female only Love advice...help~!

[GeorgiaGirlie 6]

This may seem kind of lame to some people, so please leave your judgments and insults at the door. This is an important issue to me as I am seeking advice. This may seem like childs play to some; but like I said above, leave it at the door.

I've been going out with my boyfriend for almost 4 months now. My boyfriend met my parents three weeks after we met. I just recently met his mom about a month ago and met his dad just last week. His brother is in town from New Hampshire and I really want to meet him, too. Family is very important to me. I come from a very small family so I adore times with them. My boyfriend sent me a text last night saying that they all were going to be going out for dinner tonight and he did not even invite me. I kind of take it as an insult that he didn't invite me. I called him out about it and asked him why he didn't invite me. I told him before his brother came into town that I wanted to meet him. He said that he gets nervous and thinks about what if's. That's the most stupidest thing I have ever heard. I understand getting nervous, but thinking about what if's? He then said "I really want you to go!" I kind of feel like I'm inviting myself to everything. He doesn't get this way with his friends. I've met several of his friends and he never acts like this. If he's doing something with his friends, he's very quick to invite me to come along. Is this just a guy thing? I have no clue! It is driving me insane. I'm still pretty upset with him right now. I told him that I'm not going to dinner regardless and that I don't want to see him for a while.

I haven't been in too many relationships to know what this means nor have I gone through something like this. I need to know if something like this has happened before to anyone else. It really irates me and makes me feel like I'm not important enough in his life to get to know his family. My boyfriend tries to assure me that I am very important, but judging by his actions, I just feel differently. It's not something that is worth breaking up with him about, but I feel like if it continues, I might have to think otherwise. Just feel unimportant and an embarassment.

Mood:

[Toddy 758]

I'll not insult, but I will be honest with my opinions of what I read here.

You've been dating four months. That doesn't make you one of the family!!! I am probably your boyfriend's mother's age. Sometimes I like to have a FAMILY dinner. Until mine are in a serious enough relationship to get engaged, I do not consider the boyfriend/girlfriend a member of MY family.

If their bf/gf is at the house when we get ready to eat, of course they're invited -- It's the Southern thing to do. However, if we're going out to dinner, they may or may not be invited, but DH and I make that decision and let our son/daughter know. Another thing to keep in mind: As the parents, when we go out to dinner we pick up the tab. Adding an extra person can significantly add to the tab and do you really have a right to EXPECT that?

Stepping off my soapbox now.

[Tiny1234 121]

Perhaps he hadn't seen his brother in awhile? And wanted to spend some time with him. He did tell you about the dinner, he wasn't hiding that or lying about that. Guys don't think the way we think, they're not as sensitive as we are. He probably doesn't get why you're upset. I say just let it go, what's done is done. You've let him know that it hurt you so hopefully he understands for the future.

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

i agree with tod and tiny...men would do something like that dinner without a thought in the world..me and my ole man been married 28+yrs, i dont have to go with him everywhere and vice versa...it doesnt seem to be that big of a deal, not to me...so he went out to dinner without you, so what......thats when you call your girlfriends and go out with them and ask and mean it when you say, did you have a good time when you see him.....

you sound like a very nice gal and super sweet, remain that way and he will realize, gosh she is pretty nice and i bet next time, he will ask you to go along........if your a b**tch about it maybe not.

[Draven 188]

Hi Georgia. First of all, anything you feel or concerns you is not lame. Know you can talk to some of us about anything. Now, I understand your feelings but have to tell you that you are wrong in this one. Not wrong to feel hurt, you are never wrong about how you feel. And nobody should ever tell you different! But wrong to put too much on this man. He didn't hide anything from you. He didn't lie to you. And you have to remember that he is an individual just like you. I wouldn't take it as a slight that he didn't ask you to this. It's a family dinner. If it were a wedding and he could bring a date but chose not to, that's a slight. This is not. Instead of reading into the negatives, think of the positives. He was honest. He didn't lie. But let him have one night alone with his family. If it continues than say something. But first time? I was told this once and it's stuck with me. Try to hold Water in your hand. If you cup and cradle it you will hold it forever. If you squeeze it too tight it will drain through your fingers and you will lose it. Good luck. And remember, you can talk to us about anything.

[line-dancer 810]

you have gotten some great advice here and I agree...sounds like a family dinner because the brother is the center of attention....it will be a good night to go out with friends, do you nail, dye you hair, just a girls night in. there will be a family dinner where you two will be the center of attention.

[cheryl2586 3,053]

Well to me and this is just my opinion if a guy is planning on being with you for the long haul, would want you to meet his family. It should not matter if his brother is in town and he might be the center of attention or not. If you have been dating him that long and he does not want to include you in family affairs then I see a problem here. There is no reason for him not to include you and I would think he would want you around less when he is out with his friends then with his family. This is just my opinion. If I can't be part of the family then I would think he isn't making you part of his future either.

[hely88 883]

I am so not an expert in relationships or marriage but 4 months is not very long. If you and he can talk about it thats great. I would try to be understanding of his feelings. I would be very careful not to nag. Maybe he has introduced other girlfriends to his family and found it it was too soon and doesnt want to repeat it.

If you love him be patient. Best of luck to you.

[victoriab 21]

I agree with most of the comments here , 4 months is not long in the grand scheme of things!

And I am not out to insult anyone here but you do sound kind of needy! Let him spend time with his family, there will be hundreds of occasions where you will all get together. Don't take it personally that he doesn't want you to meet his brother yet, hey maybe his bro is an ass and he's saving you from him lol or maybe he just wants to ease you into the family bit by bit either way I'm sure it's all good.

Take care

Vickie x

[Draven 188]

Vickie, I couldn't agree more. My brother is a complete, ummm, well....I wouldn't want my other to meet him either. Good point that i didn't think of.

[dylanmiles23 2,198]

This may seem kind of lame to some people' date=' so please leave your judgments and insults at the door. This is an important issue to me as I am seeking advice. This may seem like childs play to some; but like I said above, leave it at the door.

I've been going out with my boyfriend for almost 4 months now. My boyfriend met my parents three weeks after we met. I just recently met his mom about a month ago and met his dad just last week. His brother is in town from New Hampshire and I really want to meet him, too. Family is very important to me. I come from a very small family so I adore times with them. My boyfriend sent me a text last night saying that they all were going to be going out for dinner tonight and he did not even invite me. I kind of take it as an insult that he didn't invite me. I called him out about it and asked him why he didn't invite me. I told him before his brother came into town that I wanted to meet him. He said that he gets nervous and thinks about what if's. That's the most stupidest thing I have ever heard. I understand getting nervous, but thinking about what if's? He then said "I really want you to go!" I kind of feel like I'm inviting myself to everything. He doesn't get this way with his friends. I've met several of his friends and he never acts like this. If he's doing something with his friends, he's very quick to invite me to come along. Is this just a guy thing? I have no clue! It is driving me insane. I'm still pretty upset with him right now. I told him that I'm not going to dinner regardless and that I don't want to see him for a while.

I haven't been in too many relationships to know what this means nor have I gone through something like this. I need to know if something like this has happened before to anyone else. It really irates me and makes me feel like I'm not important enough in his life to get to know his family. My boyfriend tries to assure me that I am very important, but judging by his actions, I just feel differently. It's not something that is worth breaking up with him about, but I feel like if it continues, I might have to think otherwise. Just feel unimportant and an embarassment.

Mood: [/quote']

I have 2 sons, they are married now. They always brought females over sometimes early in the relationship and sometimes after many months. I never judged. Maybe your boyfriend wants alone time to talk with his brother. The brother is from NE not close to the south. I am married 42 years and in may days a female never phoned a male let alone invite yourself to a family dinner unless you were serious. I was the friend not girlfriend for many years before my MIL called me girlfriend. Don't lose sleep over this. Maybe invite boyfriend and brother for coffee to your house to meet.

Like someone else said about paying for dinner out, my sons friends never paid, I always did.

Enjoy dating and girlfriends

[Draven 188]

Hi Georgia, I just wanted to see how you were doing after everything? How is it going? Did things work out well? Again, you can feel free to ask about anything here. For the most part people care.

[victoriab 21]

I care, plus I'm kinda nosey and since the dating scene leftward some time ago I gotta live my life vicariously through others

X

Much love x

[Draven 188]

It's like the season ended on a cliffhanger. I want to know i want t know. I'm with victoria. How did it end????/

[victoriab 21]

Will we ever find out draven????

I'm sure things are all good

In other news!! I'm on mushies now and had a lovely omelette for lunch

Vickie x