Confession time...I'm ashamed

[donna12 742]

Hey there

I disagree with some of the comments posted..so here goes.

I don't comprehend the logic of 'banning' yourself from any food..even your temptations. What you actually need to do is learn how to subside those urges. I'll share how in a minute.

I wanted to first comment on your overall situation. I have been banded now for 3.5 yrs. Sure I'm super close to goal, however, I also had some setbacks. First I got pregnant and than I suffered a severe accident that took 8 months to recover from. I was fortunate that my band was very much in the green and I didnt gain during these timeframes, but boy did I eat like garbage. I think it's safe to say that diet and stress don't go together for many of us. The stress becomes the priority and we cope the best we can. Many friends from the site have had the same setbacks (family, financial, death, etc) and have either gained or stalled. But they are back, stronger than ever. Life is Fluid, there's ups and downs and we cannot allow our setbacks to be actual failures, rather just temporary. Sure it prolongs our progress, sure it's disappointing/frustrating..but it will never go away. So put a positive spin on it... just say..ok that's done..now I'm ready again. And get going

Now for the sweets. Oye! Sweets are my weakness too. Plus I have 3 kids at home and I can relate to the shopping for others not just yourself. However, I feel that a 100% clean diet is only going to sabotage your efforts and ultimately make you snack like crazy or worse-binge. I have a ton of q's for you..like how many cals do you eat (before snacks) and how many cals in 'snacking' do you consume. I ask this, because I typically eat 700 clean calories (my Proteins etc) but I always leave a reserve for a 100-200 cal snack and it can be whatever I want. OR if I know Im going to have a cheat meal for instance, I will deduct that throughout the day from my other meals to help compensate even if it still brings me over my normal daily caloric intake allowance.

One of my recommendations is to build in cheat meals or days. When you eat 'clean' it is imperative that you have days that you 'shock' your body. You do this by having a high fat/calorie &/or sugar meal. This is when you bang out all those cravings. Not only does it help subside those urges (because typically when we crave something and than eat alot of it it's not as rewarding as we thought it woudl be and thus the craving subsides) but it also shocks the body into thinking you are not in starvation mode and it's a great way to avoid or overcome plateaus and maximize wl. This is an old bodybuilders trick...and we all know how great they look.

Lastly, if you are snacking alot...one of the biggest things you need to do is get busy. I'm not implying this..but an example..if you are lounging about the house all day..you are restless, your mind thinks of things to pleasure itself. food is a great substitute. So instead of raiding the pantry..take that time for a daily activity/hobby that will preoccupy your mind. I find that on my slow days I eat more because I can actually sit and listen to my body more or I just simply get head hungar more frequently out of boredom. On those busy days, I have to force my meals because many times I can forget to eat.

I hope this helps >< a little. I know life is tough. We've all had our shares of obstacles and letdowns. But again, it's temporary. Don't let it define you, don't let it depress you. Simply..start again

Thanks for your input! I do try and watch my caloric intake and save some for sweets but late nights are my enemy! Oh I never forget to eat, I get hungry about every 4 to 4.5 hrs. I see my surgeon on the 29th so maybe he will do a fill, small one at least. Thanks for your words of wisdom. I take all of your comments to heart and thank everyone for your kindness.

Thanks again,

Donna

[Creekwood 702]

You are a very courageous person to put your story out there. You have been through a lot (understatement of the year!) and I hope that the doctor can help you overcome the problems that you are facing. If you are considering myfitnesspal I recommend it wholeheartedly! I use it every day and there are TONS of banded people on there to be friends with who will encourage you EVERY DAY!! I'm Ericnorth25 on there if you set one up I'd love to be your friend! There are threads on here full of people who would love to be your friend as well! Logging every fit item helps me to be accountable for what I eat because 1 I know everyone can see it, 2 if I don't log it I feel bad for lying to everyone. Good luck with whatever you choose! I'm rooting for you!!!

[countrygrl 175]

Hello donna.

First of all let me start by telling you this- You are a brave and wonderful woman. I have absolutely nothing but the utmost respect for you. Your opening up like this takes courage and guts that most people on the planet do not possess. DO NOT EVER DOUBT THAT YOU ARE A BRAVE AND AMAZING PERSON!!!!!

Life is exactly that. Life. It has its ups' date=' and its downs. And right now you are in a down. God I want to just go give you a big hug right now. What you are going through is so hard. And you have more courage than most people I know.

And for sake of honesty I will share my story. I used to be a very happy person. But much like you I had things happen that totally put me in a not so great place. My wife came to me asking for me to help her parents by taking them in. Financially they were having issues. I fought it and fought it until I finally wore down and caved. So now I take in her parents, and it just starts going bad. They complain about everything. They fight me about everything. Its a disaster. I tried to explain to my wife the problems that would come with it but she didnt want to see it. Her sister soon starts having problems in her marriage. We come to find out that she has been stepping out on her husband. Not having affairs mind you, but going on line and setting up meeting spots with strangers. Husband found out and ofcourse it didnt end well. ( I want it known that I in no way judge her for any choices she made. She is her own person and has to answer to no one other than herself). So now they seperate. And where does she go to? Her family of course. So now I have her move in. Its an ugly seperation. But unfortunately it didnt last long. Two months into it she called me and said he didnt go to work or show up for his visit with his daughter. And I knew instantly. I told her to stay home, and i went to his house. I found his body that afternoon.

So now I have my sister in law and her beautiful daughter living with me as well. ( not to mention her dog and three cats that did not yet take to my dog and two cats or my mother in laws dog. Yep, Its a zoo) One week to the day my father in law passed. I felt horrible for my son. At the age of 10 he lost his favorite uncle and his POP POP. The grandfather. I will never forget the words coming out of his mouth. " Dad, why is everyone I know dying?" it was heart breaking. And having to discuss and explain suicide to a 10 year old is truly one of the hardest moments of my life. Now top this off with my mother. She has been sick for a few years with a mental illness. Which ended with her being committed after a few failed suicide attempts. My life really is a soap opera.

So I started failing on my diet as well. Stopped going to the doctor. Stopped watching what i was eating. And started to gain back weight. I was a miserable person. My marriage was taking hits left and right. And i realized I wasnt even living anymore. Just existing. I didnt want to go home. There were nights I'd just sit in my car, numb. I felt lost. And really just, well lost is a good way to describe it. I was not suicidal. I just wasnt really living.

I decided one day that I really needed to get my life together. I heard something that really struck me. CHANGE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT THINGS AND THE THINGS YOU LOOK AT CHANGE. I'm not sure why it struck me so hard, but it did. And I realized that it was only me holding myself back. That only I was responsible for myself. And that if I didnt fix my life nobody else would. And it is at that moment I started to live. I went back on my diet. I started to see and find joy in things. I felt better and started smiling more.

Things at home havent really changed much. Some nights its good, and some nights its bad. The way I see it if the better nights out number the worse, you're doing ok. I started to feel happy again.

I made a few new friends. And one in particular really impacted me. This person opened my eyes to just how happy life could be. How special life is, and how to live again. How to be accountable. How not to judge. How there are people out there that care about others and not just themselves. I will always be indebted to that person for helping me in a time of need.

Donna, you are not alone in this. I know you feel lost. But you must remember that you are not alone. There is a strong support staff here. Wonderful people that will always be there and support you. You MUST talk to your doctor about all of this. About everything. They are only there to help you. I also can not stress this enough. You need to see a doctor about your stress issues. Your personal problems. I have had to deal with five suicides in the last 2 years, as well as some failed attempts. Depression is a very real and very dangerous thing. I implore you to seek some professional help. Your eating issues are purely a mental coping mechanism. Please seek some help. It is a dangerous area to go into without the help of true trained professionals. I am not one. I am a police officer who has just seen this one too many times. I plead with you. Talk to your doctor.

Donna, thank you for having the courage to post your message. You will not be judged by us. EVER. And you are not alone. You can do this!!!!!![/quote']

Wow!!!!! I don't really know what to say I just read your story an miss Donna as well an this really goes to show other people that just when you think that your life or world seems to be turned upside down there are others feeling the same situations . I was in tears reading these post but I have to just say that I am a Christian person as well but sometimes it seems like nothing for you will get better FAITH is hard to live by because things happen on Gods terms not ours. An trust me I have had my fair share of family issues mostly with my 2 oldest boys who unfortunate got mixed up with the drug called METH that tore me to pieces almost haD a nervous breakdown, they are better now but meth is a destructive drug. ( never used drugs but seem the outcome)

I pray that things will get better for both of you mentally an physically . I know that this forum was about an eating issue an sorry for getting off course but I ReSPecTfuLllY admire you both for telling your story this takes alot of courage to put out to many strangers unknowing the response you will receive !!! Prayers to you both an big big (( HUGS)) .........

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

to fail means quit, give up, eat and say f**k it and keep eating

like elcee said, lighten up on yourself no one is perfect

no food is off limits..you are losing,,,,,so what if its 2 or 3 or whatever pounds..as long as you are losing, who cares how long it takes you...

ps: i splurge once a week on something i want and then i am right back on my healthy lap band life........hang in there...

[LadyMaggie 145]

My thoughts on your post / topic is: PLEASE know that you are NOT alone in your struggles.

I firmly believe we ALL have some form of addiction in our lives. For some people, it is gambling, drugs. For ME, it is food.

I was estranged from my daughter fro 12 years, and my drug of choice was F-O-O-D. . . this is one of the reasons I gained so much weight.

It is certainly easier to gain than lose; HANG IN THERE ----> sending hugs your way

[donna12 742]

wow, the outpouring of friendship on here is overwhelming, I don't know how to process it. I have felt the love all day long from you guys because I finally got the courage up to confess to my mom what had been going on while she showers and she laughed lightly and said "I saw the cookie jar getting empty, I didn't know when you were eating them, here or there or how many but I saw them disappearing". With that said, I was in food jail tonight during her shower, I sat there and we talked about our day and laughed and talked while she showered, please don't think its weird, we are very close, she's my best friend, my rock and has been there for me during my divorce, my lap band surgery and sheesh, held the family together when my daddy passed away 11 yrs ago. She's an inspiration, this weekend is dedicated to her on this Mother's Day and let me extend a Happy Mother's Day to all of you out there. I'm not a mother, never was able to have children. But going back to my eating issues, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders by telling her, whew. Now to see a new shrink on Monday.

To Countrygrl, thank you for sharing your story about your sons and I'm happy they have overcome their addiction. I think no matter the source, whether it be food, alcohol, drugs, addiction is addiction and it is hard to overcome. Kudos to them. I myself have never seen or been around drugs so I do not know how hard it must be but I am familiar with alcoholism. I was married for 25 yrs and the watched my ex husband become an alcoholic the last 3 yrs of our marriage due to a high stress job. He still is an alcoholic today. I would love nothing more than to call the show Intervention on A&E and enter him in it, he needs help but then I think of myself with food, I'm no different. But he does need help. Anyhoo off subject, sorry. Keep the faith lady! Be blessed.

Donna

[Maybe180 4]

Hey Donna,

I wish I could give you a big ol hug right now!! I eat a cookie every time I argue with my co-worker. I can step out of my body and "see myself" with the cookie and "know" what I'm doing isn't logical. Thank God for the pre-surgery psychological evaluation!

I left this board for a while (things were going great) but I'm on life's rocky road again. Your post showed me I'm not alone. Thanks so very much for sharing!!!

[LJCBF 363]

Good morning Donna,

Struggles and less (sometimes way less lol) than ideal choices will occur and our response and ability to continue forward doing our best, accepting that as good enough, is an action shared by the "successful" in the weight loss world.

The 3 pillars to weight loss and maintenance of a healthy lifestyle are: food PLAN - sleep - EXERCISE

I will leave the food plan to you and your nutritionist, just know that MANY studies show that things like sugar/simple carb can effect key hormones that drive hunger and spike cravings assisting in keeping our brains in food crazy mode.

sleep - you are already probably aware that sleep and lack of will up the increase of cortisol which in turns causes the body to "hold onto" and "store" more fat, as well as increase hunger. My experience w/people that aren't getting "enough" sleep (8 hrs - most would agree 6/7 will work) is they say have tried but ... Fill in the blank. What I have found is that usually people try to increase their sleep by going to bed earlier. This fails because they just look at the ceiling and don't sleep and that's even worse ! THE KEY is NOT going to bed earlier it IS getting up earlier. If a person gets up out of bed and gets moving at 5am (earlier if needed) EVERY day (yes weekends too) without fail for two weeks THEN they will go to bed earlier and sleep. This works with 8 out of 10 people I work with on average.

EXERCISE - Several studies show that exercise dramatically effects mood and our choices and we now know that it's actually changing the brain - adding brain cells - "bumping up" the Prefrontal cortex (PFC) the area of the brain "in charge" of moderation and impulses. So, even if you discount the calorie burning, muscle building, increased flexibility/balance and increased BONE DENSITY benefits of exercise and just focus on how it increases our brains ability to help us "do the things we want to do" like NOT jumping up and grabbing a handful of almonds (in my case) or Cereal bar (in your case) when "no one is looking" - it's still clear exercise is the pathway to freedom.

Conveniently we can accomplish two of the three key pillars at once... LUCKY US ; ) exercise early in the morning will assist sleep and get the crucial exercise and "brain" work to start the day. As far as what exercise and how much how often... Blend of strength training versus cardio etc... That's a discussion for another time. I will say that it should be 6 days a week - 7 days in the early stages and regardless of how broken our bodies are safe effective exercise can be accomplished.

Good luck - I hope you take the path to free your mind & body : )

Hope in Your Future is Power in Your Present!

Lee

280lbs Lost - All Diseases Reversed

[lolarose13 147]

Love reading you truthful story Donna! I'm being banded for 4 days now and my problems with food started when I was young. I have a really healthy and fit family, but somehow I started to fill a lot of holes with food. I'm really grateful and blessed newlywed to a wonderful Christian man and he knows how much I suffered hiding myself in the bathroom or in the closet to just eat so he didn't notice it. I felt I was lying to him and to God, and I cried and I prayed for a new chance, and here I'm am! Just banded and so excited starting my new life. I know that I may want to eat those things again, but I want to go out of the closet and just enjoy one cookie instead of the whole box, is going to be hard, and I may failed, but the good think about life is that you have a new opportunity to start over every new sunrise god bless you! And you are not alone in this journey!

[dylanmiles23 2,198]

Hello donna.

First of all let me start by telling you this- You are a brave and wonderful woman. I have absolutely nothing but the utmost respect for you. Your opening up like this takes courage and guts that most people on the planet do not possess. DO NOT EVER DOUBT THAT YOU ARE A BRAVE AND AMAZING PERSON!!!!!

Life is exactly that. Life. It has its ups, and its downs. And right now you are in a down. God I want to just go give you a big hug right now. What you are going through is so hard. And you have more courage than most people I know.

And for sake of honesty I will share my story. I used to be a very happy person. But much like you I had things happen that totally put me in a not so great place. My wife came to me asking for me to help her parents by taking them in. Financially they were having issues. I fought it and fought it until I finally wore down and caved. So now I take in her parents, and it just starts going bad. They complain about everything. They fight me about everything. Its a disaster. I tried to explain to my wife the problems that would come with it but she didnt want to see it. Her sister soon starts having problems in her marriage. We come to find out that she has been stepping out on her husband. Not having affairs mind you, but going on line and setting up meeting spots with strangers. Husband found out and ofcourse it didnt end well. ( I want it known that I in no way judge her for any choices she made. She is her own person and has to answer to no one other than herself). So now they seperate. And where does she go to? Her family of course. So now I have her move in. Its an ugly seperation. But unfortunately it didnt last long. Two months into it she called me and said he didnt go to work or show up for his visit with his daughter. And I knew instantly. I told her to stay home, and i went to his house. I found his body that afternoon.

So now I have my sister in law and her beautiful daughter living with me as well. ( not to mention her dog and three cats that did not yet take to my dog and two cats or my mother in laws dog. Yep, Its a zoo) One week to the day my father in law passed. I felt horrible for my son. At the age of 10 he lost his favorite uncle and his POP POP. The grandfather. I will never forget the words coming out of his mouth. " Dad, why is everyone I know dying?" it was heart breaking. And having to discuss and explain suicide to a 10 year old is truly one of the hardest moments of my life. Now top this off with my mother. She has been sick for a few years with a mental illness. Which ended with her being committed after a few failed suicide attempts. My life really is a soap opera.

So I started failing on my diet as well. Stopped going to the doctor. Stopped watching what i was eating. And started to gain back weight. I was a miserable person. My marriage was taking hits left and right. And i realized I wasnt even living anymore. Just existing. I didnt want to go home. There were nights I'd just sit in my car, numb. I felt lost. And really just, well lost is a good way to describe it. I was not suicidal. I just wasnt really living.

I decided one day that I really needed to get my life together. I heard something that really struck me. CHANGE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT THINGS AND THE THINGS YOU LOOK AT CHANGE. I'm not sure why it struck me so hard, but it did. And I realized that it was only me holding myself back. That only I was responsible for myself. And that if I didnt fix my life nobody else would. And it is at that moment I started to live. I went back on my diet. I started to see and find joy in things. I felt better and started smiling more.

Things at home havent really changed much. Some nights its good, and some nights its bad. The way I see it if the better nights out number the worse, you're doing ok. I started to feel happy again.

I made a few new friends. And one in particular really impacted me. This person opened my eyes to just how happy life could be. How special life is, and how to live again. How to be accountable. How not to judge. How there are people out there that care about others and not just themselves. I will always be indebted to that person for helping me in a time of need.

Donna, you are not alone in this. I know you feel lost. But you must remember that you are not alone. There is a strong support staff here. Wonderful people that will always be there and support you. You MUST talk to your doctor about all of this. About everything. They are only there to help you. I also can not stress this enough. You need to see a doctor about your stress issues. Your personal problems. I have had to deal with five suicides in the last 2 years, as well as some failed attempts. Depression is a very real and very dangerous thing. I implore you to seek some professional help. Your eating issues are purely a mental coping mechanism. Please seek some help. It is a dangerous area to go into without the help of true trained professionals. I am not one. I am a police officer who has just seen this one too many times. I plead with you. Talk to your doctor.

Donna, thank you for having the courage to post your message. You will not be judged by us. EVER. And you are not alone. You can do this!!!!!!

I am very proud of you sharing your family's stories. Thank you. You're a wonderful person for taking everyone in. No one ever knows about the Grass is not always greener on the other side, part. I am happy you have a new friend who is helping you.

I help take care of MIL (90), my mother (almost 95 & in nursing home), brother (68) who lost 1/2 his brain from measles at 8 months and a husband who has many health issues. I try to stay happy and some days I lose it but not by eating, stress never made me eat. I scream and swear, weird, how everyone handles stress differently.

Have a wonderful day. Maybe bring your wife out for 'date night' or night out at a hotel, even if down the street and it may help the 2 of you reconnect. Maybe take your son away for a day, alone without the rest of the family.

You're a wonderful and caring person, thank you.

[JACKIEO85 308]

Donna, I can relate Literally I was banded in 09, lost 70 lbs and also got divorced, gained it all + back. 4/2012 was MY YEAR I restarted, Lost 70 lbs AGAIN and am 20 lbs from goal. YOUR never a FAILURE!! the above posts have allot of great advise especially talking to a therapist to get to the root of the issues with eating. Sometimes all we need is a little HELP.

Stay Strong

[Kris150 29]

Hi everyone

I logged in after a long time, because I've concluded that I cannot deal with my regain and "failure" on my own any more... I need the support of others who have an idea of what might be going on with me.

I've been reading a lot of stories from lot of members who each think individually and for various reasons that they are in the pits. I'm not one of them. I read these stories above crying silently and thanking the One Above for my wonderful life. I really have nothing to complain about - and now I see that my downfall is old bad habits and a lax attitude towards discipline due to success (which eroded said success slowly...).

The reason of my posting is this: I want to thank you all for opening up and sharing. I'm sure you already feel the benefit of support and love, but please know this: you are also educators for us all! I'm afraid that this will sound selfish and self-centred, but reading you genuinely heartbreaking stories (and wishing you all the best!!!) I can't help but re-evaluate my own problems in a very healthy light: my problems are minute and in my control (I'm the proud owner of a well-adjusted band) and now I feel strong enough to tackle them in that manner.

You are all so strong, showing us how much a human being can bear, and putting our lives into real perspective.

Thank you for being such an inspiration for carrying on and doing my best!

God bless you!

Kris

[Kris150 29]

Hi everyone

I logged in after a long time, because I've concluded that I cannot deal with my regain and "failure" on my own any more... I need the support of others who have an idea of what might be going on with me.

I've been reading a lot of stories from lot of members who each think individually and for various reasons that they are in the pits. I'm not one of them. I read these stories above crying silently and thanking the One Above for my wonderful life. I really have nothing to complain about - and now I see that my downfall is old bad habits and a lax attitude towards discipline due to success (which eroded said success slowly...).

The reason of my posting is this: I want to thank you all for opening up and sharing. I'm sure you already feel the benefit of support and love, but please know this: you are also educators for us all! I'm afraid that this will sound selfish and self-centred, but reading you genuinely heartbreaking stories (and wishing you all the best!!!) I can't help but re-evaluate my own problems in a very healthy light: my problems are minute and in my control (I'm the proud owner of a well-adjusted band) and now I feel strong enough to tackle them in that manner.

You are all so strong, showing us how much a human being can bear, and putting our lives into real perspective.

Thank you for being such an inspiration for carrying on and doing my best!

God bless you!

Kris

[It'sTime 82]

Hi Donna,

You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You have been through an awful lot and it sounds like you may be just trying to cope emotionally.

I would definitely take the advice of others who've encouraged you to go to your doctor. If you're eating as a coping mechanism there is surely someone he can refer you to for some help with that.

I remember when I went to my seminar and the doctor mentioned that tackling obesity had to come from all different angles if you truly want to conquer it. That is why many weight loss surgeons have dietitians and psychiatrists in their offices.

Once you get yourself the help you need to stop eating as a coping mechanism, you'll be on your way to finding your next Prince Charming and moving out of your mom's house.

Just do the things you need to do and you will prevail!

[addiesmom 4]

i so appreciate your honesty. I get tired of reading about people who don't struggle and reading what you wrote makes me feel like i am not alone. I too am a closet eater and struggle every day. i have more good days than bad but we have to be forgiving of ourselves. no one is perfect and to do this "perfectly" is not real. we struggle and some days we will succeed. hang in there. I was banded in March, 2013 so i am new to this. i have only lost 17 pounds and have had to bite, scratch and kick to get every one of those pounds off. becasue i cheat and struggle continuously with food issues. I am an emotional eater and am under considerable stress. But we will persevere.