Telling Friends and Family about Getting Banded.

[KendallEva 0]

Getting the Lap band surgery is something I have been thinking about for a little over a year now, and now that I have met with my surgeon and started making plans and appointments and now that things are becoming more solidified I'm having trouble deciding how/if to tell my family and friends about the surgery. It's not that I don't want them to know about it, it's more that I'm afraid they will judge me for doing it or worse, try and talk me out of having it done. So basically what I'm looking for is anyone's stories or anyone who has any suggestions on how to go about telling the people who are closest to me that I'm going to be having this surgery soon. Thanks in advance!

[catfish87 3,471]

I'll start with this. I've never read on here "Oh, I really wish I had told this person or that person about my surgery." There may be instances, but I haven't read them.

I was just shy of my 40th birthday when I decided, along with advice from my PCP, that this would be the option I could do to help me gain control of my life/health. I didn't have any "major" health issues, (other than being 324#'s!!) but knew that I soon would at the rate I was going. My life was going to be shortened due to my eating! Drastically shortened by all information available.

So I did tell my partner at the time about my decision...she was supportive. I told no one else until all the insurance, tests, etc had all been approved and I started my pre-op diet. I then told my son and parents/siblings about a week or so prior to surgery. And a couple of very close co-workers/friends. All were supportive, but some expressed concern as they would with any surgery. Not one tried to "talk me out of it". But at that point, I was 100% sure I had to do this, so it would have been useless for them to try. And "judge me", I've felt judged most all my life about my weight, let em judge I say. Do it for YOU, if YOU are sure this is what YOU want to do.

Fast forward over 3 years, best decision I could have ever made. I wish you much success with your journey. Never, ever give up!

[Daddyof4 95]

I like David's first line. I haven't said that I wish I had told somebody-or-other but I told lots of people and have not had anyone judge me or make a negative comment, at least to my face. I had to ask one of my supervisors for advanced sick leave so I had to tell him and he said he thought I was making a good choice and would support me. I learned that my other supervisor had lost 30 some pounds a few years prior and he was supportive as well. I supervise 14 people and didn't want to just disappear for a week for the surgery so I told them what was happening and all of them said it was a good choice. One said she wanted to be next! It's been since May 21, 2012 and she has not yet gotten her band though .

That said, I've read posts from some people who had horror stories but that has not been my experience. If you feel right about your decision to join us in bandster land then it's right for you. Good luck in your upcoming journey.

[Kimbergro 16]

I had the same concerns. I will say this, if you don't want someone telling everyone and their dog, tell them this is private, and if you want someone to know, you will tell them. My father in law decided it was ok to just tell people who knew me that I was having lap band. I was not pleased, but, lesson learned. I also told 4 co-workers who I have meetings with each week, one of whom is my direct supervisor. They did not spread this around the office...(that I know of). And I figured that if someone judges me for getting lap band, they were already judging me because I was fat. As far as people trying to talk you out of it, my mother in law came close. She was very concerned, and I love her for that, but I told her I had done a lot of research before making this decision.

[Toddy 758]

I chose not to tell my two sisters or any of my friends. They all found out about it after the fact. Both of my sisters reacted negatively... until they saw me (we all live in different states) and saw how much healthier I was. And now they ignore the fact that I had wls, but they heap on the praise for my new and improved health.

One of my closest friends (that I really thought would be judgmental) found out after the fact. Instead of her judging me, she was full of questions, and has now had wls herself!!! She is off her diabetes meds and her CPAP!!!!

There are still a few people that I would prefer not to know about it... but if they do find out, it's no big deal...

[Kime-lou 648]

I was fearful like you to begin with. I just told my hubs of course, my parents and my BFF. Only one person at work knew what I was having done. After I had it done and was doing well I became more open about it. My brother when he found on, from mom, that I was doing it, he kept saying I hope you don't have the problem my friend did- he throws up almost everytime he eats. My MIL said the same thing. Now both of them are happy for me and glad that I did it.

Play it by ear, if you feel strongly that you want to tell a certain person, do it, if not don't. Let it come out as you want it to.

[can_do 195]

I chose to tell only my husband and best friend initially. I told my children the day before my surgery. No one else needs to know. This has kept all negativity away. The vast majority of people in my life really have no reason to know.

[wannabefitagain 1]

I talked to my sister and mother and told them I was thinking about having it done. Both were really negative so after that I decided that I would only share it with my husband and one friend who has already had the lap band. I've been banned for a week and have lost about 15 lbs. I see my family this weekend but I don't think that they will notice 15 lbs. I use to body build and exercise 7 days a week till I had four pregnancy in a year and half, and three miscarriages. So I don't know if I'm going to be honest or just let people see me exercising a lot and let them make their own conclusions about my weight loss

[line-dancer 810]

everyone I told had stories of failures and complacations I didn't care I did my homework and knew it was safe. No one thought I would loss others thought it was the easy way to loss weight . Now 63 lbs off they are singing another tune and I am looking better then them. Mind you I am 65 lol. Keep it to yourself for a while keep only possistive people around you they will come to you as you loss then tell them.

[Spaness2012 609]

I agree with previous posts. For me, I was 100% ready. I had done my research.....interviewed surgeons....spoke to other bandsters.......applied the science to my own issues, problems, etc. Soul searched...to make sure this was the right option for me.

By the time I told my family members and friends.....they had concerns but knew I was ready and they knew I was ALL in. I didn't feel judged at all......but I did when I was bigger...for sure.

I don't tell everyone.....not because of the judgement...maybe because of the timing of the conversation.

I am not ashamed......I am empowered and proud to have done this for myself!

Good luck on your journey!

[NC Mama 23]

I have been very choosy about who I tell. When people ask me what I have done to loose weight, I simply tell them that I am exercising both cardio and weight lifting and that I have really reduced my portion size. That is all true and as far as the person who you run into once every few months that is all they need to know, in my opinion. It has been my experience that the people who see you everyday don't notice as drastic of a change because they are seeing you loose the weight gradually so those people haven't really asked me many questions. Ultimately it is your decision, but I will leave you with this warning: Once you tell someone you cannot undo it, so proceed with caution if you have any reservations.

[Terry Poperszky 2,784]

I told only close friends and immediate family before the surgery. Afterwards, anyone who comments on my weight loss I tell them how it is being done. Reasons? Before, I didn't want to deal with the negativity or unwanted advice.

Afterwards? Anyone who has the balls to tell me I made the wrong decision, will not have them after they make that statement. But that is my personality, yours may be different

[laurigee 545]

I'm a private person when it comes to personal issues. My family knew and that was about it. Like Terry, anyone who asks me how I did it I will share that I have the band. I just didnt feel I needed to shout it from the rooftop. I'm not ashamed that I needed extra help with controlling my food addiction. People that would approach me and ask this question also know the work I have put into regaining my health. Good luck!

[KendallEva 0]

Thank you everyone so so much! I honestly feel a lot better about the situation and feel like I know a little better about how I am going to approach the subject with my family! I think I'm going to tell my mom and my best friend... The only reason I'm going to tell her is because she's my roommate and she's going to start to know something's up when my diet starts to change and I have to be driven home from the hospital... lol

[Bos123 221]

Thank you everyone so so much! I honestly feel a lot better about the situation and feel like I know a little better about how I am going to approach the subject with my family! I think I'm going to tell my mom and my best friend... The only reason I'm going to tell her is because she's my roommate and she's going to start to know something's up when my diet starts to change and I have to be driven home from the hospital... lol

Only my husband and mother know. I've seen too many negative reactions, be it jealousy or whatever, .. And I'm just not mentally where I should be To deal with the gossip etc. I was itching

To tell some people that are closer to me pre op but I knew in my heart I wouldn't get the support I was hoping for, so I kept it to myself... Four mos post op and I'm so happy I kept it to myself. My mantra was " you can't unring a bell". Good luck;)