Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

50 pounds down.... So insecure.



Recommended Posts

Hi, I was banded 1/25 and I've lost 53 pounds since my surgery date.... I am so insecure with myself and this is something I'm not used to feeling and I have no clue how to handle it. I recently met a guy and after talking he told me the reason he wouldn't date me is because "I don't take care of myself enough". Normally, I would have just brushed someone telling me I'm over weight off.... But now, I feel like all of this is a waste of time and I just want to be myself again..... Has anyone else had these issues? How did you handle them?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's really hard!

In the past I used to hate dating and getting all "dolled up". I thought this would magically change once I lost the weight, but now i'm down nearly 60 lbs and still struggle. I always feel insecure and still feel like the "fatso"

I still wear clothes that are too big on me, and get nervous shopping (I remember with shame how I used to shop in the oversized sections of stores or shop at specialty stores like lane bryant for big clothes :o )

It takes time for our minds to adjust to our new bodies and behave accordingly.

I am very confident that given time, we will start feeling more comfortable with our new looks!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's an emotional roller coaster. I think mentally I will always be fat eventhough I've lost 45 lbs since December. I'm still wearing my same clothes as I did before the surgery. I was a 3X, started wearing a 2X and the 2X is getting big on me but I can't bring myself to try a 1X or XL.

Men have started commenting and saying you look great, have you lost weight? My standard answer is well, I'm trying to. I find it hard to accept a compliment from a man. Call me crazy but I think I'm always going to feel overweight because I have been heavy all my life.I have not told any of my acquaintances that I've had LB surgery for fear of failure

So when my PCP tells me that I haven't lost very much weight, I feel down. I know it will get better but I'm trying my best to hang in there. Sorry to ramble on but I had to get it off my chest.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That's just one person. And I totally understand it stung hearing that. But the only person that makes a real difference in your life is you.

My dad told me long ago when some girls that were my "friends" hurt my feelings - "were they important in your life two years ago? Will they be part of your life in 20 yrs?" "Only you are going to be part of your life every single minute. You're the one that counts."

Believe in yourself. I believe you can.

Tara

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was told once by another Bander that it takes 5 years for your head and your body to get into SYNC. And I have found that to be so TRUE for me. I can look in the mirror and see I'm smaller ,but my mind still sees the "fat me"

I recently met a guy and after talking he told me the reason he wouldn't date me is because "I don't take care of myself enough

My reply would be "NEXT" that person is NOT worth your time or

thought PERIOD!!! Find someone that excepts you as the YOU that you are NOT someone they want you to be. If it continues to bother you talk to a professional,we all need help especially since most have "issues" with food that's why we needed WLS,but some "issues" run deeper than just food.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh that just makes me burn. That guy isn't worth another second of your time!! I know how hard it is to change the thinking as the body changes. I don't know that I'll ever get the fat girl image out of my head when I look in the mirror or at pictures. If it's any consolation, I haven't been on a date in FIVE YEARS. Men will talk to me now, and I don't trust them at all, wondering if they would have talked to me the same before my banding journey. Until I'm ready to deal with that and trust, I know I'm not ready for dating. I swear, I think the mental part is harder than the body part of this process! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Congratulations on 50! Now be more "insecure" and shoot for 100 pounds off. It's a winning situation for you and a better quality of life. God has allowed you to lose the weight with your hard work, your sacrafice, and determination.

Keep up YOUR hard work efforts YOU are WINNING!!

Best wishes and Keep the Faith.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi, I was banded 1/25 and I've lost 53 pounds since my surgery date.... I am so insecure with myself and this is something I'm not used to feeling and I have no clue how to handle it. I recently met a guy and after talking he told me the reason he wouldn't date me is because "I don't take care of myself enough". Normally, I would have just brushed someone telling me I'm over weight off.... But now, I feel like all of this is a waste of time and I just want to be myself again..... Has anyone else had these issues? How did you handle them?

This guy is an idiot. Ignore him...don't let a thoughtless remark derail you. and...just my opinion...don't think about dating for a while. Focus on you right now, and when you are ready, then think about meeting guys. Until you feel more comfortable in your new body, don't share it with anyone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I just blogged about this as well. But you know what I learn everyday? We are changing physically, emotionally, and psychologically. It's part of the process......but "others" don't change. Keep your eye on the prize.....and that guy wasn't it when you were fat...and won't be when your thin.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's an emotional roller coaster. I think mentally I will always be fat eventhough I've lost 45 lbs since December. I'm still wearing my same clothes as I did before the surgery. I was a 3X' date=' started wearing a 2X and the 2X is getting big on me but I can't bring myself to try a 1X or XL. Men have started commenting and saying you look great, have you lost weight? My standard answer is well, I'm trying to. I find it hard to accept a compliment from a man. Call me crazy but I think I'm always going to feel overweight because I have been heavy all my life.I have not told any of my acquaintances that I've had LB surgery for fear of failure So when my PCP tells me that I haven't lost very much weight, I feel down. I know it will get better but I'm trying my best to hang in there. Sorry to ramble on but I had to get it off my chest.[/quote']

Why is 45 lbs not much weight to your PCP?! Sounds like a lot to me

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Bashbee91

      Hey guys new to the process looking forward to this new life. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Bugg

      Hi everyone! I’m brand new here. I just went through all my pre-op requirements per my insurance company and now everything has been submitted and I’m just waiting for final approval and my surgery date. I’ve been doing research, watching YouTube videos, TikTok’s, ect.. trying to prepare my mind and what to expect so I’ll be ready for the surgery. I was so sure and so set and so ready and excited. However, now that I’ve done everything & it’s almost here, I am sooooooo scared! I know why I want it bc I’ve tried everything and I just don’t feel like I can lose weight by myself. I’m tired of being overweight my entire life. I’m miserable, but I keep psyching myself out afraid of GERD bc I know how that can be and I don’t want to have to get a bypass after already gaining the courage to even get VSG. I’m scared of complications like I’mgoing to regret doing it and be depressed that I didn’t just be more disciplined and try again to lose the weight on my own even sitting here typing this knowing in my mind i just can’t and don’t possess the discipline. I’m also afraid I won’t be able to handle the restrictions of the sleeve. What do I eat? I don’t know how to eat healthy really and don’t enjoy healthy food. I don’t know how to do this! I feel so defeated!Someone tell me they felt anything similar to this or am I not ready? I thought I was. I am so tired of being sick and tired and so tired of myself and so tired of being stuck and stuck in this body and somebody different on the outside from what I feel inside. I just want to ball up and cry.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • buildabetteranna

      over 20 lbs down since4 the pre surgery diet and surgery on the 14th
      · 1 reply
      1. Selina333

        Yay!! Congrats. I know how good that feels. 🤩

    • Jenopolis

      Had a sleeve in 2017, lost over 100 pounds. Had a DS surgery this year (2025) for more sustainable weight loss. 🤞
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • buildabetteranna

      The 14th was my day. I am home and recovery is going pretty smooth. They even let me walk out of the hospital. Picture of me in recovery curtesy of my boyfriend lol. 

      · 3 replies
      1. DaisyChainOz

        Glad it went well!! Wishing you a speedy recovery and wonderful success!! 🤗

      2. buildabetteranna

        Thank you ❤️

      3. Selina333

        Neat you have a pic of this day! I was sooo happy to get my surgery. It was well worth it! And I'm not even near my goal. I had surgery Dec. 2!

  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×