marriage

[Frederic 500]

To clarify I don't think I'm better than my wife I appreciate many of her strengths and recognize our strength as a couple is in our differences. I assume our difference in perception are rooted in our very different upbringings.

[kazjim98 618]

Temptations??? I wasn't heavy my whole life, but I can honestly say that if I had "temptations" I wouldn't stay married. I didn't settle when I picked my partner. He didn't pick me, nor did I pick him because no one that was attractive would have us! LOL.

Exactly!!!...I can 100 % say that my marriage is solid and will stay solid...if your marriage is solid then temptations won't be an issue..

[ErinSue2000 48]

The reason I posted this cause my husband has fears that I will leave him! I love my husband with all my heart he has been there for me when I have needed him and I have been there when he has needed me but our marriage has had some really really hard times!

[dylanmiles23 2,198]

The reason I posted this cause my husband has fears that I will leave him! I love my husband with all my heart he has been there for me when I have needed him and I have been there when he has needed me but our marriage has had some really really hard times!

Being married 42 years I have been through everything and then some. Real love goes through the good, bad and ugly. Before 9/11 I was sort of on the wealthy side,(we now try to live on SSD and SS) owned a custom furniture factory for over 26 years with my husband. We lost the business because we dealt with the rich. My husband has been in and out of jobs, some very shitty, but we have each other. 1 1/2 years ago he got very sick and almost died and has been dependent on me since. But he is there with me through this whole WLS and he knows I will never leave. Talk to your husband and tell him you are concerned about this. Maybe talk to someone about this besides this site. Good luck. Bring him flowers for no reason. I have taken my husband for a pedicure recently and he loved it. I once took him for a facial and he hated that.

[kazjim98 618]

The reason I posted this cause my husband has fears that I will leave him! I love my husband with all my heart he has been there for me when I have needed him and I have been there when he has needed me but our marriage has had some really really hard times!

You may need to reassure him that you aren't going anywhere...All marriages have their ups and downs but if you both truly love each other and want to fight for your marriage then you need to do everything you can to make it work..I have never been to counseling but it's an option...Best Wishes

[kll724 3,055]

So sweet, dyanmiles23! I tried having hubby go for pedicure, also. He hated it, it was too ticklish! Haha! But good ideas ther. we have to give our spouses love and attention to keep them from worrying that they will be left behind. best wishes to all! Karen

Also survived and going on 43 years of marriage in May!

[parisshel 1,892]

I read on a blog (OK; not the best or most reliable source) that 85% of couples split following a significant weight change in one partner. That can be weight up or down, btw. I can understand why a couple might split with a big weight gain in one of the people, because with big weight gain comes lack of mobility, socializing, community activities, etc. Then a downward spiral begins, as the normal-weight partner either goes and does their own thing, or stays at home to be with the inactive person, but resents becoming cut off from their formerly active life.

And I can understand why a big weight loss would also impact a couple.

Change is often a scary thing to navigate, and when one person is threatened by the other's change (vs being supportive of it), it doesn't bode well for the couple.

For me, I am very aware of how my upcoming surgery and resulting weight loss may put my relationship at risk. My BF already has a very low level of energy---much lower than mine even though his is not obese and he is younger than me--and it's always been something that bothers me. I also blame a lot of my weight gain on the fact he never moves, so I don't either (lame, I know, but it's not a lot of fun doing stuff on my own.)

I know that I need to be active to be successful with my lapband. I know it will mean doing it on my own. There will be some resentment there, and I am quite aware that this may mean the demise of my relationship.

But staying fat and inactive is too high a price to pay to remain in my relationship, so let the cards fall as they may. I have one life and am fed up with letting the days slip by while there is just so much to do OUTSIDE IN THE WORLD!!!!

[Terry Poperszky 2,784]

I read on a blog (OK; not the best or most reliable source) that 85% of couples split following a significant weight change in one partner. That can be weight up or down, btw.

Not just on blogs

http://www.healthcentral.com/obesity/c/276918/148486/soar-necessarily/

http://www.postandcourier.com/article/20110610/PC1208/306109889

http://seattletimes.com/html/health/2015195540_bari02.html

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2700826/

[Terry Poperszky 2,784]

The reason I posted this cause my husband has fears that I will leave him! I love my husband with all my heart he has been there for me when I have needed him and I have been there when he has needed me but our marriage has had some really really hard times!

Erin, to be aware of a danger allows you to be prepared for the danger. Now is the time to work on your communication, now is the time to work on your commitment, now is the time to work on your husband's fears. Don't be afraid (or too proud) to seek out marriage counseling.

[KAATNS 1,473]

I read on a blog (OK; not the best or most reliable source) that 85% of couples split following a significant weight change in one partner. That can be weight up or down, btw. I can understand why a couple might split with a big weight gain in one of the people, because with big weight gain comes lack of mobility, socializing, community activities, etc. Then a downward spiral begins, as the normal-weight partner either goes and does their own thing, or stays at home to be with the inactive person, but resents becoming cut off from their formerly active life.

And I can understand why a big weight loss would also impact a couple.

Change is often a scary thing to navigate, and when one person is threatened by the other's change (vs being supportive of it), it doesn't bode well for the couple.

For me, I am very aware of how my upcoming surgery and resulting weight loss may put my relationship at risk. My BF already has a very low level of energy---much lower than mine even though his is not obese and he is younger than me--and it's always been something that bothers me. I also blame a lot of my weight gain on the fact he never moves, so I don't either (lame, I know, but it's not a lot of fun doing stuff on my own.)

I know that I need to be active to be successful with my lapband. I know it will mean doing it on my own. There will be some resentment there, and I am quite aware that this may mean the demise of my relationship.

But staying fat and inactive is too high a price to pay to remain in my relationship, so let the cards fall as they may. I have one life and am fed up with letting the days slip by while there is just so much to do OUTSIDE IN THE WORLD!!!!

I couldn't have said it better myself!

[laurigee 545]

I must have been the strangest overweight person in the world! I didn't hide in the house, I didn't ignore my husband, I wasn't inactive, and I certainly didn't stop living! I was just overweight! Who I was, my personality, my interests, my morals and my standards have never changed with my weight! I never expected less of myself as a person or enabled anyone to treat me as less, especially my significant other!? I think it must be a personality thing! Not that statistics are incorrect, I do believe the numbers! I'm just sad that people seem to settle in relationships. Your not only cheating yourself, your cheating the other person as well. Life is just to short. If gaining or losing weight can get you or them to leave I would hate to see what would happen if something horrific would happen to one of them. If you have a heart attack or stroke and you can't keep up with the others lifestyle it would be see ya later! Yikes!

[Creekwood 702]

I feel for the people who don't have supportive spouses or significant others. That has to be tough to go through this without the support at home! I am lucky that my wife is being very supportive of having the lap-band surgery.

Friday is my consultation and she is bummed that she can't go. I'm guessing (sorry no stats) that having a child increases the risk of divorce too but what are you going to do, not have kids?

Live your life, work at any issues that come up (ASAP), and remember that you only get one shot at this... Be happy! I don't want to die at 50 from a heart attack, I'll take my chances!

[babykins529 189]

No going to the gym together didn't work since she's a morning person and I'm a night owl compounded with the fact my workout is so radically different from hers since we have different body types. She's practically phobic about going to the Dr. for any reason (she's had some big scares in the past) so that wasn't an option. She sees me as an active heavy set guy whose respected at work and surrounded by friends with an active social life. Since I manage my health she doesn't appreciate how much work I put into it just to maintain it. We don't have children and she doesn't like competitive activities because I often win and when I don't she either assumes I let her win or that beating me was too easy.

Ideally she would go see a counselor to talk out her problems but she's said she doesn't want to pay someone to tell her she's wrong.

Sounds like major insecurities to me.

[Lela Clark 41]

My husband is behind me 100 %. He goes to every appointment with me. He has started working out since I have started my journey also. I am very appreciative for all of his support.

[hopetolose 192]

I didn't really rely on my hubby for that much. It was something I needed to do for myself so I went to the seminar and came home and told him what I was going to do. 4 weeks later, I had him drop me off at the hospital and told him I would call him when I was ready to be picked up.

We have a pretty strong marriage and he is happy for me that I am happy with myself now. It's been almost two years now and we are still as tight as ever. He's only complaint is that I am way to into clothes now. I have taken over the entire closet. He has to share with our son now...