My Journey

[DebHas 27]

My "fat" journey started when I was about 4 years old. My sister was born and was sick. I spent a lot of time wtih my grandparents. My grandpa loved to spoil me with Cookies, icecream and candies. It didn't help that my grandma made the best homemade cookies. My mom is an awesome cook. I grew up with a traditional farm family: full feed for lunch and supper. My love for food began and has never ended. There is never a day that I don't struggle with the choices I make on what foods to put in my mouth.

I have never been "thin". I weighed 102# in second grade. I graduated high school at 158#. I did lose wight in high school but I still considered myself to be fat. I think my graduation dress was a size 11. I have never looked in the mirror and saw the reflection of a skinny girl. I always see chubby cheeked, double chinned, big thighs and flabby armed girl. I long for the day I can look in the mirror and actually be happy to see the reflection.

I am an educated woman that knows the correct way to lose weight with diet and exercise. I talk to people about doing just that but yet I can't apply those same concepts to myself. I have to wonder why I stay fat. Is there something that is making me not want to eat healthy and exercise. Am I keeping the weight on as a crutch? I have always contributed the things that make me the most unhappy to my weight.

Once again the sabotaging of the diet has started. I will do good drops some weight then bam...I hit my own wall that I have created. I start to slide down and then have a very hard time pulling myself back up. I then start having a pity party for one and invite myself. I then treat myself to food to make me feel better. It always ends in the same manner....I feel worse. One would think that I would learn my lesson but I never do.

I have decided to do something to help me. I am planning to have lap band in May 2013. I started my journey in August 2012 with Dr appointments. I am suprised by the lack of support from my family and friends. I have experienced many emotions so far on my journey...but the best one has been excitement for my healthy future!

TAKE THE RISK ACHIEVMENT OF THE GOAL IS THE KEY TO HAPPINESS.

[cheryl2586 3,053]

We all have been right where you are. food is comfort for most of us. If you use this tool and follow your doctors instructions you will be able to go over the wall instead of running in to it. We all love food, have had that I will start my diet on Monday and end up cheating by Wednesday. You will do it even though there are still hurdles and I won't claim its easy because its not, but you can do this and find a healthy relationship with food. As far as support from friends and family I can only say this: We have always sucked at losing weight, had one failed promise after another and they know it. They just figure here we are again but this time it will be different. You will succeed and you will lose the weight. Congrats and great success with your surgery.

[2muchfun 8,927]

Cheryl is so right on.

Forum members are probably sick of me posting this but your topic/comments scream this guy's sentiments. And I don't recall his name:

"In my case, the most fearful thing I had to do in order to succeed with my band wasn't switching to skim milk, surviving a liquid diet, or giving up bread. The most fearful thing was giving up my emotional attachment to food. In the nearly 5 years since I was banded, I've made a lot of progress with that, but the attachment is still there. It forms one of the innermost layers of my turtle shell. Working on that layer will probably be a lifetime job for me. At times I'm not even sure I truly want to get rid of it altogether. At times I'm afraid that if I shed my shell completely, I won't be able to survive. On the other hand, I seem to be doing fine without that thick old b***h layer. So I'm going to pay attention to my dreams rather than my fears and pray for a miracle. And why not? It can't hurt to try!"

[Sai 785]

Thank you for opening up. The things you've shared are things that many of us have felt or perhaps still feel. Congrats on your choice to make a change in your life. The fact that you have decided to make that change is half the battle. I'm sorry that you do not have the type of support that you would wish for from your friends and family, and you wouldn't believe how common that is here. I've heard it time and time again. Just remember that this is for you, not anyone else. It's a choice, for once in your life, to care for yourself and that is absolutely wonderful. Cheers!

[MiniMi 1,468]

Cheryl is so right on.

Forum members are probably sick of me posting this but your topic/comments scream this guy's sentiments. And I don't recall his name:

"In my case' date=' the most fearful thing I had to do in order to succeed with my band wasn't switching to skim milk, surviving a liquid diet, or giving up bread. The most fearful thing was giving up my emotional attachment to food. In the nearly 5 years since I was banded, I've made a lot of progress with that, but the attachment is still there. It forms one of the innermost layers of my turtle shell. Working on that layer will probably be a lifetime job for me. At times I'm not even sure I truly want to get rid of it altogether. At times I'm afraid that if I shed my shell completely, I won't be able to survive. On the other hand, I seem to be doing fine without that thick old b***h layer. So I'm going to pay attention to my dreams rather than my fears and pray for a miracle. And why not? It can't hurt to try!"[/quote']

So I'm going to pay attention to my dreams rather than my fears - beautiful! Just what I needed to hear!

food is such a quick fix to what is bothering me, soothes instantly. But this! This is worth pondering over!