A LOVE STORY: only you guys will truly understand.

lins12 · April 22, 2006

My eating started when I was younger. Short story..lots of trauma. I used eating to comfort myself because my parents were not around enough. And I never learned that I was perfect just the way I am. So...the cycle started of eating, binging, bulemia, and every diet known to man...all ended in failure-of course, because you have to change your head.

I started counseling about 4 years agoa nd have worked through an AMAZING amount of "junk". But I am to, what I think, is the final phase of my journey-DATING.

I had boyfriends in high school. But the one I dated on and off for 3 years was just plain AWFUL. He slept with my friends, called me names, just awful. But I did not love myself so why would I expect anyone else to...

College, I dated/hooked up quite a bit but mainly after many drinks at partys. The long term boyfriend I had in college was also AWFUL. BUt I did not love myself so how could I expect any one else to love me.

After law school, I totally quit dating, I put up a wall and convinced myself I was unloveable and that no one would ever love me.

Fast forward to now. I have worked through so much and truly love myself and realize I am honorable an deserve a loving relationship but I am SCARED TO DEATH.

I went online (it just feels so safe) and posted my pic and have dates with 2 guys next week but I am scared to death.

I weigh 187 right now and am scared to be rejected and feel the way I have felt in the past-not good enough, BIG trust issues, anxiety.

Any thoughts? I know it is more than weight...but, as has been my whole life, I am preparing to be rejected based on my weight. I do have to say I think I am beautiful but I just don't know...will I be enough?

THANK YOU IF YOU READ THIS FAR!!!!!!!

A1ikou · April 22, 2006

O fcourse you are enough..we all are! I met my Dh online ...he's Greek and I'm English. I weighed aroun 350lbs at the time and he didn't care a jot. He loved my smile and my eyes and asked me to marry him the day we met. I know how lucky I am but I also know this...I'm worth every pound of the love he gives me and if he didn't love me it would be his loss.

You are worth loving and if the first guys you meet aren't the ones to show you that then hold out for the one who can.

Don't 'make' yourself beleive you are beautiful, just know it and you'll find the love who deserves you.

Anwyn · April 22, 2006

I am so excited for you (and as an old married broad, even a little bit jealous!!). You've done the hard part by working through your issues and deciding that you're worth this. My suggestion is to treat yourself to a facial and a new haircut so that you look great and feel confident! Good luck - and keep us posted on your search for Mr. Right!

pepsi32861 · April 22, 2006

Of course you will be enough. You are a lovely caring person and deserve happiness.Go out on those dates and enjoy your new found freedom and happiness no one deserves it more than you do.

CCBSTX · April 22, 2006

How wonderful that you realized that you needed to work on yourself and DID IT! A huge hug and pat-on-the back!! You are very courageous.

I think you already know what you are looking for...It's ok to be prepared for rejection, it has served its purpose to preserve your dignity. NOW, be prepared for acceptance as well, after all you love yourself right? If you are good human being, as I think you are, then any person that rejects you based on your looks/weight is superficial dumb-sh_t! (kinda frank eh). Better to know that up front and go on with it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy dating. Let us know how it works out...Shawn

argon · April 22, 2006

Hey lins,

Of course you're enough. You'll do great. You said they've seen your picture, so I wouldn't worry. I met my bf 3 years ago online, and I didn't really have any pictures, other than pretty much head shots. I sent him those, and eventually after lots of phone calls, he wanted to meet me. I was pretty scared too... so I ended up emailing him, saying "Hey, in case you didn't notice, I am fat. If you have any problem with that, don't bother replying." (more or less)

Now, you might not wanna say that to just anyone! lol But I felt pretty comfortable with him already, and I just wanted to get that out of the way. I was probably about 230 lbs back then though. He emailed me and said I was being ridiculous for even thinking that... and when was I coming to meet him.

So anyways, if you've got pictures available, and haven't stated in your profile that you're 'slim/slender', don't worry.

Good luck and let us know what happens!

Mandi

K@t · April 22, 2006

Hey Lins,

I just wanted to add my part. I met my husband online about 6 years ago, before all the internet dating stuff. It worked out for us and there are loads of stories like ours floating around.

However, you should also be prepared for rejection and not get to down on urself if the guys act like jerks, or..if you don't like them. It happens. My mom has been dating online for awhile and so far has had no luck. But don't dispare, just like any thing else in life there is a lot of crap out there you have to wade through until you get to the good stuff.

Another good bet for dating is to join a local community group or charity organization, like minded people go to the same places, find some places that have to do with what you like and maybe thats a good way to find some one as well.

Elisabethsew · April 22, 2006

YOU are a wonderful, talented, sincere woman with a successful professional career. The men you're going to date should be kissing the ground that you've decided to go out with them.

I would suggest that you not go into these dates prepared for rejection. Instead, go to them with the intention of meeting a new friend. After all, you want a life partner to be your best friend so don't look at the men as potential husbands on a first date. You're going to be wonderful because you already ARE wonderful so go and have a good time. See what develops.

lins12 · April 23, 2006

You guys are great! Just what I needed. Thanks for being so supportive. I'll let you know how it goes. The first date is Wednesday! YIKES!!

Mikey · April 23, 2006

Guess I'll jump in here as well...

Two quick things: first, Janet and I met online - and we're coming up on our 4th wedding anniversary, and our 5th year of being together - making this officially my longest relationship ever.

Secondly, you have a great advantage over a great many people. The fact is, if we want to have a healthy, happy, fulfilling, and long-lasting relationship, there is some stuff from our past/history/upbringing that we need to work through in some form or fashion. There's really no way around it. There are multiple ways to work through it, but there's no escaping it. The fact that you started your journey BEFORE you got in a significant relationship is a HUGE plus.

I wish you the best on your dates - but it sounds like you're definitely on the right track.

Oh, one more quick - but serious - note. The question will not be "are you enough?" The real question will be "is HE enough?"

JanetC · April 23, 2006

As a former internet dater, be sure you have friends that know you're going out & at least one that you're going to call at the end of the date. And make your first date short & in a public place. That's just being smart. :party:

That being said, you're gonna do great!! It's so awesome that you're working through stuff already! Poor Mikey's gotten himself stuck with all my baggage! :rolleyes:

Whatever you do, don't settle!! You deserve the best! Make your list of what's important, then STICK TO IT!!

TheWomanWithin · April 23, 2006

I also met my husband online, but only as friends. Several months later - 2 or 3 get togethers that 60-70 of us friends used to have and we started dating.

We dated a year and got married with almost 100 online/IRL friends. Been together 8 years and married 7 years.