My mom, my biggest cheerleader, made me feel so alone tonight for the first time in this journey.

[donna12 742]

I know here lately I've posted and sounded down and maybe I am, I've got a lot going on in my life. Tonight I was watching an episode of I think it's titled "my 600 lb life and where are they now", well I live with my mom and have lived with her for the past year for several reasons, one she's 74 and needs me but for the main reason, I can't find a job and I need her as much as she needs me because I can't make ends meet on my alimony alone since my divorce 2 yrs ago and live by myself. Well, while watching this show I could really relate to these people who had had gastric bypass and their eating issues so I paused the DVR and said to my mom "you know I really need help with my eating issues". Just yesterday or last night I posted on here that I crave something sweet after meals and it is an awful feeling and I didn't know how to deal with it. Her reply was harsh, guess I wasn't ready to hear it and wanted her support. She basically said to deal with it. My feelings to the issue is, this is a real sickness, people are addicted to food as some are addicted to alcohol or drugs. I need to learn how to channel those feelings of wanting to eat at non-eating times to something else. I am paying for my own health ins and it costs a lot over $500/mo for me and my deductible is $2500 and I've had to stop going to my psychiatrist because each visit was going towards my deductible and I couldn't afford to pay out of pocket. I'm crushed, I've been a patient of his for 7 yrs. I did find a psychologist here where I live but she keeps pushing me to do things that cost me, like hobbies and although that is fine and dandy I can't afford it. Now lets talk about exercise: Mom says tonight "I'll pay for a membership to a gym if you'll go", great I say but she doesn't understand that I can barely walk around the block here at home before I have to walk in the door and take a pain pill to kill the pain in my knee that I've had 2 surgeries on. I just feel like she doesn't understand or I feel all alone in this right now. Yes, I've come out of the closet yesterday on here that I'm Bipolar, I take meds for it and they leave me hungover the next day so I usually sleep in till 10:30 and cause insomnia so I'm up till the wee hrs of the night/morning going to bed and the one drug that knocks me out causes some weight gain and cravings but its the only thing that will put me to sleep at night and control my moods. Going back to my psychiatrist, he kept a close eye on me and my bipolar and all my meds, now my reg dr handles all my meds. I have a feeling some of this is mild depression going on, but I just don't have the money to make an appt with my old dr right now. sheesh. My Lap Band dr has me come in once a month for fills and that has been costing me over $100 a time, I'm up to my eyeballs in medical bills. No wonder my hair is falling out. Going back to exercise, I tried to do a Burpee, omg, I couldn't even accomplish that, couldn't squat because of my knee. I thought I was going to have to call the fire dept to get me up. Thanks for listening.

Donna

[kll724 3,055]

((((hugs)))), don't feel like you can't come here and speak your mind. We are great listeners! Have you tried to get SSI for your disabilities? It might be worth a try. It sounds like you not only can't find work but are unable to work. Bless you and good luck. Karen

[Kime-lou 648]

Life with mental health issues only add to the fustration. I was dx with depression as a teen, meds helped a lot, but then as an adult I also began with an anxiety disorder that almost cribbled me. It took me a while to find the right meds that work and make me feel like me.

I am truely sorry you are going through this. Like the above posted we are here for you. My email is kime-lou@hotmail.com you can email me anytime and I will be happy to listen or whatever.

Sometimes it does feel like those around us have no idea what we are going through and it's easy to get angry and hurt. Some days it has to be a moment at a time instead of the day or the hour.

[downysoft 51]

I agree. I have fibromyalgia. Bipolar depression and generalizes anxiety disorder. I take a lot of meds but it controls everything great once you get the right mixture. My problem was weight gain due to the meds but hopefully my commitment with the band will take care of that. Don't ever be afraid to get help there are a lot more depressed people out there than you think and you don't have to be depressed or stressed.

[Creekwood 702]

I crave sweets after meals too... now i eat a SF popsicle after if i feel the urge.. its not the same, but it helps.. other than that I don't have any good advice or anything for you... I just want you to know that I'm rooting for you and I hope that everything works out for you! Good luck, hopefully you will catch a break somewhere

[dawalsh 919]

You have my support and I'm just wondering if you could go to an upbeat weight loss support group like TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly). I believe the website is TOPS. Org. They are non-profit and I used to go weekly when I lived in New York. I paid $2.00 a week and got weighed and there was a lot of moral support. I've gained several friendships through TOPS and I keep in touch with several of them since I moved away 13 years ago.

The meetings may seem silly because aside from getting weighed in there is a lot of singing but I loved that. We were all their for the same reason which is moral support . Maybe you could go to the website and check out to see if there is a chapter near you. It's relatively inexpensive, I was paying $2.00 a week when I left but that $2.00 came back to me if different events that I attended. I would go back to TOPS here in my town but I'm not a morning person. They meet at 8:00 AM here. My group I belonged to met at 7:00 PM which is more my speed.

I wish you much luck and all I can say is hang in there'! Treasure your 74 yr old mom I wish I had my mom with me today. God bless.

Diane

[Maddysgram 6,159]

Donna, I truly understand the knee pain. I'm currently awaiting knee replacement. I know some ppl here who have had the same knee problems as me and they are telling me once they hit 150 lbs, they no longer need surgery and they go to the gym and workout like crazy. I'm counting on that and trying to exercise the best I can, even if its just strolling around a store or park. Yea, it hurts, but it is getting better.

I also believe that food addiction is just like any other addiction, but I also believe that no one can beat that addiction unless their soul catches up with their head. We can say we want to quit, but deep in our heart, we don't want to, we like the feelings we get from it and then get upset we fail and medicate it again with our addiction. A vicious cycle. The ones that beat their addiction are the ones that go cold turkey and thats how I am with my sweets, just don't touch them,period. I use to smoke and until I said no matter what my head wants, my heart says NO.

With food its the same thing, my head is saying I need it, I want it, even though I'm saying I want to lose weight. When I have those feelings, I do find other things to do. It can be as simple as sitting outside and enjoying the beauty God has put in front of us. Its free! Our earth is an amazing thing. Get in touch with it.

Birds,plants,animals,the sky moving across the universe, the sounds of nature. LOL, at night I even go check out the stars and night life. Its free 24-7!

IMO, you need to get out of the house. Go to a park or bench outside of a store and tell anyone walking by "good morning", beautiful day isn't it or just a smile. You know you can really bless someone with just a smile and in turn bless yourself. Its free!

I hope you don't take this as judgemental, I want to help you.

Its just what I've found works for me.

Give, it will be given unto you!

You know mom means well and she wants to help you the best she can.lol just like me. Hence, the gym membership. It really wouldn't hurt to talk with a trainer and tell them your issues and see if they can work around them, before signing up. What have you got to loose. Gets you out of your house.

[line-dancer 810]

well, I can I help? first of plenty of hugs and just being here to listen. I have adopted kids with bi-polar as long as my self.. I have found Depakoe to be our wonder medican and luckily we didnt have to try a lot of differant ones. We also take and anti-depressant to get the moods even or at least not get to the extrem ends of either. I hope you apply for social surcity it can take a lone time to get approved and you can start it off online or go to the office if it is close to you. Then you will get help with the medical end of things which is a God sent.

Just because you go to a gym doesnt mean you have to do thing that use you knee, I go and do the weights and that makes a big differance...there is plenty to do to get fit without using your knees...at least check it out do not future think in a negitive way look to the possitive some exercise is a tin better then none so take you help from your Mom and go daily...you can do this and mentaly you will feel much better.. I hope this is helpful it is sent with hugs, love and truly caring for you and your success..

[Maddysgram 6,159]

You have my support and I'm just wondering if you could go to an upbeat weight loss support group like TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly). I believe the website is TOPS. Org. They are non-profit and I used to go weekly when I lived in New York. I paid $2.00 a week and got weighed and there was a lot of moral support. I've gained several friendships through TOPS and I keep in touch with several of them since I moved away 13 years ago.

The meetings may seem silly because aside from getting weighed in there is a lot of singing but I loved that. We were all their for the same reason which is moral support . Maybe you could go to the website and check out to see if there is a chapter near you. It's relatively inexpensive, I was paying $2.00 a week when I left but that $2.00 came back to me if different events that I attended. I would go back to TOPS here in my town but I'm not a morning person. They meet at 8:00 AM here. My group I belonged to met at 7:00 PM which is more my speed.

I wish you much luck and all I can say is hang in there'! Treasure your 74 yr old mom I wish I had my mom with me today. God bless.

Diane

Great idea! I use to be a TOPs leader and it is great, cheap support. I only stopped b/c at the time I had two young children at home and meetings were at night. They do have meetings during the day in a lot of places.

[KarenElaine 44]

Donna,

Can I cry with you? You are not alone. After every meal, I really, really, want something just a tiny little bit of something sweet to eat. Why is that? I've asked myself for so long. So anyway to take the torment away, I do, just a tiny bit and the desire is gone. So, in the long run, I'm thinking, how bad is it really?

I'm certain the bad comes in when we continue to eat badly. Through this journey, I've been learning that when we don't have enough Protein in our diet, we also want carbs (sweets). That was completely enlightening to me. So, holy cow, am I eating proteing now. And it's working. I even cut out the rice and potatoes with no problem. I'm gluten free so I already don't eat bread. I am seriously craving green beans!!! OMG, who am I?

The docs want you to be busy. As I'm told, "If you are doing, you aren't consuming." Ok, makes sense. They don't care what you are doing, just that we do something. Those closest to us (family), are usually the ones that will hurt us the most. Your mom didn't mean to hurt you, she's offering something that she thinks is the answer. She doesn't understand what your needs are. Big hug here. You will also feel better if you are doing something. Visit the goodwill store see what your imagination can stir up. Jigzaw puzzles. Hot glue gun. We crafters swear crafting is our therapy!

Plan out your meals, load up on the Proteins and veggies; eat those Proteins first. Bridge with those veggies and you are going to feel better in no time. We can do this! karen

[donna12 742]

Oh my goodness I never in a million years expected these kind of responses, wow. I'm touched, and thank you so much. To address some of you, yes I will and do cherish every moment with my mom, she is my rock and has been here fore me during my divorce and losing my dad, who was the strong one there, her when daddy died, go figure, it was here husband. I know she didn't mean to be insensitive but it just hit me wrong I guess. I will check out a local gym next week, I promise. And yes, I will sit outside and take in the wonders of what God has created. Thank you again for all you're responses.

Donna

[CHEZNOEL 4,061]

Hang in there Donna. This too will pass!

[donna12 742]

I was in a hurry this morning when I posted, sorry. To address another poster, I did ck into SSI or disability but I'm not sure if this applies to everywhere but here in KY you have to had work history in the past 10 yrs and I havent worked in 15 yrs so that discounted me for any benefits which sucks because there are days that I literally cannot get out of bed due to my bipolar issues and meds and my anxiety issues.

I had a great day today, spent it with my mom. We decided to go on a picnic at a lake. She made us a light lunch and some fruit for me for dessert and we packed the car and off we went. The lake was beautiful and so was KY weather, 70 degrees and sunny today. We pitched a blanket and enjoyed watching all the boaters and just each other.

Thanks Chez, I know this too shall pass.

[ChicagoRose 650]

Okay so maybe I'm going to get a boo on this one, but really, why can't you have something sweet after you eat? I got a band because I ate way too much and not because I had a hershey kiss here and there. I think that people who feel that you have to follow a super strict diet while being banded are unrealistic, if we could do that we wouldn't need a band!! I'm not a sweet eater, I'm a savory eater, and if I want a piece of pizza for lunch with the crust (gasp!) I eat it, because people aren't fat from one piece of pizza, they are fat from eating the whole pizza as I used to.

So hang in there, you are NOT ALONE and we are here for you. I also take medication for both anxiety and depression and the generation your mother is from is not familiar with the very REAL effects of both on health and weight loss and unfortunatly you can't re-educate some people.

I'm not your doc, but if you need a bite of sweet after a meal, maybe stock up on some sugar-free treats, or puddings, or hard candies?

GOOD LUCK!!

[txsonicguy 262]

To address another poster' date=' I did ck into SSI or disability but I'm not sure if this applies to everywhere but here in KY you have to had work history in the past 10 yrs and I havent worked in 15 yrs so that discounted me for any benefits which sucks because there are days that I literally cannot get out of bed due to my bipolar issues and meds and my anxiety issues.

.[/quote']

That work requirement should be just for SS disability. SSI has no such requirement - we have 2 special needs daughters, one of whom is an adult. The issue for SSI probably would be your income (alimony). My mother has been on SS disability for bipolar for 15 years. One thing we've learned about government programs for the disabled is its up to YOU to make them work for YOU. Unfortunate but true. Keep looking, keep calling. You've paid you're taxes all these years (and assumably supported your ex while he paid his) fight for what you need. In my moms case, she now helps as an advocate in Idaho for others trying to navigate the system.

There is so much abuse in so many of our "social" programs, I just hate when someone who legitimately needs help can get it.