Family support

[contrabanded 18]

Sorry guys, but I just need to vent for a minute.

Has anyone had any trouble with (un)supportive family members?

Like people who are putting you and the process of getting adjusted to the lap band down and their excuse is their "concern" for you?

Let me be a little clearer: My dad has been frankly an a-hole the majority of the time I was going through the preparations for the lap-band surgery. When I call him out on it he cracks jokes like "oh, I'm just trying to help toughen you up" etc. More specifically, when I was on my pre-op liquid diet and was starving because a) my calorie intake had dropped significantly for a 345 lb person and the Protein Shakes wore off more quickly than expected and I am a relatively picky eater, he would say stuff like "would you like a piece of cake"? He would have discussions with my mom in depth about what they were going to have for dinner, etc, specifically (or it felt intentional, at least) bringing up foods that in the past have been my FAVORITES and that I have been notorious for over-indulging on. The only day he was actually supportive on was the day of my surgery.

Now that I am post-op, he is still doing it but it hasn't really bothered me because I haven't felt hungry practically at all until today (which is all good because I am finally on pureed foods and can actually eat eggs) which has helped cure the hunger pains I was starting to experience. I cooked a Breakfast today and was excited that for the first time in a couple weeks I was able to eat a semi-normal put together AND that it kept me full the majority of the day.

I was excited enough about this when I got home that I was talking to my dad about it and he immediately starts telling me I'm overdoing it, when the more he tries to argue with me about various facts on the lap band, the more I can tell he didn't read the information I gave him (at his request) that he says he did. And I tracked my breakfast in MyFitnessPal--a little under 300 calories and I had it spread out for breakfast AND lunch... How is 150 cals per meal overdoing it?

I'm pretty frustrated with him, esp because he keeps making excuses for his eating behaviors and blaming them on me, like "Oh I'm eating more fast food so that we don't stink up the house and make it harder on you to have all these good smells around"... which would be fine if he was eating fast food OUT OF THE HOUSE instead of in the living room.

I had been hoping that having some personal success with my lap band might inspire him to get one (possibly) and if not, at least inspire him to do something about his weight. (He is very large, a little over 400 lbs) And he keeps talking like he is cutting back on food and keeps telling mom how he is worried that I'm gonna fail (thankfully, he has not said that around me or to me) and that some salesman sold me a product I think is going to be a magic answer and he doesn't wanna have to deal with it when I get upset because the band isn't a magic wand that's going to make me skinny... (The first thing I told them was that the lap band is a TOOL) and overall my mom has been much more supportive.

As I am typing this, I realize he has his own problems about facing his weight, but a) don't put that on me, and part of me feels like he is unhappy with my decision because he sure gets enjoyment out of taunting me about food.

Can anyone else relate? I am determined to make this a success and I was before all this happened with my dad, I just wish he wouldn't be such a jerk about it. But it's as if he thinks I'm only gonna be successful with the band if I stay on baby food and ensure.

And I'm a foodie at heart, I will love food, esp in well put together recipes, healthy or unhealthy always, no matter how little of a portion I can eat of it! For anyone who follows Banded Wendy on Youtube or Facebook, I can't tell you how excited I am to try some of her recipes!

And I would really like some POSITIVE support if anyone wants to team up on this!

Thanks,

Krystina

[MandaMom23 684]

I'm so sorry your dad isn't being supportive. I think you're right in saying that he has his own issues he needs to work out. Have you sat down and talked with him about how all this makes you feel? Maybe he doesn't actually realize he's doing it.

I was very selective with who I told about my surgery, and only a few people know. I'm assuming you live with your parents, if so, of course you had no choice but to tell them. I just didn't/don't need to hear any negative about my decision. I didn't even tell my parents until 3 weeks prior to my surgery (I knew my surgery date for 2 months!!). My inlaws don't know, and may never know. They were so negative when I told them last year I attended an informational meeting about weightloss surgery.

We're all here to support you, and we all know where you're coming from. Hugs to you!

[akwright68 114]

I personally LOVE food. I love to create, taste, smell and well.........let us just say that I adore every aspect of the food preparation process and it's glorious results. I am a foodie. I would have called this an addiction, but over the last few years I have learned that my addiction is actually with creating and watching others enjoy it, moreso even than myself. I have the lapband process and poring over food addiction articles and books. Now mind you I do love to eat as well, but I have noted through this whole process that although I believed I was tasting and enjoying, I was actually gulping and devouring. I also married a man that loves food as well, but has the same issues with it, he in turn has learned with me what we have done to ourselves.

I also have a history with my father always saying to me how pretty I would be if I lost 150 pounds, or my favorite recent quote in front of my husband......you know if you would have just watched your weight you could have snagged a wealthy husband, you have the boobs for it. So yes we all have people in our lives that like to bring us down.

The whole purpose of this forum is to listen to each other, share our journies, try to support each other in any way that we can and above all to encourage.

I encourage you to remember who you are and how special you are. You have to feel this for yourself so that no one else can bring you down or succeed in knocking you down by brutal force (mentally, not physically). I support you that you made this really difficult decision to do something that is not the mainstream way of thinking, but is a tool for you to regain your health. I am here to listen to you at any period of time and to share my journey with you as well. We are in this together, some days will be easy, others - terribly hard. Stay strong and focused and please know that there are people here that have been there before us, are going through it right now, or are sympathetic and really want to help and encourage.

Be brave.

Alita