Another causality.....

[mrsto 2,925]

My marriage was not all that great before WLS. My husband has tried to sabotage me since the beginning of my weight journey. So far I lost a total of 66 lbs. I went from size 24 to 16-18. He never compliments me. He finds something wrong with every outfit. He tells me how stupid I look on a daily basis. He says "I can't believe you wearing that" or he laughs and shakes his head. I know he has issues but I refused to let them be my issues. The more he criticize makes me more determine to keep losing the weight. If we do get divorce, it will because I can't take the emotional abuse anymore.

YES - stay on track and find the life that you deserve! But you have to believe that YOU deserve it. Clearly your husband does have issues, but that is a toxic environment in which to live, and you should not have to bare the brunt of his inadequacies.

[aeromech 202]

My marriage was not all that great before WLS. My husband has tried to sabotage me since the beginning of my weight journey. So far I lost a total of 66 lbs. I went from size 24 to 16-18. He never compliments me. He finds something wrong with every outfit. He tells me how stupid I look on a daily basis. He says "I can't believe you wearing that" or he laughs and shakes his head. I know he has issues but I refused to let them be my issues. The more he criticize makes me more determine to keep losing the weight. If we do get divorce' date=' it will because I can't take the emotional abuse anymore.[/quote']

Wow, that's a ridiculous situation! You don't deserve that kind of abuse for being successful in improving your health.

That has to be remedied soon or you might develop a complex of some sort needing therapy.

[mrsto 2,925]

I tend to agree that if you divorce after WLS you already had some issues. For me and my hubby we have great communication skills. We talk about everything. Some men have issues dealing with their woman who was obese now being "hot" and getting attention from other men. My husband looks at this way- if men whistle at you, then I am gonna be like hell yeah she is my woman and you can't have her.

The old adage marry a woman uglier than you, then she'll never leave you. Some woman or men after WLS get "drunk" on the attention they get from members of the opposite sex that would have never looked twice at them before.

I think a lot of it boils down to insecurity issues on the part of one or both spouses.

I think you're so right about some people getting drunk on the attention. It's like a hunger; a feeding of a part that was starving & had never been filled.

When I lost close to 100 pounds several years ago, I dated like CRAZY. I was in my early 40s, but never came into my own until then. After time it got really old, and then I met my wonderful husband; supportive, kind, caring, strong character.....a man who loves "me", in spite of the weight I've gained over the 8 years we've been together. I'm one who can honestly say that my marriage won't end because of WLS. When you find your prince (or princess), the attention of others is only in your peripheral vision.

[Lori Jo 41]

Found out today that another one of my WLS friends is getting divorced. This makes 4 out of the 6. What is going on... Is it the result of the WLS or something else.

So this friend had the Sleeve done around 2007. She was at 300+ pounds now she's about 160ish. She and her husband have been together since high school. Our sons are best friends. I always looked at them with admiration at the wonderful marriage they had. He seemed to just adore her and she him. The perfect family... are so i thought.

Now i'm thinking.... is this a result of the weight loss or is it just a coincidence?

What do you all think? Why is there such a high rate of divorce in WLS couples?

I had a principal whose wife was overweight, she lost weight and started looking hot and so she was attracting attention from other men, I think in a marriage if there is no support from your spouse, those other men seem to give you something you havent had in a long time....someone looking at you with desire...

[Jodi_620 37]

Out of five WLS couples that know personally, including my own, I have seen two marriage failures and I guess both could be partly attributed to the surgery. One where the wife lost weight and the husband couldn’t handle the fact that she was attracting so much attention. And one where the woman lost weight and came to the conclusion that she had been settling because she felt couldn’t do any better and now that she looked better, she went out and found someone new. For the most part my marriage has gotten better. My husband trusts me and loves that men look but can’t touch. Intimacy is much better now that I feel better about myself and am more physically fit. Five years out and so, far, so good for my marriage.

But you can't blame the WLS 100% in these failures. I completely agree that if your marriage is strong enough it will endure this change. If the marriage fails then there were issues to begin with.

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

i also feel (if a marriage is shaky) to begin with (as mis stated)

having WLS wont make a difference in regards to the marriage..

it may help or it may be the breaking point

some go into this (WLS) without a clue as to what happens/what to expect/what to do

i read it daily

its a mental change.....

since i have had WLS, my confidence has improved 10 fold..my ole man finds that sexy....out comes the short sun dresses, heels....he is not (oh my gosh is my ole lady leaving me for someone else)..he is saying you feel good, you work it girl....

how i see it...have the surgery, feel better about yourself and enjoy life..i am not sure but hope i havent hi-jacked this thread with my rant here...

[mrsto 2,925]

i also feel (if a marriage is shaky) to begin with (as mis stated)

having WLS wont make a difference in regards to the marriage..

it may help or it may be the breaking point

some go into this (WLS) without a clue as to what happens/what to expect/what to do

i read it daily

its a mental change.....

since i have had WLS, my confidence has improved 10 fold..my ole man finds that sexy....out comes the short sun dresses, heels....he is not (oh my gosh is my ole lady leaving me for someone else)..he is saying you feel good, you work it girl....

how i see it...have the surgery, feel better about yourself and enjoy life..i am not sure but hope i havent hi-jacked this thread with my rant here...

No, you haven't hijacked the thread. I love hearing the support your husband gives. He CLEARLY adores you, and is grounded and secure enough in himself not feel threatened, or need to belittle you for your success. In a healthy marriage, that's the way it should be. You are very fortunate; something to be grateful for every single day

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

No, you haven't hijacked the thread. I love hearing the support your husband gives. He CLEARLY adores you, and is grounded and secure enough in himself not feel threatened, or need to belittle you for your success. In a healthy marriage, that's the way it should be. You are very fortunate; something to be grateful for every single day

well bless your heart

that brightened my whole day.

i am very lucky but also know he is very tough on me. on my pre op diet, i was whining and he told me to woman up....you wanted this surgery, then do what you have to do to make it happen/work...def a rock in my corner..he keeps me straight and doesnt coddle me.....def what i need....hence why i am the way i am on here...again, your words were super sweet and i thank you for taking time out to say them to me.

[BayougirlMrsS 3,934]

what about the men/woman that love the new you .... but in private? What i mean by that: My husband and i have been married for 22 years. Together for 25 and in those 25 years he has seen me at my best.... 100lbs size 0 and at my worst... 223lb size 18-20. In those years we have had our ups and downs like every marriage But in the few years before LB when i got into the 200's with my weight our "private" time was almost none. Then i started losing the weight after LB and everything started coming back. Now in those years, he assured me that my weigh was not the contributing factor, but how can i now believe that when as soon as the weight started coming off... so did the clothes in the bedroom...

I know that he loves me. And i know that he knows that me losing weight was for me to feel better. But for me to get a compliment from him is like pulling teeth. I pretty much have to ask... How do i look? then he will say you look great. then i get, are you going to wear that? don't you think that shirt is too tight? OR, what are you getting dressed up for, we are only going to dinner... He hates when other men look/stare at me. Of course we hang out at biker bars and well, men do stare... what does he think... i have huge breast (36G) wearing a size 6 jeans. Now we have even stopped going there. It's like he loves the new me... but only in private.

I have to admit that i do LOVE the attention that i get. So i do worry about our future. I have asked him to go the counseling with me... but he will not go. I do Love my husband... i just need more attention from him...