Removal of the cloak

[knhtown 121]

Hi, I am having Lapband surgery 2/27/2013 1 week into my pre-op diet. I am a 45f 5'7 344lbs. Hypertension/thyroid and pre-diabetic. I have been reading forumns for the last 2 weeks and decided tonight to join in.

My journey began like this: Overweight in high school but sports kept it bearable 2kids getting a lil out there... Total hysterectomy and my 40's and my weight is outta control. 1st comes high BP I look into gastric surgery but it cost too much and then current insurance doesnt cover. I search around 5 yrs and look into going to Mexico still too much money and ins wont even talk about it. Fast forward to Nov 2012 family doctor diagnoses pre-diabetis and prescribes insulin pen.

I am floored, I will need to inject a needle into my stomach for the rest of my life.... My mother and father died from causes related to diabeties kidney failure and stoke. I immediatly think of my grandchildren my daughter, my SON, Myself! my son is Blind and lives with me. My Grandbabies are under 5 yrs old so much to live for!

I had been at my new job for a year or so and the ins I have United Healthcare had something on the "no coverage" list that always made me think they did not cover bariatric surgery so I never asked. We 11/27/2013 I asked. I was sure I was going to have to, as some of you describe "jump thru hoops" if they even covered it I was ready for it determined to reverse the effects of morbid obesity. Called my provider, listen im thinking of having lapband does my coverage afford this type of procedure for me? She asked me why I wanted it? BMI 54,HBP,pre diabetic I explained that when dieting I never kept the weight off. 2 days later I got a response.................APPROVED

I went to a free appt and had my ekg,labs,and stress test done all that day here in Texas. Kept waiting for the you need to be on a diet for 6 months etc ...nothing. Dr. called said I want to meet you and plan your surgery 1-15-2013. I went on a cruise came back and went to meet my surgeon last week.

WOW! I am excited now, this is really happening I start my pre-op, I go to the grocery store and prepar for post op and it hits me..........

My mind... how do I prepare for this? I am all about treating my body and using my tool and 100% commited I am sure I will do well with it as most things in my life if I truly set to my mind to it I succeed.

What then so maybe im 80,100or even as far as my mind can reach 150lbs down 2 -3 yrs from now? I am vunerable... This is the part of the cloak... You see I began building this claok at age 9 when I was an abused,abandoned little girl. I continued to build it even more as a young adult when I repeadetly made "bad men" choices in my life then I dipped this cloak in steel when I finally cut all ties with family (not my kids) my brothers,mother etc and since my early 40's relied on this cloak to keep abusers,abandoners,people that could hurt me away. I sabatoged myself to be unattractive and protected myself in comfort of food, mostly carbs.

It was easy to push everyone away not make new friends and isolate myself as an obese woman. I never knew I would be staring in the face of the very thing that i have relied on for so long to be gone. I am optimistic that I have been alone these last 7 yrs and that has taught me how to deal that when I DO lose the weight and I want to build social layers I do that much better this time. I joined an AA group lately and I start seeing a therapist in March and I am sure we will work thru these issue and I will be fine

I wanted to share where my anxiety comes from. Crazy as it may sound it was theraputic to actually confess I felt this way in writing. And in hopes that maybe someone out there is feeling the same way and needed to hear these words.

You have to treat the MIND and body. Thanks for letting me ramble the pic is me 8 yrs ago in a happier time

-Kristi

[dylanmiles23 2,198]

Welcome to the beginning of the rest of your life. At this site people don't judge we all encourage. Sorry to hear about your childhood. Your starting new much younger than me which is wonderful. I love the band. It has helped me a lot and for the first time in many many years I am not afraid of being thinner. The last time I got thinner than 180 lbs. I mentally couldn't handle the number. This time I am ready to concur less than that number.

I want to be around for my grandsons, also and my sons and DIL's and most important me and my husband.

Good luck and keep asking any questions you have. Nothing is a dumb question on this site.

Have a great evening.

[kazjim98 618]

Your story moved me...so brave of you to open up and like you said, therapeutic no doubt..Congratulations on your approval!! I wish you so much success on your journey. Best Wishes

[Terry Poperszky 2,784]

Welcome to the family, the mental part of this is by far the hardest part. The good news? Others have come before you, with the same issues and problems and used the band as a tool to bring them back to a life worth living. Stick around there is a vast store of experience and wisdom on this board that will help you succeed.

[2muchfun 8,927]

Congratulations! You've decided to pay attention to your dreams and not your fears as someone here once said. Welcome!

tmf

[CHEZNOEL 4,061]

Amazing story, and so brave! Join us! You will like it and we will help you. I think seeing a therapist is a great idea. We all became obese for different reasons. I hope you find yours and conquer it! Best wishes!

[Sharpie 3,306]

welcome .. There are so many long time bandsters on here with so much knowledge and information... You deserve to have a healthier life and only you can make good choices for the rest of your life.. The Band is so helpful.. I know you will succeed .. Good for you for taking control of your diabetes now... Best of Luck and don't let the 1st week after surgery deter you.. it gets better everyday and you will be on your way to a new life before you know it...

[Lapbandster 496]

You are so brave!

What an inspiration

Welcome to LBT!

[lassie 247]

You are an amazing lady, so brave to share your story. We will all be here for you as you start your journey. Hugs and more hugs

[knhtown 121]

Thank you all for your kind words and support.

[♕ajtexas♕ 3,771]

Welcome and congratulations on the beginning of a new life. Your story is inspirational, thank you for sharing it. It sounds like you have started all the right processes for a successful journey. The lap band is a wonderful tool that can assist you with your journey, if you are willing to follow your doctors orders and the band lifestyle you can be a success.

Best of luck to you.

[Baba Wawa 543]

I understand about "the cloak". It's scary to be vulnerable when we're thinner and without our "protection". Hugs to you...