Unexpected support

[waterlily1072 5]

We all have our demons in our past, things that made us overeaters. We rarely talk about them (except in therapy sessions). But something happened last night that makes me want to share my biggest weight demon, my grandmother. Now I have to say I love my grandmother very much, she died many years ago now, but is still very alive in me and always will be. From the time I was 9yrs old she would snag me away from my parents and put me on diets. Always telling me I was too fat and that if I wanted to grow up to be happy and have boyfriends and a husband that I needed to lose weight. At 9 I was about 20lbs overweight, not too big a deal. It became a ritual where every summer I would spend with my grandparents and I would diet, absolutely no cheating allowed! She made me walk a few miles a day and do aerobics for 1hr per day. Summer would end and I'd go home to my parents where there was freedom to eat. Naturally after 3 months of severe dieting I did what any child would do, stuffed my face with Cookies, cakes and pies. So the cycle went, lose gain, lose, gain more. Till the day my grandmother died, she said, "if you're not careful you'll end up 300lbs". I never believed her. That is the reason for much of my psychosis in overeating. Well, last night I was talking to my mom, and she shared with me something that my brother had said to her. Paraphrasing a little "well mom, what do you expect after what grandma did to her with always telling her she was too fat and needed to lose weight. Between that and her PCOS (he calls it that ovary thing, but for clarification sake) she didn't have a chance." He is very happy for me and really hopes that this band is the answer for me. And now I'm crying. It is sad that out of love someone can hurt a child so badly, making them feel that their entire worth is in how skinny they are. There is one blessing to my weight and I am very greatful for it. There is no doubt in my mind that my husband loves me for all the right reasons, and by marrying him while I was near my highest weight, I proved my grandmother wrong. Love is not just for the skinny girls. Ladies we are beautiful, each and everyone of us. Whether we are 500lbs+ or 110lbs, and we deserve to love ourselves and to be loved by others. Just remember, the people who love us don't judge us, so love yourself.

[bushbaby 8]

Molly thank you for sharing... BTW go see fat girlz. It will make you laugh. I think you need a good inspiring laugh. Good luck sweetie and I am glad that you found support.

[Marimaru 7]

It's really wonderful that your brother is so supportive of you. :grouphug:

[gentlespirit 1]

Thanks for sharing that! I needed to be reminded that we are all deserving of love and are all loveable regardless of weight. I've been stuck for about 6 weeks and feeling like a failure again! So your post was a blessing to me.

Emily

[the best me 6]

That was beautiful. Thanks fo sharing.

[legallyKristin 0]

It's amazing how our families can be such a blessing when we need it most. I'm sorry that your grandmother put you through that, it really plays mind games with you that you don't recognize as a child but we end up bearing the repurcussions throughout life.

[cashley 0]

This is a good reminder not to do this to our own children. I don't have children but my niece has went though chubby stages. I didn't say anything but don't want her to suffer as I have as an overweight adult.

I wonder what the best way is to work with a child so they don't develop the bad issues (not just habits but other issues) that cause us to over eat.

[DonnaB 3]

Your grandmother was showing her love for you in the way she thought would do the most good. She only wanted what was best for you and had she realized how damaging the emotions behind the words were for you, I'm sure she would have cut her tongue out before she ever said them.

How can anyone know which words will inspire and which will cut into someones heart?

I don't know who I'm saddest for - your grandmother for trying so hard to help but only hurting, or you who couldn't hear what she was saying but only what you thought she meant.

[3loves 0]

Molly ~ I feel your pain and understand. Oh, how I hate that for you. That is kind of how I grew up, except it was my mother. She always said I would never find a man if I didn't lose weight and that was at least 50, 60 or 80 lbs ago.....oh, I can't remember. She even brought it up as recent as 6 mos ago (I've been married nearly 7 yrs now) and I told her she was wrong, she proceeded to tell me that I married an overweight man and that's the reason I was able to find someone. Boy, did I jump her case. I don't take that crap from anyone, anymore. I stand my ground for what I believe in!! I told her I would trade 1000's of skinny men for the prince charming I married. I don't even deserve this man. He is so wonderful!!

I have come to realize she speaks out of her own fears and insecurities. A lot of what she has said to me in the past are personal issues within herself and have nothing to do with me. I think you can understand what I'm saying. Understand, my entire family is overweight and my mom has been all MY life except for one time when she was taking these horrible diet pills back in the early 80's that are probably illegal now.

Just today as I was talking to her about my band, she said she was so glad I was getting rid of the "junk" b/c my son needed it out of the house more than anyone. WHAT?? :eek: This is after she told me she had chocolate donuts. He will turn 4 yrs old in July. Here's his pic...he is the one on the left.

He weighed almost 10 lbs when he was born and has always been in the 90 percentile, which means he is not fat or overeating, he's just a big boy. Not to mention he has weighed around 50-53 lbs (which is large for his age) for almost a year now and is getting taller and only gaining very little weight. My child will NOT endure what I did as a child and "grandma" will never get the opportunity to make his feel the slightest guilt over his weight. I will protect him from that with all that is within me. Not matter how good the intentions are, that is my child and I don't ever what him to go through what you and I have experienced. It is just wrong for any child to go through this.

Parents and grandparents have a tremendous responsibility to protect and love their children. Sometimes the love comes in different ways. Sometimes the love can turn to hurt. :cry That is when we pick ourselves up and realize we don't have anything to be ashamed of. YOU ARE SPECIAL & YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED AS SUCH!!! :clap2: God bless you for sharing this and I'm sorry if I've hi-jacked. I guess this is on my heart tonight.

BTW, I do love my mother dearly and we talk several times a week. She has taught me to be a strong woman along with many other wonderful things that are too many to mention. :biggrin1:

[I'llsucceed 1]

Amazing...Was your grandma named Carin also??? Sounds like we shared the same relative..except she didn't make me diet that much just always greeted me with "wow your really fat". I understand your pain. My girlfriends & I are very careful about the words we chose when talking to their kids who are over weight. We talk about being active & having fun & trying fruits & vegs first & choicing tasty healthy Snacks. Its a tough line to walk. We also talk about how kind, smart or considerate they are vs. pretty or cute. I hope were instilling better values in them than our Grandparents tried to do, even if it was out of love.

[ralheit 1]

I kind of went through the same thing also. My mother was beautiful, with a killer figure when she married my father. She became large later after the children. But I have been overweight my entire life. She dragged me from weight program to weight program forever. Going up and down constantly. The first was a group called TOPS at the age of 8. I have been on every diet you could think of and along with any success came the let down of gaining it and more back each and every time. But like many of you, I have a supportive family, my husband and my son are great. I've been married for almost 7 years (this time) also. And my husband thinks I'm HOT, no matter what. My son has been so supportive and encouraging through this whole process. He is proud of me and thankful that I am doing this to be around for his two children as they grow. What more inspiration could I have?

[Teresita 0]

...... she didn't have a chance." He is very happy for me and really hopes that this band is the answer for me. And now I'm crying. It is sad that out of love someone can hurt a child so badly, making them feel that their entire worth is in how skinny they are. ......

There is one blessing to my weight and I am very greatful for it. There is no doubt in my mind that my husband loves me for all the right reasons, and by marrying him while I was near my highest weight, I proved my grandmother wrong. Love is not just for the skinny girls. Ladies we are beautiful, each and everyone of us. Whether we are 500lbs+ or 110lbs, and we deserve to love ourselves and to be loved by others. Just remember, the people who love us don't judge us, so love yourself.

Waterlil thank you for this thread....it gives hope and reapair.:hug: