Courage to not feel embarrassed I failed.

[abraxasbear 16]

So glad to have found this discussion this morning! Just last night, I posted the following in the "general discussion" thread (evidently the wrong place for it):

"I had lap band surgery over two years ago, in November of 2010. I began at 339 pounds, lost twenty in the pre-surgical two week low carb diet, and after surgery got down to 249. Then I bounced, and everything seemed to go wrong. Looking back, I think I was over-eager about increasing my fills, and it got me to the point where there was zero hunger control, etc. Now, I'm back up to 325 pounds. My band is still at around 9cc, but it doesn't really do much at all for Portion Control anymore---just creates problems with certain foods at times. I feel like my eating is completely out of control again, and I'm discouraged as hell. I haven't been back to my bariatric doc's office in about a year and a half, just out of sheer embarrassment. That said, I can't handle being this big again, and I need to do something, but I'm honestly afraid of going back to the doctor. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Is it possible after this degree of failure to get back to a place where the band is actually helping again and serving its purpose, or have I likely just screwed this option up permanently?"

Just like you, Juan, I haven't been to my doctor since November of 2011. I just got off the phone, after scheduling a new appointment for May 30th. He was heavily booked up, and it wasn't a time of day when he usually schedules people, but he wanted to be sure and get me in. I have to say I'm nervous about seeing him, but it's time to swallow my pride and just do it!

[2muchfun 8,927]

You might look on linkedin.com to find your surgeon.?

Also, google bariatric or weight loss support groups in your city? Or, call another surgeon and ask if they recommend a particular support group?

[catfish87 3,471]

Did YOU fail...or did the BAND fail.....

To me, there is a big difference....I have failed at every weight loss venture I have ever attempted....started out good, then eventually it was as though I never lost any weight to begin with, often gaining more back than I started out with......

That is why I needed surgery....to do what I was unable to do....

I am a failure!

Where "I" failed was not giving my BAND and/or my surgical support team 100% confidence that this would work for me, given the correct adjustments. I hadn't quite wrapped my head around the whole adjustable factor. Still couldn't quite believe it possible....as you say, I'd failed at weight loss ( diets ) for years and years.

Fortunately, I overcame that lack of belief....and couldn't be happier.

[Ninejuan1 28]

The FAX came in!

It said that my doctor was leaving the bariatric practice to continue her medical experience in Chicago. Way to far me to drive. So I guess Im in the hunt for a new doctor.

I want to thank each and everyone of you who commented on my blog. It ment a lot to me to read those words of encourgment. It did just that! I picked up the phone and called. By the sounds of it , it sounds like it also helped out Abraxasbear.

Abraxsbear -Im so glad to hear your story about you calling in today as well! Keep in touch brother. Lets do this together! Tomorrow I have 2 phone calls to make to 2 different doctors Im looking into. I will keep everyone up to date with my next step.

THANK YOU EVERYONE!

Juan

[daisychains7 427]

I'm a huge basketball fan, and they say the best players are the ones with the shortest memories. He doesn't remember the last shot he missed, he only knows the next one is going in! So forgive yourself for falling off the wagon and move forward. You only "FAIL" when you stop trying... and you haven't!

Wish you all the best.

[mrsto 2,925]

I LOVE to hear your excitement about moving forward and taking the bull by the horns. You can do it! You BOTH can

[LadyMaggie 145]

Just know that you are not alone on this journey; there are many others that hit roadblocks along the way for various way; I think they key is to find a doctor and make it a point to see him/her every 4 to 6 weeks;

Good Luck

[BeautyLocs40 16]

Hi,

What a blessing to find this thread! I haven't been on Lapband Talk in a couple of years in part because I have had such little success with my band. On the day of my surgery in February 2009, I was 325. Today, I weigh 300. I am devastated, sad, and embarrassed by having lost so little weight and still being so large. I, like, Juan, told people that I was having surgery. To still appear mammoth causes me great shame. As I write this, all I want to do is cry.

In spite of periods of real hopelessness, I haven't stopped trying. Today, I sent an email to my surgeon's office asking for an appointment. I didn't have the courage to call. In all honesty, I still feel hopeless; I do not believe it's possible for me to reduce my weight. Perhaps I can find some hope in seeing the doctor and continuing to work on changing bad habits.

[mrsto 2,925]

Is there a therapist at your doctor's office? It may help you to talk to someone. It's a lot to deal with, and I feel so bad for you. It's not easy, and not everyone succeeds. However, that doesn't mean that you CAN'T succeed. I honestly think that a therapist that deals with these issues, could help you with (at least) the sense of hopelessness. I sure know that one

[BeautyLocs40 16]

Hi, Mrsinto--

Thanks so much for your concern and comments. I see a therapist and work with a behavior counselor who specializes in weight-related issues, both independent of my doctor's office. Admittedly, I have a lot of bad feelings about myself, which I'm sure has contributed to my lack of success. It's validating to connect with people who can empathize with what I'm experiencing.

Thanks, again! I wish you all the best on your journey.

[mrsto 2,925]

Bridgett - I may also take myself in to see the therapist at my doctor's office. I liked her, and she deals specifically with eating/weight issues.

I have good days with this, and I have very sloppy days when I eat too much of the wrong thing. And when I do that, I have all the fears of being a failure after going through ALL of this. Unfortunately, the band isn't a cure, and all the work still boils down to us. I'm so sick of dealing with this issue.....I don't EVEN have the words to describe it!! As my cousin says......it's a curse. But I figure, every day that I open my eyes in the morning, is a new day, and a clean start. Today is that day, and I'll keep moving forward. The great news is, that there isn't any deadline with weight loss. It's a continuous work in progress.....band or no band

I wish you the best, too

[srussell8 111]

I can relate more than I want to! That embarrassment kept me from getting a new doc when I relocated 5 years ago. I lost restriction and found ways to eat around the band, resulting in gaining back 50 of the 140 pounds I lost. I was very discouraged, and became convinced that since I had learned how to defeat the band, it would not work.

I screwed up my courage and went in to see the new guy. He asked me why I thought I had gained the weight, and I said "I got lazy and didn't follow the rules." He smiled and said "Right answer." He treated me with such respect and kindness! We spent almost 45 minutes talking about how to get back on track and he encouraged me to believe that if I follow the rules, it will work just like it did the first time. I got a small fill that day and - lo and behold, he's right!!! I once again have restriction and I'm back on track.

I do have to be careful because I know how to defeat it if I choose to - even with correct restriction. That's dangerous for me. The first time around, when I felt full, I didn't know I could keep going if I really wanted to. Now I know that all I really need is a glass of Water and I can eat my way through anything. The key for me is to just be very strict with that one rule of not drinking with my meals. The rest is easy (except daily exercise - ugh!)

In the 7 years I've had the band, this is the first time I've ever reached out for any support. I never attended any support groups or participated in any forums like this. I am finding motivation in knowing my struggles are not unique. The interaction keeps me focused on what I really want.

Thanks for posting!

Shelly

[srussell8 111]

Hi, Mrsinto--

Thanks so much for your concern and comments. I see a therapist and work with a behavior counselor who specializes in weight-related issues, both independent of my doctor's office. Admittedly, I have a lot of bad feelings about myself, which I'm sure has contributed to my lack of success. It's validating to connect with people who can empathize with what I'm experiencing.

Thanks, again! I wish you all the best on your journey.

Just so you know - I am a therapist and I still struggle. I know all about healthy coping skills, emotional eating, self-sabotage - all of it. I have a doctorate in this stuff - a PsyD. Please, please, please don't beat yourself up. It's not a matter of personal shortcomings!

Clearly, I believe in the benefits of therapy or I wouldn't do what I do for a living. Continue with your therapist and keep working. Just know that there is more to it than head knowledge and "willpower." If you managed to get the surgery in the first place, you have more "willpower" than 90% of the general population. Most people I know who have even considered weight loss surgery are experts on diet and nutrition. We know what we're supposed to do. We just have to figure out what gets in the way. What did it for me was figuring out that I could have won an award for best supporting actress in my own life story. I was sitting on the sidelines waiting to live until after I lost the weight. Waiting to like myself, waiting to open myself up for risk, waiting, waiting, waiting. Once I decided to star in my own life, things started to move fast. It's a terrifying and exhilarating ride!

Hang in there! If you have come this far, you can do anything!

Shelly

[GuyMontag 1,264]

The awesome thing is you already have the band so even if you've gained some weight back you still have the tool installed that you need to lose it. Having to go through the rebanding process would be even more of a hurdle. All you have to do now is find a surgeon and start getting fills again. You can do it!

[dawalsh 919]

This whole thread has inspired me and now know not to be embarrassed if I fail. I will ick myself up, dust myself off and start again if need be.

Good luck to all you binders and know that you can pick yourself and start again and not be embarrassed. Thank you!