Feeling guilty pre-op

[stefunny 0]

Did anyone feel guilty before being banded? I have these feelings that I should be losing weight on my own, that the money could be better spent somewhere else (I'm self-pay) and that I'm selfish for wanting to do this. My husband is very supportive and just wants me to be happy. On the other hand, I think ... are these thoughts just my way of sabatoging (sp?) myself like I have on sooo many diets?

[youknowit 11]

To be honest with you... I STILL feel the guilt you are describing sometimes, and I don't have a husband, kids, or any other human committments other than myself to add to that mix...

I think society at large makes us feel bad for being fat, but then they turn around and say "you're lazy, just exercise" or things like "you could lose if you tried" or even better "you just choose to be fat"... and on and on. I've heard these very things in many forms from friends, family, whatever... and it's generally some kind of discussion of how people who have weightloss surgery are taking "the easy way out" or something to that degree. Because I had it stuck in my mind that perhaps I was taking that "easy way" I felt really guilty, and like I said... sometimes I still do.

But you know what? Making this decision isn't easy. Doing this isn't easy. You are doing what is right FOR YOU. We shouldn't have to feel guilty about that...

I had a little talk with my only friend who actually knows about my band the other day and we were actually discussing this guilt... I was saying to her that I'm really happy about my loss and that I'm proud of myself, but I still feel guilty sometimes like I didn't do this myself. She told me, "Angie, you did this... so you were smart enough to see you couldn't do this alone, and you got the band. You were smart enough to see that you were making the right decision for your health and your life. You don't have to justify this to anyone... you are doing what is right for you!" And I have been reminding myself of that...

Hope this helps you, and if you need to chat, we're here! You can do this! :confused:

[princess_n_thep 2]

I felt very guilty especially because I was a lower BMI and others who were bigger than me would say "I would kill to be your size, blah blah blah"

So in the beginning I felt as if I should have embraced the dieting harder, exercised more, ate better foods, etc etc....

I felt really guilty.... until I started to lose the weight. Then... to hell with the rest of them, this was about ME, not them!!

[K@t 38]

I felt and still feel some of that guilt as well. I was self pay and my husband wasn't to thrilled to be spending the money either. But then I was mad. I was mad at science. Science invented all of these yummy foods that most of us like to eat, all the prepackaged stuff with preservatives and all the doritos and fritos etc. And society says its ok to eat that stuff (any one watch Gilmore Girls, its a series, great series, but they 2 women are always eating junk and they look perfectly slim and beautiful) And now science has to help us lose the weight as well by implanting a device in our bodies. It made me feel like crap. Why me.

But the truth is, no matter how mad or how guilty I feel, nothing is going to change unless I do something about it. I did the diets, we all did, and they didn't work. This is one of our last hopes, so here we are. I'm not going to feel guilty for trying to be a healthier me.

Also this may go back to some stuff that I have read on here about how most of us are usually enablers and we put every one else first before ourselves and we feel guilty when we put ourselves first.

[Murphles 0]

Oh my gosh-thank you for bringing up this issue. I feel so guilty. I don't know why. I am a lower BMI and why can't I just "boot camp" it. I know that I can't. What if I get complications that cause my family more expense. I know we can afford it-but that means other financial needs and issues won't be addressed this year. I feel so bad about this that I can't schedule my surgery.

[sheryl 3]

Let's face it. How many diets have you been on, only to gain the weight back as soon as the diet was over? Having the lapband is what will make it successful. The majority of people will never lose and keep it off by themselves by diet alone. With work from you (just to ease your guilt a bit because you do have to do some of the work yourself!), the odds of being successful with the band are pretty darn high. You are paying for a tool that will increase you chances in a great way. Don't feel guilty about that! You deserve that!

[Wheetsin 714]

Well, I was not self pay, my surgery cost me about $20, but I was ready to self pay had insurance not covered it. No guilt there, but I did have to do a lot of thinking before surgery. I kept asking myself, "What if I just try to diet one more time, and *this* time ends up to be the time that works for me?" I had that debate off and on for about 3 months. In the end, reality struck - the reality that I needed help to get this done, and that the "one more diet..." approach hadn't gotten me anywhere except 200 lbs overweight.

I also had other mental demons to beat, though I'm not an emotional eater. I had to beat the sense of failure I was afraid of, because I felt that I should be strong enough, have the willpower, determination and drive to lose this weight on my own. I had to face my fear of having my first surgery, and having it be voluntary. I have to face the fear of not doing this right and not seeing the results I'd want to see. And the list goes on, and on...

I was 2 mos post-op yesterday, and I'm down 52 lbs since surgery day and 40 lbs since consultation. I've never once regretted anything. I never had the, "What did I do to myself" regret that I had read so much about. If I ever started to doubt what I was doing, I just reminded myself of everything I was going to gain -- and weight was NOT on that list for a change!

[EmileeKaye 1]

I was self-pay...more like mom-pay. She ended up paying a little over 18,000 for my surgery....yet I have not felt any guilt. Maybe because other siblings have had house down payments and businesses paid for them....and the fact that in reality she had spent that throughout my childhood on Jenny Craig, WW, TOPS, many personal trainers, and so on and so on...most of those I went into not wanting to do. This time I had done the research and had been the one who was ready to change my life. I knew it wasn't going to be a waste of money. I don't think I'm spoiled or selfish.....but maybe I am :confused:

[Melissa Lea 1]

What a great topic! I am due to be banded June 9th, and also self pay. When I first started researching the lap band procedure I felt a lot of guilt. All of the "what if diets" went through my thoughts as well. The hardest part for me was telling my family of my decision. After several heartfelt discussions with my family, mostly to answer questions about the procedure and not my decision, I have the full support of my family and that has helped the guilt go away :clap2: .

Now I know my history --I always get post purchase remorse after buying large/expensive items. I am expecting this to be no different :think , but I know with my family support and ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT --I will be just fine.

Melissa Lea:hippie:

[CCBSTX 0]

Good point! I NEVER was excited pre-band regarding my upcoming surgery. I was more meloncholy (spelling?) than anything. I felt that I was sort of a "loser" that I couldn't do it on my own.

NOW...I am excited!

Shawn

[Elisabethsew 50]

If dieting worked, nobody would be fat. Obesity is a chronic disease with many components to it (genetic, familial, psychological, emotional, etc.). Scientific research is defining "fat" genes and hormones and slowly advancing treatment options.

If someone you loved had a terminal disease that could only be cured by a $20,000.00 cash payment, wouldn't you do everything in your power to get that money? Well, obesity is a disease and, eventually, the complications associated with this disease will cause death... a premature death.

We are all someone and we all matter. We have a right to be healthy. We have a right to treatment. Obese people are notorious for always GIVING to others. Well, now it's time to give to ourselves, to help ourselves become healthy and happy because WE DO MATTER and WE DO DESERVE TREATMENT.

[diva 0]

What a great thread!

I've started my process at the hospital and am trying to be banded in July. So I am committed to being banded. But the deeper I get into the process (I am covered by insurance and this program demands a lot of appointments and behavior modification groups for 6 weeks)

All I think of is -what was the matter with me? Maybe if I tried one more time? Maybe I really am lazy and couldn't handle completing a diet?

And I have tried to wierd diets. I had to write them all down and how much I lost and when I gained it back for this program. It was shocking to see how I failed so many times. I'm talking everything from Weight Watchers to diet pills to Atkins to Cabbage Soup to Rice to shots of HCG (some sort of enzyme taken from a pregnant woman's uring-I swear to God and it cost a fortune) all the way to not so legal black beauties (amphetemines). I keep thinking how did I get so bad that I need surgery???? I feel guilty not because of the $ since I am insured but because I have let myself and everyone who loves me down so many times. Is it true what thin people say-that if only I just stuck to a diet and had some willpower I wouldn't be getting surgery? That its an easy way out? Even though I am 51 and been overweight since college, I have never been this heavy.

So the answer is-yes I feel guilty because I feel like I failed at controlling my life basically. And then sometimes I feel really happy about it-here is a tool that will work!

::confused::

[Shontel 3]

I did feel a certain amount of guilt (am a self pay also) but Isn't guilt a big part of our lives in general? I mean, we feel guilty if we eat, or over what we say to others...we always seem to put ourselves last, which is why it is so hard to say, I'm worth it! I know for myself, I put this off b/c I always kept finding 'more important' things to do with the money. But I finally realized that material things will come and go, this is the only life I have and the only body I have. It had to come first. Dont feel guilt, YOU ARE WORTH IT! WE ARE ALL WORTH IT.

[maryb 1]

Rememeber you will recoup the money very quickly in the junk food you won't be buying! LOL

Seriously...Being a Christian, I believe guilt is Satan's way of trying to sabotage us! Don't let that LIAR steal your JOY! Oh, he likes to tell us we could control our weight problems, and then turns around and makes those Girl Scout Cookies call our name! Pray to God that this will be the answer to your prayers, hold your head up, and give glory to him. That old guilt will go away... I guarantee it!