I make concious decisions to choose Protein then veggies then fruit. I still make mistakes, but even if the band is only ever a mental help for me it will be worth it. I'm 21 pounds less...and 21 pounds closer to being healthy than I was 6 weeks ago.

There is no cop out in that.

[mrsto 2,925]

I will tell you first hand (as will many others), that the band is HARDLY the easy way out. It takes a lot of strength and will power to work with the band. It doesn't do the work for you, it only "assists".

That being said, I felt the same way when going through the decision process. I felt like such a failure, and a total weakling. But I worked through those feelings, and knew as sure as I'm typing this note, that if I didn't go through with the surgery, I would continue to gain. I was resolved. And I haven't looked back one minute since 3/25/13, with regret. I've dropped 25 pounds so far; 25 pounds which NEVER would have come off if I reached out to yet ANOTHER diet program.

A couple of months ago, (I think it was parisshel) had a great post regarding the very same thing. She outlined it in a way that really hit home for me. I'll try & find the link to that post and send it to you. Aside from so many wonderful things in that post, she likened the band to the patch to stop smoking. Would you judge a friend who used a nicotine patch to stop smoking, as being weak for not being able to do it "on their own?" By getting banded, you are taking care of YOU and your health. As said above, there isn't anything easy about it. The weight doesn't magically fall off. You STILL have to do the work.

I'm going to look for that post & see if I can find it. It was really good

I found it..... Here is the link to that thread. Parisshel posted within the content, but I think the entire post might be helpful.

http://www.lapbandtalk.com/topic/167022-i-came-out-of-the-closet-yesterday/

[vincereautmori 323]

Thank you all! I hadn't thought looking at surgery as a more powerful attempt to find a permanent solution to a problem that would otherwise, never go away. I also appreciate all of your insights to the tenacity and strength it takes to live with a surgical decision. I guess it's not such an easy way out.

[sp70 193]

I always thought others would think I was taking the easy way out as well, which is why I haven't told very many about my decision. I'm only 4 weeks post op and nothing about this has been easy. It's been a learning process, not only how to eat (chew, chew, chew and chew some more) and what to eat (making sure it's Protein packed). I still have so much to learn.

Good luck!