Crying and cant stop.. Day 4

[parisshel 1,892]

I'm tired, I miss eating, I am questioning my decision and I'm trying to be positive but tonight sadness, regret and loneliness is taking over. I'm walking trying to get the gas pain down while I'm crying uncontrollably and feeling so down on myself. I hate this recovery. I thought I could toughen through it but I can't. I want this out! I can't see past the pain! I miss my boyfriend who I can't talk to about this bc he didn't support it to begin with, and I can't stop reading about all the complications and problems people still have, months later! I swear I am this close to just giving this up. Maybe it's not for me. Help!!!

First of all, KatieDee I'm so grateful to you for posting this. I needed to read this. I'm five days post-op and the reality of what I've done struck me hard last night. I think it came on because I've metabolized the anesthesia and am no longer tired and in a fog about it all. One of my kids was saying about how she loved this one BBQ place we had gone to on vacation in Florida and it hit me: I will no longer ever be able to eat BBQ AND cornbread AND Beans and..... And I had more than ittle sadness over that. Then I tried to focus on how GREAT it will be that I can go to a restaurant and have small bites of things I will truely taste and savor, and still be present for my friends and family at that table, not lost in a food coma or distracted by my thinking that I need to eat this and this and this.

What I'm trying to say is that a lot of my recovery is going to involve reframing how I look and use food. When I made the decision to have lapband surgery, I was also making the decision to no longer stuff myself for the sheer pleasure of it. I'm determined to find my "sheer pleasure" in living in a healthy, aesthetically-pleasing body and being energetic and HAPPY again.

But this takes work. And it is scary work, because it is much much easier to find the temporary pleasure in the food for me. But I hate what overeating, and eating unhealthfully did to my body more.

So much of what we have to do post-op to succeed with this band is mental. Last night, when I freaked out that I will never get to eat the way I've eaten in the past, and then I freaked out that I had this "thing" in my body that is not part of the body I was born with (anyone else freaked out by this thought?) I did a lot of self-talk. I reminded myself of why I made this radical and difficult decision. I re-read my journal and blog posts where I talk about how much I hate my weight and what prevents me from doing.

And this morning my emotions are much more positive.

I think a lot of what you may be feeling (this was my case) is the accumulation of the fatigue and the physical stress the surgery has on us. It releases lots of emotions. And that is probably a good thing, because you can "clear out" this sorrow and start focusing on your transformation.

I'm really glad you wrote this because it made me feel I wasn't alone. Know that your feelings are temporary, and normal, and that I totally get what you've written here.

[Maddysgram 6,159]

There are some very wise ppl here and they are all here to support you, including me.

I have gotten probable 95% of my support here.

Lovethenewme is a great source of inspiration and she speaks from experience.

The biggest thing WLS did for me, was make me see (finally) how I was using food for comfort. I thought I just like the taste of things and just didn't know when to say when. But the LB made me see 1) no, I am not hungry, its in my head 2) how I'm doing it now, makes me feel good.

It is a learning process, but you can do it.

When I was first banded, I cleaned so many closet, drawers, and cabinets, just to do something else, but think of the food I was missing.lol

I've only be banded since Oct and have already cleaned out my closet and dresser drawers about 4 times and giving clothes away to Goodwill b/c they are too big, is a great feeling.Beats eating and feeling terrible about myself.

This is doable, just don't give up on yourself.

We're here for you.

Find your WANT power, if you want it, you will do it.

Wishing you the best

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

I'm tired, I miss eating, I am questioning my decision and I'm trying to be positive but tonight sadness, regret and loneliness is taking over. I'm walking trying to get the gas pain down while I'm crying uncontrollably and feeling so down on myself. I hate this recovery. I thought I could toughen through it but I can't. I want this out! I can't see past the pain! I miss my boyfriend who I can't talk to about this bc he didn't support it to begin with, and I can't stop reading about all the complications and problems people still have, months later! I swear I am this close to just giving this up. Maybe it's not for me. Help!!!

well good news is you will (eat again) once you have healed and the swelling goes down..its a hard process....but the posters have gave you great advice. please re-read all the posts and take it to heart......especially the one about stopping reading the negative posts...does you no good.......i know you dont believe it, but it will get better......each day that passes will bring a sense of progress. be strong.......head up...shoulders back, strap them high heels on and look at your future....YOU did this for you......you will be happy, you will be healthy and you will be a SUCCESS.

[mrsto 2,925]

I think this is some of the root of my sadness. My whole life i have had food by my side. Every emotion celebration and human contact involves food. Now that I have all these emotions there is nothing to do with them then BE with it. And I hate it.

I am missing the one thing that helped me through any sadness I had.

Your doctors office should be able to refer you to a therapist that deals specifically with weight/food issues. I really think that talking with someone who is not closely related, will help. It's a LOT to deal with! As "they" say, if you want to know why you eat, drink, use drugs.....any of it, STOP doing it. All of the issues and feelings come to the surface, because you're no longer stuffing or numbing them with substance. A therapist can really help you deal with what's coming up for you. There are reasons that we resort to whatever is our drug of choice, and it's important to get in touch with what those things are.

[kileybug34 173]

I know how you feel. I have always comforted myself with food and pretty much every family function had to do with food and lots of it. I have learned since 2/28/13 that I want to be healthy and look and feel good about myself more than I want the food. So, decided just the other day that I need to reward myself every time I lose 20 lbs and not with food, which the old me would have done...so I went out and bought a Coach purse that I have always wanted. Mind you this was a big step considering I am as cheap as they come and have never spent over $20 for a purse. I decided that I deserve this and I need to reward myself for making smart food choices. That might be a good idea for you..reward yourself with non-food items. It has helped me realize that everything is not about food. I wish you the best and trust me it does get better! I always tell people this is the hardest best decision I have ever made for myself.

[Breezy11 5]

I was so emotional I cried for weeks after my surgery. It was a terrible feeling! It will get better!

[brianb 81]

Hang in there. Ten days post op and I feel 100% now. I felt like poop just 2 days ago. For me, the storm cleared up over night. Days 1 through 7 I was miserable. Day 8 better. Day 9 and 10 great.

Believe the same will happen for you. One thing I found though, milk was causing me to become extremely gassy and nauseous. Most shakes have some form of milk in them. Once I quit those things, I felt much better. Probably not a problem for you, but just a thought.

[Bandre 13]

I have a book called "Weight Loss Surgery Stages of Transformation" by Katie Jay. Her site is www.nawls.com. It really helped me to understand that all these crazy feelings I'm having are a totally normal part of the process and that most people go through these stages. I think one of the first stages she talks about is the regret/remorse stage

[Lionbird 25]

Girl. Day 4 is crying day, didnt you get the memo? You are right where you are supposed to be. THIS too shall pass. I was a wreck yesterday, today (day 5) I am no longer weepy, just a little weak/low energy. We just got slammed by Mac trucks! We should be tired! Hang in there.

[CHEZNOEL 4,061]

Cry, scream, vent whatever you want. We are here for you and will not desert you. You migh consider going in to see the psychologist who did your pre-op evaluation. Everything you are feeling I have felt, but I survived and I am the better for it. You can PM me anytime. Never give up, never ever give up. You worked hard and you WANTED this, so make it happen. We will be with you!